The Arrangement: Collection D (Vol 10-12)

by Ward, H. M.

  “Yeah, well… They’re stupid.” I’m a genius! That’s the problem—everyone else is dumb. People see what they want to see and nothing more. Everyone knows that the media is biased. They all hated that Sean didn’t cry, that he seemed inhuman during the trial. He’s more human than they realize, breakable like everyone else, but who wants to report on that? The idea that Sean Ferro is a monster sells better.

  Sean’s voice is warm and kind. “They prefer to think of me as a villain. I’ve learned to live with it, the question is, can you?” He smiles softly and takes my hand as we reach the restaurant doors.

  A smirk appears on my lips. I don’t want to drop this injustice, but Sean brings up the question again. I poke his chest, right over his heart. “That better not be what you were going to ask me.”

  Sean’s eyes glitter, like he’s trying not to laugh. I love it when he’s like this. If I could figure out which mixture of annoying and innocent (or naïve) was conjuring that smile, I’d use it all the time.

  “This way, Mr. Ferro.” The man behind the desk grabs two menus and walks us to the back of the room, past staring eyes, and to a perfect little table—the table where we had our first meal together. Aw.

  I glance up at him as I sit in my chair. “Did you pick this table on purpose, Mr. Ferro?”

  “I do everything on purpose.” Sean settles back into his chair and rests his hands on the arms like it’s a throne.

  I mirror his posture. “Me too.” Sean laughs abruptly. I love that sound and the way he leans forward like it’s a horrible thing to witness. “Honestly, Mr. Ferro, I have no idea what you’re laughing about.” My voice is light, and teasing. “I’m a very intentional person, it’s just that my best intentions usually go awry.”

  He laughs louder and actually twists in his seat. “Avery, you are a spectacular woman, but I cannot possibly imagine a world where you deliberately let your car be stolen, and then flashed traffic to jump on the back of a stranger’s bike.”

  Grinning at him, I lift my water glass and take a sip before saying smugly, “I planned the whole thing. You fell into my elaborate trap.” I offer a soft, diabolical laugh and smirk at him.

  Sean leans forward and takes my hands. “Do you ever wonder if you fell into mine?”

  I make a face. “That wasn’t the right question, either. Ask me, Mr. Ferro.”

  Sean is cradling my hands in his and staring into my eyes. My pulse races faster when he looks at me like that. He has this hypnotic stare that’s unnerving, and sexy as hell. Sean’s eyes dip to the table and then back to my face. My heart pounds harder and I can’t stop smiling. Part of me wants to squee up and down the hallway, but I need to act sane for a moment.

  Sean’s lips part and I’m ready. My answer is ready. I’m so excited!

  His eyes dip to the table. “Avery, I can’t ask you now.”

  22

  I blink. “Rich boy say what?”

  He pats my hands and tips his head to the side. “Stop talking like a cartoon character, and listen. I wanted things to be a certain way, at a specific time. You’ll have to wait.” He pulls his hands away and leans back in his chair.

  My bottom lip curls out and I’m pouting without meaning to. “I hate waiting.”

  Sean just grins in response. He doesn’t produce the ring or mention marriage. There’s no talk like before, at the beach, no nothing. He’s stern and cold again. I don’t hide my disappointment. I can’t. It feels like I’ve been sucker-punched one too many times and I can no longer pretend not to care. Sean ordered before we ever sat down. It would have irritated me if he didn’t get the most delicious food I’d ever put in my mouth. Sean is presumptive and it pisses me off, because this thing with the ring and the food, it’s to show how well he knows me and how well he can control me. Yeah, I want things like that sometimes, but not now.

  After dinner, I’m leaning pretty far to my right, with my elbow on the table and my hand holding up my head. Think surly teenager. It’s not pretty but after this morning, I expected more from him. Sean has issues. Every time I feel like we’re on the same page, he does something like this. I’d cry if I weren’t so pissed off.

  The waiter brings out our desserts and refills my champagne glass. For a moment, I wonder if he’s going to propose during dessert like a normal guy, but Sean would never hide the ring in something. He’s too straightforward for that. Since there’s no jewelry in sight, I’m doubting that there’s going to be a proposal tonight.

  I poke at my dessert, but don’t really eat it. Sean notices. “Are you finished?” He’s been watching me from the other side of the table, quieter than usual. Or maybe I’m just steaming too much to be a good date.

  “Yes,” I say, pushing away the plate. The truth is I’m a little crushed and feeling the post-Christmas crash, but I didn’t get any presents. It sucks monkeys. I can’t even pretend anymore. I glance around the room and wonder if anyone else is having a crappy night. The other couples look happy, like they’re celebrating something special. This place cost a small fortune, so it’s a treat to eat here. A bunch of the patrons probably blew a week’s pay on this dinner. Except for my man, Sean. He’s got lots of money and even more emotional PMS. God, he’s worse than I am. Maybe.

  “Good, because I have a question for you.” I straighten in my seat a little bit and try not to let my balloon of hope inflate again. Seriously, that thing has been bent every which way and resembles a deflated knot right about now. Sean puts his fork down and folds his hands together. “Are you attending your graduation ceremony?”

  My face scrunches up. “What?” Weird question.

  “They asked me to give a lecture to the graduating class—to be the guest speaker—and I told them that I’d have to ask you.”

  I lean on my elbow again and pick at the tablecloth. “I wasn’t planning on it.”

  “Why not?”

  “There’s no one to hood me. You know, before you walk across the stage, someone puts the sash thingy over your head and rests it on your shoulders. My mom would have done it. Since she’s not here, I figured…” I look up into his face and see the fragility. Looking back down at the table, I say, “I don’t understand. Why do you want to hood me? You know you don’t actually get to tie me up, right?”

  He nods, but doesn’t smile. Actually, it looks like I kicked him. “I know.”

  “Then why?” I watch Sean as he taps his finger on the table and avoids my gaze.

  “Because you sacrificed everything for that moment. If this isn’t fleeting, if I matter to you—”

  Straightening in my seat, I finally say what I’m thinking. “Sean, why won’t you ask me?” He looks away and doesn’t answer. This isn’t a game anymore. I think he had every intention of asking me when we were upstairs, but something changed. There’s no pressing need to ask me anything. Sean’s sitting there like he always does. I try to stay calm and ask the question even though I already know the answer. “Did you change your mind?”

  His blue gaze flicks up and meets mine. “No.”

  Liar. “Just tell me the truth. Don’t hide behind that placid expression and let yourself feel for a second.”

  “Let myself feel? Do you seriously think that’s the problem?”

  “Not in its entirety, but I think a general lack of empathy is part of the problem.” That was a cheap shot, but it infuriates me when he acts so stoic. He can act that way with everyone else, but not with me.

  Sean mashes his mouth shut and looks back and forth before leaning forward and blasting me. “Do you know what they’re going to say about you if you become Mrs. Sean Ferro? Do you seriously think that I haven’t thought about it? About how you’d take it when those insults are hurled at you? Avery, I’ve heard so many hateful things, day after day. I wish I could tell you that I don’t care, that they roll off like rain, but they don’t. You haven’t had to endure that kind of punishment and you’ve done nothing to warrant it, but marrying me will be enough. People will talk, they’ll b
e unkind toward you, and it will be my fault. If you carry my name, you carry my burdens.” He pats his napkin to his lips and looks like he just opened a checking account. There’s no emotion in those blue eyes, they’re vacant of grief and pain.

  The hollow spot inside my chest constricts as I look away. He isn’t going to ask me. That little altercation in the elevator made him change his mind. Sean doesn’t think I can handle it. I’m not going to cry. Screw that. The center of my chest aches so badly that I speak without thinking. “So what, you don’t trust me with those burdens?”

  “No, I want to save you from them. Unkind words are the nicest things that happen to me, Avery.” Sean acts like he wants to say more, but he doesn’t. He just sits there in his chair like it’s a goddamn throne and watches me.

  Maybe I could have accepted this a few weeks ago, but not now. If I get up and walk away, it’ll be the end of it. Sean won’t follow me. I smile at him as every hope dissolves inside my chest. I haven’t the words to tell him what he’s done to me, exactly what level of hell he just tossed me into.

  So I say nothing. I simply stand, toss my napkin on the table, and walk away. I should have known better than to think Sean Ferro would actually ask me to share his life.

  23

  That man took my heart and shredded it. I’ve walked away and there’s no going back. I don’t expect him to follow me or say a damn thing. He’s weird like that. He usually lets me wander off, swearing under my breath, and then shows up after I calm down. But not this time. Sean’s arm juts between the elevator doors as they close. “Avery, wait.”

  The hollow feeling inside my chest is overflowing with pain and dripping into my shoes. I can’t look at him and pretend it doesn’t hurt. I’m a moron. I keep thinking the best of people. I never learn. I don’t say anything. I don’t look up.

  He steps inside and we’re alone. The elevator starts to move upward toward our floor when Sean steps in front of the panel and pulls the STOP. We lurch to a halt and my heart tries to tear out of my chest. Panic makes my eyes dart around the dark little room as my palms slam backward into the wall, grasping at the rail like it can save me. I hate small spaces, and being trapped in an elevator is as bad as being nailed into a coffin. Sean knows that.

  He finds me in the dim emergency lighting and slips his hands around my waist and tugs me to him. I try to pull away, but he won’t let me. Sean’s grip on me tightens and he pins me to the wall. “Never walk away from me again. You can be angry, but you can’t be indifferent.”

  “You are!”

  “I am not,” he’s close to growling. I can tell that I’m poking every button he has, but I’m tired of his games. Every time we get closer, he turns and runs. It’s driving me crazy, and since I’m already certifiable, I’m not handling it gracefully.

  “You are so! You don’t care about me. I’m just another trinket to you—something to own and play with. I don’t matter to you!”

  “Avery, I’d give my life for you. Why can’t you understand that I can’t have what I want either? I want you to be my wife. I want what you want. Do you hear me? I want to marry you. I want you in every conceivable means, but I can’t be so callous. It’ll destroy you, my love, and I can’t do that.” His hands are in my hair and I can feel his hard body against mine.

  I can barely speak, my throat is so tight. This tiny box is suffocating me to the point that I’m thinking about clawing at the walls. But his words cut through the fear and I hear his concern, even if I still don’t understand. “You didn’t have to stop the elevator.”

  “I’m sorry. I knew you wouldn’t listen otherwise. Avery, I want a life for us—one with the little house and the picket fence—but that’s not what’s in store for me. I am the Ferro they fear most and they have every right to act that way. My hands aren’t clean, Avery. I’m not above reproach, and I have too many enemies. Things will never be so simple. God, and if you took my name, if they knew about you…” His voice trails off and he sighs deeply, burying his face in the curve between my neck and shoulder. Hot breath spills across my skin, raising goose bumps.

  My entire body is strung tight, but his lips where they are make my stomach twist and tingle. Maybe it’s fear that makes me think of his mouth on me, doing sinful things, but the thought of wrapping my legs around his hips blazes through my mind. The moment is charged with tension and vulnerability, at least it is for me. I press my lips together several times, before I can manage the words. “Ask me. Give me the chance to choose my life.”

  As the words pour from my lips, I reach for him and splay my hands on his chest, under the lapel of his jacket. My heart is beating so hard, so fast. I think about his mouth on mine and hot kisses, but worry is holding me back.

  “I can’t do that to you.” Sean tenses when I touch him, but he doesn’t push me away. Instead he holds me tighter, dipping his hands lower, past my waist.

  “Do you have any idea what it does to me when you stop this thing? Every thought in my head is telling me that I’m going to die if we don’t move, but I’m shoving past it because I know I’m safe with you, Sean.” My hands are splayed on his chest and I can feel the rapid beating of his heart. Sean’s passion runs deep, and his worries are real. I can’t deny that, but we can’t stay like this forever. “I know the world is unkind. I know what it means to be alone, and I’m not leaving here without you realizing that. A life without you is so much worse than anything someone might do to me.”

  Reaching around his waist, I pull at his shirt, freeing it from his waistband. Sean tenses, his spine straightening, as I move my hands up under the hem of his shirt and trail my fingers over his hard stomach. He’s facing me. It’s the way I dream of being with him, of touching him, but Sean doesn’t typically allow it. In this moment, the world is dumped on its head. If I can tolerate being trapped in a warm box with no light or air, then he can bear my touch, and he does.

  Sean is quiet for a moment and I can feel the tension in his taut muscles. He’s so still, except for the slow, deliberate breaths that fill his lungs. People breathe like that when they’re afraid. I know because I’m doing the same thing.

  “It’s not a question of if, but when.” His voice shudders as I trail my palms across his body, tracing the lines of his torso. His skin is so hot. If I weren’t wearing a dress, if I could press my naked body to his, I’d die. For a second I understand his sexual draw to fear and how it mingles with lust, because it’s there and incredibly difficult to ignore.

  Sean’s voice is a whisper. “I can’t knowingly do something that will hurt you. I can’t let them—” He shivers and presses his hips to mine, showing me exactly how he feels. When he pulls away, I’m breathless. “Avery, you know what you do to me, and how I feel about you. If you weren’t wearing panties, I’d have that dress hiked up and take you right here and now.”

  Leaning in close, my lips brush against his ear as I whisper, “Then, I’m afraid I’ll have to hold you to your word, right after you ask me something I really want to hear.”

  Sean makes a noise at the back of his throat before dipping his hands lower, cupping my butt and feeling for verification of my statement. His words come out in a raspy breath. “This isn’t fair. You know my weakness—that it’s a fantasy to have you like this, here.”

  I’m playing with fire, tempting fate, and being utterly reckless. Sean’s concerns are valid, but I can’t help feeling like I should have some say in what happens to us. “You should let me decide whether or not I can handle sharing your life.”

  24

  He’s torn, I can hear it in his heavy breaths. Sean could pull away and start the elevator, but I know how turned on he is, how much he wants me. I didn’t do it on purpose and he’s the one who stopped the thing, but I have to push him. He can’t act like he’s protecting me when his actions are killing me inside.

  Sean slams his hands on the wall behind my head and pulls away. “We can’t! You can barely handle your own life. Damn it, Avery. I can hardly ho
ld it together anymore, and you’re the living proof that I’ve lost my fucking mind. I can’t have the life you want. It’s not mine to offer you. I’m sorry.”

  “Sean—” I grasp at him, not wanting him to pull further away from me, but he does. A rush of cold air fills the space where he stood.

  “Tell me. Tell me, if you know. If you can see how to get there from here, to that place where you and I could have what my brother, Pete, has. If you can see the path, I’ll ask you. If you can tell me how we crawl out of this hell, I’ll do it. I’d do anything for you, be anything for you, but I can’t figure it out.” He’s back in front of me, so close, but he doesn’t reach for me.

  “Sean, you don’t have to do it alone. Sometimes it takes two people to fix things. And sometimes, you have to trust blindly and jump.” Panic is rising up my throat and it feels like there’s a massive pile of bricks on my chest, but I manage to hold back the scream, and the tears.

  Claustrophobia wasn’t much of an issue until my parents died, and then it got worse. I hate elevators and tiny spaces. They freak me out, and while I might be standing with a pleasant expression on my face, I’m really praying to God that we don’t get stuck. Now that I am stuck, it takes every ounce of sanity within me to control the fear, but it doesn’t want to be tamed. It’s snarling and animalistic, ready to claw out of here. Still, I push it down and keep the terror in check. I don’t let my emotions overtake me.

  Instead, I reach for Sean, pulling at his belt until he crushes me into the wall with his body. I hold him to me, feeling the smooth skin on his back and those hot muscles, before reaching for his pants. Sean’s voice is gone. He’s all hot breath and powerful hands. He realizes what I’m doing and can’t hold back. As I free him from his slacks, he hikes up the hem of my dress pushing it up past my hips.