Beautiful Otherness

by Shirley Simmons

  YOU’RE TOO GOOD AT THIS

  If you were to ask my biological mother, Kim, whether she considered the ramifications of any of her actions knowing she was involved with someone so violent, I am sure she would have said no. From what I know of her she was a smart, determined woman. If she wanted to do something, she would figure out a way to get it done. She had a level of fearlessness that you had to have to do some of the things she did during that time, including dating Phillip. But I imagine if you were to stop and ponder the ramifications of every action, you probably would never do anything.

  I have been told on several occasions that she was informed to stay clear of Phillip; that going out with him was a dangerous, crazy, reckless thing to do. And falling in love with him could prove to be life altering, and not in a good way. A million things had to go right for their relationship to make it. Surely, she must have known this was a bad idea. She was supposed to be smart. But she could never walk away from her relationship with him. For the life of me I can’t make any sense of it.

  ____

  Phillip tried to hide his frustration over being removed from collecting numbers. It had been two months since his last pickup, but it felt like a year. He hated the confines of the bar; he hated his punishment. No matter how many people came in, no matter the excitement, the hours seemed to creep along. But it all changed the day he looked out the window of the back room and spotted the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen sitting at the bar.

  Kim had never been in the bar before. In fact, it was the first time she had stepped away from her mother’s home since she’d left Edward and the kids. For the last three months Kim had diligently worked on her recovery. Every day consisted of meditation and exercise along with a change in diet. Both Kim and her mother were proud of the improvements she was making. For the first time in months, she was happy; her new routine had her youthful enthusiasm returning.

  However, Kim was aware she had a long way to go. Every day she told herself things would get better. She missed her children and Edward. The feeling of missing her family occurred more and more. Even though she felt that way, she was still in no position to please her husband or parent their children. So, she did not call Edward, nor did she return any of his calls.

  This was the first day Kim felt well and confident enough to be away from her mother’s home. There were no worries of her past, no worries about her race and no thoughts of her family.

  Kim had only chosen this particular bar because of its proximity to her mother’s home. She had noticed it once while they were out driving and made a note in her mind to stop in when she felt ready.

  That day, she decided it was time to venture out. She told herself she would have a quick drink and be on her way.

  As Kim sat fondling her tumbler filled with cranberry and vodka, Phillip stared, fascinated with the beautiful lady at the bar. He studied her posture and every move from the back room. Kim sat alone at the end of the bar, oblivious to the man in the back room, innocent and unaware of the effects of her beauty. Just fifteen minutes prior she had been home, agitated and bored. She had not taken the time to change clothes. She quickly pulled her hair up into a high ponytail, which made her cheekbones appear to look more angular and her neck longer. She swiftly put on her sandals. The yellow polka-dotted dress she was wearing was the same one she had quickly put on to answer the door earlier.

  Even after all the children she had birthed; Kim didn’t look like she’d even had one kid let alone five. She still had the sprinter’s physique she had in high school when she ran track.

  Watching Kim, Phillip seemed to be in a trance. He was a tall, handsome brown skinned guy who normally did not have a problem approaching women. In fact, most women found him extremely attractive. But Kim’s beauty had him stuck and thrown off his game. Phillip did not know how he should approach her. It was clear that she was not from the town, so he said a quick prayer with the hope that she was not just visiting.

  A simple introduction was what he settled on as he made his way over. Kim took the introduction casually, but his persistence and smile eventually got to her and she began to lighten up. She was not surprised when Phillip approached her. He was the bartender, after all. But all during his introduction all she could think of was not sounding nasally. She hoped her Mississippi accent would not make her sound too country, even though she was sitting in a bar in the Deep South. Before she knew it, Phillip had taken a seat next to her and she was giving away more information about herself than she wanted to relinquish.

  “I need to go, and you’re too good at this, Phillip.”

  “Have one more drink with me,” his voice was laced with desperation.

  “Phillip, I really need to be on my way,” Kim whined and smiled at the same time.

  “Well, let me walk you to your car and we can exchange numbers. I just have to know more about you.” That should have been a red flag for her, but she was still not on track with her normally great instincts.

  Phillip escorted Kim to her car, and with that simple exchange a forbidden relationship was formed, a relationship that would change both of their lives forever.

  MARY WHITMORE

  A deep sense of panic fell over her. She tossed and whimpered in her sleep. Once again, the Lord had spoken to her while she slept. Yet this time, for some reason, his words frightened her.

  “Get ready,” were the only instructions given. Mary sat up trembling from His command. Unsure if she was sweating from menopause or fear, she reached for the glass of water on the nightstand. The sheets were slightly damp under her.

  Her husband, Earl, gave a purring snore with every exhale, completely unaware she was leaving their bed. Ever since his retirement from the railroad a year earlier she made sure not to disrupt his sleep. After twenty-seven years of odd hours and late shifts, the last thing Mary wanted to do was disrupt him as he slept peacefully.

  Still rattled, she made her way to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee before returning to the bathroom to begin her shower. Their entire marriage she had made every attempt to be completely obedient to the word of God. She and Earl had eagerly prayed for a child, right up to the point of when her body was no longer able to conceive. There were many times she contemplated giving up, but Jesus was all she knew. So, any thought of abandoning Him was quickly rebuked.

  Mary’s knuckles turned white as she firmly gripped the handle in the shower. She desperately tried to push through her fear. She knew the words spoken to her were real. However, she did not know what she was to get ready for and that frightened her deeply.

  She cleared her throat and spoke, “Father, I’m ready.”

  Earl entered the kitchen and headed straight toward the coffee pot, pouring himself a cup. Mary sat baffled at the table because he normally waited for her to bring him coffee and the paper.

  Taking a sip of his coffee, he stared around the kitchen. “This room, just like every other room in this house, is too quiet and too neat. Nothing is ever out of place. I think we need a dog.”

  Still focused on the dream, Mary paused and walked over to him. Stopping just a foot from Earl, she stared at him with her large brown eyes. “A dog, Earl? I mean can we wait and have this conversation later?”

  “I know I don’t have the right to make that decision alone, and I don’t want to persuade you on the idea. I just think we need a change around here, Mary. A dog might bring a little welcomed chaos to our lives. It’s not that I’m unhappy with anything really, just a little bit in a rut. I guess it’s just the retirement. No routine for me anymore.”

  Grabbing her purse and keys in an attempt to move away from the topic, she replied, “I tell you what, I have to go and prepare breakfast for old Mr. and Mrs. Johnson and then get them to their doctor appointments. After that, I must read to the toddlers at the church. Then I am all yours, and we can continue talking. I’ll tell you about the dream I had last night while we have lunch. You should find it quite the topic for conversation between us.
”

  THE ADOPTION

  There are not a lot of things to make you wake up and continue to be excited with your life’s journey. But the idea of love alone is worth the trip. One taste of it will leave you wanting more. It will make you push through all your fears and faults just to be near it.

  ____

  It was only by coincidence that Kim met Mary the day she found out she was pregnant. It was a Thursday around one-thirty in the afternoon and there were only three cars in the church parking lot when Kim pulled in and began to cry. Most of the noon-day service members had already left.

  Mary locked the large oak doors of the church and headed toward her car when she noticed the young lady crying. She cautiously approached and tapped on the window before asking, “Are you okay?”

  Kim was too upset to notice Mary had walked toward her car. She raised her head and looked up from her lap. For some reason Mary’s presence somewhat calmed her; perhaps it was Mary’s church-mother appearance.

  “I didn’t think anyone would mind. I only need a minute.” Kim spoke.

  “You don’t have to be in a rush. You are more than welcome to stay as long as you like. Do you want to come inside? The pastor is still here.”

  “Thank you, Ma’am! I do not need the pastor, but can you sit with me for a minute? I don’t want to be alone right now.”

  An hour quickly passed as Mary and Kim sat in the parking lot of the church. Mary listened as Kim cried and slowly divulged the bitter parts of her life and her newfound pregnancy. An unexpected friendship developed that day and Mary and Kim’s lives would be inextricably entwined forever.

  *

  Kim had been on her feet all day tending to the affairs that needed her attention, and she was exhausted. Her ankles burned as she shuffled up the driveway at six and a half months pregnant; it was beginning to steal her energy. Her pregnancy bump had been showing for a while now, and her glowing fair skin made her a beautiful mother-to-be.

  After leaving the doctor, she drove across town to meet Mary. It was a routine they had started shortly after making their agreement. They exchanged greetings and smiles.

  “How do you like the name Kennedy? I just know this baby is going to be a girl.”

  Mary laughed, her cheeks glowing with excitement. “That’s a beautiful name!”

  “I just thought of it on the drive over, after listening to an interview with Jackie Kennedy on the radio. But I must tell you, Mary, my mind has been racing all week long.” Kim’s voice was shaking. “We are going to need an attorney, and how do I tell Phillip I’m giving his baby up for adoption? This town is going to have a lot to say. My mother is so upset with me. People are going to lose their minds.” All this came spilling out in a single breath.

  Mary’s smile got bigger. “You have to relax. We control the things that we can.” Her wise words were comforting to Kim.

  “Let’s try to get as much of this done today.”

  “Have you told your husband about Phillip and the baby?” Mary asked.

  “No! Even though he has given me my space, I did tell him there is something we need to talk about. I did tell him I met someone that I occasionally spend time with. But, to answer your question, I have not told him I am pregnant. He would hit the roof! How do I tell my husband, who I have not seen in months, that I’m six and a half months pregnant? And on top of that tell him and Phillip I am contemplating adoption? I just don’t know how to do that.”

  Placing her hands on her swollen stomach she began to rub and speak to it. “Kid, you’re going to do amazing things because right now this is absolutely crazy!”

  “Maybe you don’t have to tell your husband unless there’s some urgent reason to do so.”

  “I couldn’t do that. We may be separated, but I don’t feel it would be right not to tell him that his wife is pregnant by another man. Oh, just saying it makes me feel horrible. What have I done?”

  Mary put her arm around Kim and tried to comfort her. “It will all work out. You’ll see.” She steered the conversation back to the subject of the visit.

  “I have given this so much thought,” said Kim. “As you know, my mother is in no position to raise a child. She could barely talk about my relationship with Phillip. When I told her I’d had an affair, it devastated her. And the fact that I’m giving up the baby! She fell apart when I told her. It was as though I’d committed one sin after another, piling insult onto injury. No, that angle is completely off the table. She made that clear the night I told her about the affair. Now that I’m thinking about it, she didn’t seem to be too surprised; her only response was, ’Tell me about him. I need to know all about the person who’s so important you would risk your family.”

  The remark had startled Kim, and from that point forward her mother had wanted nothing to do with her and Phillip’s relationship. But Kim couldn’t believe her mother would forsake her own grandchild, regardless of Kim’s involvement with another man.

  “Mary, this baby will not be raised in Mississippi, and I still have every intention of trying to save my marriage. What I am trying to say is that you’re the only person I know who has a stable life. So, I would like to take your offer.

  Mary appeared shocked as Kim continued.

  “I only have three requests of you and your husband, Earl.” Holding her fingers up, she began. “One, you give this baby everything that I can’t. Two, I have six months to change my mind, and three, she must know who her biological parents are. And I’m going to need to bond with her in order for me to heal. I’ll leave all the other particulars to you.”

  Mary’s eyes lit up. “Absolutely! Of course! I’m so excited about the arrangements and feel truly blessed that God has given me a chance to be a mother. I have prayed for this for so long. Earl and I have wanted a child our entire marriage; we were close to giving up. For years I imagined what it would be like raising children; the things I would teach them! Would I be a good parent and mother? I’m just engulfed in emotions right know. You know, it was not too long ago the Lord spoke to me in a dream. His words made me sit right up. ‘Get ready’ is what He said, and it scared me to death. It is all making sense now, even the way we met. Oh my God, I’m not even sure why I asked you about adopting your baby when you told me you were pregnant.”

  Mary was all smiles. “I just blurted it out without thinking and it definitely wasn’t nice. I must have sounded like a fool.”

  Dipping a tea bag into a cup of hot water, Kim echoed, “Well, I wasn’t planning on meeting Phillip, having another baby, or giving a baby up for adoption. The Lord moves in strange ways, as you know, if you can even make the claim any of this is the work of the Lord.”

  Kim sighed before continuing. “You know, I came to Florida to visit my mother and to get myself healthy so I can return to my family. Now I am pregnant with Phillip’s child, and my life is spinning out of control. How can I fix this mess that I have made?”

  Mary spoke softly, “Sometimes we have a tough time living our lives from a place of comfort. Perhaps it’s because of the unknown.” She leaned forward to comfort Kim, unsure of what her next actions should be. They stared at each other, the air between them filled with emotion. All they could do was hold hands and cry.

  Mary wiped both of their tears away with a handkerchief and softly whispered, “I’m going to pray. Heavenly Father, I come in prayer with Kim asking for your forgiveness of the sins we have committed against you and your Holy name. We ask for forgiveness for our loved ones as well. Father, you came so that we may have life and have it to the fullness of your glory. Father we know that you don’t make mistakes and even if we don’t understand this pregnancy, we know that it is your will. So, we come right now, Father, asking that you break every curse. Remove any generational curses that lay in our bloodlines. In the mighty name of Jesus, we ask that you break any generational strongholds that hinder us from receiving your glory. Father, we ask that none of our sins be passed to Kennedy; keep her and protect her. Heavenly Fathe
r, we ask that your angels be released to watch over her; may they go before this child so that she may walk in abundance. We pray that she may live without fear, we pray that she does not have to live with the boundaries and struggles that Kim and I face. We pray, Heavenly Father, that there is and always will be an anointing on her life in the mighty name of Jesus. May you turn your face toward us, Father, and smile upon us. In Jesus name. Amen.”

  *

  Kennedy and Greyson sat nuzzled together on the outdoor shower bench. He noticed the water on her face was not coming from the shower. They were tears slowly streaming down her face.

  “Honey, what’s wrong?” Greyson wiped her tears with his thumb.

  “I know I’ve told you I was adopted, but I’m a little overwhelmed thinking about it. My life could have taken any direction for any number of reasons. My mom–my adoptive mom Mary--used to tell me there was a blessing and angels over my life and I used to think it was her just being the super-Christian mom. There have been so many angels, Greyson. So many that I sometimes forget they were ever there. My life could have been so different. I have held onto so much of this for far too long. Wow! She was right.” Kennedy held her face in her hands.

  “It’s all good, babe. With everything you are preparing for tonight with your award, it must be stirring up some things about your past. Keep talking. I’m all ears.” He held her and made her comfortable so she could share more.

  THEY HAVE TO PAY

  Phillip paced back and forth, unable to control his agitated movements. The walls seemed to be closing in on him every second that passed. The anger and betrayal boiled as he tried to gather his rage and emotions. “I need a drink,” he growled under his breath.

  The sudden news of Kim giving the baby up for adoption made him livid. “This is my child, and she has no right to do what she’s doing without my consent.” He was alone, but he beat the argument from both sides. “How dare she!” A photo of him and Kim taped to the fridge had him stuck, so much so that he had forgotten why he entered the kitchen. The photo was of happier times with Kim. He studied her hair and face in the photo; her beauty still calmed him.