Beautiful Otherness

by Shirley Simmons

  With that being said, Mary placed her arms around Edward holding him tight. Mary’s motherly comfort caused Edward to finally break down into tears. Whatever emotion he had previously been able to control came rushing out. Through his tears he whispered, “I love and miss her so much.”

  LOGICAL FALLACY

  With the help of Edward’s and his eldest son’s interviews, it was not long before the Mississippi authorities notified the Florida authorities and had them question Phillip about Kim’s death. The police investigation continued for months with Phillip being their primary suspect. As much as the police tried to link Phillip to the death, they simply could not produce enough evidence even though he could not prove where he was during the time of her death. He had no alibi, but lack of an alibi does not constitute a crime. In this case, Phillip had a reputation that was well-known by Florida state and local police, but because the kids did not see the face of the man who visited Kim that day and could not describe him, once again Phillip was free to continue with his life. Everyone in the small Florida town believed that Phillip was guilty of killing Kim; they all thought he had finally done it and told the police so. But opinions didn’t matter. There was nothing to link him to the crime.

  His family did not support him through it at all. The old man had finally had enough with his son, and the town made it clear that no one wanted him in it. In Phillip’s eyes, Kim was the woman of his dreams and his soul mate. Phillip never admitted to killing Kim. When asked, he only confessed his love for her.

  Feeling ostracized now by his peers, the townspeople, his father and everyone who had formerly associated with him, Phillip decided to leave town. Miami was just the place he needed to be to clear his mind of Kim’s death.

  Shortly after arriving in Miami, Phillip met and fell for a woman who reminded him of Kim. He never shared much with this woman about his past or his relationship with Kim. He never mentioned that her appearance was shockingly close to Kim’s. She was the same size and height as Kim, and she also had deep hazel eyes. The only difference between the two was that Kim appeared white though she was half black and half white, and this woman was white.

  After his affair with Kim, he loved the idea of dating a white woman. He had seen the way other black men looked and responded when Kim was on his arm. The idea of them staring because of his reputation never occurred to him. Phillip’s king complex generally influenced almost all decisions he made and blurred his mind to any reality around him.

  Once the opportunity presented itself, he jumped on it. Dating a white woman made Phillip extremely arrogant and even more self-righteous. After his discharge from the military, Phillip had become spoiled and rebellious, and it got worse once he started dating this woman.

  He was so used to getting his own way and doing his own thing that it got in the way of his new relationship. When this relationship did not work out, he should have walked away. Frustrations were high and regular, and instead of pulling back and walking away, Phillip’s anger overtook him once again as it had many times before. During an argument, he tried to strangle her. Fortunately, she managed to escape before he could kill her.

  Phillip no longer cared about anything or anyone but himself, and even that was questionable. He moved through life with a death wish and a vengeance that dulled his senses. Kim was the one person who calmed the anger that usually filled him, and now that she was gone, he figured why not let it all out. It had not been a year since Kennedy’s birth, Kim’s death and him being questioned for it, yet here he was sitting across from the cops again.

  This time there was no good ‘ole boy system in place to protect him or cover up his behavior. His aunt, Queen, was a bit of a fixer in her community, respected, and even feared in many ways, by local residents who were in her sphere. But this time she could not save her favorite nephew from the attempted murder charge. Her money and back channel dealings bore no power in Miami and it was even clearer when he was not given bail. Things became evident to Phillip that none of the lifelines that he had access to would be available to him now. He was in a new city with pending charges of attempted murder. Attempted murder of a white woman in the 1970s, no less. And he was without his usual safety net—Queen.

  The day of the trial Phillip was prepared for the worst. He sat patiently staring forward most of the day. It was all a formality as far as Phillip was concerned. His anger blinded him to the hurt and fear he had placed upon the woman he harmed. It blinded him to all the people who had attempted to help and save him prior to this moment. All the times his father tried to steer him in the right direction were forgotten along with his own guilt. As far as he was concerned his actions were justified. In his warped mind he thought that she had it coming, and this was enough.

  Phillip sat in the courtroom alone during his trial; his rage had brought him to this moment. No family support and no one to advocate for him. And this lack of support did not go unrecognized by the jury or the judge. When it was all said and done, Phillip was given a ten-year sentence with the possibility of parole in five years if he could control his behavior.

  Phillip left the courtroom without so much as a glance back. His life forever changed once the gavel landed. Whatever hatred, rage and anger he previously controlled was released at that moment never to be contained or governed again.

  *

  “I feel sick to my stomach every time I even think about Phillip.” I lifted my head from Greyson’s shoulder. “Kim’s careless actions led her to that sicko. I think about all the poor decisions she made in life. Her desperate need to take care of herself actually put her in harm’s way costing her the very life she was trying to rebuild.”

  Greyson stared at the tears spilling from her eyes. A small smile crept onto his lips.

  “What are you smiling at?”

  “You! I’m smiling at you because, considering all of the poor decisions Kim made, there was one decision she made that gave me you.” He held my hand. “The decision that gave you life.”

  Raindrops quickly came down hard as we finished up in the outdoor shower. We both knew it was one of those five-minute rain showers Florida was known for, the kind that would end just as quickly as it had begun. I gave up any attempt of protecting my hair from the damage of the rain. Any other time I would have freaked out and ran into the house at the first sign of rain. But today I did not have a care in the world. I was too caught up in telling Greyson my story and, like I said before, nothing was going to ruin my day. Not even my hair, which was now soaked and sticking to my back and face. In a few hours a stylist would be arriving to repair whatever damage the weather was serving.

  I just parted the shiny straight brown hair that was now slightly curly and pulled it behind my ears so that I could continue to stare into Greyson’s eyes.

  Greyson stood there in disbelief as the shower and rain drenched us from head to toe. “We are really doing this? You are not going to push me aside and make a dash for the house Kennedy?”

  “Nope.” I took two steps backward so that I was completely under the shower head again allowing him to see the water dance off my naked body.

  A few minutes passed before the rain stopped and we stepped from the shower. Neither of us bothered to dry ourselves as we walked through the small puddles on the pool deck. The splendor of the sun warmed us as we silently contemplated the story I’d just related.

  Once we reached the covered veranda, I took a seat between his legs and lay back onto his chest on one of the dry cushions. Springing to my feet I retrieved a bottle of Veuve Clicquot from the outdoor mini-fridge and grabbed two champagne glasses. Thumbing through the playlist on my phone I settled on Tanto Tempo, a peaceful bossa nova mix by the great Babel Gilberto. Just as I filled the second glass, two peacocks landed in the yard, startling me enough to overfill the second glass.

  The peacocks were from the neighborhood, yet no one seemed to know who owned the flock of beautiful birds that had grown to about seven over the last couple of years. Greyson a
nd I sipped champagne and watched the birds hunt lizards. The sudden rain had stirred up the reptiles causing them to scamper across the deck and foliage.

  One of the birds patiently waited for the lizards to emerge from their camouflaged hiding spots. He intentionally narrowed his broad green chest, kept his crown low and made sure to keep his tail feathers tucked into their two-foot train. The second was obviously younger; his feathers had a less colorful tint to them. He chased everything that moved, and he constantly fanned his tail feathers showing the elaborate blue and green eye pattern.

  Greyson and I both wondered if the older peacock was teaching the younger bird how to hunt and when to strut to ensure his dominance of the flocks. Watching the beautiful birds somehow reminded me of my young adult life. Their interaction reminded me of the people that prepared me for the next phases of my life.

  We both wrapped up in a towel and I nuzzled deeply

  into Greyson’s chest.

  “I’m grateful Kim gave me up to Mary and Earl. I would hate to think what my life would have been like if she kept me and stayed with Phillip.” A frown laced my forehead.

  “Mary and Earl gave me a beautiful life, one filled with joy and comfort. Phillip tried through words and actions, even getting Queen caught up in his schemes, to take all of that away when I was growing up. I never wanted any part of him, and the further away he stayed from me the better I like it.”

  THE VISIT

  “I learned at a young age that Phillip St. James had become a killer. After he was discharged from the military, he had been in either jail for small time theft or harassment, or in prison for assaulting or killing women, all charges that were eventually dropped or he had his sentence reduced thanks to Queen.” Kennedy continued unfolding the painful parts of her life as Greyson listened on.

  By definition, a serial killer is a person who has murdered three or more people, but there must be a certain amount of time between the murders, or it is considered a killing spree. Well, that definition did not matter very much to Phillip.

  “People questioned why he wasn’t serving a life sentence or at least one which was sufficiently long. The belief was that until he tried to kill that white lady in Miami, he was only hurting black women, and it was a time when the justice system could not have cared less about black people let alone a black woman. Plus, Phillip had the right connections. Queen being his biggest one.”

  *

  Phillip never received long sentences for his crimes because of a wealthy relative, Queen, who loved him dearly. To her, all his prior offences did not matter. She was there, coming to his rescue when he tried to kill two girlfriends prior to Kim; both times she helped to get the charges reduced to assault. She was there for him when he was arrested for fighting over a woman. He beat that charge by claiming self-defense. She was even prepared to help him when he was being investigated for Kim’s death. Her loyalty to him was astounding, but nothing she did could save or help him once he attacked that white woman.

  Queen was a woman of wealth and power, and her friends were the good ‘ole boys. She was a very light skinned woman with freckles. Her long legs featured under a very curvy body and large breasts. She was drop dead gorgeous with a charming Southern personality, both of which kept people hanging on every word she spoke. She was the woman everyone noticed when she entered the room.

  She owned a cleaning service that sent beautiful young women out to clean the homes of the very wealthy. The wives of her clients usually despised the beautiful black women coming into their homes to clean, but their husbands loved the idea of it. Not only did the husbands love it, but they demanded it, so the wives always gave in to their wealthy husbands’ requests.

  Queen never asked her employees to sleep with a client, but when she discovered that they were intimate she made sure to get as much information as possible. This was one of the ways she continued to be surrounded by wealth and political power. This was her way of having favor when she needed it. Her preacher husband could not have known the full depth of her business, otherwise he may have been ostracized from the church. But Queen managed to extract information from her house cleaners that she kept tucked in her little black book. She would make future use of that information in the form of favors.

  Queen was Phillip’s aunt, and he was her favorite person in the world. Whenever he committed a crime, she was the person to pay his attorney fees. Oftentimes she would go behind his father’s back to do so. She would make sure that she hired the best attorney to keep him from going to jail or to have the sentence reduced.

  In the 50s, 60s and 70s, the surrounding cities and counties were controlled by a few families: the McMillans, the Bransons, and the Overtons. If you wanted a license for something it typically went through one of them. Judges only made it to the bench or the ballot with their approval. Mayors and governors even understood their place in this Florida good ‘ole boy system, and if you didn’t play the game by their rules, you didn’t stand a chance.

  At first appearance, you would think they were just citrus farmers and cattlemen, but after a closer look, the power and wealth became apparent. They did not drive fancy cars or wear expensive clothes; it was usually denim overalls and pickup trucks that they preferred. But they owned just as much land as the Mormons.

  The good ‘ole boys had tailored their business model after Henry Flagler. Flagler was one of the founding owners of Standard Oil. But they were more impressed with the way he had developed and run the Florida East Coast Railway. The same railroad that revolutionized the way commerce was moved through the swamp lands of Florida.

  When the turnpike was being built they made sure it passed through their land. The existence of the highway meant people would be traveling. Cars needed gas, and all of it would be purchased from them. They even made sure the entire fuel pipeline that supplied all southern Florida went through their land. Need fuel - pay. Need a truck stop – pay. Get on the turnpike - pay, get off the turnpike - pay, want to put up a billboard - pay, traveling north – pay, traveling south – pay, sheriff - pay, mayor - pay, governor - pay. Queen positioned herself directly into all that power. She had every intention of using it for the advancement of her family. And here was Phillip screwing things up simply because he could not control his temper and his ego.

  *

  I was never sure of the kind of blood that flowed within my veins. Had he passed the genetic imprint of a murderer into me, and would I suddenly discover this one day? I sometimes imagined waking up one morning to discover that I had killed someone the night before. These kinds of thoughts flooded my mind and the thought of the person I could become frightened me.

  Growing up was particularly challenging because I was often reminded by someone in the town what he had done. And I am certain he would continue to kill if he had the opportunity.

  I think I was about six years old the first time I met my biological father. I do not have any memory of meeting him before that age. I am not sure who had the bright idea to take me to a prison. Given my age, all I could think of was playing and the treat of taking a day trip. Surely there would be ice cream and anything else I wanted. I later learned that my contact with him was a planned condition of my adoption.

  But this day, Queen had deceived my mother, Mary, into thinking she wanted to spend a day with me so that my mother could have a break. Off we went to meet Phillip in deception.

  “Stop, Kennedy! Sit still, Kennedy. You better not get that dress dirty,” was all I heard the whole way there. I held Aunt Queen’s hand as we walked up to an ominous gray building in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. There was nothing for miles surrounding the building. All I could think of was wanting to leave. But Queen explained that we were here to meet my father. I was curious and afraid at the same time.

  “I don’t know him. Can we leave?” I asked, only to be given a stern look as she held my hand a little firmer. We passed through security—all very frightening and intimidating for a six-year-old—where men a
nd women in uniforms like police and with guns at their hips, led us through and we were placed in a large room with other people. Families sat at tables talking, kids played. I remember thinking that place must be where adults went to hang out.

  After sitting there for what seemed like forever, in walked Phillip, my biological father--the killer. He walked over and greeted Queen before kneeling to introduce himself to me.

  “Hi Kennedy, you are so pretty. I like your dress,” he whispered calmly. “May I give you a hug?”

  I do not know if I was afraid or not interested, but I just stood there staring at him.

  Phillip picked me up and gave me a hug before kissing me on my cheek. My little legs dangled as he held me there and my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, it was beating so fast.

  He put me down and held my hand as he talked to my aunt. They talked for what seemed like hours. Occasionally he would look down at me and smile. “My sweet baby, Kennedy, you are so pretty,” he would say.

  Staring at my small hand in his large palm, my mind began to wander, and before I knew it, I shouted, “I want to go home. I don’t know you!” Queen gave me a piercing look, but by then I was sick of her, and that disdain has lasted to this day.

  The lurking guard soon interrupted the conversation and my fidgeting.

  “Phillip,” you have another visitor.

  Standing behind the guard stood Phillip’s latest girlfriend, Sheila. She stepped forward toward Phillip with a huge smile and they embraced for a long time as Queen looked at them in disbelief. Sheila was an old girlfriend of Phillip’s who never wanted the relationship to end. She was all too thrilled when he reached out to her from prison.

  The three of them talked about his weekend pass and how he would get to spend more time with them and the things that they would do. I was really bored; there was nothing there to hold a six-year-old’s attention, and the fact that I did not even know the person I was there to visit made it worse. I had not really been paying any mind to the grownups’ conversation, so I was quickly brought to attention when suddenly Phillip and Sheila began arguing.