The Instant of Now
Page 3
philosophy. Think how frustrating it would be ifyou could never move toward your goal, Edward, because everything youearned had to be spent on trivialities--food, clothing, a place tolive."
"All right," said Eddie doubtfully, "I have an apartment given to mebut it has to be here in a worker's block. If our system provides forus all alike, as you imply, how is it you have accommodations in theScientist's Center? Why should you be set apart? Or the poets andwriters? Or the space-pilots, for that matter?"
"But there's no difference in the way we live, Edward. In generalpeople who do similar work and have similar interests are happier ifthey share the same social environment. The average person, living ina worker's block, would feel terribly out of place in a scientist'scenter, just as I would develop terrific frustrations if I had to livewith the mystics or the religious orders."
Dirrul deftly snatched the last piece of toast as the professorreached for it. "I'll dial some for you if you like," he offered.
"Oh, no, Edward! I'm dieting, you see, and I like to think--well, asI've told you so often in class, we all practise self-deception of asort. Usually it's harmless--and almost always we symbolize it inwords. For me the symbol is diet.
"I set up a specialized definition and convince myself that I amdieting if I never directly order fattening food. That gives me anescape hatch. If food is offered to me or if it happens to--ah--tofall into my hands, I can take it and still keep a clear conscience."
"Perhaps you practise more self-deception than you know, Dr. Kramer,"said Eddie. "For instance, all your fine words about the strength andvitality of our new system--when I was a boy we licked the VinineseConfederacy. We couldn't do it today."
"That's a matter of opinion. We're at peace now and we'll remain so."
"Only because we have the Nuclear Beams. And look how we've botchedthat mess! Our scientists gave the process to the Vininese in order topatch together a peace when we could have destroyed their civilizationcompletely."
"And our own too--with the weight of such a crime on our groupconscience. There's one thing you still must learn, Edward--scientificprogress is made by the sharing of ideas, not the concealment of them.We build the future upon the truths of the past and the present. Ifsome of those truths are hidden away we create falsely on utterlyfalse foundations."
Dr. Kramer pulled a manila envelope from his pocket and laid it on thetable, pushing back his chair. "I must go, Edward; these are the noteson my lecture. As I told you before, I really came here for somethingelse. I wanted to talk to you, to get to understand you better. Ithink I've learned a great deal."
The little professor was no longer smiling and the gentle touch ofbanter was gone from his voice. Dirrul felt a creeping fear risewithin him. How much had he unconsciously revealed? How many of hisown beliefs had Dr. Kramer been able to read between the lines?
Knowing them, would he guess Dirrul's connection with the Movement?The professor's bland naivete could be the mask of a police informer.Dirrul shivered, remembering the sudden punishment that had overtakenGlenna and Hurd.
At the door Dr. Kramer paused and said, "I'm entertaining two or threeof the university faculty this evening, Edward. They've read some ofthe papers you have written for my class. I'd like to have you meetthem. My apartment--eight-thirty."
It was a command rather than an invitation. Dirrul accepted.
III
As soon as the professor had gone his fear vanished. What he had saidto Dr. Kramer gave away no secrets and, in any case, he was creditingthe professor with a perception he did not have. Ever since firstjoining the Movement, when he was still in school, Dirrul had takensuch pains to conceal his motives that it would have required a gooddeal more than Dr. Kramer's clumsy prying to reveal them.
He had deliberately patterned his attitudes and habits upon acomposite average, even to a mild and starry-eyed criticism of thesystem which was more or less expected from the ambitious young men ofthe Air-command.
Dr. Kramer's ecstatic praise of the system was the typical emotionalreaction of the older generation. The professor may actually have beenconvinced of the truth of his own fuzzy propaganda. It was that sortof blind faith which still held the Planetary Union together.
Before returning to the Air-Command base at noon, Dirrul sought outPaul Sorgel and reported that Glenna and Hurd were safely on their wayto Vinin. Apologetically, he mentioned Dr. Kramer's invitation,expecting to elicit Sorgel's scorn. Instead the Vininese agent wasenthusiastic.
"Wonderful, Eddie!" he said. "Engineer it so they'll ask you back.We've never got one of our people in with the older science crowdbefore. Feel them out--we might pick up some converts. I won't needyou at the next few meetings of the Movement--they'll be largelyreorganizational, you know. I've been reading over Glenna's notes onthe Plan. With one or two modifications we should be able to carry itout."
At eight-thirty that evening Dirrul was admitted to Dr. Kramer'sapartment. He was neither overwhelmed by the professor's excessivecourtesy nor impressed by the other guests. They were from the facultyof the Advanced Air University, elderly, respected and distinguished,names known for a generation everywhere in the Planetary Union.
To them, Edward Dirrul was merely a curiosity, a live specimen mountedfor analysis. He had criticised their system. They intended to wringout the strands of his motivation, classify them, speculate andtheorize upon them--and perhaps, ultimately, do the whole thing up asa monograph.
Dirrul knew why Kramer had selected him for study rather than any ofthe current crop of university students who held similar views. Aproduct of the educational philosophy of the Planetary Union, Dirrulwas thoroughly adjusted and decidedly aware of both his own abilitiesand shortcomings.
He was, first of all, gifted in the use of abstractions andgeneralities. In rare combination with this flair he had superiormechanical intelligence and a talent for expressive verbalization. Hedealt easily in the subtle skills of logic. If he set his mind to it,he could erect absolute proofs of diametrically opposed truths and fewminds could detect the delicately concealed flaws in the reasoning.
On the negative side of the scale was Dirrul's complete lack ofpsycho-biological intelligence, or a sense of scientific semantics.Neither to him seemed important. He missed them not at all andresented the legal requirements that forced him to take Dr. Kramer'scourse before he could qualify as a space-pilot.
The papers he had written for the professor were beautifullyconstructed patterns of logic, cast in well-turned phrases. They hadclarified the criticism which others put inarticulately. It was theprecision of his argument that disturbed Dr. Kramer and his facultyfriends.
Dirrul was amused as the distinguished scientists skillfullymanipulated the conversation to create counter-arguments opposing his.It was a game played in abstractions, a technique of which Dirrul wasan instinctive master. Apparently the scientists found some sort ofexcitement in the game, since on succeeding evenings Dirrul wasswamped with invitations from other faculty members--so many, in fact,that he had to neglect the serious work of the Movement. When hecomplained to Paul Sorgel, the Vininese agent was delighted.
"We can get along without you for awhile, Eddie," Sorgel said. "You'redoing something much more important. You have a real in with thescience crowd, and you've got them on the run because your argumentsmake sense. Every doubt you sow in their minds now will make our workjust that much easier when the proper time comes."
Occasionally Dirrul had an uneasy feeling that he was making no realprogress at all, that when he talked to the scientists he was adancing puppet dangling on invisible strings. It seemed impossiblethat the scientists of the Ad-Air University could be so repeatedlydefeated by his logic. Slowly, however, he reasoned his way to anexplanation.
The scientists, like the system itself, were in the last wild frenzyof a decaying social order. They had lived so long in the atmosphereof relative truths, they had so carefully schooled themselves to avoidall absolutes, that they were unable to elude the simplest processesof logic. Their v
ery efforts to be objective made them too honest toreject a conclusion once Dirrul had demonstrated the careful structurethat seemed to support it.
* * * * *
A month passed. Dirrul felt divorced from the Movement, existing insuspended animation in a cloud of wordy unreality. Then abruptly theslow-moving dream ended. Late one night Paul Sorgel slipped intoDirrul's apartment and announced in an emotionless whisper, "ThePlan's ready. You'll have to carry the details to Vinin. We can't usethe teleray--the Union monitors might pick up the message and decodeit."
"Naturally our Vininese Headquarters will want to know, Paul," saidEddie, "but can't that wait? We'll need every man here when