by Chris Zett
A soft touch to her face startled her. Diana opened her eyes and looked directly into Emily’s. They were dark gray and full of concern. Only when Emily brushed her fingers over Diana’s cheekbones did she realize she was crying. Emily swept her hair back and pulled Diana closer. Her hug grounded Diana, and calm spread from her embrace to Diana’s center. It was short, but the reaffirmation of their connection gave her strength.
“Thank you. I really needed that.”
“I just wanted to let you know she’s on her way to the ICU. Before she left, she grimaced a little and even struggled against the respirator.”
These were good signs, showing the effects of the drugs were wearing off. Only time could tell if any brain damage remained and to what extent.
“I promised her mother I would meet her in the ICU. She is a good woman, genuinely caring. Katie’s drug problems broke her heart.”
“And yours too?” Emily’s eyes swept over her, her gaze searching.
“It was one of the reasons we broke up, but not the only one.” Diana shrugged. At the time, her heart had been broken, but now the pain was only a faint memory. “We have been separated for nearly more years than we were together, and I’m over it. But she’s still my friend, and it hurts to see her like this.”
“What can I do for you?” The support in Emily’s tone soothed her like a hot bath at the end of a long day.
“You’re already doing it. You’re here, with me. I wish I could hold you or…rather, you could hold me tonight.” Diana knew she sounded needy, but she trusted that Emily would understand why.
“I’ll come by your place after work. I’m going to make a few arrangements so you’re off tonight.”
“No, you can’t do that. We said no special treatment, remember?”
“I hope I’d do it for any of my residents. You’re overworked as it is, and you won’t be fit to come back to the night shift after spending all day in the ICU.”
Diana’s mind was racing. Emily’s suggestion was reasonable, but she didn’t want to appear as though she couldn’t cope with the stress. “But—”
“No buts. Please. I don’t want to fight with you. Go and meet her mother, see that she wakes up, then go home and sleep. Doctor’s orders. I’ll make a house visit tonight and check up on you. If you want, you can come back to the day shift tomorrow.” Emily’s tone conveyed her usual no-nonsense attitude, but she smiled and the warmth never left her eyes.
Diana didn’t have it in her to argue. “Okay, Dr. Barnes. I don’t want to fight either. See you later.”
“Call me anytime you need me. See you tonight.” Emily looked around and hugged her again. All too soon, she stepped back.
“Diana,” a female voice whispered.
Diana opened her eyes and sat up. Shit, she’d fallen asleep in the visitor’s chair in Katie’s room. She wouldn’t have thought it possible to relax enough on the hard plastic.
Olivia, Katie’s mom, stood in the doorway, waving her over. Hadn’t she left just a second ago to get something to eat?
Diana tiptoed out of the room and glanced at Katie before she softly closed the door behind her. Nothing in the serene features of the sleeping woman showed what she had been through over last several hours. Olivia, however, seemed to have aged ten years today.
“You need to go home now.” Olivia used her best mom voice, a mixture of caring and scolding.
Diana had secretly always loved it, even if it sometimes triggered adolescent impulses to protest. “I’m fine. I want to be here for you.” That was the truth. At this point in her life she cared more for Olivia’s well-being than Katie’s.
“You helped a lot today. Seeing Katie going from unconscious to crazy in a second was terrifying. I was glad you were here. It must have been hard on you too.” She hugged Diana.
Diana held her for a moment. Katie had been delirious and in withdrawal when she woke up, ripping out her breathing tube before Diana could stop her, so she had to be restrained. Diana had held her hands down until a nurse could give her a sedative and had gotten a kick in her side as thanks. She was sure Katie hadn’t even recognized her. Strangely, that hadn’t affected Diana as much as she thought it would. She had felt sad for Katie but nothing else. The anger and hurt she remembered feeling during Katie’s previous fights with addiction had vanished like the love they had shared.
Olivia kissed her cheek and stepped out of their embrace. “Diana, honey, you look like shit. Go home and sleep and try to forget about us for a while.” The mom voice was back, but the smile softened her words.
“Thanks for the compliment.” Diana rolled her eyes and kissed her back. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”
Diana snuck into the locker room via the corridor that led to the staircase in the back of the building. She wasn’t up to answering questions, and she was afraid if she met Emily, she might do something inappropriate, like hug her. Luck was on her side, and she was alone until she passed the administration desk to get to the front door.
“Dr. Petrell, wait,” Stacy called after her.
Diana didn’t stop, pretending she hadn’t heard her. Not very nice, but she’d apologize tomorrow.
Stepping through the front door, she searched her backpack for her sunglasses. Instead of glaring sunlight several camera flashes blinded her. Fuck! She held up a hand to cover her face and ran. She didn’t stop until she had reached the park.
Panting for breath, she turned around to study the way she had come. No one followed her on foot, and no car was going suspiciously slow. Good. Maybe they hadn’t recognized her. Maybe they just took pictures of anyone leaving the hospital, hoping to score. She leaned against a tree, catching her breath, waiting for her heart rate to decelerate.
People passed her without a second glance on their way to and from the park. Mothers with children, a group of students, several runners and skaters. Everyone looked happy to be out on a sunny June day; everyone looked so fucking normal.
Why couldn’t she have this? Last week she thought she had made a good start. Her work was going well, and she was happy in a new relationship. She didn’t need this drama in her life.
Diana pulled her sunglasses from the still-open backpack and closed it. The brown glasses tinted her surroundings in warm and happy colors that didn’t reflect her mood at all.
She straightened and shouldered her backpack. Suck it up! You chose the life you had, and now you have to deal with the consequences.
Shifting the takeout bag to the other hand, Emily pressed the doorbell again and waited for movement from inside. Nothing. She fished her phone from her pocket and thumbed through her contacts until she found Diana. She should really mark her as her favorite. The call went directly to voice mail. Maybe she was in the garage, playing drums? Or outside?
Emily went to the garage first. It was locked and the tiny red light of the alarm was on. The garden was empty, but the back door was open. Should she knock again? The house was quiet and dark, so she decided against it and let herself in. She placed the bag on the kitchen island and went directly to the bedroom.
Diana lay on her stomach on the bed, her naked curves only half-covered by a bath towel. The soft glow from the hall illuminated her, highlighting her shoulder blades and the dragon. Her dark hair was mussed and still damp.
Emily’s breath caught. Diana was so effortlessly sexy. Sleeping deeply, she didn’t even react when Emily sat beside her. Should she let her sleep? Being in her house without Diana’s knowledge made her feel like a stalker. Plus, waking her up would be the sensible thing to do. Emily guessed Diana hadn’t taken the time to eat anything all day, and if she continued sleeping, she would most likely wake up during the night, unable to go back to sleep. The recent night shifts had probably switched her circadian rhythm again.
“Diana.” No reaction. She tried again, louder. “Diana, wake up.”
A protesting growl was the answer, but Diana didn’t move.
Emily just wanted to poke her lightly, but the warm skin under her fingers was too tempting. She stroked her arm, tracing the flames around her biceps over her shoulder to her back, until she encountered hard knots under the skin. Kneading them softly, Emily was delighted when the growl changed into content sighs.
After a few minutes, Diana turned around, captured Emily’s hand, and kissed it. “Thank you. What a perfect way to wake up.”
“You’re welcome.” Emily kissed Diana lightly on the lips and stood immediately to avoid the temptation of deepening the kiss. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with her, but then they wouldn’t get up anymore and would definitely not spend the time talking. And that probably wasn’t what Diana needed right now. “Come to the kitchen. I brought dinner.”
“I don’t know if I can eat anything.” Diana’s stomach growled, and she laughed. “Okay. My body agrees with you.” She sat up, completely ignoring the towel that slipped down.
Emily took a step back to the bed. She stopped in midmotion and swallowed. Food first, then talk. She turned and fled to the kitchen, where she busied herself with distributing rice noodles, thin slices of beef, vegetables, and fresh herbs from the plastic takeaway bowls into real ones.
“That smells delicious.” Diana had put on sweats and an old T-shirt. She had obviously tried and failed to tame her sleep-tousled hair.
“Pho is my go-to comfort food on my grumpy days.” Emily poured the still-hot broth over the other ingredients and carried the bowls to the table.
Diana followed with chopsticks and spoons. “Grumpy days? Is that a euphemism for your period?”
Laughing, Emily shook her head. “That’s what I call the first day after a series of night shifts.”
“That’s a good one. I might steal it.” Diana took a mouthful of broth and sighed. “Ooh, did you go to the Ginger Cat? Thank you!”
“Mmmh.” She was too busy chewing to reply. Emily hadn’t been able to eat anything at work today.
She still worried about Diana. Some of the lines around her eyes had disappeared while sleeping, but the shadows under them persisted.
Diana played with the last rice noodle in her bowl. “My brain is finally waking up now. How did you get in here?”
“The back door was open. Maybe not the best idea if you’re sleeping.” Emily smiled to show she was teasing. She didn’t want to start a discussion on security now.
“I didn’t plan to sleep. I just wanted to rest and collect my thoughts for a minute before I called my manager—Fuck! I didn’t call Vic!” Diana jumped up and left the room.
Seconds later, she returned with her phone and plugged it into the charger in the kitchen. “Come on, charge.”
Emily took the bowls and cutlery and carried them into the kitchen. Placing them into the dishwasher, she waited for an explanation. When none came, she went over to Diana. “Why do you need to talk to your manager? And why do you still have a manager?”
Diana put down the phone and rubbed her eyes with both hands. “He’s mostly the contact person for anyone who wants to reach Dee Dragon. He also collects the royalties from the old records for me. I need to warn him.” She looked up at Emily, and a muscle twitched in her cheek.
Why was she so focused on her manager right now? Her gaze held an emotion Emily hadn’t seen on her before, something akin to despair. She hadn’t looked so shaken directly after treating Katie. “What else happened?”
“I did something stupid. When I left the hospital, I didn’t think and just went through the front door. Someone was taking pictures. I don’t know if they recognized me or not.” Diana picked up her phone again as the logo appeared on the black screen.
Emily’s thoughts swirled like a maelstrom. The hospital’s management would be furious if Diana dragged their good name through the mud. They’d fire her without a second thought.
What would happen to their relationship if Diana had to leave the ED? To many variables were at play here to formulate a plan. She wouldn’t get another job in Seattle, that was sure. Would she just pack and leave? The last thought hurt like a punch in the stomach and took her breath away.
But maybe they hadn’t recognized her. Or even if someone did, would the presence of a former bandmate be newsworthy? A tiny spark of hope flickered deep within her.
The phone sprang back to life with a rapid sequence of beeps. With each one, the flame of hope got doused with cold water until it died out and the last hope of controlling the situation scattered like the ashes. The amount of missed calls and messages left no doubt that her picture had been published.
Diana grimaced as she opened her messages. “They sold the picture to several internet tabloid sites. Vic tried to do some damage control when he couldn’t reach me.” She frowned as she listened to a call, presumably from her manager.
Finally, she put her phone down with trembling hands. “Vic said they don’t know yet that I work there. That’s good. But the shit they write…” She shook her head. “They guessed correctly that Katie got admitted with an overdose and then spun the tale that I was doing drugs with her. One site even writes I fought with her and that she tried to kill herself because of a lovers’ quarrel. And to prove all of that, they pointed out that I look like death warmed over in the fucking photograph.”
Emily was torn between going around the counter to hug her and staying on her side to keep the distance she needed for rational thought. “You have to be careful tomorrow morning and go in through the back entrance. We need to protect the ED.”
“I don’t want to be careful; I just want to do my job. Fuck it.” Diana hit the counter with her fist. “Ouch. Anyone on staff can see the picture on the internet and make the connection, and then they earn their fifteen minutes of fame and some easy money by telling on me. I don’t know if it even makes sense to go back at all. Dr. Wallace made it clear I’d be history if I draw negative attention to the hospital.”
Emily swallowed several angry replies. Did Diana want to give up on them? Did she want to start over again? Somewhere else? She pushed her churning emotions into the back of her mind. The numbness that filled her instead must be better than the pain. She reached for that place within her that allowed her to face human tragedies at work without outward displays of emotion. “If you want to take the easy way out, stay at home. Or run away; that’s what you did before. If not, I’ll see you tomorrow, seven a.m., sharp.”
Grabbing her bag on her way out, Emily fought her rising tears. This wasn’t like a work situation at all. She had no control, and she was too invested already. That frightened and angered her at the same time. She didn’t know if she was angry at Diana or herself. Slamming the door helped a little, but it only lasted until she had reached the corner of the street.
Diana wasn’t sure what had just happened. One minute she was voicing her frustration with the situation; the next minute Emily had turned ice-cold. That tone reminded Diana of the first weeks at work after Emily had met her at the club, before they had become friends. Was it so easy for her to shrug off their connection as if it were a dirty lab coat? For her, it wasn’t possible to switch off the love she felt.
Love? Her heart skipped a beat as she examined the idea. The realization of being in love again should have been a joyful thought, not this tangled mess of frustration and confusion. But she had no doubt it was true.
With a sigh, she walked to the back door and locked it. Pacing in her living room, she picked up stray journals, books, and knickknacks that had migrated from their designated places.
No matter what Emily believed of her, it had never been her intention to quit and run. That accusation hurt. Whatever happened to her residency, Diana had no intention of giving up on their relationship.
The doorbell rang just as she put her sneakers in the closet next to the door. Had Emil
y come back? A peek through the peephole confirmed that she had. Hope blossomed like desert flowers after a rainstorm.
Diana immediately opened the door.
“Can we talk?” Emily bit her lip. She clutched the strap of her bag with one hand so tightly that her knuckled had turned white, but her expression was too restrained to give away what was going on beyond the surface.
“Now you want to talk? I thought that was what we were doing ten minutes ago.” Diana clenched her jaws shut.
Emily flinched at her words or maybe at the harsh tone. “Please…”
The real hurt and regret in her voice deflated Diana’s anger. She took a step back and waved her in. “Come in.”
Emily left her bag and shoes at the door and went to the living room. Her neck was a lovely shade of pink.
She knew that Emily hated her propensity to easily blush, but right now Diana was grateful. The blush admitted louder than words that Emily was as affected as she was by their argument, no matter how well she controlled her features.
They both sat on the couch, not quite touching, but closer than strangers.
“I want to apologize.” The words rushed out of Emily as though she was short of breath. “Please.”
“Okay.” Diana waited for her to continue.
Emily’s expression softened enough to allow Diana to see the real woman again. “I ran because I panicked. I thought you’d tell me that you’d rather quit work than face the consequences.” She looked down at her hands that were digging into the seat cushion. “I’m sorry I made stupid assumptions and didn’t give you a chance. That was my fear speaking. Once I slowed down for a second, I knew that’s not like you at all. You always want to talk about things, and I’m the one running from my feelings.”
Diana gently peeled the cushion out of Emily’s grip and offered her own hand to hold instead. “I accept your apology. It hurt that you didn’t trust me.” She smoothed out the wrinkles in the cushion. “To be honest, with my history, your assumption wasn’t that far off. Ten or maybe even five years ago, that might have been my reaction. I used to take the easy way out.”
