The Unwelcome Guest

by Amanda Robson

  ‘Not really. Not when I’m with you.’

  A frown ripples across your forehead. ‘Well, we do our best to make you welcome. We do enjoy having you living with our family.’

  Are you pushing me away? What game are you playing?

  ‘I’m so glad you do.’

  Your eyes simmer into mine, and I feel emboldened. You’ve implied that you want me to stay in the UK on a number of occasions. Why would you do that if you aren’t interested? You took me to Hampton Court Palace. You gave me the koala. I lean across the table and put my hand on your arm.

  ‘Caprice told me you have feelings for me. I want you to know, I feel the same way.’

  Your frown deepens and you shake your head. You remove my hand. ‘Why would Mother think that – say that?’

  My body is suffused with heat, and I know I am blushing. I put my hand to my face. It feels like a radiator. I wish the ground would swallow me up.

  ‘But … but …’ I splutter. ‘She told me your marriage is a sham. That you are both unhappy. She said you look at me in a special way.’

  ‘If you’re developing a crush on me, you’ll have to leave,’ you reply, your face stiff with anger. ‘We’ll give you a good reference.’ You shake your head. ‘I’m very sorry if I’ve given you the wrong impression. I love Saffron very much. We are happy together. The only feelings I have for you are a paternal fondness. A fondness I have felt for all our nannies.’

  64

  Saffron

  I’m back home after my evening out with Ted and Julie, floating around the kitchen, high on optimism and alcohol. We have been to the pub across the road from our office brainstorming ways to find new clients. My life is on the up. Then you breeze in, Caprice.

  ‘How was your evening?’ you ask with a wolfish smile.

  ‘Good. It was lovely, thanks.’ I pause. ‘And yours?’

  ‘I’ve been at home. I had a migraine.’

  Migraine. The excuse you use, Caprice, when you want to get out of doing something.

  ‘You poor thing. Are you feeling better now?’

  ‘Yes. Thankfully,’ you reply.

  A short, sharp, convenient migraine. Just as they always are.

  ‘So did Miles go to the opera alone?’

  ‘He took Hayley.’

  My insides bristle. ‘So you were ill. Who was looking after the children, then?’

  ‘Well, they’re at a sleepover with the Chadwicks.’

  I frown. ‘You arranged a sleepover without telling me? And I could have changed my plans. Gone to the opera with Miles. Hayley could have had her evening off with Jono as usual.’

  You shake your head. ‘Saffron, when do you ever change your plans? Your diary is robotic.’ Your voice is pinched. Waspish.

  I breathe deeply to ignore your provocation. ‘Can I get you anything?’ I ask. ‘Hot chocolate, lemon tea, milk with honey?’

  A half-smile. ‘Do you have camomile?’

  ‘No, sorry.’

  ‘Then I guess I’ll have to make do with lemon.’

  Make do. I put the kettle on, gritting my teeth. Since you married Rupert, when did you ever have to make do with anything? He was loaded. Was that why you fell in love with him?

  ‘They’re not back yet. They must be having fun. Hayley is such an attractive girl, isn’t she? Nice she’s having a wonderful treat. And Miles and Hayley get on so well together.’

  Is that supposed to rile me? Fearing that my husband will run off with the attractive young nanny? How original, Caprice. You are losing your touch if you can’t do better than that.

  ‘By the way, Caprice,’ I reply, ‘what time should I pick up my children, tomorrow, from a family I know nothing about?’

  ‘They’re friends of mine, so I’ll go.’

  The kettle boils. I pour water onto the teabag and leave it to brew. ‘You’d better get an early night to make sure you’ll be well enough. If you want to go to bed I’ll bring your tea up.’

  ‘Thank you, dear.’

  Dear. Incorrect as usual. Why does my stomach tighten every time you say it? At least you do as I suggest and leave to go upstairs. Five minutes later, as I am walking across the hallway with your tea, the front door opens.

  Hayley and Miles are home, walking towards me. Hayley’s face is covered in red blotches. Eyelids puffy. She must have been crying.

  ‘What’s happened?’ I ask.

  ‘Nothing,’ Miles replies. ‘We’ve had a lovely evening, haven’t we, Hayley?’

  ‘Yes. But I’ve got a bad bout of hay fever so I’ll be straight off to bed.’

  Hay fever? At 11 p.m., December, in Esher? Shoulders down, avoiding my gaze, she scuttles across the hallway.

  ‘I’m knackered,’ Miles says. ‘I’m going straight to bed too.’

  ‘I’ll just take this tea to Caprice and then I’ll join you.’

  By the time I enter our bedroom, Miles is already in bed. All the lights are off. I undress in the bathroom and sidle into bed next to him. I reach for his hand and squeeze. He squeezes back.

  ‘What happened?’ I ask.

  ‘Nothing much. Nothing to worry about. I’ll tell you tomorrow evening.’

  I don’t sleep a wink all night, worrying about Caprice letting the boys go to a stranger’s house overnight without telling me. Worrying about what she’s up to now.

  65

  Miles

  I hear you breathing shallowly next to me, Saffron, and I know you’re not asleep. I know you want to talk. But I don’t want an interrogation. I need privacy. Peace in which to think. What did I do to encourage Hayley? I’m a university professor, with students. What if I give them the wrong impression? I’ve already had a close call once. If it happened again, I could lose my job. And, Saffron, you would never forgive me. Is this Mother’s fault, like Hayley suggested? No. I can’t believe Mother would be the architect of this.

  I want you to know I feel the same way.

  What way? I want to scream and shout. Is Saffron right, Mother? Are you always trying to cause trouble between us? Do you hate my wife? But when I’m on my own with you, you always say nice things about her. On our wedding day you told me how pleased you were that I was marrying her.

  The evening was a nightmare. After Hayley’s revelation I said, ‘Let’s leave the restaurant – we shouldn’t be having dinner together.’

  Her face crumpled. ‘But I’ve never been to a restaurant as beautiful as this. And Caprice has already paid the bill. Please, please, can we just pretend I didn’t say anything?’

  I shifted awkwardly on the velvet sofa. We stayed. Hayley, who hadn’t managed her starter, suddenly reacquired her appetite. We ate oysters, roast monkfish, venison. Champagne and elderflower cheesecake. Each dish served with a glass of wine specially selected by the sommelier. Hayley disappeared to the bathroom twice, returning each time with a complexion redder and more blotchy.

  At the end of the meal, over coffee and mints, she asked, ‘What are you going to do? Are you going to insist I leave?’ She paused. ‘Are you really going to sack me?’

  I looked her in the eye. ‘I’m going to tell Saffron. See what she thinks.’

  ‘Please don’t,’ Hayley begged. ‘If she knows, she will definitely want me to go. And I really want to stay.’

  ‘There are lots of jobs out there, and we’ll give you a good reference. Don’t you think it would be difficult from now on with this, er … awkwardness between us?’

  ‘I won’t make it awkward. Now I know you’re not interested I’ll forget about you immediately. I’m a good nanny. Saffron trusts me. Caprice caused this trouble.’ She shrugged. ‘Why let her rock the boat? I have a boyfriend anyway. You would have been a complication.’

  I sat sipping my coffee, unsure of what to say. We all know about Jono. None of us think she is serious about him. Her eyes filled with tears. About to cry again. I felt so sorry for her. It must have been my fault, leading her on by mistake, by being too kind to her. Just like it happened wi
th Kirsty; a slow student whom I was trying to help. She mistook kindness for passion. Hayley is young too. Hayley is innocent. Am I the culpable one?

  Guilt and worry tangle together inside me, as I lie next to my wife, thinking about what happened.

  ‘I shouldn’t have blown it,’ Hayley continued. ‘I love Ben and Harry. They are my favourite sort of children. Old enough to hold a proper conversation, and they’re so sweet and funny. You and Saffron are such kind people to work for, and Esher is a dream location. My accommodation is incredible.’

  She dropped her head into her hands, snivelling, as I checked Caprice’s tab for the bill. I heard her promise ‘I’ll never pester you again,’ several times between sobs.

  ‘Let’s talk about it tomorrow evening,’ I said. I wanted to sleep on it. I needed time to decide how to deal with this. Dealing with young women obviously isn’t my strong point.

  Eyes were on us as we left the restaurant. She was crying so much, I couldn’t face public transport, so we took a taxi. She cried all the way home while the taxi driver gave me dark looks through the rear-view mirror.

  ‘Is the young lady all right?’ he asked.

  ‘She’s fine,’ I replied, voice tight.

  And now, as moonlight slices towards me around the edges of our bedroom curtains, Hayley’s words twist and tumble towards me. Favourite sort of children. Sweet and funny. Kind employers. Dream location. Incredible accommodation. I have confused and misled her.

  She is a lovely girl who must stay working for us. I determine to handle this with discretion.

  66

  Hayley

  I’m lying in bed, unable to sleep. An owl hoots in the distance. I stand up, open the curtains and look out of the window. It’s a full moon, bright and bold in the shadowy sky.

  Caprice, were you lying to me? How could you encourage me to make such a fool of myself? Why have you made me spoil my opportunity of working in this environment? I thought we were friends. Why did you play me? Why did I listen? Why did I tell Miles how I felt about him? I should have judged the situation for myself.

  67

  Miles

  After a day at work, unable to concentrate on anything but what I’ve done to encourage our nanny, I give up pretending to work and go home early. I find Mother sitting at the table in the kitchen with Ben and Harry, drinking a cup of tea and nibbling a Welsh cake. She beams across at me as I stand in the doorway. The children are tucking into chicken nuggets and chips, laden with ketchup. That’s all they seem to eat these days, when Mother is looking after them. They are so busy eating they don’t look up.

  ‘Miles, how lovely to see you home early.’ There is a pause. ‘To what do we owe the pleasure?’

  ‘Where’s Hayley?’ I reply.

  Mother’s smile broadens. ‘She asked for the afternoon off. Said she needed to do some admin.’

  I frown. ‘Admin. I see.’

  Should I confront her about what she said to Hayley? No. Surely Hayley was making it up to cover her embarrassment? Maybe? Maybe not? I can’t face an argument with Mother right now. As I pour myself a cup of tea and join them at the table, I worry that Hayley is preparing to fly home. About to complain about me to the agency.

  ‘Well, thanks for taking over, Mother.’

  ‘Anything I can do to help.’

  When my mother and my sons have finished eating, I suggest we watch a film, or a cartoon. Something, anything, to pass the time until Hayley gets back, and I can make things right with her.

  ‘Would you like to watch Cinderella?’ I ask them.

  ‘Boring.’

  ‘Frozen?’

  ‘Don’t be silly, Daddy.’

  ‘Bambi?’

  ‘No. It makes Mummy cry.’

  I look across at Mother for help. ‘Kung Fu Panda 3?’ she suggests.

  ‘Yes, please,’ the boys shriek with excitement.

  We meander into the playroom and switch on the TV. The film begins to play. Po, the lead character, is a cartoon panda, fat and ugly with a harsh American accent. The pandas eat noodles and crack obvious American jokes. It’s so boring I wish I could fall asleep. But the oblivion of sleep doesn’t release me. Where’s Hayley? Why isn’t she home yet? Saffron has texted. She’s stuck at work, preparing a sample portfolio for a prospective client.

  Mother and I suffer to the end of the film, bath the boys, and put them to bed. She slips off to her room to relax. I look at my watch: 9 p.m. If Hayley is out for the evening she won’t be back for hours. Neither will Saffron. I’m bored. I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to fast-forward time, speak to Hayley, speak to Saffron, have a good night’s sleep and go to college refreshed tomorrow morning. Back to normal. To get on with my work.

  At last, a key turns in the front door. I step into the hallway. It’s Hayley, wearing a miniskirt and razorblade heels.

  ‘Good evening.’

  ‘Good evening,’ she replies, embarrassed, eyes on the ground.

  ‘Can we talk?’ I ask.

  She nods her head.

  ‘In the kitchen?’

  She leads the way. We stand face to face by the kettle.

  ‘I’ve been thinking …’ I begin. ‘You’re right. You are a very good nanny. I’m sorry if I’ve misled you, or confused you in any way. You must stay.’

  68

  Hayley

  ‘You must stay.’

  I exhale with relief. I put my arms around you and hug you. Then I pull back.

  ‘Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.’

  ‘Just make sure it doesn’t happen again,’ you say, voice and eyes sharp.

  69

  Saffron

  I return from work late, padding across the hallway, towards the kitchen, to make a vegan snack. There’ll be some spinach and butternut soup left from supper. And some pomegranate, hazelnut and asparagus salad. I’m not really hungry. But I know I’m worrying so much about BPC that I’m losing weight. I was skinny anyway, so I must force myself to eat. I open the kitchen door.

  Hayley and Miles are hugging, in the corner by the kettle. Entwined together like lovelorn teenagers.

  Anger ricochets through my body. I close the kitchen door and creep away, upstairs to our bedroom. I can’t bear to see my husband touching someone else like that. Now I know how he must have felt when he caught me kissing Aiden. I undress, clean my teeth and slip between our Egyptian cotton sheets, waiting for him to join me. We need a serious talk.

  Half an hour later Miles enters the room. I sit up and snap the light on.

  ‘Oh, Saffron, I didn’t know you were back.’ He blinks, pushes his hair back from his eyes, and smiles at me.

  ‘Obviously you didn’t, otherwise you wouldn’t have behaved like that.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘I opened the kitchen door and saw you.’ I take a deep breath. ‘With Hayley.’

  Miles’ face crumples in embarrassment. ‘I can explain. It was a platonic hug.’

  ‘Go on then. Explain.’

  ‘She’s attracted to me.’

  I raise my eyes to the sky. ‘You don’t say.’ I pause. ‘Look, Miles, lots of women are attracted to you. You need to learn to deal with it. It’s already happened at college. It won’t be the last time.’

  ‘I found her attention difficult to cope with last night. As soon as she was alone with me at the restaurant, she came on to me. I was furious with her. Told her I would sack her. She was so upset. And then she blamed Mother.’

  I try not to raise my eyebrows sarcastically. ‘Really? What did she say your mother had to do with it?’

  ‘Hayley said Mother told her she thought I had feelings for her and that our marriage was in difficulty. Surely Mother wouldn’t say anything like that?’

  Anger starts to build in the pit of my stomach. How can he think Caprice wouldn’t do that, after the trouble she has just caused over Julie? Why is he so blind to the foibles of his mother? Why can’t he see how much she hates me? How much she wants to ge
t rid of me?

  ‘Miles, when will you accept that your mother is perfectly capable of behaving like that?’

  ‘Please, Saffron, let’s not argue about Mother right now. I’ve got enough to handle over Hayley. I’m trying to explain what has happened, why I decided to let her stay.’

  I raise my shoulders. ‘How you decided, without mentioning a word to me?’

  ‘I was about to,’ he protests. ‘And tonight I told Hayley I wouldn’t sack her as I’d originally threatened. So she hugged me.’

  ‘When were you going to tell me?’ I shout, opening the bedroom door, and stepping onto the landing. I need some space. I need to get away from him.

  ‘This evening,’ he shouts back, the veins in his temples pulsating as he follows me. ‘But you came home so late.’

  ‘I saw you together. Do you expect me to believe you?’ I slap him in the face.

  He reels back, and catches his balance. ‘It’s true, so I do expect you to believe me,’ he says, rubbing his face with his hand.

  ‘This time, you’re the one who’s eroded the trust between us.’

  70

  Hayley

  I’m lying on sumptuous silk, listening to you arguing with your wife. Why is Saffron fighting with you, Miles? Did she see us in the kitchen, when you were only being reassuring and kind? My stomach contracts. Will she make sure I lose my job? If I do, I haven’t even got a return ticket to fly home. I’ve no savings left to keep me going if I’m not earning. Maybe I could take Jono up on his offer, and go to live in his squat.

  71

  Caprice

  The argument I have waited so long to hear is finally ripping across our landing. I smile to myself. I step out of my bedroom and lean down over the banister. I see you swiping your hand across my son’s face. There is only so much a man can put up with. Being slapped in the face by a difficult woman is one step too far.