Five Years to Live

by Frank Zaccari

  “My name is Mary and I’m a nurse. Try to stay calm. I have a blanket to keep you warm.”

  She kept talking, but nothing was registering with Michael. He finally said, “My glasses came off, do you see them anywhere?”

  “I don’t want to touch anything. We’ll find them later.”

  Michael noticed some blood running down the ceiling towards the broken window. “Where is the blood coming from?”

  “It’s coming from your head. Don’t worry, it’s only a small amount.”

  “Well,” Michael said in a facetious tone that implied he was going to suggest something that should be obvious to a nurse, “can you put something on it to STOP the bleeding?”

  Again she answered, “I don’t want to touch anything. The ambulance will be here soon.”

  Michael thought, You’re some nurse, I’m glad you’re not going to take care of me. She continued talking, but Michael’s thoughts were elsewhere. He said to himself, Okay, God, you got my attention, what do you want now? Because he had spent his entire education in Catholic schools, grade school through college, this wasn’t an unusual question. He had said it on other occasions during his life every time there was some type of setback. He thought about the story in the New Testament about how God blinded Saul to get him to stop persecuting Christians. God has a dramatic way of getting someone’s attention.

  Mary’s voice became louder, almost screeching to the octave that only dogs could hear. She asked him if he was all right. He wanted to say, “No, I can’t move a fucking muscle, and I’m not having a very good day, you dumb shit.” But he told her he was praying, hoping this would shut her up. Thank God it worked. He was trying to figure out what God wanted from him. Was this some type of punishment? That is the first thing many Catholics think when something bad happens. Should he be doing something else instead of working in retail? He had once considered being a priest but changed his mind. Was God telling him he made the wrong career decision?

  Mary’s fingernails-on-the-chalkboard-voice disturbed his thoughts again. “The ambulance will be here soon.”

  Michael mumbled under his breath, “You’re really getting on my nerves.”

  He started having pain in his neck and on the top of his head. He figured it should hurt because he was hanging upside down with his head still pressing against the ceiling. Considering what had just happened, he was very calm. He could finally hear sirens off in the distance. “It’s about time. I can’t wait to get out of here.” The sirens were even louder, and he thought they were already on the scene and any minute they would get him out. Again, it seemed like an eternity. “Where the hell are those guys?” he asked.

  A face appeared in the window and said, “Michael, we’ll have you out in no time. My name is Jackie. I’m a paramedic. Do you have any pain? ”

  “Yes, my arms and neck hurt, and I’m bleeding from my head.”

  Michael’s answer sounded alarmingly calm to Jackie, and he wondered if Michael had already gone into shock. Maybe he just doesn’t realize how horrific this accident looks, Jackie thought. “We are going to put you on a backboard in case you hurt your spine.”

  “I would rather get up and walk to the ambulance.”

  “I’m sure you would, but we want to play it safe. Moving you the wrong way could cause more problems.” Jackie disappeared for a short time and then yelled from the passenger window, “We can’t get this door open. We’re going to have to cut it off.”

  “I’ve only had the car one year and you guys want to trash it?”

  “Trust me, Michael, it’s already totaled. Your insurance company should take care of it.”

  “I’m not twenty-five yet, and those insurance bastards are really going to stick it to me.”

  “Well, either we cut off the door or you spend the rest of your life hanging upside down,” Jackie quipped.

  “You’re my kind of guy, Jackie. That’s what I would have said if I were you.”

  “Try not to move, this won’t take long.”

  Again, Mary’s voice caught Michael’s ear. He told Jackie, “Get rid of that lady. She’s a pain in the ass.” That was the last time he heard Mary’s voice.

  The door was finally cut off and they began removing the passenger seat. Michael mumbled to himself, “I really loved this Mustang.” It was his first car. He bought it from his brother-in-law Matt in 1984. It was a four-speed with only 30,000 miles .

  After the door disappeared, Jackie reappeared. He began checking Michael’s vital signs. “Everything seems normal, that’s a good sign.”

  “If I’m bleeding internally and going to die before you get me out, cut the seat belt and let me lie down.”

  Jackie laughed, “No, you’re not going to die before we get you out, just hang on for a little longer—no pun intended. I’m glad you’re so calm, that will keep you from going into shock.”

  “Jackie, this is important,” Michael said with a dramatic pause. “If I am going to die and we are still in New Jersey, drag me across the border. I always said I’d never be caught dead in New Jersey.”

  Jackie laughed again. “Spoken like a true New Yorker, Michael. Okay, now I am going to slide in the backboard.”

  When the backboard was finally in place, a foam neck brace was put on with great care. Jackie moved in closer to Michael to guide him onto the board. Michael still hadn’t seen his face; he hadn’t seen a face since he left his girlfriend’s house. “Okay, we are going to cut the seat belt. Don’t try to help me, let me move you,” Jackie said calmly.

  Michael felt instant relief on his head when the belt was released. Jackie guided him toward the board. He began to move his legs into place, and Michael panicked. “I can’t feel my legs. I can’t feel my legs! I see them moving but I can’t feel them!”

  “Don’t panic, loss of sensation is common after a major trauma. It’s the body’s way of protecting itself. Just continue to stay calm.”

  As he moved his arms, Michael felt a great relief. “I can feel my arms, they hurt like hell but I can feel them.”

  “That’s a good sign, but don’t try to move them.” Jackie started to strap him to the backboard. One strap around his legs, another around the chest and finally he taped Michael’s head to the board. The tape went across his forehead then around the board. As they carried him to the ambulance, he could feel rain on his face and thought that was a good sign.

  Michael was loaded into the back of the ambulance, and Jackie followed him in. He secured Michael and pounded on the window, “Let’s go!” The ambulance pulled away with the siren blaring. Michael finally got a good look at Jackie. He wasn’t very tall because he was able to stand straight up in the ambulance. He was wearing a baseball cap with the words “STAR AMBULANCE” across the front. His face was blurry to Michael, but he could see the gap between his teeth and his crooked nose when he moved closer.

  Jackie was looking down at Michael and thought, He’s a lot smaller than he looked when he was hanging upside down. He had very short, athletic legs and a long, solid trunk. His handsome face wore a look of panic, and Jackie wanted to reassure him that everything was going to be fine, but deep down he knew the truth. He had been a paramedic for ten years and had seen too many similar cases. This guy will probably never walk again, and thank God I don’t have to tell him, he thought.

  “What if I can’t move my legs when I get to the hospital?”

  “Let’s wait to hear what the doctors have to say, try not to worry about that. Concentrate on staying calm.”

  “How much farther is it to the hospital?”

  “We should be there in twenty minutes. Where were you going tonight?”

  “I’m a traveling remodel supervisor with a department store, and I’m supposed to be in Dover, Delaware, today. We’re remodeling an old store in Milford.”

  “You must spend a lot of time on the road. ”

  “That’s the part of the job that really sucks. I’ll be coming off that crew soon and starting with a ne
w company next month.”

  Jackie thought to himself, I hope so, Buddy, I hope so.

  The polite conversation continued until they reached Sacred Heart Hospital in Chester, Pennsylvania, located half an hour south of Philadelphia. The emergency room staff was waiting at the door. Michael could hear a lot of commotion but couldn’t see anyone until he was placed on a table under a huge white light. He could barely see the ceiling tile, but he knew what it looked like. It was a false ceiling with a white background and little black dots all over. Every hospital had the same type.

  The room was very bright with a lot of different noises. Machines were beeping and people yelling out instructions: “What are his vital signs?” “Get an IV started.” “Notify X-ray.” A man and a woman appeared in Michael’s vision. The man said, “Michael, I’m Dr. Johnson and this is Nancy. Where do you have pain?”

  “My arms and neck hurt. I can’t feel my legs either.”

  “We are going to take some X-rays to see if you damaged your spine. Basically we are going to X-ray your whole body so we don’t miss anything.”

  “I need to get some information from you,” Nancy said. “What is your address?”

  “10821 North Forty-second Street, Delhi, New York, 13753.”

  “What’s that near?”

  “It’s in the sticks, the closest real city is Albany.”

  “You are a long way from home.”

  “I travel for a living. ”

  “What is your phone number, and is there someone we can call?”

  Michael gave her his parents’ phone number and told her someone should be home. “Can you call my girlfriend too? She is expecting a call from me.” He told Nancy her name and phone number. “What time is it?”

  “It’s ten thirty p.m.”

  “Oh shit, she’s probably going crazy by now. I was supposed to call her around nine.”

  During this conversation, someone was cutting off Michael’s clothes: his brand new white shorts and a purple polo shirt he got from Donna for his birthday.

  Dr. Johnson said, “We are going to start an IV and put in an internal catheter.”

  Michael was familiar with both of these items. He had experienced them when he had surgery for a broken right femur at age fourteen. He could feel the needle from the IV and winced when it entered his right arm. The catheter was also inserted. An internal catheter is a thin, rubber tube with openings on both ends. The end with the small opening is inserted into the penis until it reaches the bladder, anywhere from eight to ten inches. Once it reaches the bladder, it begins to drain the urine left in the bladder. Five ccs of water is inserted via the catheter so that it forms a small balloon in the bladder. This balloon keeps the catheter from coming out. The other end is connected to a urinary collection bag. Michael remembered the uncomfortable feeling when he had one put in before. He was expecting the same feeling, but it never happened. He figured that they hadn’t put it in yet, so after a few seconds he asked, “Is the catheter in?”

  “Yes, it’s in. ”

  “Why didn’t I feel that? I felt it the last time I had one and it really hurt,” he said nervously.

  “You probably have some spinal cord damage and that is why you can’t feel that or your legs.”

  Michael was trying to figure out what spinal cord damage meant and what did that have to do with his legs and penis. He didn’t do well in biology in high school, even though he was an honor student, and had avoided biology courses in college. He thought to himself, I never understood that stuff and never wanted to see or hear about it, and now it’s coming back to haunt me. Before he could ask Dr. Johnson to explain what his last statement meant, he was on his way to X-ray.

  The X-ray room was dark and cold. The technician explained what she was going to do and told Michael not to move. Michael’s thoughts were all over: This is only temporary; I’ll be walking out of here after these X-rays. Where am I going to go? I have no idea where I am, and I don’t have a car. How am I going to get to Dover in time to work on Monday? He continued making plans for his return to work until the technician interrupted his train of thought. She had two male technicians with her and said they would move him onto the X-ray table. The two males were standing at opposite ends of the stretcher. They gently lifted Michael onto the X-ray table and then exited the room. The tech continued to move the metal X-ray plates in and out of the table. After each new plate was placed and the camera was properly located, she would leave the room and tell him to hold his breath. Then there was a loud, quick sound, and she would return and say, “You can breathe now.” She didn’t say much the entire time. She X-rayed his entire body.

  After the last X-ray she said, “I’m going to go check these to make sure they are clear for the doctor to read. I’ll be right back. ”

  It seemed to take an hour or so, and Michael was still trying to formulate a plan to get to Delaware by morning. Thinking aloud he said, “Oh shit, my address book is in my car. I can’t even call the store to tell them I will be late.”

  The technician returned with the same two guys, and they put Michael on the gurney and wheeled him back to the Emergency Room where Dr. Johnson was waiting for him. Michael was still pretty calm, considering what was going on, when Dr. Johnson started to explain what they found in the X-rays.

  “The X-rays are showing that you have a fractured neck at the sixth and seventh vertebrae, but we don’t see any other damage.”

  Michael began to think, This is good, just a broken neck, considering he had several broken bones as a kid and teenager. In his mind this would be a six to eight-week recovery like most of his broken bones. Then he asked, “Do I need surgery or do you immobilize it like a broken leg?”

  “First off, we will be sending you to Thomas Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia. They are the best hospital for dealing with a spinal cord injury.”

  “What are you talking about?” Michael said with annoyance. “You just said it’s a broken neck.”

  Dr. Johnson continued talking. “Yes, it is a broken neck, but the vertebrae are supposed to be on top of each other. The sixth one is displaced over the seventh, and this is causing damage to your spinal cord.” He made two fists and placed one on top of the other and said, “The spinal bones normally sit on top of each other like this. Yours are more like this.” He then moved the bottom fist to the left and the top one to the right. “This small shifting has damaged your spinal cord. The spinal cord is swelling, which is why you can’t feel your legs. ”

  Again Michael began thinking that he should have done better in biology so this would make sense because he wasn’t making the connection that the nerves are dependent on the spinal cord for all of your feeling and movement. Michael asked, “So you can fix the broken neck, right? And once that is fixed, the spinal cord won’t be damaged anymore, correct?”

  Dr. Johnson replied, “That all depends on how you heal after neck surgery. Some people get feeling back afterwards. You will have neck surgery at Jefferson. Dr. Cotler and Dr. Steele are the best neck surgeons in the country. I need to talk to the docs at Jefferson. I’ll be right back.”

  Michael was feeling pretty confident about his condition. The doctor said some people get feeling and movement back. That’s all he needed to hear.

  After talking with the spinal cord doctors at Thomas Jefferson, Dr. Johnson made the call that every family dreads.

  After the family reunion, as his parents and sister Mary walked into the house, the phone rang. His father, Anthony, answered it. The caller said, “Is this Mr. Battaglia?” He answered yes. “Is your son named Michael Battaglia?” Again he answered yes. “Mr. Battaglia, this is Sacred Heart Hospital in Chester, Pennsylvania. There has been an accident…” Anthony felt like all the blood had been drained from his body. His face turned ash white, and felt like someone had kicked out his heart. The next few words failed to register. He just said, “I don’t understand th is. I don’t know what to do. Here, talk to my daughter,” and he handed th
e phone to Mary as he felt his knees starting to buckle.

  The caller was Dr. Johnson, who asked her if she had a brother named Michael Battaglia. She said, “Yes, what’s wrong?”

  The doctor said, “Michael was involved in a very serious car accident. He is at the hospital and wanted me to call.” Mary put her hand on her chest. She could feel her heart racing. Just then her mother Carm came into the room.

  When she read the fear on her husband and daughter’s faces, she asked with great anxiety, “Oh my God! What is wrong?” The catch in Anthony’s throat prevented him from saying anything, although he tried. Carm raced upstairs to pick up the extension.

  Mary asked, “What happened, is he all right?”

  The doctor said, “It was a very serious accident. He had to be extracted by the Jaws of Life and was transported to our hospital in Chester, Pennsylvania. We are about thirty miles from Philadelphia. He is in a great deal of pain and has no feeling in his legs. The X-rays show he has a broken neck. The sixth cervical vertebrate is displaced over the seventh, and this is causing damage to his spinal cord. Let me give you my name and phone number. I am in contact with the spinal cord specialists at Thomas Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia. Jefferson is the best spinal cord trauma hospital in the country. I will call you before we transfer him.”

  Anthony and Carm were in full panic mode. “What happened?” Carm cried.

  Mary tried to remain calm and said, “Michael was in a serious car accident. He is at a hospital in Chester, Pennsylvania, and they are going to transfer him to Thomas Jefferson in Philadelphia. Mom, he broke his neck, and they have stabilized him and are moving him to Jefferson. I know this hospital; it is the best neck and spinal cord place in the Northeast.” Carm started to sob uncontrollably. “Mom, please stay calm, we don’t know how bad things are at the moment. Let me call Frank Mancuso; he lives near Philly.”

  Mary called her cousin, Frank Mancuso, who was also in town for the Battaglia reunion. She told him what happened and asked him to help her locate the hospital. Frank was familiar with the area. Within ten minutes Frank and his mother Grace were at the door. When Carm opened the door, she and her sister Grace embraced and sobbed. Anthony looked like he was in shock. Mary told everyone, “We don’t know what we are dealing with yet, so let’s stay as calm as possible.”