I Am More Than a Daydream

by Jennae Cecelia

  I Am More Than

  a Daydream

  By Jennae Cecelia

  Illustrations by Riley Moran

  Instagram: @gabriellescrapart

  Cover Design by Islam Farid

  www.islamfarid.net

  I Am More Than a Daydream

  Copyright © 2017 by Jennae Cecelia. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author except for the use of brief quotation in a book review or scholarly journal.

  ISBN: 987-1544237190

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.

  For my daydreamers -

  You are always more

  Contents

  All I Am ……..pg.10

  All I Can Be ……..pg.29

  daydream (noun)

  All you want in the future.

  reality (noun)

  All you know in the present.

  How often do you daydream?

  For most, it is many times a day.

  We stare out the window

  instead of the task in front of us.

  We fantasize about where we would

  much rather be,

  the significant other we long for,

  our ideal job,

  the body we hope to see in the mirror,

  a healthier mindset,

  pure happiness in our lives

  and the lives of others,

  peace in this chaotic world.

  However, how many of us daydreamers believe these pleasant thoughts will truly turn into our reality?

  Daydreams are more than just short bursts of happiness that only our minds can see.

  I know I am more than a daydream; and you are, too.

  With love,

  Jennae

  All I Am

  Just like the moon,

  brightness is the only

  side you see of me.

  Darkness lingers on the

  other side,

  only exposed in catastrophe.

  - I am the wo(man) in the moon

  Raw

  I stand;

  water rushes down my face,

  drips off my hair

  and along my back.

  I turn the knob;

  the water scalds.

  My skin quickly changes to

  a vibrant shade of red.

  I can’t burn off the pain;

  it lives inside my head.

  I can only scrub so much,

  before my skin becomes raw.

  This shower isn’t going to fix

  my problems.

  But I am at least trying,

  right?

  The pain you feel hurts me just

  as much as it hurts you.

  There is nothing worse than watching

  the person you love ache

  and there is nothing your human

  strength can heal.

  - I want to be your medicine

  I wish I could be as bold

  as the people who spend

  the twilight hours

  with their lights on and

  curtains wide open.

  The people who do not fear of who

  is peering in on their belongings and

  personal moments exchanged.

  - I prefer my do not disturb signs

  I went through phases

  of loving

  and hurting.

  I went through phases

  of hating

  and growing.

  I went through phases

  of stealing kisses

  and forcing laughter.

  I went through phases

  of burning bridges

  and then attempting the rebuild.

  I went through phases

  of my mind yearning

  and my heart burning.

  I went through phases

  but those phases always

  cycled back to a fresh start.

  - I am the new moon

  Cacti

  I am a cactus;

  made up of thorns,

  but still managing to

  grow flowers.

  I Am a Forest

  I am the unexpected

  pit stop;

  one that was only intended

  to last for a brief

  moment so you could

  catch your breath,

  and refresh

  before continuing on

  to your destination.

  You quickly learned

  I am not a well-manicured shrub

  trimmed daily for perfection.

  I am the whole damn forest.

  With 72 foot tall trees,

  and flowers out-blooming the weeds.

  He was as deceiving as the

  false warmth of a sunny day

  from a window pane in March.

  - good thing I am an ice princess

  Growth

  I was your tree

  to nourish,

  but I was neglected

  sun and water.

  I lacked the beauty you

  desired.

  You chopped me down.

  Little did you expect,

  I now plant

  myself flowers in the spot

  you left vacant.

  I am growing just fine

  on my own.

  I am the sky.

  I am the plants.

  I am the moon.

  I am the sun.

  I am the soil.

  I am the wind.

  I will never end.

  I will live forever;

  growing more

  powerful,

  plentiful,

  peaceful.

  - no evil will put an end to me

  I cannot simply be read from

  front to back.

  I am all the moments

  between the lines

  of the story you already think

  you have memorized.

  - I am a poem with many interpretations

  Our eyes met with assurance

  and ease.

  I felt like he could read

  the book of me.

  I wasn’t placed down on a

  nightstand for a moments rest,

  nor was I skimmed over in boredom.

  He read me with desire and passion.

  Wanting no cliff hanger,

  no melancholy ending.

  I was the book filled with

  highlighter marks and

  notes in the margins.

  I wasn’t one that

  would be passed on,

  or borrowed.

  For he knew I was filled

  with many sequels.

  -I am his never-ending story

  I am a woman with a mouth

  of wisdom.

  You better be man enough to

  listen with patience,

  not talk over me because you

  can be louder.

  - you can’t silence this woman

  You

  can

  tear down

  my tiny shed

  made of rotted wood

  but I will build back

  a tower made of gold.

  - women are architects and builders

  My thoughts are purely in the present,

  not distorting reality.

  My mind is aligned with my body,

  just like the moon pulling the tide.

  One force regulating another.

  - I am zen

 
; Mirror Images

  I catch a glimpse of my aged

  secrets in the mirror

  during early mornings

  before my makeup is evenly painted

  on my skin,

  or late at night when I have

  nightmares of the places my mind

  once had been.

  I don’t ever want to be made up

  of those secrets again.

  All I Can Be

  The cells I used to embody

  no longer live inside these walls.

  I have shed away the loathing

  and filtered in passion.

  My body is a temple

  that will never be broken down.

  - I am reborn

  Stop letting creepy men scare you with

  their beady eyes staring you

  down with hunger.

  Glare back at them until it cuts them

  through their soul.

  - we shouldn’t have to walk with our keys interlocked between our fingers

  Her

  outer

  beauty

  sprouted from

  the nourishment

  of her inner confidence.

  - she’s alive even in a drought

  Scars

  You turned my gray scars

  into

  colorful tattoos

  and my mind

  into

  new flowers

  sprouting

  from the nourished roots.

  Living in the same

  four bedroom

  three bath

  house since birth

  has me itching

  for more than familiar walls

  and knowledge of where

  the floors creak.

  - pack my bags, leave the baggage

  We Are Desirable

  We are spray tans, fake tones,

  because pale now means sickly and

  orange means at least you’re trying.

  We are eyelash extensions,

  10 coats of mascara,

  because if the small hairs

  attached to her eyelids

  have increased in a length

  that are borderline wings,

  then you need those too.

  We are hate toward those

  who resemble

  what we aren’t

  and where we wish to be.

  Because sometimes we forget that the

  thin

  body we are envying wants the

  CURVES

  you read hate letters to in

  the morning mirror.

  We, she, he, her, it, his, theirs, ours,

  have pieces no one else will.

  We are desirable.

  Happiness is a personal experience.

  My happiness is not your happiness.

  Daydream

  I don’t want a white picket fence life.

  2.5 kids in the backyard,

  my spouse and I complaining

  about jobs we hate.

  I want the sun and the stars.

  The whole damn universe.

  I want to breathe in the fresh grass

  and kiss in a canoe,

  on my fifth vacation of the year.

  Would I still be loved if the

  long hair society wants,

  was chopped off into what

  society hates;

  women who don’t all look the same?

  - eliminate gender norms

  If you saw me out now

  sipping my drink with the man

  who loves me madly,

  I bet you would feel a

  pit in your stomach and

  rage in your throat.

  You were the one

  who thought my anxiety

  was embarrassing in all

  the public scenes.

  With worry building

  that I would ruin your

  so-called image.

  Now I have a hand to hold

  if he sees my breathing

  become uneasy.

  - how does it feel to be without

  my so-called virus?

  How different would we treat

  people if they were stamped

  with expiration dates?

  Who would we savor every

  minute of, and who would we

  let go to waste?

  - we are all milk jugs in the end

  I wonder if landfills are piled

  with all the changes we’ve made.

  Love notes crumpled under

  broken picture frames,

  surrounded by the clothes too big

  from all the lost weight.

  What are landfills,

  other than a potluck of change?

  Starving artists may be lacking in material possessions,

  but they are flourishing in dedication

  to their dreams.

  - I prefer happiness over diamonds

  The less makeup I wear,

  the more I start to connect

  with the girl smiling at me

  in the mirror.

  - unedited is just as beautiful

  Bodies

  There are many bodies on this earth.

  My body of water is clear and deep,

  filled with colorful fish and green plants.

  Yours is shallow and murky

  from the lack of weeds

  being picked and toxins dripping in

  that cause death to the fish.

  It’s time to cleanse

  your body,

  your mind,

  your soul.

  Are we working for future goals

  or are we working to get by

  until we are dead?

  After all, the future is nothing more

  than the outcome of what you are

  doing in the present.

  - daydreams become reality

  Our moons were different

  on the night of our births.

  One just shy of being full,

  the other barely a sliver

  of a crescent.

  Now I know why you made me whole.

  - together we are the full moon

  I have spent way too many days

  staring at a dressing room mirror

  saying,

  someday I’ll look good in these

  skinny jeans.

  But today I say,

  fuck it.

  I can wear what I want,

  because life is too short to

  care about a damn pair of pants.

  - size zero or 20, you are beautiful

  If you feel insecure in your relationship,

  your significant other must suck and

  I suggest moving on.

  - love doesn’t always mean security

  In the end,

  we have only ever seen

  our faces in

  reflections and pictures.

  Our true beauty is

  a secret to us

  and maybe that’s why we

  are the last to believe in it.

  - mirror, mirror, on the wall

  You say you prefer a woman

  with curves,

  yet your facial expression

  reads disgust

  when she says she weighs 185.

  Thankfully she has confidence

  running over her

  hips,

  belly,

  and thighs.

  Ignoring your immature thoughts.

  She can recognize an ugly mind.

  - women aren’t here to please your eyes

  She is already a river

  flooding with ideas,

  and no matter how much debris,

  the flow of her wisdom will never

  be slowed down.

  - no dam will stop her

  Your roots were planted eight feet

  below the surface

  in stale earth.

  While mine were
only

  three inches deep,

  ready to be plucked up

  and planted in richer soil.

  - be adaptable

  I taught myself that

  independence

  does not mean

  loneliness,

  it means

  hopefulness.

  - I found myself first

  before I searched for you

  You could pluck a 1,000 flower

  petals.

  He loves me,

  he loves me not.

  But all you will be left with is

  a bunch of limp stems

  and a boy who doesn’t deserve

  you if you have to question where

  you stand.

  - you can gift yourself flowers

  Rain drops drip

  like tears down his cheek.

  you saw that he too was weak.

  As a grin appeared on his face,