Sister Switch

by Beth Garrod

  ‘Think I do it better though.’ She held her fingers up. ‘X and indeed O.’

  She’d heard every word.

  I actually whimpered. But Micha smiled as if I hadn’t put my foot so far in my mouth I looked like the lady at CheerCon. ‘You guys want anything?’ She jumped down from the wall and grabbed her football boots. ‘Cos we were about to head off.’ She sounded impressively breezy.

  I silently slid off the wall. Could I absorb into the brickwork?

  ‘No biggie.’ Frankie smiled the hugest, fakest smile. ‘I was just trying to decide something and thought maybe you two could help?’ She paused. ‘Nice hairstyle btw, Lil. Very… experimental.’

  I gulped so hard I choked on a bit of rogue biscuit.

  ‘So whaddya think…?’ Frankie held out her phone. Whatever was on it switched off Micha’s permanent smile.

  Years of experience of Erin’s tricks meant I knew exactly what this was. A trap. We needed to find an escape. But all I could spot was one open window above us.

  ‘To post or not to post – that is the question?’ Frankie laughed, triggering her mates to do the same. ‘It’s Shakespeare, Lily. But you’d know that.’

  She turned the screen to face me. A video was playing. Of me grabbing Erin’s skull through their car window, my face scrunched like a historical gremlin, my beard flapping in the wind. For added effect Frankie had even made my eyes red. And it was playing on loop, the UPLOAD button flashing away below it.

  My blood ran cold.

  The world could not witness this.

  ‘Obviously it’s really funny –’ lie, lie, lie – ‘but I don’t think anyone else needs to see it.’ I didn’t want to beg, that would only make Frankie more likely to do it.

  ‘Agreed,’ Micha backed me straight up.

  Frankie wrinkled her perfect eyebrows, in fake deep thought.

  ‘Weird, huh… cos I thought the exact opposite.’ Her finger hovered over UPLOAD as my stupid face lurched back and forth on the screen.

  ‘It’s gold, Franks.’ PJ leant over. ‘I mean, no offence, Lily, but what were you thinking?’ Offence taken. ‘You gotta share it.’

  Frankie nodded solemnly. ‘It would be rude not to, wouldn’t it?’ She moved her finger closer to the screen. ‘Give the people what they want and all that.’

  ‘Er…’ I couldn’t just stand back and watch my life get ruined! Could they be reasoned with? ‘Do you really have to…?’

  Frankie cut me off. ‘Well, I wasn’t going to… I thought we could just have a chat. That’s why I came looking for you.’ I didn’t believe a word. ‘But then I heard you call me the – what was it…?’ She tapped her lip. ‘Oh yeah, “meanest person you know”, and well, I wouldn’t want to let you down now, would I? And I’m sure my 37,453 followers –’ she refreshed the screen – ‘oh no, 37,454, will love it.’

  As PJ led their friends in a chant of, ‘Do it, do it, do it!’ any hope I had crumbled like the emergency Cadbury Finger I’d just panic eaten.

  ‘This is ridiculous, you know.’ Micha’s brown eyes narrowed. I’d never seen her look so furious.

  Frankie shrugged. ‘Is it? Or is it really, really funny?’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘I mean, fair’s fair after that little impression of me.’

  ‘But you’d already made the GIF. Posting it was your plan all along!’ Mich made an excellent point. ‘C’mon, Lil, let’s go.’

  Mich’s hand was out but walking away meant giving up on any chance of stopping Frankie. If she posted it, I’d never live it down.

  ‘DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!’

  The chanting was now a shout with an added slow clap.

  Okay. Time to beg.

  ‘Please, Frankie? You know I’m sorry about what happened in PE. I’ve said it a million times!’

  ‘As if this is about PE…’ She scoffed. What did that mean?! But her finger was almost touching UPLOAD. She was doing it as slowly as she could, loving every second.

  I could hear my own heartbeat, it was thumping so hard.

  Micha was still beckoning for me to leave.

  ‘DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!’

  Argh! I couldn’t think straight over the noise!

  Which was why, before I could stop myself… I reached and grabbed Frankie’s phone.

  Well, that was what I meant to do.

  Turns out I didn’t grab the phone. My fingers were so shaky and sweaty they slipped right off it – and all I did was knock Frankie’s arm. Hard.

  Her phone went flying.

  Was it just me or did the whole world pause as it sailed through the air?

  The chanting definitely stopped.

  Please let it land on something soft!

  Frankie’s friends’ hands had all paused mid-clap.

  I swear even birds stopped flapping about.

  The handset somersaulted through the air, looking like Tom Daley at the Olympics. But a phone.

  Should I throw myself on the paving stones as a human sacrifice for it to land on?

  But instead of landing gracefully in water to ten out of ten scores, it landed face down on the paving stone with a massive crack.

  Silence.

  Followed by a long, loooooong shriek from Frankie.

  The phone was as smashed as my chances of making things better with her.

  Actual chaos broke out. Her friends all started screaming at me as Frankie waved her shattered phone in my face.

  ‘I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D DO THIS!’

  She had a point. Nor could I. It really had been an accident.

  Frankie looked as if she might cry. Well, that made two of us, not that anyone was listening to my apologies.

  But something else shut everyone up. A massive squeak.

  Our heads all snapped up. The window above us had swung wide up and open, and out of it dangled a very red Mrs Saddler.

  The one teacher everyone went silent for.

  ‘WHAT… IS…’ She was so twisted she was struggling to yell. ‘ALL… THIS… SHOUTING?’ Quite a weird question to ask at that volume.

  None of us said anything.

  ‘And who has a phone out in lunchbreak?’ She glared at Frankie, who was holding hers up to my face. ‘Frances?’

  PJ stepped forward. ‘It’s mine, Mrs Saddler. Sorry. It won’t happen again.’

  But PJ should have known that sucking up bounced straight off our deputy. ‘You’re right it won’t. Patrick, it’s noble of you trying to save your friend, but next time make sure you’re not holding your phone at the same time.’ PJ mumbled something and shoved his phone in his pocket. ‘Now…’ Mrs Saddler left a dramatic pause. ‘Will someone tell me what’s going on?’

  There was silence. No one wanted to be the first one to speak, and if I opened my mouth I’d probably only make things even worse.

  Mrs Saddler sighed. ‘Fine. We’ll do it the hard way. Frances, why is your phone broken?’

  ‘Lily threw it on the floor,’ Frankie answered immediately. Thanks for that.

  ‘It was an accident,’ I said, getting a sense of déjà vu.

  Mrs Saddler leant further out. ‘And why did this accident happen…? Anyone?’

  What could I do? Explain that Frankie had been about to post a video of me when I’d begged her not to? But if I did that, Frankie would never forgive me.

  But Micha spoke up.

  ‘Frankie was threatening to post something about Lily. And then the phone just sort of… fell. Well, flew, really.’

  Wow – my best friend really was the best for a reason. Telling the truth meant she had now joined me as Frankie’s joint-least favourite person. I pressed my foot on to hers, my way of saying a secret thanks. She wiggled her toes back.

  Mrs Saddler rolled her eyes. ‘Lucky me. Another exciting day in the dramas of Year Eight.’ She sighed. ‘I’ll make this quick. Frances, L… aura?’

  Frankie shouted, ‘Lily.’ Yup, my own teacher didn’t even remember my name despite hearing it ten seconds ago.

  ‘Yes,
you two. You know the rules. No phones, no fighting, no –’ she poked her arm out to wave her hand dramatically – ‘any of this. You need to sort out whatever it is you’ve got going on.’ Frankie coughed indignantly as if Mrs Saddler had just suggested the impossible. The first step would be me getting Frankie’s phone repaired. The parentals were going to kill me and I could already see Erin’s face. She was going to love this. I’d have to do so many chores to earn the money back. RIP fun, it was nice knowing you. ‘Now, I can’t make you be friends, but what I can do is make you find a way to work together.’ She paused. ‘So my office, eight thirty tomorrow, and I’ll let you know what I have planned.’

  Extra school time?! With Frankie?! In the morning?! Horrific! With a capital H. Still at least a teacher being there meant Frankie couldn’t actually murder me.

  I rubbed my face as Frankie hissed, ‘This is all your fault,’ at me. But when I looked back up Mrs Saddler was squinting – right at me. ‘You. Laura. You’re Erin’s sister, aren’t you?’

  Uh-oh. That question was never good. I nodded and Mrs Saddler’s face brightened right up. ‘Excellent! That’s given me the perfect idea!’ Perfect? Or perfectly terrible? ‘No need to come to my office tomorrow. From this moment on, you two can consider yourselves to be…’ She drummed her fingers on the window. ‘Backstage crew for the play!’

  My mouth fell open.

  Giving up all my spare time? To work on my sister’s play? With Frankie?

  There was no way.

  And by the look on Frankie’s face, she felt exactly the same way.

  But Mrs Saddler just smiled. ‘Excellent. I’ll take that as a yes. You can be the first two.’ She lowered her voice. ‘Maybe only two…’ She coughed and remembered we could hear, ‘And, Laura, we just announced that your sister got the role of Titania.’ Of course Erin had got the part. We were like a see-saw – the more she excelled, the more I flat-out failed. ‘The most pivotal role of the play. I’m sure you’re going to love supporting her.’

  She clearly knew nothing about me and Erin.

  ‘Can we do detention instead?’ I shouted up. Weirdest plea ever. ‘Please?!’

  Frankie and I sitting in silence, trying to ignore each other’s existence felt dreamy in comparison.

  ‘No, you cannot.’ Mrs Saddler looked at me as if I was a piece of hardened food on one of her textbooks. ‘First full rehearsal is tomorrow. Main hall, quarter to four. And if you’re going to do this kind of thing again, can I at least advise you to have the common sense not to do it under the staffroom window?’

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Today had gone from bad to worst to worsterer. Still, at least I was on the verge of getting one thing fixed – my hair. My head tuft was so knotted it had separated into two furry pom-poms. Even Micha, the kindest person in the world, had said the look was ‘brave’.

  Once school had finished, Dad drove Erin and me to town. We were in no doubt of the plan. We weren’t just going to leave the hairdresser’s with a new cut – we had to have seriously made things up. Did Mum and Dad understand a haircut didn’t mean a total change in personality? But Dad was seriously cross – not just pretend cross to please Mum. When I’d told him about having to get Frankie’s phone fixed, he’d gone silent and nose-breathed for a full minute. He was so furious he didn’t even register Erin chuckling away.

  I was so over my sister. Especially as she’d followed my confession by declaring she’d snagged the ‘most wanted’ part in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. They’d been rehearsing the play for weeks, swapping everyone in and out of roles, and even though she was one of the youngest in the cast Mrs Saddler had apparently said Erin was ‘the stand-out choice for Titania’. I’d never seen my sister so smug. It was enough to tear my hair out – except I physically couldn’t as it was glued to my head.

  But when we got to Anita Haircut the whole place was shut up. The only sign of Anita, who we’d been going to for ever, was a note stuck to the door.

  Had to shut early. Sorry!

  To my lovely customers, I’ll be open as normal tomorrow (if we get out of A&E in time)

  Anita xx

  PS If you see the pictures on the internet, remember, things always look worse out of context!

  PPS If you’re the person coming to try to get the blood out of the carpet, then text me for the key. And if you find a small bit of

  (her handwriting went very small)

  ear

  (it went back to normal size again)

  then give me a ring!

  ‘So… guess we’re not having our hair cut then.’ Erin looked delighted that my hair misery might continue after all.

  A vein had popped out on Dad’s head, which meant he was trying hard to hold in a swear.

  ‘I think it means –’ the vein pulsated – ‘we come back tomorrow.’

  I clutched my skateboard tight. This could not be happening. I’d rather have half an ear than ever-growing cooker knobs sticking out of my head.

  ‘But, Dad.’ I lowered my head so he could get a good look at them. ‘These cannot live to see another day. They’re hair-endous.’

  Normally I’d be happy to dodge an evening activity with my sister, but facing Mrs Saddler and Frankie tomorrow was bad enough without these monstrosities getting even worse. Dad scanned up and down the high street, as if he might spot a big sign telling him what to do.

  ‘C’mon.’ I needed to get him moving before Erin talked him into going home. ‘There must be somewhere else we can go, even at –’ I looked at my phone – ‘five p.m. on a Monday.’

  The signs weren’t looking good, but then again neither was I. Determined to fix this, I marched off, leaving Erin and Dad no choice but to follow. But after trying the only three places still open, all we got was helpful advice to, ‘Not leave it so late next time’ and, ‘Have you thought about a hat?’

  ‘Well, we tried.’ Dad had walked us back to the car park. ‘Your mother is not going to be impressed but maybe Erin can help you do something with –’ he peered at my head – ‘them tonight.’

  But Erin was squinting up at the huge railway bridge that stretched above us. ‘One sec…’ She sped off around the corner, before jogging back looking pleased with herself. ‘Panic may be off. There’s one there…’ She pointed to one of the arches where little businesses had started to pop up. Wow, she was actually being helpful for once. I hurried over – there was a cool coffee place, a dog-yoga place called Feeling Ruff and… yes! A hairdresser: The Hairy Godmother.

  Sure, as we walked nearer it looked more and more weird, and less and less as if there was a single customer in there, but still… It was time to say goodbye to my head-hogs!

  ‘I hope their speciality is mullet,’ Erin whispered. Had she really only suggested it as she thought they might make me look even worse?

  ‘You’re in this with me,’ I hissed as Dad pushed the door open.

  TINKLE DING!

  The high-pitched chime sounded like a pretend wand I had when I was little.

  Where was anyone? Was it even open?

  ‘Er… hello?’ Dad called out, his words echoing round the exposed brickwork and empty chairs.

  The coolest woman I’d ever seen not-on-the-internet materialized.

  ‘Welcome.’ She stuck her hand out for Dad to shake. The three of us looked round – where had she come from?! ‘I’m Agatha.’

  Agatha had a shaved head, stripy top, black dungarees and trainers that looked as if they’d had a lifetime of all the best festivals. Agatha was amazing. Like on-a-level-with-Nic amazing. Even Erin lost a bit of her cool at this goddess appearing out of what felt like thin air.

  It must have been her desk. Yes. Agatha must have been behind it while we were looking at the framed pictures on the wall. Inspirational quotes and pictures of her clients, smiling as if they’d had the greatest hour of their life in her chair. Maybe, just maybe, Erin’s sabotage plan had backfired.

  ‘So what can I do for you?’ Agatha smiled gently
.

  ‘My sister needs something doing with this.’ Erin pointed at my head.

  ‘And my sister can let me speak for myself.’ I smiled back, although I realized Erin had basically summed it up. ‘But, er, yes. I do need something doing with this.’

  Dad rolled his eyes, embarrassed a stranger was witnessing what he saw all the time at home. It wasn’t my fault my older sister was a maniac.

  Agatha nodded slowly. ‘Okay.’ She prodded one of my head pom-poms. ‘So are you looking for a big change?’

  I shrugged. ‘Just something normal would be good. This was…’ How to explain? ‘Just an accident really.’

  ‘Another one.’ Erin smiled sweetly.

  ‘You can talk! It’s all your fault?!’ Gah! Erin wound me up so much!

  ‘Girls, PLEASE,’ Dad boomed. ‘Enough!’ He did one of his in-for-four out-for-four breaths and composed himself. ‘Sorry about that, Agatha. It’s lovely to meet you. I wanted to see if you had time to fit them both in? That is if you even want to after that little display. I’m not sure –’ he looked around the empty salon – ‘if you or your team have space?’

  He was giving her a get-out – I crossed my fingers we hadn’t put her off.

  But Agatha smiled, another very calm smile. ‘Don’t worry, I can squeeze them in now. If you come back in ninety minutes, we should be done.’

  ‘Perfect. Much appreciated.’ Dad put a hand on my shoulder, and one on Erin’s. ‘And, you two, remember, when I pick you up, no more… this. Okay?’

  By ‘this’ he meant drama.

  ‘Sure thing, Dad.’ I gave him a firm nod. With my birthday, and prom, looming, I urgently needed to get back in the parentals’ good books – or at least out of the terrible ones.

  No sooner had he walked out of the door than I was in Agatha’s chair. I couldn’t remember swapping my school jumper for the wrap-around gown, but it looked cool. All moons and stars.

  Agatha put down a hot drink in front of me, then one by the sofa Erin was sitting on. It smelt of liquorice and chocolate and marshmallow. Yum. I took a sip as Agatha undid my head tufts. How was she running her hands through my hair when I’d broken a brush just trying?! She made eye contact in the mirror.