Within Reach

by Talie D. Hawkins

  “Yeah, well I do like to read. It passes the time,” I blurted out. “I’m gonna go. I should have called and I didn’t, so I’ll go.” I rushed to my car and Riley chased right behind me.

  “Jane, wait. Stop walking! Jane!” He ran ahead of me and put his hand on my door to keep me from opening it.

  “Move please,” I asked calmly.

  “That wasn’t what it looked like,” he said as he found my gaze.

  “Whatever that looked like is none of my business.”

  “Look at me Jane,” he commanded. I looked at him and pleaded.

  “Riley, please move so I can go.” I was too embarrassed to say much more.

  “Riley! It’s cold out here! Come in,” I heard Mary Kate whine from his front door.

  “Let me go,” I pleaded. He stared down at me for a few long seconds then reluctantly moved out of the way.

  Gwen sat with her mouth open in shock as I relived the oddest night of my existence over cheese pizza and a bowl of Kit Kats. We were both sitting on my bed while a movie played that we were paying no attention to.

  “So wait,” she took a bite of her slice before she spoke again, “he was here... last night on this bed next to you and you slept? That’s all- just sleep?”

  “Ye-eee-ssss,” I groaned in frustration. She had come back to this fact about ten times during our conversation.

  “But,”

  “No! We did not make out. No, no, no. If you ask again, the answer will not change. We slept. He called me beautiful and delicate,” I said the last part more to myself than Gwen. I got up and groaned as I stretched. “Hang on, nature calls.”

  When I came out of the bathroom Gwen was missing from my bed. I walked down the hall and I could hear her voice. Not just any voice, though. She had her bitch tone out.

  “I don’t know who you think you’re dealing with but that’s my best friend in there and I will have no problem ripping you an extra asshole if you mess with her head.”

  I stopped dead in my tracks and my heart sped up as I realized that she was speaking to someone in person- that person being Riley.

  “Jane is my friend too and I was checking on my friend,” he snapped back.

  I decided that was a good time to cut off whatever was about to happen. I rounded the corner and feigned my surprise at the sight of Riley at my front door. “Hey. What are you doing here?” Gwen raised an eyebrow at me and her smirk told me she didn’t buy it.

  “Can I talk to you? Without your guard dog?” He gave Gwen an icy glare.

  “It’s fine. I’ll be right back,” I assured Gwen before joining Riley on my porch. He stuffed his hands deep in the pockets of his black hoodie and it made me aware of the chill in the evening air.

  “Can you come with me? Just for a little while?”

  “I kinda have company.”

  “I know, and I won’t keep you long. I promise,” he said, giving me a three finger boy scout salute. I rolled my eyes and turned to go inside. “Grab a jacket. It’s getting cold.”

  I sighed and left him standing there. Gwen was waiting like a nervous parent on my couch. “Well?” she asked impatiently.

  “He wants me to go out with him for a little bit. What do I do?” I whispered. She got up and grabbed my army jacket off of the coat rack.

  “Get your boots on,” she said as she handed it to me. “Never thought I would see the day you ditch me for a boy,” she said with a smirk. “I can’t promise I’ll save you any pizza.”

  “This is weird. What does he want?”

  “Go find out.” She gave me a nudge and pushed me out. Riley smiled when he saw I had my jacket on and was ready to go. He opened the passenger door for me and waited as I climbed into the Jeep. Music blasted from his speakers, startling me, as soon as he turned the engine on. He quickly turned it down and apologized.

  “Tell me why you came over earlier,” he said as we pulled away from my curb.

  “I was worried about you. You have a broken nose, two black eyes, and a fat lip. But you had Mary Kate to take care of you.”

  “It’s funny.”

  “What is?” I asked, wondering what part of what I said could be funny.

  “You pronounce Mary Kate differently than everyone else. You annunciate Mary more than Kate. Everyone else emphasizes Kate.” I stared at him and wondered how his brain operated. “Anyway, I told you it wasn’t what it looked like, but I’m not going to beg you to believe me.”

  “Nothing about you and Mary Kate is my business. You can do whatever you want with her.” I stopped talking when we pulled up to City Park- a place I hadn’t been to in years. It dawned on me that I had never asked Riley where he was taking me.

  “I need you to trust me, and also to let me blindfold you.” He said it like it wasn’t weird at all.

  “Blindfold me? That’s not odd at all.” I looked at him like he was insane, but that didn’t stop him from pulling out a navy blue bandana from his pocket.

  “Please?”

  “I can not believe I’m letting you do this.” We got out of the Jeep and he came around behind me and covered my eyes. His knuckles grazed the back of my head and I felt a little spark of amusement from him. I tensed up when I realized that he would have to touch me to guide me, but when he grabbed my arm I only felt more of the amusement with a little anticipation in the mix. I took deep breaths to keep calm as I let him lead me to wherever he was taking me.

  We walked toward the sound of a song playing. It sounded like it belonged in a music box, and although I couldn’t remember when, I knew I had heard it before.

  “Okay, we’re here,” he said as he turned me around. I felt his fingers untie the blindfold, but I kept my eyes squeezed shut. “You can look now.”

  I opened one eye cautiously then gasped when I realized where we were. “The carousel,” I said in disbelief. “You brought me to the carousel?”

  “Your unicorn awaits,” he said, pointing to it. All the pieces clicked and I couldn’t believe he would do something so special for me. I turned around to face him and let go of any fear of what I might feel before pulling him into a hug. Surprise. Surprise was all I felt at first and then comfort. “Does that mean you like the unicorn?” he asked, sounding a little stunned.

  I let go and stepped back a bit, automatically missing the feeling of having him close. “I do. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

  “Well, you know, I heard this rumor that you can beat people up, so I wanted to stay on your good side,” he said sarcastically. I playfully pushed him and caught a little flicker of pride. He was pleased with himself for this stunt.

  “Really, Riley...this is beyond sweet. Thank you so much. You have to ride with me.”

  “Oh no,” he insisted. “I’m just the dream maker. I do not have to participate.”

  “Please?” I mock begged. I clasped my hands together and batted my lashes at him.

  “That’s...ridiculously effective,” he said with a shake of his head. Moments later we were both on the backs of our carousel creatures. The closest one to my unicorn was a menacing bald eagle with golden wings.

  “I’m riding a unicorn,” I said with an ear to ear smile once the carousel started moving.

  “Have you been here before?” Riley asked as we made our first rotation.

  “Yes, when I was really little we came a lot. I forgot all about the carousel.” I was already lost in a memory as I said it.

  “I always wanted to ride this when I was little. I had all sorts of sports practices over in the field.” He pointed to the sports complex on the other side of the park. “My dad would never let me. He said carousel rides were for the babies, but I would see kids my age on it and ask him why they were riding. He would tell me they had no purpose if they had time to ride a baby ride.” His face changed to a scowl as he stared off in the distance.

  I let what he said sink in for a minute. I couldn’t fathom what it would have been like to not be allowed my childhood. “Wel
l, to hell with purpose!” I threw my hand up in the air and shouted. “Woo-hoo!”

  Riley’s smile returned and he joined me in my declaration. “Woo-hoo!” he agreed.

  Chapter 10

  We strolled away from the carousel- neither of us in a hurry to get anywhere. We had been deep in a conversation about Ms. Moore’s terrible monotone and the many times she had actually caused her students to fall asleep. I was doubled over and laughing so hard I could barely breathe.

  “Wait! One more thing to finish the night.” Riley walked over to a snack stand and was already ordering by the time I caught up. He turned around with two strawberry ice cream cones in his hand. “Now your wishes are complete,” he said as he presented me with my cone. I took it and tried not to blush. “Unless...were there other wishes?” he asked in-between bites.

  “Maybe one.”

  “I can’t make it happen unless you tell me.”

  “Okay, I want you to tell me why you really did this. Why would you go out of your way to do something so nice for someone you hardly know?” I felt a drip of melting ice cream run down my hand as I waited for an answer. Riley looked at me for a long moment then sighed. He nodded in the direction of a bench and started walking to it. I followed behind curiously. I saw him toss his ice cream in the trash and felt a pang of guilt for ruining his mood.

  He stared off in the distance as we sat and I had to stop myself from touching him to see what was going on in his head. He finally turned to me and started talking. “You don’t feel like someone I don’t know. I have run around in the same circles with the same kids since grade school. Some of those people are at my house every other day, and I feel like I don’t know them at all. I could sit in a crowd of my ‘closest friends’,” he said with air quotes, “and I feel more alone than when I’m actually by myself. But with you? I just started spending time with you and I feel like you’re the most sincere thing to come along in while.”

  I stared at him, speechless. There were a million words in my head, all fighting to be said, but none would come out. He watched my face with a confused wrinkle between his eyebrows.

  “Do you want a bite of my ice cream cone?” I offered, then cringed when I realized I said it out loud. His mouth opened to respond, but he shut it and shook his head at me. Then he leaned in to the cone and took a bite, never taking his eyes off of mine. Something about the way he did it made goosebumps pop up all over my body.

  “I should get you back to Gwen,” he said as he offered his hand to help me up. I pretended I didn’t see and got up on my own. I didn’t think I could handle even a tad of anyone else’s emotions at that moment. A few short minutes later we were pulling up to the curb in front of my house. I didn’t want to get out of the car, but I knew I needed to.

  Riley had been quiet the whole ride over, gripping the wheel with both hands as he drove. I waited and wondered if I should just get out or wait for him to say something. Just as my mind started to worry about the amount of awkward silence we shared, he suddenly broke it.

  “I need to kiss you,” he blurted out. He was facing me now, but I could see his knuckles getting tighter around the wheel. “I just....aaahhhhh!” he screamed through clenched teeth. I watched, stunned, as he took several deep breaths. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose before he spoke again “I. Need. To. Kiss. You.” He said it quietly and I could tell by his tone that he was doing everything in his power to sound calm. The only sound I made was my heart thudding out of my chest.

  “I,” I managed to stammer. I stared at his perfect lips and my heart beat even louder. Every part of me was getting lost in the look he was giving me and I could feel the temptation to let him kiss me like a weight on my back. I knew I needed to get out of there fast. “I need to go,” I whispered as I fumbled with the door.

  I managed to get it open and walked to my front door as fast as I could. Gwen was on the couch watching a show about the wives of basketball players. I caught her just as she was shoving one of the Kit-Kats in her mouth.

  “Hey,” she mumbled. “I was gonna save you some, but I couldn’t stop myself,” she said, holding the empty bowl up. I dropped onto the couch next to her and looked up at the ceiling. After a few calm minutes I let out a shriek as I stomped my feet and hit my fists on the cushions. Gwen turned off the television and focused her attention on me and my tantrum.

  “Please look out of the front window and tell me Riley is gone.”

  She got up and looked. “Do you want me to tell you Riley is gone, or do you want me to tell you the truth?”

  “No. No. No,” I pouted.

  “What the hell happened?” she asked as she sat back down. “Do I need to go out there?”

  I pulled my legs under me and turned to face her. “Hug me.”

  Gwen choked a little and gawked at me. “Excuse me?”

  “Just do it!” A very cautious, and very skeptical Gwen leaned in and very loosely wrapped an arm around my back. She was waiting for me to flinch or pull away, but I stayed put. “A little more,” I said and she tightened her grip on me. I only felt her curiosity through the hug.

  “Why am I doing this?”

  “Because Riley wanted to kiss me and I couldn’t let him.” Gwen pulled away and looked at me, clearly in shock. I took a deep breath and then the messy crying started. Gwen understood what these tears were about. They came with the fear of possibly never being able to be close to anyone.

  “Oh sweetie. What happened?”

  I told her about the entire night and how amazing it had been until he started to bare his soul.

  “Wait, he basically said he felt close to you and you offered him a bite of ice cream?” she asked in dismay.

  “Yep.”

  “Ice cream?” she clarified for the tenth time.

  “Yes! Yes, Ice cream! Not gelato or froyo,” I blurted out in frustration. Sometimes the things I did were so unbelievable to Gwen that she felt the need to clarify the worst details over and over. I wiped my tear stained face and took a deep breath. “I think I’m ready for the immersion method. Not just because I want to kiss a boy. I want a life.”

  “But mostly because you want to kiss a boy,” Gwen teased. Her timing was always perfect and she managed to make me laugh.

  “Oh no. I’m afraid to walk by the window.” I feared Riley might still be out there. Gwen got up and took a look.

  “He’s gone. Coast in clear.”

  “Well, he hates me now I’m sure.”

  “Doubt it. You may have wounded his ego a tiny bit, but he’ll get over it. I have an idea,” she said as she grabbed my car keys. “Let’s go get more candy and make ourselves sick.”

  That was an idea I couldn’t argue with.

  Chapter 11

  I spent all day Sunday dreading the idea of going back to school to face Riley. I made up scenarios of all the possible things he would say to me or I would say to him. I had full length imaginary conversations in my head and practiced what my reactions would look like, but the one things I wasn’t prepared for was the silent treatment.

  He walked into the chemistry room after me, and even though we made eye contact, he walked past me and to his seat without a word. Being ignored by Riley made Ms. Moore’s monotone even harder to sit through and I found myself taking it out on the doodle I was working on. No quotes would come to me so it only consisted on tiny x’s in varying shades. When the end of class finally came he was one of the first people out of the room and I wondered if he was avoiding me.

  I spotted him with a random girl as they whispered something to each other at his locker. I felt a pang of disappointment. I didn’t know why I expected anything to be different, but for some reason I did. I shook off the feeling and unintentionally slammed my locker door, causing enough noise to make him look in my direction. Instead of the flirty grin I was used to, I got something entirely unexpected- indifference.

  Gwen and I took our seats in the back of study hall and I opened my bag and
handed her a container of cookies. She didn’t waste any time opening them and offering me one. I took one and stuffed it in my mouth as I pouted.

  “Riley hates me. I wish this stupid weekend never happened, and I wish I had never been paired with him for chem, and I wish I still thought he was a man-whore.”

  “Well, no one said he isn’t still a man-whore,” she said with a grin. I took another cookie and stuffed it in my mouth in frustration since I was at a loss for words.

  At the end of the day I made one last trip to my locker. Mondays were usually dead at Sacred Grounds so I used the time to catch up on projects. I gathered up all of the folders and text books I would possibly need and made my way down the hall. As I double checked my to-do list I felt a shoulder slam into my own from behind me, making me drop everything I had in my hands. I groaned as I watched my belongings scatter all over the floor of the hallway. I kneeled down and started gathering it all up and that’s when I heard Chris’s voice.

  “You should really watch where you’re going,” he commented, in a tone that told me he was pretty pleased with himself. He stood a few feet away and watched as I picked my things from the floor. I was doing my best to ignore him and the hateful essence he shared with me on contact.

  “Stay away from me,” I warned as I stormed towards the exit. I was so frustrated I hadn’t noticed Riley standing with a group of friends near the doors. My little encounter with Chris must have caught his attention. He didn’t move from where he was, but he was giving Chris one of the angriest looks I had ever seen. I used this as my cue to get in my car and get to work.

  Chris had me on edge so I parked under the street lamp and right in front of the shop. I’d be closing alone and was a little nervous about it. There was only one customer in the shop when I got there. Zane was muttering his college math formulas out loud as he worked them out on paper and Max was ordering supplies online.