Just Breathe

by Heather Allen

  I can hear sadness in her voice, “Yes honey, I think it’s the least I can do. Good luck my sweet girl.”

  “Thank you Gam-aw, I love you.”

  We hang up. At this point I think I need all the luck I can get. I change into a bikini and shorts. I close my eyes and focus on the beach where Jack told me about my life not so long ago. It’s amazing how things can change so fast. The beach is rapidly becoming my anchor to him. When I open my eyes I am standing on the warmed sand. It is deserted as far as I can see. The sun is setting in the distance over the ocean. I linger for a minute savoring the sight which is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen. It renews my spirit a little. I have to follow through with this. No more waiting for things to happen to me.

  I jog up to the parking lot and check for my mom’s car. I spot it in the furthest space. So James doesn’t know about traveling yet. This is a good thing. Then I glance around and the only other car in the lot is on the opposite end, the yellow car that I have grown accustomed to looking for. My heart flutters at the sight. James is my first priority but then I have to tell Jack about my decision. Sides don’t really matter as long as we are together. I’m excited now that I’ve made this decision. I can’t wait to see him.

  I strip down to my suit and wade in. The water is on the chilly side but I am instantly comfortable. I could travel to the Erebus caves but I don’t know where I will actually end up. I decide to swim instead. I swim out a quarter of a mile and ‘will’ my fin. It comes right away this time. I’m getting more acclimated to my new other self.

  It takes a while to get there but I finally spot the cave structures about a half mile away. They are actually very beautiful from this distance. They are so natural, as if a huge mountain grew from the belly of the Earth. The various cave entrances look bleak and foreboding. I think that is Jaspen’s full intention. As I approach the caves, I notice a few Erebus scattered by some of the entrances but no one takes notice of me. I really don’t have a plan at this point and this could all end up terribly bad but I have to find James.

  As I round the corner of one of the caves I spot an entrance with transparent looking doors which are not so bleak here. I try the handle and push, it opens inwardly. I am faced with a sight that is truly comparable to the setting sun that I just witnessed on the beach. The ceiling of the cave, if you can even call it that, reaches fifty feet into the ocean. It has the same transparent material used on the doors. I can see the water and sea life glide past. It is mesmerizing. The walls reaching the ceiling are like nothing I have ever seen. They look as if they are covered with sea serpents reaching for the ceiling but frozen in place. The greens and blues are so vibrant making the serpents seem as though they are stretching and swirling together. I am truly taken. As I admire this immense room, I suddenly see movement to my right down a narrow hall. I start swimming toward the hall and the serpents on the walls seem to be moving with me in the same direction. I reach out to touch them and find that they are made of stone as I had originally thought, amazing. I see the movement again and it disappears into a room to the left down the hallway. I approach the opening and peer in. My heart skips a beat.

  I hear James’ voice, “Well I guess if we tried that it might work but can’t we just steal one of the guides and make them let us in?”

  I quickly back out.

  The other voice replies, “You see James, it’s a little more…complicated… than just taking another mer-person and forcing them to our will. First of all, the guides are all in the city. They have been forbidden from leaving. Additionally, if we did catch one that isn’t something we can ‘will’ them to do. It’s beyond our abilities. Actually, there are some of us already in the city ready to attack. We were able to acquire a guide’s assistance before they were secured to the city.”

  I recognize the other voice, Jaspen. What to do now? Show myself or try to get into the city myself. If I show myself they might think I am here to fight for the Erebus. If I go to the city surely there will be implications with that too.

  I decide to leave and find Jack if possible. I know where James is now. I know the Erebus won’t let anything happen to him. I glide back out as quietly as I can. When I reach the open water a quarter of a mile from the caves I stop and tread water. Either I will be able to get in through the barrier with a ‘will’ or I will have to come back and reveal myself to Jaspen. It feels good to finally have a plan.

  I decide traveling is as good a way in as any. I close my eyes and focus, thinking about Amber’s dwelling and the blue room. I open my eyes and I am still treading water in the same spot. Nuts!

  I take a deep sea breath and tell myself to relax. I try again closing my eyes trying to think about the green iridescence of Amber’s dwelling. Suddenly I feel something beneath my fin. I open my eyes and I am in the blue room sitting on the bed. The room is under water and the exact same as I remember from the last time I was here.

  The door is closed and I hear muffled voices beyond it. My heart leaps in anticipation that one of them might be Jack. I rush to the door and glance down the hall. I see Amber treading in the big room. My movement catches her eye so she turns her head in my direction. I see absolute shock and fear on her face for just a second.

  She quickly turns toward whoever she is talking to and speaks, “As I was telling you, I don’t have any idea why he chose this. When you came to tell me today, it was the first time I knew about it.”

  I see movement in front of Amber and a male voice says, “Amber Tanner, we will be watching you closely given the recent developments with your brother.”

  He adds, “There will be dire consequences if we find that you are keeping the same company.”

  I watch her nod and she glances at me with scared eyes. I get her hint and duck back into the blue room to wait. I start to worry. He implied something about Jack. So obviously he isn’t here like I had hoped.

  Suddenly the door swings open and I push up from the bed startled. Amber is treading there with the most miserable green eyes. She looks down at the floor then meets my eyes.

  I ask her, “What is it Amber? Where is Jack?”

  She grabs my hand and swims pulling me towards the front room.

  She sits looking downward and says, “Jack, Jack, he did something very bad.”

  I rush to her and take her hands in mine, “Is he alright? What did he do?”

  She looks up and meets my eyes; All I see is cloudy green. I just want out shake it out of her. I feel like my heart will beat right out of my chest.

  She shakes her head saying as if more to herself, “How could this have happened? How could he do this to me, to our parents?" Then she looks up," to you?”

  I plead, “What Amber? Tell me.”

  “Ever, he has sided with Jaspen.”

  I swim back from her and stare unbelieving.

  Finally I ask, “Did he do this for me? Because he thought I would side with Jaspen?”

  I’m beginning to feel a tremendous weight descend upon me.

  She shakes her head and says softly, “No.”

  I wait and she doesn’t say anything else.

  I question her, “No, then why?’ My voice is strangled.

  She looks up again and tells me with disbelief, “He’s been sided with Jaspen all along.”

  I shake my head, “But you told me the story about your parents and he, he left when he found out that I had spoken to Jaspen. He seemed so hurt when I defended the Erebus.”

  I’m replaying all of my time with Jack now. Was it all a lie? Was he really just trying to get me here to do Jaspen’s bidding? I am so confused and suddenly I have no energy. I plop down in the other chair across from Amber. I think I’m going to lose it.

  Amber looks over and tells me softly, “We have to go to Seamus.”

  A minute passes before she says it louder with more authority, “We have to go to Seamus.”

  She gets up with a rush and tries to grab my hand. I pull it back and look at he
r with horror.

  “I can’t go to Seamus right now.”

  She argues, “We have to. He has to know you are here.”

  She continues looking off as if in a trance, “If I bring you to Seamus then they will know I am not siding with, Jack.”

  She chokes out his name. This can’t be happening.

  I look at her horrified, “You can’t just turn me in. They will think I am here for the Lior.”

  Then I realize, “Amber, I haven’t chosen yet. I was coming to talk to Jack. James is with Jaspen right now.”

  She shakes her head, “This is bad Ever. Don’t you see? If you go to Jaspen our city will be annihilated.”

  I look at her disbelieving.

  She continues, “All life as we know it will be no more.”

  I ask, “Did you know about this? Did you know everything with Jack was a lie?"

  She shakes her head vigorously and I can hear her voice catch as if she is crying, “No Ever, I promise you. I had no idea.”

  We sit in silence for what seems like an hour. I replay everything Jack has ever said to me about the Lior and Erebus. I realize he never really committed to one side or the other in our conversations. I just assumed. What a fool I am. Ever, you’ve really done it this time.

  Then I realize something else and ask, “Do you think Jack being taken from the lake by the Erebus was planned?”

  She looks at me clueless and shrugs her shoulders.

  Then I ask with more energy, “What about when they took you? Did they say anything to you about me or James or Jack?”

  She thinks for a minute and shakes her head.

  Then she tells me, “Maybe that was just for you to meet Jaspen.”

  “But he came to my house to meet James. Why didn’t he just show up in my bedroom?”

  She shrugs and adds, “Maybe he wanted to see what you could do with your ‘wills’ and such. They wanted to find out about your abilities.”

  “Maybe that is also the reason why they took Jack. To see if I would come and find him.”

  She nods.

  I get up and she glances at me curiously.

  I tell her, “I need to be alone. I need some.”

  I look toward the hall and finish, “We’ll make a decision after I think.”

  I look into her cloudy eyes and ask reassuringly, “Okay?”

  She nods and looks the other way as I swim toward the blue bed calling my name.

  ***

  Suddenly I am falling down, down, down, through the sea. There is less light as I fall farther away. I try to grasp for the light or the sky beyond, but it’s out of my reach. Darkness is consuming me. Everything is almost black. Suddenly I feel as if someone or something has caught me. I glance over and see beautiful green eyes but they aren’t Jack’s.

  I wake with a start and sit straight up. Glancing around I remember where I am and that I must have drifted off. Then reality hits me. I swim towards the front of the house meaning to ask Amber about her time with the Erebus. I remember the bits of conversation I overheard between James and Jaspen in the caves. I wonder if the guide who helped them gain access to the city was Amber.

  I enter the front room and sitting in one of the chairs is Amber looking terribly afraid when her eyes meet mine. I glance over toward the other chair and realize someone is sitting there. I swim closer and the mer-man sitting in the other chair looks up at me. I’m greeted with the same set of beautiful green eyes from my dream.

  He gets out of the chair and swims toward me.

  He puts out his hand while grinning, “Ever Harding, I am pleased to formally meet you. My name is Alex Raver. I was supposed to be your real guardian but Jack….”

  “Kept you away from me,” I finish for him.

  He averts his eyes and nods. All of the signs come back to me, Jack rushed me into the water at the first sign of mer-people in the forest that first visit to the beach. He was taken and when I saved him they never came after us. The biggest red flag though was his avoidance of choosing sides.

  I can feel it again. I am deflating and losing my grip. I glide over to the chair and sink into it. My breath catches with the first sob. Amber glances at me with profound sympathy and sadness. All I can think is Jack and I’m falling again and darkness consumes me.

  ****

  This isn’t the end!

  Be sure to check out Barely Breathing and Forever Breathing – the continuation of Jack and Ever’s story!

  Acknowledgements

  My Thanks!

  I have complete gratitude for my family. You are my grounding place. Everything always comes back to you. Thank you to my boys for the many days and nights I was away deep in the ocean and you took over in making meals and watching your sister. Thank you to my husband, Richard for believing in me and encouraging my pursuit of a dream.

  Much more gratitude than I can utter to all of my first readers. My very first, Shannon Longarzo, you were the true test to whether this book would work at all. My bests, Rochelle Gilman, Stephanie Rodriguez, Nicole Morse and Sember Baker, for all of your support and positive criticism, where would I be without you? My mom, Shelley Kelley and my mom in law, Stephanie Hayes, thank you for the multiple edits and encouragement. It meant so much in my journey.

  About the Author

  Heather Allen has just fulfilled a life -long dream by completing and publishing The Just Breathe Trilogy. She lives in Melbourne, Florida with her husband of fourteen years, two sons and daughter. Heather has been a teacher for sixteen years now and aspires to continue touching the lives of children through education but also taking them on a journey with her books.

  Coming in November of 2013 – The Sound of Shooting Stars a new young adult novel by Heather Allen.