Yesterday

by Cleo Fox

  Four joints down, one left, and then I can be free of the panic wanting to jump out of my throat.

  Navin gets up from the table and comes to stand near the sink. “We took a quick look in the cupboards and fridge; we didn’t find much in the way of food.”

  I cringe. Of course, they have to come just as I finish off the last order of groceries. Normally it doesn’t bother me to go a day or two without food as long as I have something to drink, I don’t much care. “Yeah, probably best to order takeout tonight. I can order groceries to be delivered the day after tomorrow, or you guys can go into town tomorrow around 10am. If you go at that time, the people young enough to recognize you will be on the slopes. None of the old folk will have a clue who you are.”

  Finally, the last joint is done, and I pass out the others. I try to force my hand not to shake as I lit the end and stick it between my lips for a warm drag. Titus blows out smoke from his nose. “Why do you order your groceries? Wouldn't it be faster to drive and get them?”

  My palms sweat at the mere thought of being in a car. I focus my eyes on the ground. “Maybe, but I don’t have a car, so it’s just easier to have Jailbait bring my orders.”

  They all get the same frown creasing their brows, they’ve really been together a long time. Lance takes a drag. “Jailbait? Is that some kind of strange prison or biker name?”

  A snort escapes me, the closest I’ve gotten to a laugh in a long time. “He wishes it was for a reason that cool. No, he’s the son of the woman who manages the store in town. I call him Jailbait because he’s seventeen, but has had a crush on me since he was eleven. First words out of his mouth when we met was asking me out. Somewhere along the way I started calling him Jailbait, and telling him it would never happen.”

  Not to mention, at the time, I was very much dating Micheal.

  They all go quiet, not finding the story as amusing as I do.

  Lance leans across the small counter and flicks the ash at the end of his joint into the sink. I glance at it and open the cupboard in front of me. I take out three ashtrays, all in a different style. Micheal and I would grab one any time they were just too comical or odd to pass up, over a dozen now sat on the shelf, the ones I couldn't part with when my mom came through with her donation bins.

  Navin comes closer and picks up one of the vintage ones, a comic in the center; a man asking his in bed wife if the burglar took anything, and her responding yes, she thought it was him. We found it in a thrift store while on a stop through Fresno California. He peers over at me with his honey-brown eyes. "Do you smoke cigarettes, too?"

  I shake my head. "No. I just collected ashtrays for a while, they come in handy with smoking weed though." I almost said we, again, it'll be hard not to slip all the time.

  Lance picks up the gold one a Kraken statue spread out over the rim and put in the kitchen table, along with the burglar one, so they had one within reach. I stare at the one left on the counter. It's wonky sky blue shape, a bright yellow sun spreads out over the center.

  *I can't believe I'm doing this. After five years of running away from the guys, so that they could have their dream of being rockstars I'm going on a date with someone that isn't them. I have to give it to Micheal he's been persistent, asking me out every week until I finally said yes. It took seeing all the guys on different dates on the Star magazine cover for me to give in.

  He walks around the front of the car and opens the passenger side door. "Madame." He smiles. Smiling back, I get out of the car and look at the shop he's brought me to. A DIY pottery place.

  I lift an eyebrow at it. "Trying to have a *Ghost* moment with me already?"

  He chuckles and opens the door for me. "Only if you're willing."

  ***

  the cool wet clay slides between my fingers shaping a bowl like the instructor showed us how to do.

  "I don't know where I went wrong."

  I glance over to find his bowl is way smaller than mine. I laugh. “What did you do to that thing? It looks more like an ashtray than a bowl.”

  A grin spreads across his face. “An ashtray, huh? Then that’s what it’ll be. I’ll make the best ashtray ever.”

  I laugh. “Can’t wait to see what it’ll look like in the end. What made you pick a make your own pottery place?

  He tilts his head to the side. "I don't know. I thought it might be fun. Coffee felt too casual for how long we've known each other. Dinner and a movie might've been nice, but a movie means no talking and I like talking to you. So, when I saw a flyer for this place on the community board, I thought it would be the perfect first date. We can go for ice cream after this if you still want me around."

  I stare at his shaggy brown hair and matching eyes. His defined jawline and button nose. So different than my boys. Ever since I started college in Indiana last year he's been asking me out. Chatted with me in study groups, even comforted me one night when he caught me crying and missing the guys while on my way back to my dorm.

  It took me forever to say yes to his date offer, but part of me is glad I did. They guys are dating models and other musicians, it's time I do the same. The hurt in having to leave will lessen if we all move on.

  I smile. "Ice cream sounds wonderful. What's your favorite flavor?" My gaze goes back to the bowl I'm making and I start up the wheel again.

  He stops his wheel and sits back on the stool. He touches his face with a wet clay finger. "That's hard. I love a good mint chip, but it has to be good the cheap ones are gross. I do love chocolate or strawberry. Honestly, if it's sweet, I'll probably like it. What about you?"

  I smooth out my bowl's inside. "I like anything with big chunks of caramel or chocolate. Or those drumsticks that have the chocolate at the bottom of the cone. Those are amazing."

  He nods. "Yeah, I do love those, too."

  The instructor claps from the center of the room. "Alright, guys, ten minutes to finish up. You're my last class before we close up. Your pieces will be put in the kiln tonight and you can come back to paint them tomorrow or simply pick them up. If not picked up within fourteen days, the item will be put up for sale for those who just want to paint.”

  Micheal leans over toward me. "Will you go on a date with me Friday here, and we can paint our creations?"

  I wipe my hand off on my apron and use my thumb to take the smear of clay off his cheek. "I would like that very much."

  His grin beams like a ray of sunshine. "Thanks for getting that. It's a second date then, I'm glad you said yes to this one."

  It's been five years, it's okay for me to date again. They have girlfriends now. I nod. "I'm glad I said yes, too. I needed this."*

  "Evie, you okay?" Navin touches my right shoulder, bringing me back to the present. Tears stream down my face. Picking up the ashtray. I shove it back into the cupboard and pull down a different one that hopefully won't send me headfirst in a flashback. I wipe away the tears. "I'm fine. I'm fine."

  My joint went out, relighting it I take a deep drag, willing myself to push back any memories that want to follow that one. Silence lays like a wet blanket over the room, their eyes on me.

  Lance clears his throat. "Are you sure you're okay? You were crying."

  I move away from the two of them and lean against the opposite counter. "Yeah. I'm fine." I'm not ready to talk about Micheal. Pulling out my phone, I swallow hard, refusing to look at any of them. "What do you guys feel like eating? I have Chinese, pizza or Italian available to order from. There's not a ton unless you want to go into town. But with it getting dark soon, there will be more college students and ski fanatics coming in from the slopes. Up to you."

  I chance a glance at them as they peer around at each other.

  Lance blows out some smoke. "Well, I don't think any of us could drive right now. We haven't attempted driving stoned since we were stupid high schoolers and you were around to tell us no and drive for us. So, pizza or whatever they have?"

  I nod. My eyes go back on my phone screen. "Right, sorry. Wasn't thi
nking.”

  I scroll through the options, already knowing what they would like, but is it safe for me to assume? It’s been ten years, their tastes could’ve changed. My gaze goes back to them, only to find them alll staring at me in the silence. I lick my dry lips. “Do you still like sausage and jalapeno with extra cheese?”

  Titus perks up. “You remembered our pizza order.” A grin spreads across his face.

  My stomach flips. I like that it makes him happy to know that I still remember things like that. “I might be an alcholic stoner now, but I never forgot anything about what you guys like a don’t like."

  Chapter Six

  Darius

  Holy hell, today has not gone at all like I thought it would. I figured we would get here, find the place covered in a decade worth of dust, spend a couple hours airing it out, and then be able to relax and snowboard for the next two weeks, while we wait for Harper to come back from his luxury vacation. He offered for us to come with, but I think we've all been feeling some kind of home sick for a while now.

  But to find Evie here, of all places. I mean, it kind of makes sense, but I never thought it could be. After she left, I wanted to come ehre to look for her, but we were always working. Harper always had another recording or concert lined up, and then we started touring overseas, there was never a chance to get away. I always hoped that I would find her online somewhere, and would look often, but never found anything.

  The slight shake of her hand as she brings the joint up to her mouth for another drag doesn't escape my gaze. Her eyes are still glassy from the crying she did a little bit ago, over an ashtray. What the hell happened to her? Where is the bubbly care free woman I fell in love with? Always as sweet as sugar and wouldn't even hurt a fly.

  Before us stands a woman, clearly older than the the twenty year old foerever stamped in our minds, she's anything but happy. I haven't seen her give a true smile once. Did that Micheal man break her and leave here alone to pick up the pieces herself.

  My free hand forms a fist as the other brings my joint up for another drag. It's good kush, my head feels like it's floating, while my body wants to tap out the beat playing in the background of my mind. I should've tried harder to find her, reach out to her after everything. Why didn't we leave the second she disappeared, why didn't we say fuck it to the record company and Harper? I'm pissed at myself for not trying harder, I could've quit, the others could've found another bassist.

  That's why I can't be mad at her for finding someone else. It's been so long, I'm honestly surprised we didn't find her married with kids. That might stung a bit, but at least it would've been better than finding her this way, broken and drowing out everything with weed and alcohal if the copius amounts of bottles in her room were anything to go off of, and the one sitting next to me.

  She clears her throat. "The wings I got should be good. Mild will be tame for most of us, their hot tends to be nice and spicy, but I doubt it'll be hot enough for Navin and Darius."

  I miss her calling me Dar. I've almost slipped several times now and called her sugar, but I'm not sure how she'll feel about that. I force a laugh. "I haven't met a spicy that I can't handle will tha cool face. So, I'm sure they won't even tip the scales."

  She pulls out her phone again and scrolls. Fuck, I just want her to look at me in the eyes just once, so I could perhaps see what she's actually thinking.

  "Do you guys still have the same taste in music?" She asks.

  Lance taps the nub of his joint out in the ashtray and hops up onto the edge of the counter. "No, we're into dubstep and house music now."

  I hold in the snort that wants to come out, it takes a beat, but she looks up at him and blinks. "Seriously?"

  He laughs and starts to nod as she says, "No."

  Her lips quirk for a single second in the direction of smile, but then stop. "You almost had me there. I was about to ask if hell froze over and pigs were flying outside."

  We laugh.

  Titus leans onto the table. Also putting his joint out before he places his hand under his chin to stare at her. Maybe the sweet warmth of the love in his eyes he clearly still has for her will melt her frozen heart. He’s always been the most open about his feelings and has no problem showing them. I nudge his leg with my foot, stroking it. I hope he's doing okay with all of this. We try to keep our PDA to only when we're alone. Lance and Navin have never asked us not to be affectionate with each other, but we knew it made them long for a time when Evie was around.

  His gaze meets mine. He gives me a goofy high smile and then looks back to Evie. Yeah, I can't take my eyes off her for long. I don't want her to disappear if I blink too much. I clear my throat. "We still like the same bands we always have.

  Something beeps in the house, and a second later guitar of Zombie from The Cranberries fills the house. I look up toward the ceiling to find a speaker in the ceiling above the table. She always loved The Cranberries, but so did we. We all liked the same music. I don't know if it comes from growing up together, or what, but it's one of the reasons we've always meshed so well with each other and are able to to create music we all love.

  The screech of car brakes come from outside and I look at the others. Evie pushes off the counter and limps over to the door that leads to the back porch. Before anyone can knock she opens it and a lanky pale kind walks through the door.

  He smiles at her, a pizza bag in one hand a large paper bag in the other. He only stares at her. "You order a lot more food than you typically do. Want me to stay and help you eat it?" She did order a lot of food, but wouldn't let us pay for it.

  Evie gives a soft laugh and pats him on the shoulder. "Not tonight, Jailbait. I have friends to help me out. Out making pizza delieveries tonight?"

  He peers around, his eyes widen as he spots us. He sets the bags on the counter and opens the pizza one to pull out the large box. "I didn't know you had people over." He clears his throat. "I'm Jake Thompson. It's nice to meet you. He gives a wave at us and we nod back.

  So this is the kid she calls Jailbait for always hitting on her. Can't say I blame him, she's super hot.

  She blows out some smoke. "Sorry. Jailbait, these are my friends from childhood. She motions to me first. "Darius, Titus, Lance, and Navin."

  He glances over his shoulder at her. "You can stop calling me that now." He grins. "I turned eighteen over the weekend, remember? I'm free to date without breaking the law."

  Evie hums. She goes to a cupboard to the left of the stove and pulls out something wrapped in silver paper. She hands it to him. "And you'll aways be Jailbait to me, Jake, I'll always see you as the kid obessed with Transformers wanting me to be his Megan Fox. Happy belated birthday."

  His smile falters a bit, but he rips open the present A large dark wood box meets his fingers. He undoes the silver latche and openes its, it spreads out in width wise to reveal a rainbow of oil paints and a myraid of brushes.

  "Holy shit!"

  She pats his shoulder again. "For when you go off to university in Rhode Island in the spring. I'm sure with your artistic talents you have many girls wainting you to paint them like one of the French girls."

  Journey's Don't Stop Beliving plays above us. Fat tears gather in his eyes and he closes the case before throwhing his harms around her and pulling her into a hug, he only stands a few inches taller than her. "Thank you." He mumbles something into her ear I can't make out.

  She pats his back. "Don't you worry about me. You have your own life to live, Jailbait. I'm an old lady, I'll be fine."

  He laughs and pulls back. "You're not an old lady."

  A sad smile pulls at her lips as she brushes some of his tears away with the pad of her thumb. "I'm too old for you. You need to find someone closer to your age."

  It feels odd to watch such a personal interaction, I push away the jealous feelings that want to come up at seeing how tenderly she treats him. He's a kid, and it's clear she doesn't reciprocate his feelings and I don't know how she could make that any clearer
to him now.

  He nods. "I understand, I'll have to find my Megan Fox at Rhode Island. But if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call me. After I leave in the Spring Rocky will be your delivery boy, and you know what kind of a dumbass he is."

  She laughs and it feels so nice to know that she still can. "I'll survive his aloofness, or just walk into town more often. I could use the exercise."

  I peer around at the other as their eyebrows alwys go into their hairline at the statement. She walks into town? It has to be like eight or more miles there and that's not counting the return trip home. Why doesn't she have a car, or call for them? I'm sure their driving services here for all the tourists in the winter.

  Jake turns back to us and gives a wave. "Well, it was nice meetting you." We nod. He looks at Evie. "I'll probably see you later in the week?"

  She nods. "Most likely. Don't speed getting back to the Lou's he can wait."

  He grins. "I'll make sure to drive carefully." He leaves back through the back door and we wait a moment before his engine comes to life and his tire tires roll down the long driveway.

  Evie sighs. "He's a good kid."

  Lance hops down from the counter as Linger by the Cranberries comes on. It makes my heart ache a little to hear it and not be able to kiss her. "That looked like an expensive paint set."

  She moves to the cupboard over the stove and pulls out a bottle of Sprite and a large bottle of vodka. I guess we're drinking now. "His mom works three jobs and picks up any odd jobs he can so the bills are paid. She can't affored him art supplies, but he's really talented and got a bunch of scholarhips to a an art university in Rhode Island so that she doesn't have to worry about anything to do with his schooling. He deserves it."

  Navin motions for Titus and I to stand up from the table and come over for food. He clears his throat. "That was nice of you."

  She glances at us as we come over and then Lance and Navin. "Do you guys want a drink or just soda?"