Captured in Ink: A Montgomery Ink: Boulder Novella

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “Okay, if you say so.”

  We turned the corner to get our last set of blooms, and I froze, Kincaid nearly running into me as I looked at the people in front of us. Ronin quickly put his hand in mine in a reassuring way, and I knew I should run. I should walk away before the couple in front of me turned and saw us.

  I couldn’t. This was happiness. I was finally breathing and no longer thinking and wondering about the what-ifs. I was finally letting myself be because while I had been happy with Ronin before, so happy that I could burst, and knew that he was my future and everything would be fine, it wasn’t complete. And then Kincaid showed up, and something clicked. It felt like this was the path we were supposed to be on.

  With one turn of the corner, all of that fell away, and all I could do was look at the couple in front of me. I couldn’t walk away. Couldn’t hide from this.

  I should have known they would be here. It was the nursery’s first day, and the place was packed—people laughing and busy, their pallets full.

  Of course, my mother and father would be here to get stuff to work on Taylor’s garden.

  Taylor’s. Never truly my mother’s. Nor my father’s or mine.

  I missed my sister so damn much, and I hated that whatever garden they built wouldn’t bring her back. And neither would anything my mother did.

  They finally turned, my father going sheet-white as my mother’s lips pursed.

  “Hello, Mom. Dad.”

  Kincaid froze at my side, finally realizing why I was acting so weirdly. Ronin stood on my other side, keeping me steady.

  He was always that way—my rock. I had been afraid that by doing what we were with Kincaid, I might lose him. But in this moment, I knew I wouldn’t. We would stand even stronger together. I just needed to get through this. Whatever this was.

  “Mom, you remember Ronin.” It was weird introducing my husband to them as if they hadn’t met him a dozen times or more before. They looked at me, possibly wondering why I was here. I didn’t know what they were thinking. I’d never been able to read them.

  “And this is Kincaid.”

  My mother looked at how Kincaid hovered near me, his stance protective, and then her gaze darted between Ronin and Kincaid, her eyes narrowing.

  She knew. At least, she had some semblance of knowing. She would never truly understand what we felt because we were still figuring that out ourselves. But she would put a spin on it, a taint, assume that I wasn’t good enough.

  Because I wasn’t Taylor. I wasn’t the girl she had chosen.

  I hated that she was ruining this day. That she ruined so many memories for me.

  And she hadn’t even spoken yet.

  “You’re parading it then, are you?” my mother whispered, looking over her shoulder as if someone could see us or hear her.

  We were in public, of course, people could see, but nobody was paying attention. It was the opening day of the season. Everybody had their own lives and landscaping to worry about. But my mother never understood.

  “You mean that I’m planting my garden? Yes, Kincaid’s here to help Ronin and me. You’re welcome to look at what I plant.”

  My mother stared at me. “Mrs. Smith told me that she saw you and these two at the grocery store, and that you were acting in your ways. Yet I didn’t believe it. I knew you always had your tastes, your proclivities, but with two? No, I don’t want this. Don’t come to see us, don’t talk to us. I’m done. I’m done pretending.”

  I took a step back, but Kincaid and Ronin were there to steady me.

  “Excuse me, you don’t know me, but you’re going to want to stop talking to her like that.”

  I briefly closed my eyes at Kincaid’s words, then muttered under my breath, “Don’t.”

  “No, he should. I’m kind of tired,” Ronin said. “We’re trying to go about our day. If you could move out of the way so we can move on, that’d be great. We’re working on our garden. The one for our family.”

  “You always were a whore,” my mother spat. “You were off with your girlfriend instead of at home where you should have been when we lost Taylor. You weren’t even there to say goodbye.”

  And there it was, the real reason my mother hated me. She didn’t truly hate my choices because she didn’t actually care about me.

  I had finally taken a moment for myself to go out with Angela, a girl I hadn’t seen again after that night. My mother had been the one to tell me to leave the house, that I needed to breathe. Though maybe that’s what she had needed.

  I hadn’t been there when Taylor took her last breath. We hadn’t even made it to hospice.

  I would never forgive myself for not being there, and it had taken me a long time to figure out who I was and what I wanted because of that.

  “No.” I held out my hands, my tablet in one, and blocked the men from moving forward. “We’re not going to do this. You can think whatever you want, but I’m done. I think I tried a little too hard for too long. I don’t need to anymore. Good luck with the gardens that I will never be a part of or see. I’m glad that you have something of Taylor there, but I know when and where I’m not wanted. And you will stay away, too. You’ll respect my choices, even though you never have before.”

  People were looking now, but I couldn’t care anymore. I was so tired.

  “Julia, let’s not do this here,” my father said. He surprised me. He never spoke directly to me. Why would he bother? He was dead inside for more reasons than just the loss of my sister.

  “I’m done now. You are not going to ruin this garden like you ruined what I felt for the one at your home. You’re not going to ruin anything anymore. I loved you once, Mom. And I might still. But you can’t take back what you’ve done. You can’t. I won’t allow you to tarnish the memories of my sister anymore. Think what you will of me, but I’m done.”

  And then I raised my chin and moved past her. My mother didn’t even bother to move out of the middle of the walkway. Somehow, Kincaid and Ronin followed me, the carts still full of what our future could be.

  “Do you need me to go get the truck?” Kincaid asked, and I shook my head before Ronin could answer.

  “Thank you both for standing up for me, but I’m going to get these flowers, and then we are going to go plant what we can today. I will have an amazing garden because I refuse to let her ruin this, too.”

  I looked up at Ronin, who leaned down and kissed me hard on the mouth. “I love you, wife of mine.”

  We were off in the corner, no one paying attention to us anymore, and I was grateful. I might’ve pretended that I could handle being the center of attention, but I really didn’t want to be.

  And then Kincaid kissed me hard on the mouth just like Ronin had, and I leaned into him, wanting to cry.

  But I was done doing that.

  No amount of prostrating or pretending could bring Taylor back. All I could do was live in her memory and try to be the best person I could. And perhaps fall in love more than once with a man who made me feel like I could have a future.

  “Let’s go home,” I whispered.

  “Yes, let’s go home. However, that’s the last time she gets to speak to you that way. I held back for long enough,” Ronin growled.

  “I know you did. And I’m grateful.”

  “She’s very lucky I do not hit women.”

  I smiled at my husband, shaking my head. “I wanted to hurt her, too, but then she’d probably sue, and we’d have to deal with the legalities.”

  “I know people. I could probably get us out of that,” Kincaid said dryly.

  “Thank you both, but we are not ruining this day. It’s all about flowers and me seeing you sweaty. Not about my weird family and broken promises.” My voice cracked a bit, and I held up my hands again, not letting Kincaid come near me. “I can cry later. First, we pay for these, I watch you load them into the truck, and then we plant. I’ll have a very good cry later.”

  “I’m sure we can find ways to get your mind off crying,”
Kincaid said, giving Ronin a wicked look.

  I pressed my lips together, holding back a laugh. I’d just broken something important, but perhaps it had been shattered long ago. Now, I was finally living up to who I needed to be.

  And that was with Ronin, the man I loved more than anything. And perhaps also with the man we hadn’t realized we’d been missing in our marriage.

  Chapter 11

  Ronin

  “You ready?” I asked, pushing my hand through my hair as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I hardly recognized myself, a new, odd glint to my eyes that meant something had changed. I hadn’t been unhappy before. I hadn’t been sad or missing anything. But now that Kincaid was back? And the idea of what I thought I’d lost had been proven untrue, things felt newer. More cemented.

  I knew Julia felt the same because we often talked about it, but I didn’t know how Kincaid felt. And tonight was not the night to get into that conversation.

  Kincaid looked at me, his face serious in his reflection. “I think so. But are you sure that it’s okay I’m going?” he asked, his voice gentle.

  “Yes. It’s guys’ night. The Montgomery men, or at least those connected to the Montgomerys, are going out. And they invited me. And because you’re with me, you’re invited, too.” I paused. “And once they get to know you, you’ll be invited even without me.”

  That made Kincaid snort. “Since I work from home usually, or at least on my own, I don’t have any friends here other than you and Julia.” He frowned. “I don’t know what that says about me.”

  “It says we’re living in an age where it’s harder to make friends as adults. But don’t worry, you’ll like these guys.”

  “I’ve met Ethan before,” Kincaid added.

  “And you’ll like his brothers, Ethan’s husband Lincoln, and Bristol’s husband, Marcus. I work with him.”

  Kincaid rolled his eyes. “I know. You’ve already given me the complete breakdown of the family tree. At least the ones that live in this city.”

  “I wanted to make sure you knew what was going on,” I said, shrugging. “There are a lot of them, and they can be intimidating. I didn’t want you to be intimidated.”

  “With all the crap that you and I have been through, Ronin, I don’t think a single family will intimidate me.”

  That made me snort. “Apparently, you haven’t met the rest of the Montgomerys. Your tune will change.”

  “I don’t know if you’re trying to make me feel better about meeting them or trying to scare me. You’re sending conflicting messages.”

  I shrugged. “Possibly. That’s my prerogative.”

  “I’m going to be singing that song for a while.”

  That made me laugh. “I haven’t heard it in ages.” I leaned forward, kissed Kincaid on the lips like we had been doing it for years rather than only recently again, and knew that soon this honeymoon bliss of when we didn’t talk about anything serious would have to come to an end. We’d soon have to make decisions and talk because things were getting serious without us even thinking about it. I didn’t want Julia to get hurt because we weren’t talking. I didn’t want to get hurt either, but it was easier to worry about the love of my life than myself. That way, I didn’t have to think too deeply.

  “Where are we meeting?” he asked.

  “A local sports bar. It’s kind of nice, all-leather interior, and doesn’t smell like ass.”

  That made Kincaid laugh. “That’s always good. We aren’t young anymore. I don’t need to hang out with a bunch of dude-bros and scream at the television over a sports program I actually don’t care about.”

  “I bet if it were hockey, you would care.”

  “Of course, I would care. But we’re not watching hockey, are we?” he asked.

  “No, but I bet we can get down to an Avalanche game if you want.”

  “That’d be fun. But I know between Julia being out of town for this project and her upcoming big one, and my next out-of-town thing, we’re going to be a little busy.”

  I shrugged. “We’ve got time. We’ll pin it in the map for the future.”

  Kincaid didn’t say anything about that, and I ignored the hurt I felt. Maybe he was just thinking and wasn’t worried about the fact that he wasn’t making promises beyond tomorrow.

  I needed to stop overthinking things, but that’s what I did. I overthought, and I got myself into shitty situations. I hated the idea that I didn’t know what was happening with Kincaid and my relationship with Julia. Let alone what was happening in the offshoots of that relationship.

  We got in the car, and Kincaid turned on My Prerogative. I closed my eyes, holding back laughter as Kincaid sang off-key, and we made our way to the bar.

  “You’re welcome to have a drink tonight,” Kincaid said, and I frowned.

  “Shit. I didn’t even think.”

  Kincaid just laughed. “I’m fine going into a bar. I’ve done it before.”

  “I didn’t tell the others anything about your past. It wasn’t my right.”

  “And I’m grateful for that. No one needs to know what I’ve done. They just need to know the me now. You can know,” he added. “You and Julia. But the others? No, I don’t know them well enough or at all for that matter to dive into my deepest, darkest secrets.”

  “We can go somewhere else. I’ll tell them I’m not in the mood.”

  “No, I’m fine. I’ll be the designated driver. It’s what I’m good at.”

  “If things get hard, we’ll leave. I promise.”

  Kincaid’s eyes went dark, and he looked down at my crotch. “If things get hard for you, just let me know.”

  That made me laugh outright.

  “That’s one way to put it.”

  “I’m just saying, I’m right here when you need me.”

  “We’ll have to see what comes up later.”

  Kincaid snorted at my horrible joke, and we made our way in.

  The place was a bar, but it was more of a lounge that happened to have a bar. The Montgomerys were at the other end, most of them drinking soda with a couple of beers on the table. I knew they didn’t know that Kincaid was an alcoholic, but none of the Montgomerys went full tilt when it came to drinking anyway. Still, I should have thought about the whole bar scene. I had just been so worried about Kincaid and our future and him meeting my friends that I hadn’t thought about the important shit.

  I needed to get my head out of my ass and worry about what was in front of me rather than what I couldn’t fix.

  Kincaid stopped me before we made our way to the corner and put his hand on the back of my neck. “Stop it. I’m fine. I’m glad that you didn’t think of it right away. It means it’s not the first thing you think about when you look at me.”

  “I think about a lot of things when I look at you,” I whispered, baring myself more than I wanted.

  Kincaid gave me a dark look before he shook his head, and we made our way to where the others were.

  Ethan saw us first and grinned. “Hey there. You’re here. We thought you got lost. Or, you know busy...” He winked, and his husband rolled his eyes.

  “Very subtle, Ethan.”

  “What? I’m just saying.” Ethan grinned.

  “What he isn’t adding is the fact that they just arrived before you because they were busy,” Liam said dryly, and I laughed.

  “Everyone, this is Kincaid. Kincaid, this big, strapping inked man in the corner is Liam. You know Ethan, that’s his husband Lincoln, and Marcus is in the corner over there. And, sitting in front of you is Aaron, the baby of the family.”

  Aaron flipped us off. “Excuse me, not the baby.”

  “Whatever you say,” the brothers said at the same time, and I laughed, Kincaid joining me.

  Aaron continued. “We got a big booth since the bigger table is already taken with a bachelor party.”

  “Bachelor party?” I asked, frowning. “Most people don’t come here for bachelor parties.”

  “No, I think they ju
st wanted something casual,” Liam added.

  “Yeah, not everybody needs strippers and blow for their send off,” Aaron said.

  Kincaid just shook his head. “I’m glad to know we’re not getting that here. Julia would probably kick our asses.”

  “Dude, I would kick your ass,” I said, and Kincaid just grinned.

  “What can I get you guys to drink?” a waiter said as he walked toward us. He was a slender guy, probably in his early twenties, and hot. I noticed that half the men at the table checked the guy out, and he did the same. Liam just met Marcus’s gaze, and they shook their heads, grinning.

  We were all taken, but we weren’t dead.

  “I’ll just take a Coke.” Kincaid smiled.

  “Is Pepsi okay?” the man asked.

  Liam shook his head while Kincaid laughed. “No, how about a club soda with lime then.”

  “I had a feeling you were going to say that.” The waiter winked at my man. “I think we’re switching to a Coke distributor soon. Nobody ever likes Pepsi here.”

  “Because it’s sacrilege,” Kincaid said, and the waiter kept looking at him.

  I cleared my throat pointedly, and the waiter blushed, saw the way that Kincaid’s hand was on my thigh, and had the grace to look a little ashamed of his overt flirting.

  “Anyway, what can I get for you?”

  I held back a smile. “I’ll take the same as him.”

  “You can get anything you want,” Kincaid whispered. “Remember, I’m the DD.”

  “I’m fine. I want a clear head.”

  Our waiter nodded. “Two club sodas with limes. Any refills?”

  “We’re all good on beer, but if you could bring a round of waters? That’d be good.” Marcus looked at everybody as we nodded.

  “Sounds great.”

  “We’re going to order appetizers and meals soon,” Aaron added at the crestfallen look on the guy’s face that he’d almost hidden. “I promise we won’t take up your table for club soda and water.”

  The young twenty-something blushed again. “Sorry, didn’t mean to show the inner workings of my mind.”