Small Town Dreaming

by IRENE JONES

  “Well, I feel that if you wanted me to know, then you would have told me.”

  Ms. Archie was an open book at times, and then she would get silent on me sometimes. “So, who’s there?”

  “A friend of mine. I can’t find her burial spot because her family never got a gravestone. She got herself caught up in life’s lessons. I hate that I wasn’t in contact with her over the years before she died. I’ve learned that people are in your life for a short time. Then some are in your life for all times.”

  Losing so many friends and people that have gone on to glory or whatever place or solar system they end up, I know how she felt. I also wonder if the people you are friends with or even family members would be different. Always the what-if syndrome.

  We found the spot, and Ms. A said a prayer and laid flowers on her friend’s gravesite. The ride back home was quiet and tense. Tense because I wanted to know how she knew this mystery lady and how she died.

  Fun times came, and went so fast, it’s the in-between the fun times that seem to move too slowly. Wouldn’t the world be so pleasant and joyful if the beginning of time didn’t reroute God’s plan? At the club playing my music, I feel there isn’t a care or a problem that exists. It’s crowded as usual, which is good for business, but some people need to learn to hold their liquor.

  Lately, there have been a few pushes and shoves at the club, usually by the pool table. I changed up my music because the crowd was requesting some slow-dancing music. So, halfway through the night, I started playing a few old-school slow jams.

  It was the right decision to make, and that in turn brought the older crowd out. I was finally getting to see more people mix it up in the club. Many of the people were from out of town: New York, California, DC, even Chi-town showed up often.

  The night had finally come to an end. As I was putting some equipment away, Ms. Fran came over to ask about a party she was planning at the club and asked if I would DJ.

  “Sure, I’d be glad to,” I replied.

  She smiled and said, “So who have you? You’ve been busy these days,” meaning who was I dating or seeing.

  “Well, I have been hanging with Ms. A off and on besides work.”

  She laughed and said, “So, Arch is keeping you away from me.”

  “I didn’t know you were looking for me,” I replied. Fran was very respectful of my non-relationship status.

  She never pushed for my number or sent messages to me through Ms. A, so I felt respected. “Ms. Lady,” she said, “is it at all possible to get your number?”

  “I will take yours,” I said. We both laughed at the same time. “Why are you single, and not being loved on and treated right?” I asked.

  She said, “I was about a year ago, and things didn’t work out.”

  “So, you have been giving these folks a tease and not aim to please.”

  We both started laughing uncontrollably. Fran gave me her number, and we talked a little more about the party she was going to have. We walked out together, and she said, before getting in her car, “I hope the wait is worth it.”

  Now why in the hell would she say that? I blushed and giggled, then got in my car. No, she did not pull up beside me and ask if I wanted to have breakfast or coffee. I told her we could make a rain check soon. Am I tripping or what? I thought she would never be interested in me. When she was in the club, she never approached me, not even to say hello. Ms. A is going to be like, “What!”

  Now I was still not interested in dating or getting close to anyone. It just was not in my plans these days. But, maybe just a friendly outing with Fran wouldn’t be so bad. I refused to let my heart override what may or may not be right for me.

  Sunday is pajama day, old movies, and all. It was around two in the afternoon, and a knock came at the door, Who could this be? Ms. Archie was out of town, so of course, I had to ease up to the peephole to see who it was. It was one of the people who works in the front office on Sunday. I opened the door, and she asked, “Do you mind checking Ms. Archie’s mail Monday? Because I’m not working, and she may not be back until late evening.”

  “Sure, no problem.”

  She hesitated, then turned to say, “You’re a good DJ,” and walked off.

  What the hell? How does she know I DJ unless she’s been down to the club? Wow, so people do notice my techniques. I went back to watching my movie, and noticed I had a text message. I don’t get those these days, because social media has taken away that personal touch of communicating. The number was not familiar. It said, “We should talk soon; we need to talk.”

  Who? Must have the wrong number. I ignored it and got back into me time. Later in the evening, I got another text saying, “Are you mad at me or something?”

  I replied “You got the wrong person, sorry.”

  Then the response came, “It’s Natalia.” I had forgotten that I gave her my number. We hadn’t spoken in two weeks or more. We had decided to let things be and keep in touch.

  I answered and said, “Hey, how are you? Sorry, I forgot to lock your number on my phone. What’s going on with you?”

  She responded and said she wanted to see me this week to talk and hang out for a little. “Of course,” I replied. “I will get back to you tomorrow, and we can plan a day.”

  She responded with a heart and smiley face.

  Chapter 14:

  An Interesting Week

  Mondays were the busiest day to deal with; I barely got a lunch break. Working from home can have its stress. Finally, I was done and went to have my coffee with Ms. Archie. I had to ask her about the girl in the management office who knew I was a DJ.

  Ms. Archie laughed and said, “Girl, half this building hangs out at the club now and then.”

  I said, “Okay, I get it.” Then I asked her about Fran. She told me Fran was a gentle soul who seems to draw the wrong people to get involved with her. They are usually younger and indecisive about what they want.

  “So, you’re saying she gets used.”

  “Yep,” Ms. Archie said.

  “Oh, okay, that’s too bad. I’ve been down that road a few times.”

  Ms. Archie said, “Damn, you guys would probably be a perfect match.” She laughed while saying that.

  “Hey, now you know how I feel about getting involved.”

  “I know, but do you know?” she retorted.

  That’s when my phone started ringing. She looked at me and said, “Oh no, you’re getting calls off the clock.”

  I was laughing when I answered. It was Natalia. “So, what day and time, oh you know how you are.”

  I laughed and said, “How about Wednesday around four out your way.”

  “Oh, good. Where?”

  “The Logan’s on Cord Road.”

  “Okay, see you there.”

  Of course, my mind started racing, but not for long the way it used to. I’ve learned to control it since I let go of a lot of unnecessary wishing.

  My neighbors were very quiet and stayed to themselves mostly. I didn’t see them unless we happened to be walking out the door or passing each other in the corridor. Management was very strict about keeping the complex clean and neat. It wasn’t surprising to see me picking up trash or sweeping the whole hallway.

  My day ended with thinking about relationships, Ugh, something I had stayed away from for years now.

  Taking on a person living with me was not what I felt I wanted right now. I was older, and I accepted and understood the roadblocks in this life. Friday got there fast, to me anyway. I knew it would be one of those nights at the club, since they were hosting a birthday party, and there was a show also. The crowd was going to be crazy.

  I started loading my car with a few things before heading out; Ms. A approached me and asked if she could ride down to the club with me. I told her that if she wanted to be the first person there, sure.
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  She laughed and said, “Well, I’m a little bored this evening, so why not?”

  We arrived, and the lot had a good number of cars there already.

  Ms. A said it must be the party. I saw people were decorating, because the children don’t come until around ten. We walked in on some remodeling. The dance floor side had more tables and chairs than usual. Carol rushed over to me and asked was I okay with the set up on this side. I hadn’t seen her for three weekends. She was glowing and happy.

  “Hey lady, good to see you back,” I greeted her.

  We hugged, and she said, “Well, I had to get my relationship in order.

  Okay, cool, she and Destiny are right again.

  Well, not necessarily. Carol talked with me later, before it got busy, and said that she and Destiny were no longer together but were good friends. Then she said, “I’m not with Loreen, either.”

  “So,” I said, “Well, you must first take care of yourself, find your sense of peace within you, and love yourself first and foremost.”

  Carol said that she and Destiny took time out to talk and get an understanding of each other. Carol also told me that Destiny had done her dirty way before she had.

  Gay or not, it’s too much drama with someone else in your life, mainly when you haven’t found your own darn self. The crowd started to get crazy. I believe they had to turn people away. To my surprise, I saw another old friend in the building. He was on the dance floor, clowning and waving at me. We talked a bit, and he was doing great, but had some setbacks over the years. I love his dancing.

  Tonight happened to be request-a-song night for one hour. I’ll be damned if half the crowd doesn’t ask for hustle songs, which was cool because I could take a break in between sets. I sat down and chilled for a few, and I saw a lady that, of course, looked so darn familiar, but I couldn’t place her name. I ran into many old hangout buddies from back in the day. I also found out the party was for a woman named Phyliss who had just turned fifty years old.

  Her crowd was massive. She was popular back in the day, and it was like a reunion and surprise party. I still couldn’t place where I had seen one of the guests before. It was not here at the club, that’s for sure. I was in a hyper mood, so I played some old-school tunes mixed with new mixes.

  The crowd was so excited when I started the old-school tunes. They even did a circle, and some old heads were letting the new kids have it. They danced on for about an hour until I slowed it down for any couples in the club. Some of the people were drunk as hell. A few had the nerve to ask me to come and dance with them. This Friday was a memorable night, even for Ms. A.

  Chapter 15:

  Time Waits for No One

  My DJ gigs were constant, even outside the club. I was so happy with what I was doing now that I let the work-at-home job go. The digital age made it easy to spin at the clubs. Technology made it easy to do travel gigs. This gig went on for more than six months, until I was approached by a man one night at the club.

  He was relatively young. A little nerdy looking, but cute. He also had someone with him, who was a little older, but quiet. He introduced himself as Devin, and his friend was named Carlos. It was one of those awkward introductions, because I was not expecting it. The purpose of them coming to the club was to meet me and watch me spin. It was strange, because they didn’t know me personally, so how had they learned to come here?

  We briefly spoke, and Devin left his business card with Carol and me. As the days passed, I honestly forgot to contact him. Saturday came around, and I was spinning at the club. As I looked up, I saw Natalia speaking with one of the wait staff. Now the anxiety kicked in, and I felt uneasy. But I regained my composure as she came over to the DJ booth. She spoke with a smile and asked if I had a few minutes between sets to make time.

  Oh, wow, what brought her here tonight? I wondered. The gay scene is not her thing.

  After a half-hour passed, I stepped away from the booth to speak with Natalia at the small table for two in the dance area’s rear. She stood up and grabbed my hand, then moved my chair to her side of the table. While this was going on, Carol was watching in the distance.

  Natalia started the conversation off with, “How you have been?”

  The history with this woman is a little complicated, but respectful. If it is history, hmmm. I asked about her family. In turn, she asked about my family, and then the conversation went in a direction I was not expecting at all. She asked if I had talked to a guy named Devin last weekend.

  I said, “Oh yeah, I did. I briefly spoke with him. He just referred to my DJing, but no details about anything else.”

  She asked if I would be interested in doing out-of-the country gigs.

  I looked at her, and instantly knew this guy must be a friend of hers. Sure enough, he was a friend of the family. She told me she was doing management work for their company. It turns out the company they own is a multimillion-dollar firm out of Dubai, of all places.

  I laughed a little and said, “You, of all people, are involved in corporate life again?”

  She also laughed and said, “It was an offer I didn’t want to pass up.”

  “So, you recommend it to me?”

  She looked at me and said, “You were the first person who came to mind, as always.”

  I blushed as she said it to me. Like I said before, our history is something I cherish.

  I was curious about what kind of traveling I would be doing. Natalia explained that it was a once-a-month job that paid something like five grand per gig. I told her to let me think about it, because it wouldn’t start until close to the end of the year. Of course, I was interested, just not so much out of the country.

  I finished up the night and went out to breakfast with some of my co-workers, including Carol. We ended up at a twenty-four-hour place a few miles away from the club. We laughed, and talked and talked about our futures. Some of the guys left, and Carol stuck around. Of course, she started asking about Natalia and what she wanted.

  I told her she was a dear friend who I don’t see as often as I would like to anymore, which is best for us both. We remained close at a distance.

  Carol flat out asked me, “Were you guys involved on some level?”

  “No, nothing like that.” At least in my mind, I didn’t call it that.

  “She’s hot,” Carol said, “and I can see she adores you.”

  I was laughing, “Okay, and my life doesn’t involve anyone. The stress and drama of loving someone unconditionally are too much.”

  “Well,” Carol said, “if you haven’t found that true, unconditional love yet, maybe it’s just not meant to be.”

  We talked a little more and decided to head out. The sun was coming up as we were leaving. It reminded me of years gone by when I hung out after the club and went with friends to eat. I missed those times.

  As I was parking in my apartment’s lot, I saw Ms. A walking through the hallway. I guess I wasn’t the only one coming in late.

  I woke up late that afternoon. Well, coming in at five in the morning would cause that to happen.

  I had missed a few calls and one of my Sunday morning old TV shows. I am very much a back-in-the-day type of person: I love old-school music, movies, and TV shows. Working at the club, I must stay up on that old school music, especially on old-school Wednesday, per Carol. We all work superbly together and cover each other’s shifts. We even carpool sometimes.

  I wanted to call Natalia, say no, and maintain our distance, which would be best for all of us. But then I really wanted to finally travel again and see the beauty this world has to offer. I mean that literally, this world has so much beauty in it that many don’t know about because they are stuck in generational habits. I was definitely one of them.

  Over the years, I have seen some crazy things, and I have done some crazy stuff. I find myself deep in thought in the wildest place
s, and before I know it I lose my concentration. Being a DJ is fun, an adrenalin rush for my soul, I always tell people. In between, I was a person pleaser, at least as far as relationships went. I always felt I had the answer to other people’s issues, whether financially, emotionally, or psychologically.

  I knew I was traveling down a road ass-backward in the back of my mind, but the attention I got was not always good for me. I was wondering if my choices were subconscious, from hereditary habit. I can remember back when I was just four years old. Some memory pops up while I am letting myself get deeper and deeper in someone else’s misery, and I am always hoping and wishing it will come true.

  I cried many nights over the stupidest crap. My priorities were a mess. It’s like I couldn’t grasp the love that was needed for myself, and the people and family close to me. Then came along someone who captured my soul. They embraced me as a dear friend, not looking for anything in return, just the closeness of stories we shared and situations we let ourselves endure.

  The long phone conversations, texting whenever we thought of each other, they were my ying and my yang all put together. But wishful thinking is what got me caught up in more than twenty years of soul searching without knowing who I was. Now there I was, finding my peace within myself. I’m not a supermodel; I don’t attract people like some, but I love me more. When it comes to attraction to people, I stop myself and remind myself that I will not go down that road today.

  Chapter 16:

  Facing my Fears to Love

  Monday morning found me up early, taking a walk to clear my weekend thoughts. I was still thinking about the offer to play music out of the country. The thing was, I didn’t want to be around Natalia like that. The fact that it was business, didn’t matter, the history was beyond understanding.

  I always let my mind go back to situations that keep my anxiety in fifth gear. It’s been a while, but I’ve learned how to control it much better than before.