by Aurora Rey
That left her to grapple with her own feelings—not a preferred pastime. So when Dom asked if she wanted to spend the day with Renata and him babysitting her nieces, she jumped on it. She figured the distraction of three kids under the age of ten would keep her mind far from Graham and what their future might hold. It was a perfect plan until Renata announced their agenda.
“Graham got us discounted tickets for a whale watch,” she said with a mixture of excitement and awe. “I’ve never been on one. Have you?”
Mat sighed, just barely managing to stop it from turning into a growl. “I haven’t.”
They bundled into jackets and hats and mittens and piled into Renata’s sister’s van and drove down to the pier. Dom said, “Renata made sure we picked a time that Graham would be working. We’ll get to see her in her element.”
“Great.” Mat felt anything but great. She actually felt a strong urge to bail on the whole thing and spend her day working.
They parked and the six of them made their way toward the designated dock of the Dolphin Fleet. Mat’s trepidation didn’t have much chance to take hold. Jacinda, who was seven and wore bright purple glasses, grasped her hand and asked her one question after another about her job catching lobsters and going to work every day with Dom.
They boarded the boat and headed to the top deck. Sure enough, Graham was there, organizing what Mat imagined were the props she used to teach laypeople about marine life. She wore a blue and white windbreaker with the Dolphin Fleet logo stitched onto it. Her hair was braided and she had a knit cap pulled over it. Hardly a sexy look, but it didn’t stop Mat from having to swallow the lump that appeared in her throat.
“Hi, Graham.” Dom’s voice was enthusiastic and both he and Renata waved in her direction.
Graham looked their way and returned the wave. When her eyes landed on Mat, her smile changed. It was knowing, sure. For the briefest of moments, the kids and her cousin and the strangers filling in around them vanished. All Mat could see was Graham and, instead of frightening her, it made her inexplicably calm.
The moment passed and all the noises and people returned. Mat felt a hand clamp down on her shoulder and realized Will had come up behind her. Right. Will worked here, too. “Hey, Mat. I didn’t realize you were spending the afternoon with us.”
“I didn’t, either.” Mat laughed at the ridiculousness of that statement. Maybe the universe was trying to tell her something.
“Well, welcome aboard.”
“Thanks.”
Graham joined them, introducing herself to the little girls. She shook their hands and asked them their ages. It surprised Mat how natural Graham was interacting with kids. Then she remembered Graham did it every day. Of course she’d be good with kids.
Before long, the boat was in motion. The wind had a real bite and Mat was glad she’d decided to grab her own gloves and hat. They puttered out of the harbor and around Long Point toward open water. She watched Graham give her talk, an impressive overview of marine life and habitat, along with breeding, migration, and feeding behaviors of humpback and minke whales. As if on cue, she wrapped up just as sightings began.
The girls decided to stay on the top deck so they could see in all directions. Mat tried to focus on their conversations, but found her gaze drifting to Graham again and again. Armed with binoculars and a notebook, she and the other naturalist announced sightings, identified the whales based on their tail patterns, and logged everything. It wasn’t the manual labor of lobstering, but there was more to it than Mat might have conceded before.
Twice, Mat glanced from Graham to Dom, only to find him watching her. It was hard to be annoyed, though. He always smiled at her and, rather than smug or mocking, he simply seemed happy. As did Renata and the girls. It was a gorgeous day, if on the chilly side, and watching whales proved to be a lot of fun.
The girls treated Graham like a rock star. They stood near her and asked questions. Many of the other kids did as well. It was cute to watch. They also insisted on having their picture taken with her and some of the artifacts she used in her lesson. When the captain announced they had to head back to shore, Mat decided to snag a few seconds of her attention.
“I was surprised to see you today.” There was no accusation in Graham’s voice, only curiosity.
“I offered to join Dom and Renata so they wouldn’t be outnumbered. I didn’t realize this was the day’s activity.”
Graham’s eyes sparkled. “Your first whale watch, right? What did you think?”
Mat would have come up with something nice to say, but the truth of the matter was that she’d been impressed. She considered herself an expert on Cape Cod Bay, but she’d learned a few things. On top of that, Graham was really good at her job. She was enthusiastic without being obnoxious and managed to convey information that kids could digest without boring the adults to tears. “I don’t want to say better than I expected, because then you’ll think I had really low expectations. But it was better than I expected.”
Graham laughed and the sound—pure and genuine—went right to Mat’s gut. “High praise.”
“See, I knew it would sound bad. It was really good. Fun and educational.”
Graham laughed again. “I’ll take it.”
The journey back to land seemed to take no time at all. Before Mat realized it, they were docked at MacMillan Pier. People began filtering toward the exit, but Mat held back. “Are you off now?”
Graham smiled. “I am.”
“I think I’m roped into an early pizza dinner. Not the most exciting of evenings, but you’re welcome to join us.”
Graham let her gaze travel from Mat to Dom and Renata, to the three insanely adorable little girls. She’d not been looking for a sign, some cosmic reassurance that things with Mat were going to turn out okay. Still, it felt like she might be getting exactly that. “I’d love to.”
She wished Will a good night and walked with Mat to the parking lot. She climbed into the back of the minivan, sandwiched between Sarah and Leonor. From her seat, she was able to watch Jacinda bask in Mat’s attention. She empathized with the little girl’s crush while indulging in thoughts of having a little girl of her own.
For all that Mat claimed not to want a family, she was a natural with kids. Graham knew better than to equate one with the other, but she couldn’t help but wonder what it might be like. And if Mat’s assertions truly matched what was in her heart.
They ended up at a tiny pizza joint in Truro. The seven of them crowded around a table that wasn’t quite big enough and debated the relative grossness of mushrooms and anchovies. Graham laughed and learned about the girls’ dance lessons. She squeezed Mat’s knee under the table and exchanged a few flirtatious looks with her.
By the time they ended up back at Mat’s place, Graham was exhausted. “I’m not sure how people do it,” she said.
Mat shrugged. “I think it’s harder when both parents work, but not impossible. Especially if you have a big and supportive family.”
She smiled. “Like you.”
“I’m pretty lucky, I guess.”
Graham kicked off her shoes. “I was actually talking about you being the supportive family. I mean, I know the girls aren’t technically your family, but you all pulled together and gave their parents the day off.”
“When you put it that way.” Mat hung up their jackets. “I guess I take that part for granted. I’ve looked after kids since I was old enough to be left alone with them.”
“It’s kind of genius, really. Training the next generation of parents.” Graham thought of the few minutes she spent with Maeve earlier in the week. She certainly loved the idea of spending time with Lia and Alex’s daughter, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t think of it as practice.
“Yeah, I guess that’s one way of looking at it.”
Graham sighed. She wanted to press Mat a bit, try to get a read on her feelings on babies and marriage and all those things. Or maybe more accurately, a read on whether Mat
’s no way, no how outlook might soften over time. “I guess the opposite could be true as well.”
Mat angled her head. “A reality check, you mean? A reminder of just how much work it is to raise a family?”
“I imagine it has that effect on some people.” Graham shrugged, avoided making eye contact.
“Not you, though.”
She looked up and found Mat’s gaze fixed on her. “Not me.”
“For the record, you were really good with the girls. They’d never met you before and, by the end of dinner, wanted to be your best friends. I’m sure you’ll be a great mom someday.”
Graham searched Mat’s face for meaning, but couldn’t find any. “Maybe one day.”
“So, did you want to watch a movie or something?”
Maybe it counted for something that Mat assumed she was staying, wanted her to stay. “If you do.”
Mat closed the short distance between them and wrapped her arms around Graham’s waist. “I’d be more inclined to call it a night, crawl into bed early.”
Despite the unsettled feeling in her heart, Graham’s body responded immediately. It seemed cowardly to give into it, to shut off the doubts and the worry and the longing for something more. But the certainty of their physical connection meant something. Graham refused to believe they’d still be this much in sync if there wasn’t something below the surface.
Graham let Mat pull her into a kiss, lead her to the bedroom. She gave herself to the moment, to a passion so unlike what she’d experienced before. The fire of the first few times remained. If anything, it had intensified. That had to mean something. She held onto that as she gave herself to Mat. And after, under the blankets and in the warmth of Mat’s arms, Graham let herself bask in the belief that they stood on the precipice of having it all.
Chapter Twenty-five
After the day spent with Dom, Renata, and her nieces, Mat couldn’t shake a feeling of restless anticipation. She spent a day trying to ignore it, another trying to work through it. But every time her mind wandered, it found its way to Graham. The image of her giggling with Jacinda over pizza. Watching her work and the quick thrill of sharing a moment of eye contact. The soft certainty of her body as they drifted off to sleep.
The truth of her feelings hit her like a punch to the stomach during a fight—not completely out of nowhere, but still enough to knock the wind out of her. As she sat with it, though, it started to feel good. Even more surprising, it felt natural. She could see a future with Graham and it felt real, not out of reach.
It was that feeling she held onto when she invited herself to lunch at her parents’ house. She picked Wednesday, in part because Sunday seemed too far away and in part because she didn’t want to deal with other members of the family showing up, announced or otherwise. She also didn’t have plans with Graham the night before. Since she didn’t trust herself not to be stressed and distracted, that was for the best, too.
After a restless night and a morning of too much coffee and not enough to do, Mat paced back and forth in her living room. Despite the certainty in her heart, her stomach twisted and turned, making her glad she’d skipped breakfast. She told herself to relax. She told herself a thousand things had changed since that horrible day all those years ago. She was an adult. Graham was, too. It wasn’t like her parents would disown her at this point. She already knew they disapproved of her relationships with women. This would simply give them something more concrete to disapprove of.
She glanced at her watch. Might as well head over before she wore a path in the rug.
She found her father in his usual chair, reading the paper. Cooking noises came from the kitchen, along with the aroma of linguica and onions. “Hey, Pop.”
He moved the paper to the side and looked at her. “Mattie, you’re early. Does that mean the catch is good or terrible?”
She smiled. “Pretty good. We have a few good weeks still before we start pulling in most of the traps.”
He shook his head. “In my day, we hauled until New Year.”
“And lost money more days than not doing it.” It was her canned response to his canned assertion.
“But we sure ate well.”
She couldn’t fault that logic. “We’ll leave enough in the water for our own enjoyment and the holiday rush.”
He folded up the paper and set it aside. “I know you will. You’re a smart businesswoman on top of being a damn fine lobsterman.”
Mat narrowed her eyes. He might have been the softer of her parents, but compliments were not his style. “You feeling all right, old man?”
He scowled. “I’m fine. Just thinking lately I don’t say often enough that I’m proud of you. Thought you ought to hear it.”
Rather than making her feel better, the sentiment left Mat unsettled. She liked it okay, but she didn’t know what to do with it. “Thanks, Pop.”
They stayed like that for a moment—Mat standing in the middle of the room and her father in his chair, neither of them speaking. Just when the silence started to feel really awkward, her mother walked in. “Who died?”
They both looked at her. Mat blinked a few times. “What? No one.”
“You wouldn’t know it by the look on both your faces.”
Mat laughed, some of the discomfort easing. “Pop was saying nice things and I worried something might be wrong with him.”
That earned her a laugh from both her parents. Ma wiped her hands on the towel she held and announced lunch was ready. Since there were only the three of them, they sat at the small table in the kitchen. Of course, she had still prepared enough food for at least a dozen people. Mat took a deep breath. If she had any hope of eating, she needed to say what needed to be said. “I need to talk to you both.”
Her mother gestured to the food. “Let’s eat. We’ll have plenty of time for talking after.”
Mat couldn’t tell if the deflection came from sensing the conversation might be unpleasant or her general obsession with meals and making sure her family ate at every possible opportunity. Dishes were passed and Mat found herself staring at a plate full of food. She swallowed. “I’m seeing someone.”
Her mother froze, serving spoon suspended over a bowl of potatoes. “What?”
Mat had no doubt her mother had heard, but she refused to take it back. “I said I’m seeing someone. A woman. Graham. You met her at Uncle Martin and Aunt Dores’s anniversary party.”
Pop pointed at her with his fork. “The marine biologist? The one with the red hair?”
“She’s technically a naturalist, but yes. She’s the one.”
“She’s so young, so,” Ma frowned, “white.”
It was Mat’s turn to pretend she hadn’t heard. “Excuse me?”
“I didn’t mean white. I’m not a racist.”
Mat looked at her skeptically. “Are you sure?”
Ma waved both hands in front of her. “Yes, I’m sure. I just mean she’s not Portuguese, not local even.”
Mat shook her head. “Ma, that’s bigoted.”
“I don’t have anything against her, but I don’t understand why you’d choose to date someone who isn’t part of the community.”
Mat stared at her mother, too flabbergasted to appreciate the irony of her current situation. “Would you say that if she was black?”
That seemed to give her pause. “Yes, but not because I have a problem with black people.”
Mat resisted the urge to bang her head on the table. “Pop? Care to weigh in?” As she spoke the words, she realized that might make matters worse.
“Well, I can see where your mother is coming from. The more people marry outside the community, move away, the harder it is for us to keep the traditions, the culture, intact.”
“Exactly.” Ma folded her arms, vindicated.
“Luciano didn’t marry a Portuguese girl. You didn’t have a problem with that.”
“His heart was gone long before he met Alana.” She sighed. “But you, my darling child, you stayed.”
Mat’s head swam. She’d expected a tense conversation, hoped for a hint of acceptance if not full-on support. She had no idea what to do with this. “I don’t understand. Did you think I was going to find some Portuguese guy, magically turn straight, marry him, and make a bunch of babies?”
“Of course not.” Her mother’s spine stiffened, as though Mat had insulted her.
Mat took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a moment. As much as she wanted to dismiss the whole thing, say it didn’t matter what her mother wanted or expected, she couldn’t. She opened her eyes, looked squarely at her. “Maybe you could tell me what you did have in mind.”
“It’s not like that. I never wanted to run your life.” Her tone was defiant.
Mat laughed. It came out brittle and hard. “Really? You could have fooled me.”
Her father chose that moment to reinsert himself into the conversation. “I understand you’re upset, Mattie, but that’s not an excuse to speak to your mother that way.”
“Sorry,” Mat said, more out of habit than conviction. Then she looked again at her mother, and found her eyes filled with tears. Except when her grandparents had died, and at her brothers’ weddings, she didn’t think she’d ever seen her mother cry. “Please, I want to understand.”
“I guess I thought you might end up with a girl like Carolina.”
This conversation made less and less sense. “Ma, she’s straight and has two kids.”
She flipped her hand from side to side to indicate the jury might still be out on that one. “Her no-good husband ran off and left her. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if she cast a wider net to find someone she could count on, someone who’d help her raise those girls of hers.”
Mat blinked at her mother, speechless. “You’re serious.”
“Well, I didn’t have it planned out. I just thought maybe you’d decide to have a family of your own at some point.”
Mat didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or scream. “So you’ve decided it’s okay I’m a lesbian as long as I end up with a nice Portuguese girl. One you’ve picked out for me. Hopefully one with kids.” She shook her head. “And here I thought you were plain old vanilla homophobic.”
