by Penelope Sky
“I’m just trying to—”
“I don’t give a fuck what you were trying to do. You need to get back to your cabin before they discover you. If they find you, I won’t be able to help you.” He finally released his grip on my arms and stepped back, like he needed to withdraw himself so he wouldn’t really hurt me in his anger. “Go. Now.” His eyes lifted up slightly, as if to check if one of the other guards had departed the cabin.
I was still paralyzed, unable to move.
His eyes dropped down and looked into mine again, just as fierce as before, that rage growing.
“Why are you helping me?”
His brown eyes shifted back and forth slightly, burning into mine as his chest rose and fell with furious breaths, the vapor trailing from his nostrils into the darkness and disappearing. This was the look he’d been giving me from the privacy of his hood for the past few weeks. He looked livid, but maybe he always looked this way. “Keep pissing me off, and I’ll stop.” He came back to me and lowered his voice. “I’ll be gone for a few weeks. You’ll be on your own. So, I suggest you be on your best behavior.”
That church bell on the wind had been the first sign of hope in this desolate place. But this man was the bigger sign of hope, my saving grace. My hands shook, not from the cold, but from the comfort he brought me, the belief that there was some good in this place…even when wrapped in darkness. And losing that, even for a short period of time, was brutal. I couldn’t let him go, couldn’t lose this lifeline that God gave me. “What do you mean, you’re leaving? Where are you going? When will you be back—”
“Go back to your cabin. And do not pull this shit while I’m gone.”
I moved closer to him, my hands moving to his forearms because I wanted to touch him, to touch the only man in this camp who wasn’t evil. “Take me with you…”
His eyes didn’t blink as he looked into mine, as if he actually considered it, took a moment to figure out how he could make that happen, a plan to sneak me out of this horrible place. “I can’t.”
“Please—”
He yanked his arms from my grasp. “I said I can’t.”
“Magnus—”
“Go.” He walked away from me, dismissing the conversation, taking the stairs back to the patio.
A man’s voice sounded at that moment. “Are we playing another round or what?”
I immediately stepped back, hiding against the platform so the light couldn’t shine on my body.
Magnus’s response was curt. “Coming.” He stepped in and shut the door loudly behind him, like he wanted me to know they were all inside—and the coast was clear.
9
Trendsetter
After I made it back to my cabin, I couldn’t sleep.
I tossed and turned until morning.
The guard who came to get me was nothing like Magnus.
“Get your fucking ass up!” My door flew open, and he startled me from sleep in the most jarring way possible.
I panicked so much, I ended up falling out of bed, hitting the hardwood on my hands and knees.
The guard laughed loudly. “We’re gonna have some fun.”
My knees ached from the collision with the hardwood floor, and it took me a second to get up, to grab my boots from the floor and return to the bed to put them on.
“Go, come on.” He smacked the back of his hand against his palm in my face. “Chop-chop. That coke isn’t going to cut itself.” He kept making the hand motion right in my face, over and over, like he was trying to get a rise out of me or make me burst into tears.
I ignored him and got my boots on then grabbed my jacket.
He grabbed me by the arm and shoved me outside before I could even get the jacket on.
I stumbled forward over the wooden patio and hit the rail, my jacket hanging from my body because I only had one arm in the sleeve.
He walked past me and headed down the stairs. “Chop-chop.”
I glared at him as he passed before I righted myself. I took the stairs as I pulled on my jacket the rest of the way, zipping up the front and hugging what little warmth I had left to my body.
He walked ahead and escorted me to the clearing where I’d work for the day and strain every muscle in my body from lifting all the heavy boxes. Instead of leaving like Magnus did, he stayed, joining the others to keep an eye on our progress.
I turned to the table and started to prepare a box.
“You okay?” Bethany worked on her own box, her head down.
“I’m fine.”
“Because you look like you’re going to kill someone.”
“I must always look like that, because that’s how I always feel.”
We ate our lunch, the guards circling around, hoping that someone would step out of line so they could punish us.
Because they were sick.
The Red Snow was tomorrow…and I couldn’t go through that again.
“I snuck out of my room last night,” I whispered.
Bethany was good at not reacting, and she didn’t now. “What happened?” She stabbed her fork into the chicken and took a bite before scooping into her rice.
“I explored the camp, tried to figure out where they keep the essentials.”
“And?”
“I found the guards playing poker in a cabin. When I peeked inside, one of them saw me…”
She stilled, her fork stationary. “Oh my god…”
“It ended up being Magnus. He came outside and told me to go back to my cabin.”
“What?” Her voice rose a little.
I kicked her, telling her to be quiet.
She snapped out of it and kept eating.
We didn’t talk again until the next guard came and went past us.
“What happened?” she whispered.
“He told me he was leaving for a few weeks… I asked him to take me with him. He said no.”
“And he didn’t report you?”
“I’m sitting here, aren’t I?”
“I can’t believe that…”
I still couldn’t believe it either.
“He could have hung you right then and there. He should have reported you, and he didn’t.”
“I know.”
“I guess they aren’t all evil, but I’ve never seen a guard be anything other than evil.”
It made me reflect on our first meeting, when he was rough with me. Maybe he only acted that way because the other guards were around. Or maybe he always did act that way, but something about me made him less violent. I really had no idea.
“Are you sleeping with him?”
“No,” I said immediately.
“Has he tried…?”
“No.” He never did anything like that.
“You think he’s an undercover cop or something?”
Wouldn’t that be nice? “No…because he would just tell me.”
“I guess that’s true.”
“I have a new guard in the meantime. He’s a fucking psychopath.”
“They’re all psychopaths, girl. Did Magnus say where he was going?”
“No, but the guards must have time off. They can’t live here all the time. They must have lives outside of this place. Does your guard rotate?”
“Yeah. I’ve had a few different ones over the years.”
I pushed my food around, thinking about the way those brown eyes burned into mine with an inferno of rage. When the hood covered his face, I never really cared what he looked like underneath, because all the guards were the same to me—monsters. I never imagined that was his appearance, with masculine angles to his face, a hard jawline, eyes full of authority, and a voice that could make the walls shake with its potency.
“Do you think he’ll help you escape?”
“I don’t know… I feel like he would have offered that already.”
“True.”
“Honestly, I really don’t know him at all. I don’t know his purpose here. I don’t know who he is outside this camp. I don’t k
now why he’s kinder than the rest of them. I don’t know how far his generosity goes…”
“Ask him when he gets back.”
“Yeah, I will.”
My guard was despicable.
He treated me like a dog.
When dinner arrived that night, the woman didn’t even come inside. The guard was the one with the tray. He came toward me, held it out to me, and started to whistle like I was a dog that needed to beg for my food.
“Speak.” He whistled again. “Speak, girl.”
Did he do this to all the girls or just me? If he tortured every single one, dinner delivery would take forever, but since he was stuck here, he probably had nothing else to do with his time. And maybe he remembered punching me in the face, and he’d hated me ever since.
He started to click his tongue. “You want a treat? Roll over.”
I just stared at him, unable to believe this bullshit.
His voice deepened. “Bitch, I said roll over.”
I’d rather starve than obey. “Fuck off.”
“What’d you just say to me?”
I should hold my tongue because he wanted me to fight back. He wanted any excuse to punish me more. It was exactly what he wanted.
He came closer until the tray was right under my face. He shook it, making the roll vibrate then fall onto the floor. “You think you can talk to me like that?” He pulled the tray away then sat beside me. He pulled off his gloves.
I started to breathe harder, feeling his heat beside me, feeling the way he made the mattress shift from his weight. The adrenaline mixed with the anxiety and made a brand-new cocktail.
He ate with his bare hands, shoveling the food into his mouth, making a mess everywhere, looking me right in the face to watch my reaction.
I stared straight ahead and did my best to ignore him.
He got stains all over his clothes, chewed loudly and obnoxiously, his lips smacking, adding a loud burp just to disgust me. “Pretty fucking good.” He finished the tray until it was clean. “Maybe if you listen, you’ll get some next time.” He rose from the bed, threw the tray on the floor, and then walked out.
My eyes shifted to the roll that sat on the floor, the only morsel I would get that evening. I was too stubborn to eat it, would rather lose sleep from the hunger than break my strength.
But then my eyes shifted to the book on my nightstand.
I had to bide my time, hold my patience, and then my chance would come…and I would get retribution.
But in order for that to happen, I had to stay strong. I had to eat. I had to stay calm. My eyes needed to remain focused on the prize that was far in the distance, the dream that would become a reality…someday.
I picked up the roll and ate it.
Another Red Snow.
I didn’t look, would never look.
But it was impossible to tune out the sounds, to listen to an innocent woman scream as she was dragged to the noose. Then the gag after she dropped. The knife to the stomach. The guttural sounds. And then the silence of death.
You couldn’t block that out.
You couldn’t keep it from your nightmares.
You couldn’t protect your spirit…as it faded more and more every time.
Bethany said it got easier as time went on.
No—it got worse.
The guard really got off on torturing me.
He continued to treat me like a dog, making me work for my dinner, like busting my ass all day wasn’t enough to garner a meal.
He pulled the chair from the wall and placed it in front of me, where he took a seat.
Fuck. This. Shit.
He held up the tray. “Wow, this looks good…pot roast, carrots, sourdough bread…some strawberries…” He took a loud sniff before he lowered it again. “Just as good as the dinner we get.”
The only reason I didn’t fall apart was because this torture was temporary. Magnus would return eventually, and this nightmare would end. I would get my meals like usual, even get some nice company—and maybe if I could convince him, my freedom. I hated all the guards when I arrived here, including Magnus, but now he was my ally, just like Bethany was. He would return…and rescue me from this hell.
I kept my eyes on his dark hood, seeing his thick black beard stick out a bit. I knew what his face looked like now, after spotting him inside the largest cabin. At least I didn’t have to look him in the eye now, just focus on the shadow over his face.
“No dinner every night… You must be hungry.”
“Not particularly.” Having to sit there in his presence chased away my appetite.
“Why don’t I believe you?” A deep chuckle came from his throat because he was enjoying this way too much. He grabbed the fork and stirred the contents on the plate, moving the beef through the gravy.
My stomach growled.
I heard it.
He heard it.
I didn’t need to see his smile to know it was there.
“I’ll make a deal with you.” He moved the tray forward and placed it in my lap.
I wasn’t stupid enough to touch it.
“You can have all of that…if you do something for me.”
I already knew where this was going.
“Eat my cock…and then you can eat this.”
My goal was to stay strong, and in order to do that, I needed nutrition. I had definitely had a hard time working that afternoon because my body was at such a deficit. But there was no motivation that could make me agree to that.
I grabbed the tray.
He inhaled a breath, like he knew he was getting what he wanted.
I raised the tray higher then slowly tilted it, letting everything roll off the plate and onto the floor between us, my eyes on his hood the entire time, listening to the food splatter all over the floor in front of my bed. I turned the tray completely upside down before I released it and let it fall to the floor.
He was still.
There was a chance he would hold me down and force himself on me, but I took the gamble anyway.
He stayed in the chair for a full minute.
Bethany had never mentioned the girls getting raped by the guards, but there was no way it didn’t happen, not when they weren’t unafraid to beat us, starve us, enslave us. I was prepared to fight him, dig my nails into his eyes and make him blind.
He rose to his feet.
I flinched slightly, anticipating him charging into me and holding me down.
But he stood over me and kicked the chair back. “Looks like you aren’t getting lunch tomorrow either.”
Fine with me.
He walked out and slammed the door behind him.
I finally let the air out of my lungs, let myself breathe normally, relaxed now that the danger had passed.
The food was still all over the floor.
I didn’t hesitate to eat what I could salvage.
My guard made good on his threat.
Everyone was given a tray—except me.
Bad behavior was punished with less food, but not no food entirely.
Bethany spoke when the coast was clear. “What happened?”
“My guard said he would give me dinner if I sucked his cock. You know what my answer was.”
“I’ve never seen anyone get no lunch…”
“What can I say? I’m a trendsetter.”
“Why does he hate you so much?”
“No idea.”
Bethany put a piece of bread in her hand, like she was attempting to share her food.
“Don’t,” I whispered. “I’m sure he’s waiting for you to do that. I’m fine, really.”
Bethany put the bread in her mouth instead.
In truth, I was starving, and knowing I wouldn’t get dinner tonight either made my stomach cramp. I’d salvaged the meat and potatoes from the floorboards, but now that I wasn’t getting enough calories on a regular basis, it really affected my body’s performance. It was harder to carry the boxes, and there were times I was so fatigued
, I wasn’t sure if I could pick them up at all.
It was exactly what he wanted.
So I would be the next victim of the Red Snow.
10
Friends in Low Places
The guard never came.
There was no dinner…but there was no torture either.
I considered myself lucky, even though I was so hungry I actually started to feel sick. My muscles were tightening and turning stiff because I didn’t have the electrolytes for healthy contraction.
I couldn’t even sleep because I was so hungry.
It was a long night. I just had to tell myself that Magnus would return and make sure I had plenty to eat.
When the guard woke me up the next morning, he was still furious. “Bet some cock doesn’t sound so bad now, does it?” He grabbed my boots and threw them right at my face.
I winced when the bottom of the boot hit me right in the cheek.
“Let’s go.”
I got my boots and jacket on then followed him to the clearing, but just the walk was difficult. I was out of breath, shaky, so weak… I didn’t know how I would get through the day. When we made it to the clearing, he nodded to the table. “Get to it.”
Bethany was already preparing the next box.
I went to the table and struggled just to slide it toward me. I opened the box and then slid it into my arms. But I lost my balance, and it almost toppled over, nearly spilling the cocaine everywhere.
Bethany steadied it before it could spill.
“Don’t help her!” he yelled from the other side of the clearing, watching me like an experiment that was about to fail.
I returned the box to the table and breathed hard.
Bethany pretended to be working on her box even though it was ready to go. “What did he do to you?”
“I haven’t eaten in days…” I took a moment to focus my brain, to tell myself that I could do this, that I had to do this. This was exactly what he wanted, to make me so weak that I would be the next victim on that noose…unless I gave him what he wanted.
