Bad Habits (Nashville Outlaws #1)

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Come here, you. Tell me about your date.” I only wanted to hear about it if it sucked, but I couldn’t tell her that. I had to take the good with the bad if I still wanted to be the guy she confided in. And I did. I wanted that more than anything. Auden may be the guy she was sharing her body with, which I hated, but I was the one she shared everything else with.

  She sighed before dropping down beside me and kicking her feet up on the table. She’d traded the cowboy boots for colorful canvas sneakers, rolled and ripped jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt. She wasn’t trying hard to impress because a girl like Cece never had to try. She was always on trend… and always hot.

  I put my arm around her, pulling her against my chest. She sighed contentedly, curling into me as we got comfortable. We’d sat like this a hundred times, just talking, having a few drinks, watching some chick flick, or listening to tunes. I’d taken it for granted before but tonight it felt like the best part of my day. Beat the hell out of fifty thousand screaming fans and that said it all.

  “Where’s Auden?” I asked, kissing the top of her head. I didn’t want to talk about him, but if they’d gotten into it and she’d bailed on him and his friends I wanted to hear about that.

  She sighed, plucking at the threads on the thigh of my torn jeans. Damn. It was an innocent gesture, and being all touchy-feely was nothing new for us, but tonight my body was stirring and the last thing I needed was to get aroused when I was trying to pretend nothing had changed between us.

  “I told him to stay and hang out with his friends. I was tired.” She stifled a yawn behind her hand while I kissed her forehead. “What were you and Leo talking about when I came in? Looked intense.”

  “Saying all the things I should have said to him before.” Her lips were a few inches away and I wanted to taste them. It wouldn’t be the first time, but neither one of us was drunk tonight, and we hadn’t crossed that line in a long time. Too long, as far as I was concerned. “Hopefully he’ll heed my warning and back off now. I hate that he’s been harassin’ you.”

  She curled her arm around my stomach, tucking her head under my chin. And I was done. Feeling this girl wrapped up in my arms felt so right. How could I have been so oblivious to that before?

  “I know, but don’t worry. I can handle him.”

  “So, what were his friends like?” I didn’t know why I kept circling back to Auden. Maybe because I was waiting for her to tell me she was having second thoughts about him.

  “They were nice. They went to college together.” She tipped her head back to look at me. “Did you know he went to Belmont? Studied composition.” She smiled. “He loves classical music.”

  The way she talked about him had that uneasy feeling spreading in my gut again. “Yeah, he mentioned something about that when I brought him in the first time.” I’d liked the kid. My team and I had been following his career for a bit and felt he’d be the perfect fit for this tour. But there was no way I could have known then that Cece would fall for him. Or that I’d fall for her. I couldn’t say for sure, but it felt like that’s what was happening. I was falling for my best friend and I didn’t know what the hell to do about it.

  “I like him, Knox.” She settled in again, absently skimming my abs with her fingernails through my cotton t-shirt. “He’s a sweet guy. But not like Leo. He’s sincere, real, ya know?”

  “Hmm.”

  She looked up at me. “What? You don’t think he is?”

  This was my chance to plant that seed of doubt so she wouldn’t keep thinking crazy thoughts about Auden, babies, and her future. All I had to tell her was that I got a bad vibe, that I thought there was something off about him, and I knew it would be enough to make her think twice. But the words got stuck in my throat. I couldn’t lie to her.

  “If he says he likes you, I have no doubt he does. Hell, who wouldn’t?” My voice was raspy, laced with emotion, when I said, “You’re the closest thing to perfection I’ve ever met.”

  She laughed, slapping my stomach. “You’re such a liar.”

  “No.” My voice was serious when I whispered, “I’m not lyin’, Cec.”

  She looked up at me, her eyes swimming with questions. My eyes kept drifting to her lips and she licked them, probably without meaning to tempt me, but that’s exactly what she was doing.

  A knock on the door made me swear softly because I didn’t want anything or anyone to interrupt us right now. I wanted to talk to her, kiss her, make her realize that things were changing, even if I couldn’t define the how or why.

  “Come in,” she called out.

  Auden stepped inside, his smile slipping when he spotted us wrapped up in each other’s arms.

  I had no doubt he knew we were close, but probably didn’t realize how close. Or how much I wanted her right now. “What’s up, man?” I asked, holding on tighter when I felt Cece tense up in my arms.

  “Uh…”

  His gaze drifted to Cece and I could tell he had questions. I would too if I were him.

  “Leo told me you guys were in here,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “My friends wanted to go bar hopping but I wasn’t feelin’ it. I was hoping we could talk, Cece?”

  “Sure.” Her smile was forced as she sat up, patting my leg. “Knox, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Sleep tight.”

  As I watched him take her hand and lead her out of the room I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping at all tonight. I’d be pouring my confusion into a song… or maybe drowning it in a bottle of Jim Beam.

  Cece

  I could tell Auden was on edge. We’d had fun with his friends, but when he found me with Knox he’d misread the scene. It probably looked intimate to him, not like two friends catching up after a long day. He deserved an explanation, one that would put his mind at ease about my relationship with Knox. Because I knew if we were going to continue hanging out, the Knox situation would have to be addressed. My best friend intimidated most guys, especially those who were on the same path he’d already conquered.

  Every time someone met Knox for the first time I saw the hero worship in their eyes. He was a legend in the county music business. Respected by his peers. A fixture at the awards shows. A mystery to the press. And a hell raising good time for every woman lucky enough to park her boots under his bed for a night or two. Not that I’d been one of the chosen few. He made it pretty clear a while back, his bed was off limits to me. And I was good with that. No way would I put my friendship with Knox to the test for a few mind-numbing, toe-curling orgasms.

  “So, uh, you wanna go back to my bus?” he asked as we walked down the hall towards a back exit. “We should probably clear out of here soon.”

  I knew he was really asking whether I wanted a repeat of the other night. Knox flashed through my mind. Just his face, looking somber, like he wasn’t happy. I didn’t know why I was thinking of him now, but I felt myself shake my head even before the response popped out of my mouth. “Um, I’m kind of tired. I think I’ll probably just head back to our bus. Check in with the girls.” I pointed to the open door of the dressing room we’d been occupying. “You want to talk for a minute before we turn in though?”

  “Sure.” As soon as I closed the dressing room door he pulled me into his arms and dropped a kiss on my lips.

  They didn’t tingle like they did the other night. I wasn’t tangling my hands in his hair, tipping my head at just the right angle to compensate for our height difference. I wasn’t inviting more. Hell, I was sub-consciously shutting him down. What was that about? I liked this guy, didn’t I?

  I stepped out of his arms, feeling awkward. “We should probably talk about Knox.”

  He frowned. “Is there something between you two? You looked pretty cozy back there.” He looked nervous, but it probably had more to do with his job than his feelings for me.

  “Yeah, there is something between us.” My laugh was shaky. “We’re friends. Really good friends.” My stomach trembled with trepidation and I couldn’t pinpoint the reason. Sure, I l
iked Auden. We’d had a good time together the other night, but that didn’t warrant the feelings I was having now. There was something more going on and I couldn’t figure it out.

  “You sure that’s all it is?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

  Auden was every woman’s dirty fantasy with a voice that would put almost any man to shame. Except Knox. He had the pipes to face off against anyone and come out on top. Not that it was a competition. My mind conjured up a stage, like those TV talent shows I sometimes watched, with the two men I cared about, singing for their lives. I could hear the crowd’s reaction echoing in my ears. They wanted more Knox. And they weren’t alone…

  “Look, Cece. I like you. A lot. But if there’s something between you and Knox I’m not gonna get in the way.”

  It wasn’t fair to put him in a position where he felt like he had to make a choice between seeing me and keeping the peace on this tour. Knox was still the man in charge and the one we all had to answer to, for the next few months, at least.

  “We’ve been friends a long time.” I was trying to explain a relationship that was complex, layer upon layer of love and laughter, shared secrets and fears, stolen kisses, screaming fights, and heart-wrenching decisions.

  “I get that.” He looked uncomfortable when he shoved his hands into the pockets of his rolled skinny jeans. “Uh, look, you don’t have to answer this, I know it’s none of my business, but have you two ever…?”

  “Slept together?” I smiled, my heart rate kicking up a notch. I knew my answer to this question could make or break things with Auden. “No.” I could have told him that we’d shared a few intimate moments, but didn’t see the point. He asked if we’d ever slept together. We hadn’t. I’d told the truth. So why did my version of the truth leave a bitter taste in my mouth?

  “Good.” He nodded, looking relieved. “That makes things easier then, right? I mean, if Knox really had a thing for you he would have made his move long before I came along.” He chuckled before tugging me into his arms. “Guess that means you’re mine, huh?”

  Mine. That word didn’t sit well with me. I’d never wanted to belong to anyone and had never been with anyone I wanted to claim as mine. His lips were tracing my neck while his hands drifted down my back. He wasn’t waiting for a response. He was making all kinds of assumptions and I didn’t appreciate it. What the hell was wrong with me? A few days ago I was getting caught up in a fantasy about what our babies would look like and now I was getting pissy because he was taking liberties? I was starting to confuse myself.

  I squeezed his biceps when his hands slipped under my t-shirt. “Um, I think I’m gonna hit the sack now. It’s been a long day.”

  He pulled back to look me in the eye. “Hey, you okay? You seem kind of off tonight. Things seemed cool when we were with my friends…” He smiled. “They loved you, by the way. Giving me shit about how I managed to land a girl like you.”

  Land me? I didn’t realize he’d been fishing, or that I’d been chasing bait. I needed to slow this down. To think things through. I was just coming off a bad relationship with an SOB who cheated on me. It would be stupid to rush into anything, right?

  I rubbed my forehead, trying to find the right words. “Um, I think you’re a great guy, Auden. And I had a lot of fun with you the other night—”

  “But?” His voice was wary when he asked, “Is this where you give me the ‘friends’ speech? I sure as hell hope not, Cece. ‘Cause it’s been a hell of a long time since I was this into anyone.”

  Shit. How had I gotten myself into this mess? It seemed like a good idea at the time. I was into him too. But now I was confused and needed a few days to think things through. Only one little problem. We were on the road together and that meant there would be no reprieve for either of us.

  I rubbed my lips together, tasting the berry gloss I’d applied earlier as I searched for the right words to make him understand how I was feeling. Not easy, since I didn’t fully understand myself. “You know about the whole Leo mess,” I said, turning away from him. “I hate that I still have to work with him after that. It’s messy and awkward and—”

  “And you don’t wanna get mixed up with another guy you’ll have to see every day, in case things don’t work out.”

  “That’s what I’m thinking,” I said, nodding. “It could get messy. And I hate messy. I prefer simple and uncomplicated.” I felt like I was babbling but couldn’t help myself. “You know, one day at a time, see how things go. No commitments, no labels. Just friends for now, see if that works first.”

  He didn’t look happy. Damn I’d messed this whole thing up. Auden was a great guy. And he’d admitted he liked me. We had great chemistry. So why was I trying to keep him at arm’s length? Knox popped into my head again and I had to resist the urge to groan. He didn’t get to weigh in on my boyfriends, so why was he taking up so much real estate in my head lately?

  “Just friends,” he repeated, sighing. “That’s what that was the other night, just two friends goin’ at it? ‘Cause I gotta tell you, that’s not what it felt like to me, Cece.”

  He was right. I’d felt there could be more too. I’d told Knox as much. So why was I pumping the brakes so hard now? “I’m not good at this,” I said, grimacing. “This whole relationship thing. I suck at it actually.”

  He smiled for the first time since I’d started with the double-talk. “You’re not the only one. I do too.” He reached for my hands. “But maybe we could figure it out together, huh?”

  “Maybe.” I’d be crazy to write him off before I had time to sort through the chaos crowding my brain.

  “That’s all I need for now, beautiful.” He tipped my chin and dropped a tender kiss on my lips. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Right, the morning. Hopefully I’d wake up with some clarity because this uncertainty was killing me.

  Chapter 4

  Knox

  I woke up the next morning staring at the ceiling in my tour bus and the first thing I thought about was Cece. Had she and Auden slept together again last night? Was she falling deeper and deeper for this guy, while I had to stand by and watch it happen? My gut churned, making me wanna hurl. It hadn’t been like this when she started dating Leo. I didn’t think the guy was good enough for her, but I didn’t want to knock his teeth out every time I saw them together.

  I closed my eyes and tried to will myself back to sleep. I had a bus all to myself. The other guys in my band shared one. I figured after years of cohabitating with a bunch of smelly, obnoxious, overgrown adolescences, I’d earned the right to my own bus. It was my reward for putting up with their BS for so many years. We’d all been together since high school and I loved them like brothers, but there were times when I wanted to push them off a cliff.

  I groaned when I heard a knock on the door. It was probably one of my crew, but I wasn’t in the mood to deal this morning. The phone next to my bed pinged. A text from Cece. Apparently it wasn’t one of my crew at the door. It was her. And I couldn’t jump out of bed fast enough.

  I fired off a text to let her know I’d be right there, before I hop-jumped into the jeans I’d left on the floor when I fell into bed last night after a few too many shots. I’d been trying to erase the image of what Cece might be doing, but it hadn’t worked.

  I looked in the mirror and groaned before trying to finger comb my hair. This girl has seen me at my best and worst, but for reasons I couldn’t decipher I cared a hell of a lot more than I ever had before.

  I ran into the bathroom, like an idiot, and brushed my teeth in record time. Just in case she wanted to get up close and personal. I thought about throwing on a shirt or fastening the button on my jeans, but thought, what the hell? The time for subtlety had passed. I was pretty sure Auden didn’t have cut abs and if I had to compete with him for Cece’s attention I was gonna take any advantage I could get.

  I gave the bus a quick once over as I made my way to the door. I hadn’t been with a woman in a while so I didn’t have t
o worry about panties hanging from light fixtures or bottles littering the countertop.

  I opened the door and couldn’t wipe the grin off my face if I tried. “Hey, gorgeous.” I wasn’t lying. She looked hot as hell in short white denim shorts, a black tank, flip flops, and a messy bun. “Get your sweet self in here.” I didn’t know why she was here, only that there was nowhere else I’d rather she be.

  She giggled as I grabbed her hand and tugged her inside. “I hope you’ve got coffee. We ran out and I’m dyin’.”

  I thought of asking why she hadn’t hit Auden up for her caffeine fix, but bit my tongue just in time. I was the guy I wanted her to come to… for everything she needed. “Sure thing. Take a load off.” I pointed to the L-shaped table tucked in the corner. “I was just gonna make myself some breakfast. Have you eaten?”

  She wrinkled her nose as she sank down in the leather banquette. “You know me, coffee comes before anything.”

  I chuckled as I popped a pod in the Keurig and set it to brew. I added a teaspoon of raw sugar to the cup and stirred. My girl liked her coffee strong. I only hoped she liked her men the same way, ‘cause that would give me a distinct advantage.

  “You’re my hero,” she teased, curling her hands around a mug that made a joke about balloons and pricks.

  “I like to hear that,” I said, winking at her.

  Back to flirting again. Damn. Flirting with a beautiful woman came as naturally to me as breathing, but with Cece the flirting had always been interspersed with serious shit: like music, relationships, booze, and life. Now that the raging beast in my pants made an appearance every time she walked into a room I was having a hell of a time reining it in.

  “Bacon and eggs okay?” I asked, looking at her over my shoulder.