Off Limits

by Glen Robins

  By the end of the week, even some of the teachers seemed to silently acknowledge what Collin had done. Of course, none of them could condone such behavior by bringing up the subject in public. Only one member of the faculty approached him. It was Mr. Joseph, his History teacher. Mr. Joseph was the kind of teacher every high schooler should have at least once because he wasn’t afraid to care about his students and to actively guide them to become the best versions of themselves.

  He had the look of a college professor: salt and pepper beard, thick wavy hair that hung to his collar, wire-rimmed glasses, corduroy pants, loafers, and, when it was cold, argyle sweater vests.

  The best part about Mr. Joseph, however, was not his appearance—though he smiled easily and often, allowing his kind eyes to shine through his wire-rimmed spectacles. Listening was his best trait and many of his students came to realize that if they had a problem, they could talk to Mr. Joseph.

  Collin never even thought about approaching Mr. Joseph since it didn’t involve him or any of his other students. It surprised him when Mr. Joseph requested a chat with him during lunch. Dutifully, he returned to the classroom at the appointed time and Mr. Joseph asked him to pull up a chair. He, himself, proceeded to open a brown paper bag and retrieve a sandwich while gesturing for Collin to do the same.

  “What happened the other day, Collin?” he asked between bites.

  “What do you mean?”

  “With Rick Magliano,” he said, surveying the surprise that registered on Collin’s face. “Yes, I heard about it. Seems out of character for a quiet, well-trained Christian boy like yourself. There’s more to this story and I want to hear about it. What triggered it?”

  “He deserved it,” Collin said, looking away toward the open door.

  “Why did he deserve it? Is it because he gave you that bloody nose last year after he shoved Darrell Greely to the ground?”

  Again, Collin couldn’t hide his wonder. “How’d you know about that?”

  “Kids talk, Collin, and I listen. What you did last year was very brave, standing up for Darrell. I sense this time around you lashed out because of grief. Am I right?”

  Collin hung his head, staring at his sandwich. “I guess so.”

  “What did Rick say to provoke you?”

  “It was something stupid like, ‘Where’s your retard friend? Don’t you look pathetic without him?’ I don’t know, Mr. Joseph. I just snapped. Calling him a retard did it. He didn’t know Darrell. Probably had no idea he’d died. But I couldn’t let him disrespect someone I care about like that, especially when he’s no longer with us.”

  Mr. Joseph said nothing for a moment. He just nodded his head slowly. “You know, rumors spread quickly, and reputations are often built around singular events. You will have a choice to make—many times, I’d imagine—over the course of the coming weeks and months. How will you let this singular event shape who you are and how you approach life? Will you become a wannabe alpha male like Magliano and try to use your new clout to attract a throng of other wannabe’s? Or, will you return to being that humble kid who sticks up for those who get picked on?”

  Collin shook his head, a bewildered expression scrunching his eyebrows together.

  Mr. Joseph continued, his voice quieter now. “You have proven yourself to be unafraid to stand up for what’s right. That’s a good thing. But if you let this go to your head, you stand a real chance of becoming a conceited bully like Magliano. Is that what you want?”

  “Never,” replied Collin, still fishing for the meaning behind the words.

  “Good. You’re too nice a kid to let yourself fall to that level. You have real potential to become a leader, Collin. Leadership is a skill and a responsibility. Develop it, cultivate it, then use it to do something good out there in the world.”

  “Me? A leader?” whispered Collin.

  “Yes, you have the potential to be a really good leader. Use it. Use it wisely, though.”

  Collin had to look away from Mr. Joseph’s intense eye lock. Although his countenance was perfectly pleasant, Collin felt stung by his words and squirmed under the weight of his challenge.

  “Be that guy who lifts others, Collin. Continue to be the friend to people like Darrell, people who are all too often discarded by society because they’re different or awkward or not cool enough. You are the type who sees them and sees the good in them. People like Darrell thrive when they are shown the respect they deserve, when they are allowed to shine.”

  Collin hesitated. “You think I’m able to do that?”

  “Why do you think Darrell was such a good student? Why do you think he smiled so much? Why do you think he tried so hard?”

  Dumbfounded, Collin couldn’t come up with a reply.

  Seeing his response, Mr. Joseph continued. “Because he had a friend who saw him, that’s why. You validated him.”

  “I did?”

  “Yes, Collin. Without even knowing it, you helped him thrive. All I’m asking is for you to keep being the same Collin. You don’t have to put out any extra effort. All you have to do is to not listen to all the adoration that has and will come your way for beating up the school bully. Can you do that?”

  “Yeah, I guess,” said Collin as he felt the confusion beginning to burn off.

  “Atta boy,” said Mr. Joseph with a contented grin. “Now, let’s talk about your History grade, shall we? You can do better than you did on that first quiz, I know you can.”

  Collin would reflect on this conversation many times. It kept him thoughtful and grounded—most of the time.

  Chapter Six

  Sophomore Year—Emily

  Edison High School

  Huntington Beach, California

  Emily’s heart broke open even more before the new school year had a chance to kick into gear. The respite and healing she had hoped would materialize reuniting with her friends, fizzled almost immediately.

  Even on the first day of her Sophomore year, things didn’t feel right. Raw emotions swirled inside her, but that wasn’t it. A profound loneliness had bedeviled her all summer, thanks to her mother whisking her off to Europe for the entire three-month break. Despite the lack of contact with her friends and the endless stream of brainwashing from her mother, she hoped being back at school would bring another fresh start like it had the year before. Admittedly, this time she was hoping it would come to her instead of her seeking it intentionally.

  Right away, she sensed something wrong in her friend group. Something was wrong with Darrell. She could see it, but knew she shouldn’t ask him directly, at least not in front of the others. Rob seemed to sense it, too. He was trying harder than usual to be jovial and to make everyone laugh, but even that wasn’t working.

  Everyone at the lunch table seemed to sense the shift, but no one wanted to make it worse by mentioning it. Watching Darrell struggle worse than ever and seeing his pallid features and deliberate movements made Emily suspect that he was hiding his discomfort. Something was wrong and he wouldn’t share, even when asked. His smile was forced and his desire to learn more about those around the table noticeably absent.

  Nothing she said worked to brighten his spirits, though he thanked her for being so kind and assured her he would be fine.

  “You are a true friend, Emily. Thanks for caring.” He said those words to her after she helped him get to his Biology class on Thursday. They were the last words he uttered to her. He made similar comments to Lukas, Rob, and Collin individually at different points throughout the day, she learned later. He missed school Friday. Collin texted her Sunday to tell her that he passed away peacefully in his home earlier that morning.

  Reading Collin’s text, Emily felt a void open up inside her. A bright star in her sky had fallen. A profound sense of loss threatened to envelope her. She could think of nothing else, only of quirky, brave, underappreciated Darrell Greely.

  Darrell was known to most of his classmates as “an odd duck.” But his being accepted into Collin’s and Rob’s
close circle meant to most of the student body that he was an acceptable odd duck because anyone who knew Collin and Rob knew they were cool.

  To Emily, Darrell’s oddities were outstripped by his sincere concern for those who showed him love. His fierce loyalty and undying devotion to his “posse,” as he called them, was one of the hallmarks of his personality. The other was his curiosity. He was curious—in every sense of the word. Some of his behaviors were unusual and some of the questions he asked were so personal they bordered on inappropriate, but his radiant smile and effervescent laughter overrode the awkwardness of his child-like probing. He was curious about everything and spent much of his time learning and then teaching what he had learned, partly because he liked helping and partly because sharing the wonderment of things brought more joy to him than anything else. Darrell was indeed a treasure that would soon be buried.

  Emily, Collin, Lukas, and Rob sat close together at the funeral that sunny Saturday afternoon in early October. There was indeed strength in numbers, and she felt it every time her eyes welled with tears and sorrow clamped down on her heart. That’s when Collin would squeeze her hand or Rob would pull a crooked smile or make a silly face at her.

  The week after the funeral was tumultuous in a different way. Kids from all grades clamored around Collin and congratulated him for beating up Rick Magliano. With each successive slap on the back and celebratory exclamation, Emily watched Collin puff up a little more. His smile was less and less sheepish and more and more self-indulgent.

  By lunchtime on Wednesday, Emily had had enough. “Aren’t you Mr. Bigshot now?”

  “Oh, come on, Emily. What’d you expect? People are just happy to see that Magliano got what he deserved.”

  “Yeah, but it looks like you’re eating up all this attention. Next thing you know, you’re going to be eating lunch with all the popular kids and the jocks. You’ll forget all about the rest of us.”

  Collin waved it off. Then two football players came by. One of them elbowed the other. “That’s the kid who put the smack-down on Magliano.”

  They both high-fived him. “I heard what you did, dude. Wish I had been there to see it.”

  The friend who was with him added, “That’s freaking awesome, man. Magliano is such a prick. He had it coming.”

  Collin tossed his head back and gave a contented smile after they left. “See? People are happy about it. Why can’t you be?”

  Emily wanted to scream. She couldn’t stand to watch him grow so proud. A chasm was opening up between them and she hated it. It was similar to the one that had opened between her and her brother, though for different reasons. The effect, however, was the same: Emily felt estranged all over again. It was like looking through the plexiglass at the prison all over again, unable to reach the boy on the other side. Collin, too, was about to hang up and walk away.

  She stood from the table. “I can’t take this anymore,” she said as she climbed out from the bench seat and pulled on her backpack. Walking away was hard, but watching Collin become a glory hog was harder.

  Emily had no one to talk to. Her parents had walled her off emotionally. All they wanted to talk about were her grades and how she needed to remain focused if she was going to get into Harvard Medical School. Their highest priorities were elsewhere and so were they, in every sense. Constantly chasing prestige and acclaim, Katherine and Gregory Burns were rarely seen in their own home or by their own daughter.

  The result was that Emily and Margarite ate dinner together, usually in front of the TV. Margarite was a dozen years older than Emily’s parents and her English was not good enough to understand the intricacies of Emily’s teenaged emotions, nor was her appreciation of the nuances of American culture. She was pleasant company and a great cook, but not one who could capably step into the breach left by her mother’s absenteeism.

  The loneliness grew like a shadow in the late afternoon. Collin was becoming someone different. Rob could never be serious enough. Besides, he knew Collin and Emily liked each other and he refused to do anything that could be construed as making advances on Emily. Lukas was brilliant and would talk about science and technology all day. He’d even expound on the beauties of math and calculus. He especially loved to discuss the increasing complexities of the geopolitical world, both in the physical realm as well as its intangible cyber counterpart. But getting him to indulge in a conversation about matters of the heart was a lost cause. Especially since she and Collin were an item.

  Emily needed advice. She, too, had Mr. Joseph for History and knew he would listen and would know what to do.

  After she told him the whole story, Mr. Joseph scratched his beard. “I’ve seen this before, Emily. A nice kid has a transformative experience, one that changes people’s perceptions of him. I think I know how I can help. Don’t you worry. He’s still the same kid inside. Someone other than one of his peers needs to point him in the right direction.”

  “So, you’ll talk to him? And get him back to himself?”

  Mr. Joseph chuckled. “I’ll do what I can, but Collin has to make the choice on how he’s going to let this change him. But I can certainly have a talk with him. Now, let’s talk about you,” he continued. “Seems to me, you need a girlfriend. Hanging out with guys all the time is not going to fill your emotional tank, as they say.”

  After listening to her experiences with the girls both in Boston and in Huntington Beach, Mr. Joseph coached Emily on how to reach out to those she had pushed away in favor of hanging out with Collin’s gang. “Yes, they may be different than any group of boys you’ve ever met. Yes, they may make you laugh to the point of tears. Yes, they offer much in terms of friendship and loyalty and camaraderie, but without a fellow female your age in your life, Emily, you’re always going to be on an island. It’s time to connect with someone new. You don’t need to break any friendships or burn any bridges. That’s not what I’m saying. Branch out. That’s what’s going to help you most at this point.”

  Chapter Seven

  Junior Year—Collin

  Edison High School

  Huntington Beach, California

  Thanksgiving break had passed, and Christmas vacation was right around the corner. The stores, the mall, and homes in every neighborhood were adorned with decorative lights and displays heralding the Season of Joy. Everywhere around town Holiday cheer abounded. Everywhere except for the Burns household, as Collin learned.

  Collin noticed Emily’s mood and how downcast she seemed. He found it more difficult to make her smile or laugh. After the Magliano thing a year earlier, Collin had had to work hard to climb back into her good graces.

  That’s when he realized he had deeper feelings for her than he had been willing to admit. He didn’t like it when she was upset with him, so he listened to the advice of Mr. Joseph and did his best to maintain an even outlook on life and his place in it. He got back to being himself as quickly as he could because of her.

  Nonetheless, she had started spending more time with some of the other girls he knew from their grade during their sophomore year. That was a good thing. She seemed happier. But it had become more difficult for him to feel the connection between them the way he used to.

  At first, this created confusion and consternation. Then, two things happened. His mother gave him a few pointers to keep him humble and teachable. “Girls like it when you put in some effort, Collin,” she told him. “You can’t just sit back and think you’ve got it made. A good relationship, like a garden, requires constant care and work. You need to be ready to learn about her, ask her questions, and then remember what she tells you. Your father is very good at that. She wants to be heard and valued, so be sure to really focus on her when she speaks and try to understand what she’s really trying to say, not just the words.”

  The second thing was that his efforts paid off. He and Emily grew closer together. With frequent insights from his mom, Collin started to figure out how to handle a relationship. As he showed her his concern and how much she
meant to him as a person, Emily responded by sharing more, finding ways to spend time with him, and helping him feel important, too.

  He came to understand to some degree, at least, the pressure Emily faced to excel in academics. The stresses of being a Junior in high school and feeling like her whole educational future hinged on her performance during this, the most crucial school year of all, weighed her down. He knew the academic excellence her parents demanded from her, especially since her brother had all but flamed out. College entrance exams, campus tours, the endless torture of writing essays for university applications, and the non-stop questions from well-intentioned adults about plans and aspirations would get to anyone, even the indominable Emily Burns.

  She had shared things with Collin that she said she hadn’t shared with anyone else, which made her more vulnerable. This vulnerability brought with it a more mysterious aura, which somehow made her even more attractive. Collin found himself trying harder to understand her and learn more about what made her tick. His efforts were often rewarded with heartfelt conversations about her family and the struggles she and her brother had gone through together and individually as they tried to live up to the expectations of their austere, high-society parents.

  One of those discussions took place on a chilly Saturday morning in early December. Collin was roused from a deep sleep at 8:15 a.m. by his father, Henry, who sat on the edge of his bed. “Get up, Collin. Emily is here and would like to go on a walk with you. Hurry and get dressed. It’s not polite to keep a woman waiting.” Henry’s voice was cheerful and playful as he tousled Collin’s hair and shook his shoulders.

  “OK. OK. I’m coming. Tell her I’ll be right down.”

  When he reached the banister at the top of the curved stairway, Collin looked down at his sweetheart. She was dressed in a form-fitting warmup suit with her hair pulled back in a ponytail and wearing very little makeup, as was her custom. Emily looked stunning. Collin wore his usual cargo shorts and a long-sleeved T-shirt advertising the surf shop where he worked. Peering out the high transom windows in the living room and seeing the gray skies, he decided to pull on a thick, hooded sweatshirt as he bounded down the stairs.