Perfect Distraction

by Allison Ashley

  “I’d listen to her, man,” said the shop employee. He eyed Lauren warily, like she was a bomb that might explode at any minute.

  Andrew lifted his hands in surrender and backed up two steps before turning around. “So damn bossy,” he muttered under his breath.

  “I heard that.”

  “I meant you to.”

  She let out a laugh as he disappeared into the bathroom. Lauren paid and sat in a bright yellow booth along the wall. They were the only customers, which wasn’t surprising given the time of day.

  When Andrew returned and the decadent sundae was between them, he confronted the elephant in the room. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Lauren sighed deeply. “I can’t.”

  He frowned. “It’s not a HIPAA violation, is it?”

  She rubbed her lips together. “It sort of feels like it. Even though you’re a volunteer there now, you didn’t know him before… I just don’t know.”

  “I get it,” Andrew said. He scratched at his jaw. “Is there any way to, I don’t know, talk about it in general terms? That might still help.”

  She dipped her pink spoon into the ice cream and took a bite before she replied. “As I’m sure you know, there’s a fair amount of loss in my line of work.”

  Andrew nodded, and for a second she wondered if she should continue. Andrew had his own diagnosis to worry about…should she be talking about people dying of cancer?

  As if he could read her mind, he said, “Keep going. Don’t tiptoe around what happened just because of my situation. I want to know.” He leaned forward, his chest touching the table between them. The booth seemed tiny with his large body across from her. “I want to know everything about you.”

  She dropped her gaze, hating how happy it made her when he said things like that. She wanted to collect the words and store them somewhere for safekeeping. “We cure a lot of people, too, so there’s joy as well. But no matter how much we have to celebrate, it’s the grief that can be crippling.”

  “How can you stand it?” His voice came out a little hoarse.

  “I went to a lecture once, about compassion fatigue for health care providers. The way the speaker put it was so perfect, and I’ll never forget it. He said when a patient dies, they go into one of three categories. Some are like a balloon released into the sky. Those are the ones that maybe we didn’t treat for very long, or we played only a small part in their care. Though we’re sad when they pass, they kind of float away from our memories as the days go by. Others are ones that meant a lot, and whom we got to know well. When they die, we wear them like a backpack…where they’ll always be, carried around with us and never forgotten.” She paused and took a deep breath. Her chin trembled, and she swallowed. “Then there’s the third category. For those patients, their loss is so painful, the grief so debilitating and overwhelming, that we have to shut them away in a drawer, because thinking about them is too raw.”

  Tears formed behind her eyelids, and she blinked to keep them contained.

  Andrew swallowed and focused on the bowl of ice cream. “This Kiki, he’s in the third group?”

  “Yes.”

  Andrew slowly scooped a bite of ice cream and put it in his mouth. He swallowed and said, “You really are amazing. I hope you know that.”

  She looked across the table, and the second her eyes connected with those warm brown ones, the words tumbled out. “You’re pretty wonderful yourself.” Another thought occurred to her, and she smiled. “I saw you talking to Jasmine. That’s a feat in and of itself. I’ve tried to befriend that girl for months.”

  “I wouldn’t say we’re friends, but I’m working on it. She seemed sad.”

  “She’s fourteen, and she’s smart. Her disease isn’t curable, and she knows it.”

  Andrew suddenly looked like the breath had been knocked out of him. “Fuck, this has been the most depressing day I’ve ever had.”

  Lauren leaned forward and put her hand over his. “Maybe I shouldn’t have suggested you do this…”

  “No.” Andrew shook his head. He flipped his hand underneath hers so that their palms pressed together, and he wrapped his fingers around hers. “I didn’t mean that like it sounded. It felt good, to spend time with those kids and make them laugh. I want to do it again. But it was sad at the same time. You know? I don’t think I’ve been exposed to so much illness in a day before.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but he stopped. With his free hand he tugged at the hem of his beanie. “I’m happy to have the chance to spend time with you.”

  She looked down, and he gave a gentle pull on her hand. When she looked up at him, the vulnerability mixed with affection in his gaze halted the breath in her throat.

  Andrew took a shaky breath. “I know I shouldn’t say it, but I really like you, Lauren.”

  She shook her head, but he kept going. “I know you don’t want to do anything about it right now. I do. I’m trying my best to hold back and respect you and the job you’re so good at, that you love. But I want you to know that I think you’re amazing. You’re funny and generous, and heart-stoppingly beautiful. So I’m giving you fair warning that when my treatment is over, this is happening.”

  Oh, hell. She could feel the flush creep up her neck and consume her face, and she closed her eyes.

  “This is happening,” he repeated.

  She opened her eyes and nodded, agreeing wordlessly, before she slipped her hand away from his and placed it in her lap. She locked eyes with him.

  “Just not yet,” was her soft reply.

  “I can accept that,” Andrew said. “As long as I know there might be a future, I can be patient in the present.”

  Lauren made the trip to Cedar Creek for the holidays. She’d promised to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas at her dad’s store, and she preferred to keep herself occupied when she was home. She also couldn’t wait to catch up with her childhood friends Kate and Samantha.

  Plus, after the news about Kiki and Andrew’s declaration of intention toward her, it was nice to get away and take a break.

  The good thing about her dad’s independent pharmacy was that he set his own hours, and the store closed at six. After getting things in order and locking up on the day after Christmas, Lauren made plans to meet her friends at their coffee shop. She pulled up at Ristretto Coffee House, a business they’d opened after college. As she walked in, she saw Kate behind the coffee bar and Samantha sitting on a stool at the counter. When Samantha noticed her, she jumped to the floor with an excited screech.

  “Lauren!”

  “Hey, girls,” Lauren exclaimed, hugging Samantha first, and then Kate, who came out to join them.

  “It’s so good to see you. Come on, let’s go sit in the back,” Kate said. She gestured to a young man working the espresso machine. “Tim’s got everything handled.”

  Lauren followed her two oldest friends to the back corner of the sizable café.

  “First things first,” Lauren said after they’d settled around the table. “How’s married life treating the two of you?”

  Kate and Samantha had each gotten married within a few months of each other. It had been a little over a year since Lauren had come back to Cedar Creek to stand up as a bridesmaid for Kate. Samantha and her husband, Paul, had eloped and married in Vegas a few months before that, shocking everyone with the news upon their return.

  They talked about married life for a while, Lauren feeling content to sit and listen to stories of the highs and occasional lows that came with new commitment. She laughed often, and, even though she loved her life in Kansas City, Kate and Samantha were the two things she missed most about Cedar Creek.

  “Enough about us and our love lives,” Samantha said. “We’re boring old married women now. What’s going on with you? Has a lucky guy snatched you up yet?”

  Lauren’s face warmed, and Kate
picked up on it immediately.

  “There is!”

  “No, not exactly,” Lauren hedged. This would be difficult. “I can’t really talk about it.”

  “What? Why not?” Samantha’s eyes went wide. “Is he married?”

  “Goodness, no. It’s just…I’m not allowed to talk about patients.”

  Understanding dawned on their faces.

  “You have a crush on a patient?” Kate asked, keeping her voice low.

  Lauren hung her head. “It’s more than a crush. I’m crazy about him. He was a patient that I saw for his first appointment, but I’m in a different clinic now.”

  “So what’s the big deal?” Samantha asked. She was, hands down, the most outgoing of the three, and had always been the type to go after what she wanted without reservation.

  “I feel weird about it. I work there as a provider, and he’s a patient.”

  “Date him and don’t tell anyone about it,” Samantha offered.

  Kate scowled at Samantha. “You know she can’t do that.”

  “Can’t or won’t?” Samantha retorted.

  “Both,” Lauren cut in. “It’s not black and white, but it’s an ethical line that I don’t want to mess with. I need to keep up a good reputation to get a job there. Plus, what if he’s interested in me only because of what he’s going through? People become more emotional during trials like what he’s dealing with. I don’t want to take advantage of the position he’s in.”

  “Okay, that’s fair,” Samantha acquiesced.

  “But he’s so wonderful. He’s intelligent and driven and in his last year of law school, and he wants to work for the District Attorney’s office. He’s funny and he makes me laugh, and he’s so kind and thoughtful. He has a big family, all sisters, and he loves them so much. He’s great with his niece and nephew, and he signed up to be a volunteer at Children’s Hospital with me. He’s got a good heart.” She paused, realizing how good it felt to finally tell someone about him. Even if she couldn’t tell them everything, like his name. She hadn’t realized how hard it had been to keep her feelings to herself. “Plus, he’s easily the hottest man I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

  She propped her elbow on the table and placed her forehead in her palm. “But it’s getting harder and harder to convince myself that I’m supposed to stay away from him. Every time I see him, a little piece of my restraint falls away and I’m one step closer to giving in.”

  “Oh, that’s delicious.” Samantha nodded with an appreciative grin. “Building the sexual tension. I love it.”

  “How much longer will he be getting chemo?” Kate’s eyes went wide with realization. “Oh, for the love, don’t tell me if he’s terminal.” Her chin trembled. “I couldn’t handle that.”

  Even thinking such a thing was like a jagged knife right through Lauren’s heart. She took in a shaky breath. “Cancer makes no promises. But statistically, the odds are good he’ll be cured. He has three treatments left, which will take six weeks. Then, hopefully, he’ll be done for good.”

  “And then you can hit that.” Samantha waggled her eyebrows up and down.

  Kate shot Samantha an exasperated frown. “What is wrong with you?”

  “What?”

  Lauren grinned. “I’ve missed you guys.”

  “Us, too,” Kate said.

  “Any chance you’ll end up back here in Oklahoma?” Samantha asked.

  Lauren thought of the day she’d spent at her dad’s pharmacy. It had been kind of nice and not too busy, probably because it was right after a holiday. But it reminded her of the monotony of that job, and how much of it was spent on things that didn’t directly relate to patient care, like dealing with insurance rejections and product inventory. She hated that part. She loved that her time spent at Coleman was with patients or teaching in some capacity—like lecturing to other health care providers or having pharmacy students on rotation. She thought of her homey neighborhood and how much she enjoyed Kansas City. Of Emma, and Kiara, and Mandi.

  And of Andrew.

  “I don’t think so,” Lauren said truthfully. “Not if I can help it.”

  …

  Andrew: How was your Christmas?

  Lauren: Uneventful. Nice. Yours?

  Andrew: Jeni and I drove to Nebraska to stay for a few days. It’s exhausting. But I would have regretted not coming. Alva’s been asking about you.

  Lauren: She has? I didn’t think she liked me.

  Andrew: She’s just protective of her super awesome Uncle Andy.

  Lauren: She’d be effective in law enforcement.

  Andrew: Or as a dancer.

  Lauren: OMG, what?

  Andrew: What?

  Lauren: It’s like you just suggested your niece become a stripper.

  Andrew: WHAT

  Andrew: NO

  Andrew: I meant like a ballerina

  Andrew: MAYBE a backup dancer, if the group was cool. Like JT or TSwift.

  Lauren: *facepalm*

  Andrew: That’s it. I’m calling you.

  Lauren did a double take at the screen. He was going to what?

  Then his name flashed across the screen as an incoming call. She stared. They’d never spoken on the phone before. She didn’t know why but she searched the room, hoping to find some magic answer on the walls. She was sitting on the bed in her old room—the décor exactly the same as she’d left it when she graduated. The members of the Black Eyed Peas stared at her from a poster tacked to the wall. Fergie offered no help.

  She blinked and accepted the call.

  “Hi Andy.”

  “Only Alva calls me that.”

  “Okay, Mr. Bishop.”

  “Much better.”

  “Why are you calling me?”

  “It’s clear my texts were being misconstrued. I thought it might be easier this way.”

  “I see.”

  He paused. “I wanted to hear your voice.”

  She swallowed. “I see.”

  “Are you still in Oklahoma?”

  “Yeah. I’ll drive back early tomorrow.”

  “Was your dad happy to see you this time?”

  “He’s always happy to see me. He’s buttering me up so I’ll come work for him.”

  “I don’t know how to respond to that without sounding like a dick, so I’ll keep quiet.”

  Lauren leaned her head back. “I have a question that might make me sound like one, but I’ve been wondering about it for a while.”

  Andrew chuckled. “Nothing could make you sound like a dick. What is it?”

  Lauren wasn’t so sure. “Well, when you mentioned Alva, I remembered something she said at Thanksgiving. About your ex-girlfriend wanting you only for your money.”

  “Are you asking if I’m rich?”

  “No. I couldn’t care less about that.”

  “I know you don’t. You’re asking about my ex, then?”

  “Was she talking about Caroline?”

  “Probably. I never asked more about it, but I don’t think it’s true. I mean, my dad’s farm does well, and as an attorney I’ll make a decent living, but nothing over the top. Caroline was far from perfect, but I don’t think she was a gold digger. None of my sisters ever liked her, so I’m sure they were just being catty and Alva overhead.”

  “Gotta be careful around kids,” Lauren said. She’d picked up on that fact quickly, during her time at Children’s. “How long were you together?”

  “Six months. We broke up a month before I met you. I should have known it wouldn’t work, with the way my sisters felt about her. Caroline disliked them as much as they disliked her, which was the main reason we broke up. I realized I didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t get along with them.”

  “I can’t imagine someone not liking your family.”

  “
And that’s one of the many reasons I like you so much.”

  Lauren smiled widely, thankful that he couldn’t see her and she didn’t have to hide her emotions. Maybe they should restrict their interactions to phone only until his fourth cycle was over, at which point she could jump on him and kiss him all over.

  “Curiosity compels me to ask if you’ve been in a lot of relationships,” she said.

  “Only one other that was serious. We dated for a year in undergrad, but went our separate ways, as usually happens with college romances.”

  Lauren snorted, and Andrew paused. “What was that?”

  Lauren scrunched up her nose. “I just…had a bad experience in college. Saying Will and I went our separate ways would be putting it nicely.”

  There was a beat of silence. “Something tells me I’ll want to kick someone’s ass if I say this, but I’m going to need more information.”

  Lauren flopped onto the bed on her back, looking up at the ceiling. “There was this guy I met in undergrad, Will Gearhart—”

  “Hold up. Did you say Will Gearhart? Like, pro football player Will Gearhart?”

  “You’ve heard of him?”

  “Everyone’s heard of him. Six years ago he was the first round NFL draft pick. He’s on my fantasy team.”

  “Yeah.” Lauren was unimpressed with those stats. Will’s success on the field was no concern of hers. “Anyway. He was kind of an unusual college athlete…his major was Biochemistry. He said he wanted to be a doctor if football didn’t work out.

  “He and I shared several upper level science courses our junior year. I knew who he was, of course. He was KU’s star quarterback and generally recognized by all females as the hottest guy to ever grace the halls of campus. We ran in completely different crowds, and he didn’t know me from Eve. But one day, about a third of the way through the semester, I walked into the organic chemistry lab we shared, and there he was, waiting at my table.

  “He told me my partner had dropped the class, and that he asked the professor if he could switch partners to be with me. Said he noticed me on the first day and had been waiting for an excuse to talk to me.

  “I was so flattered, it didn’t occur to me to be skeptical of his motives. He was smooth as butter. He said nice things to me, made me laugh, touched me in—”