Zero Regret

by Autumn Jones Lake

  “Planning to have Malik wait for him upstairs instead?”

  He grins. “Maybe.”

  “Will it make you feel better to know I have something in mind to make sure he won’t be bothering any of your girls again?”

  “I can’t have someone that high-profile get roughed up in my house, Z.”

  “I promise it won’t come back to you.”

  He tilts his head, studying me while he considers my request. “How unfriendly we talking?”

  “Brutal.”

  “He hurt someone in the club? I didn’t think he had anything to do with the local crime syndicate. Too good for us lowlifes and all.” He rolls his eyes.

  “He hurt someone close to me. Like you, I found out about it later than I would’ve preferred.”

  “Ahhhh. Shit, I’m sorry, Z. If we’d known, maybe one of us could’ve—”

  “I don’t think so, but I appreciate that.” I run my hand over my chin while I consider whether I want to ask my next question. “The girl still work for you?”

  “Nah, she went back to school. The Green Street Crew scholarship fund is alive and well.”

  It probably sounds like a self-serving fine line, but to my knowledge, Loco only runs girls who are there voluntarily. It’s the only reason our club’s looked the other way and allowed his “escort business” to operate in our territory. He treats them well and they bring in top dollar. The same philosophy we use running our strip club so his scholarship joke actually makes me laugh.

  “Good to know.”

  “You know how we do here. I like to be a blip on their radar. The benevolent, kind-hearted gangster who gives ‘em a helping hand when they expect to be slapped down.”

  “Uh, okay. That’s not arrogant at all, Loco.”

  He grins even wider. “Love makes the world go round, brother.”

  “I’m surprised you and Sparky don’t hang out more.”

  “That high-as-fuck ghost boy is welcome here anytime. You make sure he knows any girl he wants is on the house.”

  “I’ll be sure to tell him.” Jesus Christ, a chat with Loco is like visiting the Cheshire cat. “Back to the former Senator. What’s his type?”

  “He’s an interesting one. Tall, curvaceous brunettes are his thing. Usually they want big-titted blondes, but he’s very specific in his tastes.”

  A sick feeling rolls through my stomach. I don’t want to press for more details even though I need to.

  “What else?”

  “Christ, Z. You want gory details? He likes choking ‘em til they pass out. Figure he must not want ‘em laughing at his tiny dick or something.”

  My throat’s so tight, I can barely speak. It hurts to crack a smile and make a joke right now. “Get your psychology degree in your spare time?”

  “Don’t need no degree to know how some of these sick fuckers work.” His gaze strays to the wall behind me where I’m guessing that loud ticking is coming from. “You want me to call you if I hear from him? Set up a date?”

  “Have him come here.”

  “Oh, trust me, I ain’t never sending another one of my girls to his place.”

  “But he’s been here before?”

  “Yeah, after he messed up Vanessa. I still didn’t know and I let him in.” He pounds his fist against the desk. “Fucker.”

  “He hurt the girl he saw here?”

  “Not as bad, but if I’d known that’s what he’s into, I would’ve provided him with a different girl. It was a little more than Nikki signed up for.”

  “She okay?”

  “She’s still here. I won’t set him up with her again though.” His eyes shine with murderous intent. “Maybe I will and I’ll be waiting for him instead.”

  “I need him occupied for at least half an hour.”

  “I’ll keep him occupied.” He cocks his head. “And if he doesn’t call?”

  “Then I’ll have to figure out another way in.”

  With Loco on board, I want to sit down with my brothers and discuss how things will go down.

  Smoke’s bitching all those weeks ago about how we should return to the old ways has stuck with me.

  Wrath, Rock, Murphy, and Teller meet me at the war room table.

  They don’t need a lot of information. I wouldn’t be coming to them, asking to murder someone in Kelly’s league unless it was bad.

  “That’s why she left?” Wrath asks.

  “Pretty much. The government wanted her to cooperate but she couldn’t stand seeing him day after day. Or risk it.”

  “Fuck.” Teller shakes his head and stares down at his hands.

  “She didn’t want you taking care of it, because of how close he was being watched,” Murphy says.

  “Right.”

  “Explains California,” Wrath says. He’s taken this much more calmly and with a lot less skepticism than I expected.

  When I question him, he shrugs. “Why the fuck would she lie about that? She gains nothing by telling you now. Assuming you’re telling the truth and you two were finally going stop fucking around, she blew up her entire life to get away from him. I believe her.”

  His answer makes me laugh for a solid minute. It’s really not what I expected out of Wrath. “Speaking of blowing up shit, how about a nice, old-fashioned car bomb?” I suggest.

  Rock raises his eyebrows. “You don’t want to gut this fucker personally?”

  “I do, but with him under so much scrutiny, I can’t take the risk.”

  “And a car bomb will be under the radar?” Murphy shakes his head. “That’ll attract a lot of attention.”

  “We can wait until he’s inside…” Teller suggests.

  “No,” Rock answers. “Tony says even if he’s convicted, he won’t do much time. Even if he does, it’ll be in a federal facility.”

  “You fucking kidding me?” Murphy shakes his head. “Fucking government’s more criminal than we are.”

  “Hell, give the guy a few years. He’ll probably get re-elected and do it all over again,” Wrath says. “They’re all fuckin’ crooks.”

  “Let’s save the political discussion for later.” Rock taps the table. “Car bombing, huh? LOKI haven’t gone that route in a long time.”

  Meaning no one currently in our club has any bomb-making skills.

  “Rooster can do it.”

  “You want to involve him?” Murphy asks.

  “I trusted him enough to make him VP,” I remind everyone. “He’s had our backs down there. He’s cautious too. Didn’t bring the Shadow issue up until he had solid proof even though he knew I wasn’t happy with Shadow.”

  “I don’t know him as well as you do, Z, but I trust your judgment,” Wrath says. “Besides, it’s your ass, ultimately.”

  “Thanks for the reminder.”

  Wrath runs his fingers over his beard a few times and flashes a sinister smile. “Car bomb’s nice. Should scare the piss out of all those corrupt fucks. They’ll assume it’s related to the trial.” He nods at Rock. “Or the lack of justice.”

  “Right. That was my other thought. He’s got so many people gunning for him, there’s no reason to look my way. And like you said, it’s a method we haven’t used in decades.”

  “You can’t do it anywhere someone else is gonna get hurt. That’s what got that club in Idaho in so much shit,” Teller reminds me.

  “I’m aware. Trust me, brother, I don’t want any collateral damage. Just this guy.” I nudge Rock with my elbow. “Loco had some good insight for me. I think planting the bomb at his place and setting it off at the Senator’s home will be the way to go.”

  “Sounds good.” Rock shakes his head. “Even if Loco puts the pieces together once it’s done, he’s sure as fuck not going to snitch on anyone.”

  “Loco’s crazy, but he’s not dumb,” Wrath says. “He’ll put the pieces together fast.”

  “Trust me, he’s got no love lost for this guy. He’ll probably congratulate me.”

  Chapter Forty

 
; Lilly

  The guys have “club business” to attend to so I end up at Hope’s house, helping Heidi sort through wedding stuff while the kids play together. Well, really, they play near each other. Alexa showed Chance which toys of hers he was allowed to touch when we got here.

  “I like her spunk,” I say to Heidi.

  “Notice it was the “boy toys” she gave him. I’ve been giving her all the gender-neutral toys and clothes and—”

  “She’s a girly-girl?”

  Heidi laughs. “Yup. But at least she picked it out for herself. I didn’t force it on her.”

  “What about Murphy?”

  She considers the question before shaking her head. “Nah, he buys her all that unicorn stuff because she asks for it. I think he was hoping she’d be more of a tomboy.”

  “She’s so little,” Hope says. “I’m sure she’ll go through a lot of phases.”

  Heidi stands and clears the table. While she’s at the sink washing dishes, I lean closer to Hope. “Gender neutral toys, huh?”

  She leans in too. “Heidi makes me feel about a hundred years old. I didn’t realize that was such a big thing until Alexa.”

  I sit back and chuckle. “I imagine college has exposed her to all sorts of theories that will shake up this place.”

  Hope laughs uncontrollably. “Oh, god. If only you knew how on point that was. Charlotte and I have done our part as well.”

  “Two female lawyers? Yeah, I can imagine.”

  She reaches over and squeezes my hand. “What about you? Are you going to look for another job with the legislature now that you’re back?”

  Even though she’s not asking to be nosy or mean, the question sends a current of revulsion through me. I have to remind myself that she doesn’t know why I left. “No. That’s the last thing I want to do. What about you? Are you going to start taking on clients again?”

  “Gosh, no.” She glances over at Grace, happily snoozing in her chair. “I mean, we all know how much I hated being an attorney—”

  “From the moment you left law school?”

  She laughs. “Around that time.”

  “You and Sophie both.”

  Her mouth turns down and she glances away. “How is she, anyway? I realize I haven’t asked.”

  “Honestly? We lost touch too.” I don’t want to explain that Sophie was the only one I told about what Senator Kelly had done and she not so subtly placed the blame on me. After that, I was done. She was between rehabs at the time, but I still haven’t been able to accept that as an excuse. “My brother still talks to her.”

  A bolt of fear strikes me. Would she tell Alex? Did she already tell him? Until recently, I didn’t even know they were still in contact. Shit. Then again, she’d treated it like a joke. Maybe she doesn’t even remember my tearful phone call.

  “Lilly, what’s wrong?” Hope asks.

  “Nothing, sorry. I was just thinking. Alex said she’s been in and out of a few rehabs.”

  “Jeez, I feel terrible I never realized how serious her drinking problem was.” She shrugs. “I chalked it up to her being a little wild in law school. Figured she’d settle down.”

  The door in the corner opens and Rock steps into the living room.

  “Hey, Lilly,” he greets.

  “I didn’t even know you were home.”

  “He comes in from downstairs a lot,” Hope explains.

  “Is Z with you?”

  “Nope. Not sure what he’s up to.”

  Heidi and I share a look. Z said club business, but I suppose Rock might not be privy to whatever Z’s up to at the downstate clubhouse. Murphy’s helping Z out so he probably doesn’t check in with Rock about every little thing.

  Club stuff is exhausting. I’m sort of glad it’s not my business and trust Z to tell me anything important.

  “Pop-pop!” Alexa sings when she notices Rock’s home. He picks her up to say hello. Still holding Alexa, he drops down on the couch to listen to her and Chance. My son’s a little reluctant at first, but Rock encourages him to join them. I’m not sure Alexa appreciates the intrusion. I get the feeling she has a lot of “Pop-pop’s” undivided attention.

  Hope chuckles. “Murphy started that as a joke, but I think it’s sticking.”

  “Just wait til Grace starts talking,” he mutters.

  Heidi drops a heavy bag on the table. “Are you sure you want to go over this now, Hope?”

  Hope glances over and checks on Grace before answering. “Now before she wakes up would be good.”

  Something pink and sparkly pokes out of Heidi’s bag. Thinking it’s a kid’s toy, I pull it out.

  It’s definitely a toy. But not the kind I imagined. Teasing the edge of the bag down lower, I peer inside. “Heidi, do you have a giant bag of vibrators?” I whisper.

  Hope chokes and laughs. Heidi’s cheeks turn red and she reaches over to snatch the bag away. “It was a business venture, you know, to earn extra money for the wedding. Then Trinity sold me out to everyone at family dinner, so now I’m providing the club with,” she sneaks a glance at the kids, “products for the whole clubhouse.”

  I fall back against the chair, laughing. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard in weeks. “Oh my god,” I squeal. “I can picture your brother’s reaction to that.”

  “Charlotte made me order stuff for her...for them.” She makes a gagging sound. “Do you have any idea how disturbing that was?” She slides her accusatory gaze Hope’s way. “Never mind my favorite aunt and uncle.”

  Hope’s laughing so hard she presses her forehead to the table. “We…we…were…trying…to support your new career path.” She bursts into giggles again after getting the sentence out.

  “Do you see what I have to deal with?” Heidi grins as she says it so I don’t think she’s as upset as she wants us to believe. “Ugh, Uncle Sparky asked for like a hundred and fifty,” she lowers her voice to a whisper, “cock rings. I don’t even want to know.”

  I catch Hope’s eye and wink at her. “Do you have a catalog, Heidi? I’ll—”

  “No way. Uncle Z and Uncle Dex are the only ones who didn’t traumatize me by ordering anything.”

  “Ravage didn’t either,” Hope says. “I remember he was quite vocal about his opposition to toys.”

  “Well, he had a come-to-dildo moment because he ordered stuff.” Heidi shudders. “I have nightmares about it.”

  I choke and sputter on my water and decide to set it down until we finish this discussion.

  Hope’s laughing so hard, she wakes Grace, who starts laughing when she sees her mom. “Aww, did we wake you, precious? It’s your Aunt Heidi’s fault.”

  “Uh, I’d argue it’s Aunt Lilly’s fault. She poked through my bag.”

  Something about Heidi casually referring to me as anyone’s Aunt Lilly sends a warm feeling sliding through my chest. “It’s true.” I reach over the table for Grace. “Can I hold her for a minute?”

  “Sure.”

  “Ah, you’re getting so big, Grace.”

  She waves her fist in the air and grabs on to my finger.

  Now that Grace is awake, Chance tip toes over to us. Alexa follows and they both want to say hello.

  “I should probably change her.” Hope stands and takes her daughter. Rock ends up following her down the hall.

  Heidi reaches over and zips up her bag before picking Alexa up and setting her in her lap. “Did you and Chance have fun? Did you share?”

  “Yeth.”

  Chance gives me this raised eyebrow she’s-full-of-shit face that looks so much like Z’s, I can’t help laughing. I don’t think he’s mastered sarcasm yet, but it’s still funny.

  Heidi pulls a couple of folders out and starts flipping through cut out pictures of flowers, cakes, and other assorted wedding stuff. She lays it all out on the table in front of us and studies it for a few minutes before rearranging.

  Alexa grabs for one of the photos and Heidi lets her play with it.

  “You sho
uld almost be done with everything, right?”

  “Eh.” Heidi shrugs. “I haven’t had a lot of time. I don’t want to go nuts, but I want everything to be pretty. Casual, but fun. Elegant but a little bit country.”

  “Uh, okay.” I chuckle and peer over at her pictures of centerpieces. My eyes immediately glaze over. Maybe I’m not marriage material. The thought of doing all this stuff makes me want to grab Heidi’s silver calligraphy pen and stab myself in the eye.

  And the idea of inviting my parents? Even my brother who’s gotten a little better around Z. How would he behave at a wedding with all of Z’s biker brothers around? Good god, they’d probably end up burying him in the backyard somewhere.

  Is there a way I can skip straight to the wife part?

  Chapter Forty-One

  Z

  At first, I tried not to make too many changes to downstate. I was here to get them through a difficult time, not rearrange the clubhouse. But the longer I’m down here, the less tolerance I have for living in filth.

  “Enough of this bullshit of depending on the girls to clean up for us. Hire a damn cleaning crew,” I bark at Hustler during our next meeting.

  “Bro, we don’t like strangers in the clubhouse.”

  “Yeah, unless they’re here to suck your dick and make you a sandwich,” I growl. “Grow the fuck up. Find someone who’s bonded, have ‘em sign an NDA, and watch ‘em like a fuckin’ hawk while they’re here, but this is ridiculous.”

  Next, Murphy prods me into fixing up one of the empty rooms next to the pool as a gym. After church, he takes me downstairs to show me the room he wants to remodel.

  He pats his gut. “I’ve been working too hard to be losing my gains because I’m sittin’ around here all the time.”

  “Give me a break, you just want to fit into your wedding tux or whatever Heidi’s making you wear.”

  “That too.”

  I point to the pool. “Get a company in here to clean that up, fix it, do whatever the fuck they need to do. It’s disgusting.”

  “Why are you telling me?”

  “Because you’re standing here annoying me about a gym. For the immediate future, fitness for this clubhouse is your responsibility. The pool falls under fitness.”