Zero Regret

by Autumn Jones Lake

  Instead of answering the question, I lean over and kiss her. “Love you.”

  Chance is more forgiving of my exit. “Bye, Daddy!” He waves without getting up from the floor where he’s playing.

  I reach down and pick him up, squeezing him tight to me and kiss the top of his head. “Love you, Chance. Take care of your mom while I’m out, okay?”

  “Okay!”

  Before straddling my bike, I send Rooster a text, letting him know it’s go time.

  He’s waiting out front with a rather unremarkable black sedan. Nothing to draw anyone’s attention. One more bland car to blend in with all the others in Ironworks.

  “Got everything?”

  “Go bag’s in the trunk,” he answers. “Let’s do it.”

  Rooster and I ride up in silence most of the way. “I can’t believe you have me driving an electric fucking car.”

  “What?” He shrugs. “It’s quiet. And no one would expect you to ever drive one.”

  “Got that right. It’s fucking small.” My knees have been crammed into the dashboard for the entire drive.

  The senator lives on the outskirts of Empire county. East of our clubhouse. No neighbors for miles. According to the cameras I placed a week ago, he’s alone. Wife left him when he first got arrested. Wonder if she ever suspected what a creep he was.

  Fucker must be lonely too, if the call he placed to Loco is any indication.

  Let me get out my tiny little violin.

  I won’t allow this piece of shit to break her again. No one’s dragging her into court to make her look at that pathetic excuse for a man. Not after everything she’s been through and how far she’s come. How far we’ve come.

  I finally have a chance to do what should’ve been done before.

  We park in front of Loco’s building and I call him to let him know I’m there. He says to use the basement entrance, so that’s where we go.

  Last time I was down here, we beat some members of a rival MC who was trying to push into our territory to within an inch of their lives. Good times.

  At least things won’t get so messy here today. Rooster’s only planting the bomb here. We’ll set it off at the Senator’s house.

  Loco meets us downstairs. “He just got here. His car’s in the garage. I’ll show you.” He gives Rooster a second look. “You ain’t blowing up my house, are you?”

  “No, Loco,” I assure him.

  “Let’s go. I got Malik outside the door in case he gets rough with Emilia. That happens, he’s getting a beating and tossed out. So work quick.”

  Rooster gives me the side-eye and I shrug. Loco’s house, Loco’s rules. He’s doing us a huge favor. I’m not going to bitch about the conditions he puts on it.

  “This is it.” He stops in front of the white Mercedes I’ve trailed a few times over the last couple weeks.

  “Beautiful car.” Rooster shakes his head. “Give me five minutes.” He glances around. “You got cameras?”

  “In here? Fuck no,” Loco says. “I gotta get back inside. Text me when you’re done.”

  Rooster drops down to the concrete floor and scoots under the car so only his lower half is hanging out. I crouch down and hand him stuff as he asks for it while scanning the front and back doors for signs of anyone coming.

  My phone buzzes.

  Loco: He’s coming out in ten.

  Shit. “Ten minutes, Rooster.”

  “Almost done.”

  I shoot back a text to Loco.

  Maybe if the senator walks out and finds us here, I’ll just beat him to death instead. Be a lot less messy. I flip the wrench I’m holding in my hand a few times while I picture sinking it into the guy’s skull.

  “Done.” Rooster slides out from under the car. “Let’s roll.”

  I text Loco that we’re finished and he tells us to go around the outside of the building.

  We jog through the alleyway and slide into our car. This time, Rooster gets behind the steering wheel.

  Loco: He’s leaving. Should hit Ferry in five.

  “Pull up there.” I point ahead to where Ferry street intersects with the street we’re on. Rooster hands me the cell phone we’ll use to detonate the bomb once the Senator’s clear of any people.

  I pull the small laptop out of the backpack in the backseat and check the cameras at Kelly’s house for any visitors. Nothing but some deer frolicking in the front yard.

  The white Mercedes passes in front of us and Rooster puts our car in motion. We have to wait to make the left turn and he gets a little ahead of us, but that’s fine. I don’t want to be too close anyway.

  The asshole makes a few stops along the way. Which is annoying as fuck and stresses me out each time. “You’re sure it won’t accidentally blow?”

  “I’m sure. Chill.”

  Finally, he’s on the road to his house.

  The property’s secured by a gate, we hang back as far as we can without completely losing sight of him until he pulls into his driveway.

  The gate swings shut behind him.

  “One more check.” Rooster takes the laptop from my hands and scans the video feeds again. “Clear. He’s parking in front of the house.”

  We already went over the procedure a dozen times.

  The pressing of the send button feels anti-climatic after all this cloak-and-dagger shit.

  The blast is deafening, even from where we’re sitting. Black smoke billows up over the trees. Rooster checks the feed. “Oh yeah, he’s toast.”

  There’s a second blast.

  That one sounds like Lilly’s freedom.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Z

  Rock calls early the next morning. I’m sure it’s because he heard about the bombing. It takes him a while to bring it up though.

  “You still coming down for family day?” I ask. We’ve been trying to bring both clubs together as much as possible. Reinforce that we’re not rivals. Reassure everyone that the brotherhood is strong.

  “Wouldn’t miss it.”

  “You and Hope still want to stay the weekend?”

  “If you’ll have us.”

  “Fuck yeah. Lilly’s been looking forward to it.”

  “See that story about the Senator?” he asks when we’re finished discussing club stuff. Secure lines or not he won’t get more detailed than that.

  “Crazy shit, right?”

  He laughs into the phone. “Crazier than you think. Two different political activist groups took credit for the bombing. Getting the corruption out of government is apparently trendy.”

  Holy shit. I didn’t see that coming. “That’s interesting.” At least that will keep the investigators busy looking in the wrong direction for a while.

  “Yeah, Hope said legally it’s brilliant. If either group ever goes to trial, instant reasonable doubt.”

  Which I suppose also means if I ever go to trial for it, I’ll have a defense. Not that I’d use it. I have no problem with what I did. I can’t imagine any man or woman who cares about someone sending me to prison.

  Nothing but the car bombing and the death of poor, crooked, and disgraced Senator Kelly has been on the news for the last twenty-four hours.

  If only the world knew the full truth about what a piece of shit he was.

  Luckily, we don’t watch the news all that much in the house. Lilly’s sort of strict about screen time for Chance. The times when the television is on, it’s usually tuned to something kid-appropriate.

  After Chance goes to bed, I finally have a moment to ask her about her day.

  “Nothing exciting, what with me being confined to the house and all.”

  I suffer some guilt over that. How exactly can I explain she doesn’t have to worry anymore? I kinda figured I wouldn’t have to, that Mara would call Lilly to tell her the good news.

  “Come here.”

  I pull her to me so she’s straddling my lap and run my hands over her ass. I’m about to suggest Lilly come ride my cock in the hot tub when her p
hone pings.

  She reaches over to grab it and slides out of my lap.

  I use the time to check my own messages.

  She gasps, pulling my attention to her.

  “What?”

  “Is this…was this…you?” She turns the phone my way and there’s a full-screen article about the bombing. Compete with photos of the charred and still-smoking Mercedes.

  I shift from laid-back-at-home dad to cold, lethal biker, give her a blank stare and shrug.

  “Z?” she demands.

  “Could have been anyone. Two separate groups claimed responsibility.”

  “But, Z—”

  I launch myself at her, pushing her back against the couch cushions and press my finger to her lips. “Don’t ask questions I can’t answer, Lilly. Don’t force me to lie to you.”

  “Z.” She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me down so she can whisper in my ear. “I can’t have anything happen to you. I can’t lose you.”

  I pull back and stroke my thumb over her cheek. “If something ever happens to me, you and Chance will always be taken care of.”

  “I don’t want to be taken care of.” She frowns and struggles to push me off her. “I want you. With us. In our lives. Every day.”

  “And I will be.”

  “What should I do?”

  “Nothing. Trial’s over. You won’t be testifying. Now or ever.”

  A tear slides down her cheek.

  “He got what was coming to him. Don’t shed any tears over that piece of shit.”

  “I’m not,” she protests. “I’m scared for you.”

  “Look at me.” I grip her arms and give her a shake. “This is who I am. What I do. The risks I take. You’re going to be my wife. You take me as I am.”

  “Z,” she cries, her hands slide into my hair, tears stream down her cheeks as I lock her in my arms.

  “You’re mine. I protect you, Lilly. Always.”

  She kisses my chest and nods. “Thank you.”

  I run my hands over her back. “And I’ll punish anyone who hurts you.”

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Lilly

  The next morning, my pulse races when I remember what happened.

  The man who ruined my life is dead, murdered by the man who turned my life upside down in the best ways possible and gave me everything I never knew I needed.

  Z’s confession. His massive declaration of his love and commitment. To me. To our family. The risk he took to protect me.

  I’m scared because I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose him. But I have to trust him.

  After breakfast, I still can’t stop thinking about it. I’m staring out at the pool, not really seeing anything. Ruminating over the last few years.

  Z’s hands settle on my shoulders “Come on, let’s go out for a ride today.”

  We bring Chance next door and he excitedly runs inside to play with Alexa and Carter. I’m not sure Alexa’s as thrilled to lose all of her Uncle Carter’s attention, but Heidi assures us it’s fine.

  “Oh, let me go change,” I say as Z heads for the garage.

  He sweeps his gaze over my outfit and nods.

  I hurry upstairs and dig through my closet. I’ve been dying to wear these for a while now but between rotten weather and hiding out in the house, we haven’t gone riding lately.

  “What’cha got there?” he asks.

  He’s leaning against the door frame, watching me with amusement as I zip up the tall black leather boots I bought specifically for riding with him. “These are okay, right?” I ask.

  He walks over and kneels down to inspect them, wrapping one hand around my ankle and resting my foot against his leg. “They’re fine.” He plays with the triple-wrapped strap and buckle wound around my ankle.

  “They’re decorative. They come off.” I lean down to unbuckle one. “If you’re worried about—”

  “Yeah, looks sexy as fuck, but I don’t want it getting caught in anything.”

  I take them off and end up wrapping one around my wrist and holding out my arm for him to buckle it. “Even sexier.” He motions for me to give him the second one. “I definitely like this.”

  I blink at him and look down at the scars on my arms, shifting the leather to cover them up. He stops me with a hand over mine.

  “That’s not what I meant at all.”

  Before I even realize what he’s doing, he hooks his fingers in both straps and yanks my arms over my head. I gasp in surprise as he slides his other hand up my ribcage over my breast, flicking his thumb over my nipple. Trapped, I squirm and dance on my toes.

  “This is where my mind went,” he rasps against my ear.

  He releases me and slips his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. “Don’t ever be ashamed about anything, Lilly. Those scars are as beautiful as the rest of you.”

  “They show everyone I’m weak.”

  He wraps his other arm around me, holding tight like a python. His eyes capture mine as well. “They show everyone you’re strong. A survivor. And they better not fuck with you.”

  “Is that what you think?”

  “It’s what I know.”

  I loop my arms around his neck, pulling him down. “Thank you,” I whisper against his lips before kissing him.

  His hands slide down, cupping my ass, and he gently squeezes. “Maybe we’ll go for a ride later.”

  “We can’t ask Heidi to watch Chance just to come over here and fuck.”

  “Why not?”

  Exasperated, but laughing, I push him back. I glance down at my wrists. The happiness drains out of me. “I thought about covering them with tattoos or something. Full forearm sleeves. I’m not sure I’m brave enough.”

  He picks up my arm and runs his rough fingers over the inside, tickling me. “What about Wonder Woman style wrist cuffs?”

  “I was thinking flowers, but wrist armor might be interesting.”

  “I know a good artist if you want to talk to him and have him draw up some sketches.”

  Before it had only been an idea, something I played around with in the back of my mind. But now I’m warming up to it for real. A way of saying goodbye to my past and embracing my new life on many different levels.

  “I’ll have to think of something.”

  He holds out his hand. “Let’s take that ride.”

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Lilly

  Family day is just as Z said it would be. Members bring their wives and kids to the clubhouse. The back of the clubhouse has a large concrete patio, several grills, and lots of tables and chairs scattered around to accommodate everyone.

  Chance has been playing with one of Bricks’ kids most of the morning. Caleb’s older than Chance, but patient. Still, with so many people around, Chance doesn’t stray too far from me.

  Most of Z’s upstate brothers have gravitated toward each other. Others are off in the woods, playing paint ball. Another reason I was glad Chance didn’t want to stray too far.

  Hope drops down in the chair next to me with Grace in her arms. Chance leans over the chair and watches her sleeping.

  “Gonna be a ladies man like his dad,” Stash says. “Look how cute.”

  Z comes up behind me and runs his fingers through my hair. “Rock and I are already making our father-in-law plans.”

  “No, we’re not,” Rock answers from the grill. “Knock that shit off.”

  Z and Hope shake with laughter.

  “I don’t see a lot of dating in Grace’s future,” I whisper to Hope.

  “Tell me about it.”

  Alexa toddles over to Murphy who scoops her up. “She won’t be alone,” Murphy mutters.

  “We should get our well water tested.” Rav leans back and props his booted feet on the table. “Too many pregnancies lately.”

  Someone throws and actually hits Rav in the side of the head with a piece of tomato. “Get your feet off the table, dipshit,” Wrath orders.

  “Every time you say that, you just remind e
veryone of how dumb you are,” Murphy says.

  Stash nods vigorously. “You’ll never knock a girl up if you think water is the way to do it.”

  “The kids are a little young for the birds and the bees talk, no?” I laugh and jokingly cover Chance’s ears, which makes him swat at my hands. Realistically, I know this conversation’s going right over his head.

  “Actually,” Sparky starts to say.

  Inwardly, I cringe. Nothing useful ever comes out of a man's mouth after the word "actually.”

  Sparky flails his hands in the air and jumps out of his chair a few times before continuing. Kind of the way Chance does when he’s really excited about something.

  “I mean,” he continues after he has our attention. “Queen bees mate with up to twenty other dude bees their first time! And the bee dudes, aw man, their dicks explode and fall off when she’s had her fill. The dude bees die, and she keeps all their sperm. It’s so totally radical.”

  “Talk about a socialist matriarchy,” Heidi mutters, sparking off a fit of giggles for Hope and Charlotte.

  No words…I have no words. I squeeze my eyes shut and howl with laughter. When I finally open my eyes, through the haze of hysterical laughter-tears, I see conversation around us has come to a halt. All the brothers are staring at Sparky.

  “What?” Sparky shrugs and sits back down. “It’s different.”

  “I think what Sparky’s trying to say,” Dex explains, “is people use ‘birds and bees’ as a cutesy euphemism for teaching kids about sex and that in the case of the bees, it’s actually horrifying if you apply it to human sex.” Dex sits back and nods. “That’s great. Thanks for sharing, Professor Pot Plant.”

  Ignoring him, or maybe he didn’t even hear him, Sparky leaps out of his chair again and jumps up, waving his hand in the air. “Boss! Boss! Can we get some beehives?”

  Chuckling, Rock raises his glass and tips it in Sparky’s direction. “Whatever you want, brother.”

  “Bro, bees are a lot of work,” Teller says not unkindly. “You’d have to actually leave the basement more than once a season.”