Illusionary

by LeAnn Mason

  I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt his hands come to my shoulders and slowly spin me so my face nearly brushed his broad chest. He smelled so good. Earthy, with a little spice. The slight tang of sweat clung to his clothes, adding to all that was Holden. I didn't want to open to everything else just yet. I liked my fabricated bubble, even if it was imaginary. Leaning into the hand that appeared against my cheek and tipping my head back, I finally opened my eyes.

  Intense blue eyes with a mercury ring blazed back at me, burning with a fire I had never seen in him, never seen in anyone. I wish our circumstances at the moment were more… favorable for me to explore what we have going on here, Nat.

  The intensity ramped up even more as he thought about said exploring, and I felt heat crawl up my neck toward my ears. Again. This man had a talent for making me blush. I didn't want to think about his talents at the moment. I allowed a small smile to touch my eyes as I reached my fingertips to caress the line of his chiseled jawline, before stepping purposefully out of his embrace in order to gain my bearings and let the rest of the world rush into my awareness.

  The paramedics had succeeded in administering pain medication to the injured male as well as getting him secured for transport and were now wheeling him quickly toward the emergency vehicle. How long was I in my Holden bubble?

  With the departure of the emergency services, the scene blinked back to normal. All returned to "business as usual," with no residual indication of what tragic events had just taken place. The crowd dispersing and traffic plowing forward once the ambulance sped away. The phrase "out of sight, out of mind" never more apparent than at that moment.

  Holden's light touch once again brought my attention to him. C'mon, I'll walk you home. His hand traveled from my upper arm down to my hand, which he took in his much larger one as he began to move away. I was stuck in my own thoughts, replaying the sight of the downed man's expression and subsequent sprint into the road. What had caused that reaction in him? Why would he sprint into peak traffic without heed? What was he thinking?

  I don't know, Holden said solemnly. I jerked my head toward him at his reply. He continued, You spoke out loud, answering the question undoubtedly written on my face. Shrugging slightly, Holden continued resolutely on his path. I pulled him to a stop with leaden feet as I spotted the barn over his shoulder then tugged him toward it.

  We were going the opposite way of my house, but this was better. I wanted a moment of my normal peace after the disaster I just witnessed. I wanted the calm Jasper exuded. Hell, I'd even welcome the smell of excrement, as it was normal, expected even, when visiting this place.

  I kept Holden's hand firmly clasped in mine as I dragged him down the aisle, kicking up dirt in our wake. I didn't stop until we stood in front of Jasper's stall. He was there, as he should be, and made a noise of greeting.

  I reached up and ran my hand down his face, bringing it around to grasp under his wooly jaw as I leaned into him and inhaled. Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply, letting Jasper's musky scent and the stale, dust-saturated air fill my nose. As the atmosphere of the barn and its occupants filtered entirely through my body, I realized I was acting just as high as I accused Jade of being once coffee hit her veins. Looks like we both had our addictions, but in my currently relaxed state, I could function again; think again.

  Awareness trickled back and I listened in on Holden as he watched me with Jasper. "I was on my way to you," I told him while still conforming myself to the horse's head.

  To me?

  "Yeah. Here, I was headed here."

  Oh, here. To the horses. He seemed to deflate a little as he thought this. Disappointment colored his thoughts, though he tried to seem unaffected. Once again, I was struck by how vulnerable this powerful man seemed in terms of self. How he both loved and loathed that he was overlooked so often.

  I didn’t like that he thought himself invisible, unseen. "I look forward to coming here." I said, taking a step toward him, relinquishing my hold on Jasper's head but giving him a pat as I stepped away. Another deliberate step and I was toe-to-toe with Holden, looking up into his gorgeous cerulean eyes, close enough to feel heat waft from his muscular body.

  I was lost to him and shamelessly listening to his thoughts as he warily eyed me. He was trying to figure out my intent so I reckoned I'd clue him in, because I'm nice like that. Keeping my eyes locked on his, I lifted my hands to cradle his face, relishing the feel of the stubble against my palms. The rough feel of the short hairs against my soft flesh had me licking my lips in anticipation. Holden's eyes dropped to focus on my mouth, his pupils burgeoning.

  Please.

  At his whispered plea, I assailed. That's the only way to describe how I came at him. I yanked his head toward me and pushed onto my toes, having to bridge the gap to a much larger body. The only thought going through my head was more. I needed more of Holden.

  Parting my lips, I ran my tongue across the seam of his, seeking permission to enter. With a mental growl, Holden opened his mouth and thrust his tongue toward mine, his arms wrapping around my body from shoulders to hips. I shifted my hands to his back and pulled him closer as I bit his lower lip then sucked the sting away, only to wrap my lips around his once again. His mental elation spurring me on.

  I basked in the knowledge of how I affected him.

  Suddenly my arm and face were covered in wet debris. The spell broken, I pulled away and looked up at Holden. His eyes were still blazing, pupils blown. The color was a lighter blue than normal, almost a turquoise like the beaches of far off tropical islands. At least that's what they resembled from the pictures I'd seen. I'd never been away from Minefield so I had no firsthand knowledge.

  No one, aside from the first generation of Enhanced and those who periodically worked for the NEs outside our confines had ever been outside our walls, though not even many of those had seen the tropics.

  I was hit with more mucus as Jasper once again voiced his apparent displeasure at the situation by blowing his nose directly onto us. Holden was the first to recover as a mental chuckle sounded.

  Jasper's impatience rears its head again, shaking his head Holden wiped his face with his forearm, then stepped past me to rub Jasper’s neck affectionately. Good looking out, buddy, he looked over Jasper's head to where I stood, still attempting to compose, and rid myself of Jasper’s thoughtful additions.

  This is not the place, or the time to get carried away. Blowing out a frustrated breath he added, Unfortunately.

  CHAPTER 12

  THE INTERLUDE WITH HOLDEN, and the subsequent wet interruption, broke me from my introspection about the accident. As we began our walk toward my home, I was no longer dwelling on the visual of the man sprinting into oncoming traffic, but I couldn't let the incident go either. The whole scenario bothered me.

  "Holden?" I looked at him while still attempting to keep an eye on where I was going to avoid pesky obstacles such as lamp posts and glaring cracks in the sidewalk, which would swallow me whole given the chance, or just give my face an introduction to its surface. "Why would a man sprint into a busy roadway?"

  I watched Holden’s face as I finished my inquiry. His brows drew together and he pursed his lips in the hottest contemplative look I'd yet seen. Knock it off, Dae! I shook my head slightly, hoping to dispel the image from my traitorous mind.

  He has to be Primal. The fact that, though his injuries were severe, he was not killed when his head impacted is pretty conclusive. He delivered his thoughts while maintaining the look. I quickly glanced away from the temptation he wrought. Maybe if I didn't look at him, I wouldn't embarrass myself. Yeah, good luck with that, Nat.

  "I can't figure what would have made him forget, no, disregard his surroundings," I mused.

  We are not "thinkers" like Sage. We are instinctive; reactive. Something raised his instincts.

  "But instinct for what?"

  Protect or kill.

  He said it so matter of fact. Protect or kill. Both could mean death, and almost di
d today. "Oh my God." I stopped dead in my tracks as the metaphorical lightbulb illuminated over my head. I happened to be in the middle of crossing the street, so Holden wrapped his hand around my upper arm and pulled me into motion, stopping just as we ascended the opposite sidewalk, then stooping to try to read my face.

  "There was nothing there," I said in a distracted voice, the wheels in full motion within my head now. I looked back at Holden as he attempted to puzzle me out.

  What did you figure out? he questioned. He knew I had made some sort of connection but couldn't come up with my conclusion. I mean, it had never happened before. At least not that we knew.

  "There was nothing there. No reason for the man to flip his switch." I stared at nothing, seeing only the replay of the accident. Only this time, I watched objectively. Looked for signs of what I believed. As I replayed the scene again slowly in my mind, I confirmed my belief that there was in fact, nothing that should be a motivator for Primal "protect or kill" instincts. At least, not outwardly.

  "I think our manipulator was at it again." The more I replayed the events, the more certain I was. "If it wasn't him, it was someone doing something similar." The more I talked, the more I thought about it, the more excited I became. I was bouncing on my toes and leaning into him by the end. Holden wasn't so sure.

  "Think about it, Holden." I raised my eyebrows at him in what I hoped was a meaningful way. "Why? Why would those instincts have been triggered on a busy roadway, when no one saw anything unusual?" I was almost pleading with him to understand. To tell me I wasn't crazy and making connections where none existed.

  The man running headlong into traffic wouldn't be something the surrounding people would have considered unusual? Holden clicked his tongue and lifted his own eyebrows high. I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm.

  "Of course, that was unusual," I glared at him. The turd, he was laughing at my frustration, that was his goal—to goad me. He smiled, that rare, blinding smile that I loved, and my frustration melted away. I grabbed his arm, which my hand didn't come close to encircling, and spun him so we could continue our walk. I really needed to get home.

  "I was there Holden. He and his buddies were all huddled up the street from me and laughing about something they obviously found to be hilarious, as they were roaring their mirth." Shaking my head, I recalled just how loud they had been. "Then the man's head snapped toward the street." I paused to take a deep breath, the streets and their occupants not even registering in my state. "The next moment he was running for the street with complete focus." I thought back to that moment, trying to analyze it, see it objectively and realized something new. "There was fear on his face."

  Fear?

  "Yeah." I nodded. "Fear. He was afraid. Afraid of something." I wracked my brain trying to figure it out, but knowing I never would, not without the victim. He was the only one who could tell us what ran through his mind. Well, him and the person who triggered the event.

  I was now more determined to weed out this malignant blight on our town. I had seen what he wrought, had seen with my own eyes the effect he had. He needed to be stopped, as he obviously had every intention of continuing his manipulations.

  The rest of our walk was spent in silent contemplation on both our behalves. Before I knew it, we had arrived at the walkway leading to my porch steps. Holden stopped and pried my hand from his biceps but didn't release my hand.

  Instead he slowly brought the extremity to his lips, his eyes boring into mine. My breath caught as his soft lips pressed to my fingers. At the sound, Holden's clear blue gaze bled into that striking color closely resembling a tropical ocean, a brilliant blue-green as his attention seemed to focus even more intently. I could have stared at him all day, and my face must have shown it as Holden mentally growled. Growled! Apparently I liked that Primal show of approval because I melted a little.

  You don't know what you do to me, Nat, he breathed. I stood transfixed as his eyes slowly returned to their vibrant blue hue.

  "How—" I sputtered. I started again, though still at a loss as to his perpetual changing. "How do your eyes keep changing color?"

  Uhhh…

  "Don't do it," I warned. "Don't lie to me." I followed his internal struggle though nothing of it showed on his face. Outwardly, he was completely at ease. Right now, he reminded me too much of the Sage I avoided. Seeing that he was not going to tell me, I turned and headed up the flower lined walk toward the front door, which once again stood open to welcome the beautiful day. The beautiful day that had harbored a gruesome reminder that not everything, not everyone, was benign.

  It's my ability.

  I stopped. Hand out and reaching for the screen handle, I had been ready to leave Holden standing on the sidewalk without remorse. But now? Now, I was intrigued. I turned again, this time toward the intense Primal male blocking the walkway. "What do you mean?" I asked slowly. I wanted to go to him, but I was rooted to the ground again. This day had too many intense moments and my body was done, my mind not far behind.

  The rest of me folded upon my legs, landing in a heap on the porch as I awaited his explanation. Slowly, oh so slowly, Holden prowled toward me. One agonizing step at a time as he watched me with hooded eyes, ascended the steps and stopped. Bringing his large frame to sit on the top step, his upper body turned toward me, his arms across his knees in a show of ease. Apparently, now that he had decided to share with me, he was not conflicted. He wanted me to know.

  I'm what we call a chameleon.

  I blinked. Then blinked again. He couldn't leave it at that. I had no idea what that meant. "What's a chameleon?" I asked skeptically. He better not tell me it was a lizard. I'd punch him, though he wouldn't feel it any more than a horse would a fly. My strength would have no real effect, so I wouldn’t waste the effort.

  I have the ability to alter my appearance. He watched me, searching my face for a reaction. His eyebrows drew together and his teeth caught at his lower lip. It was distracting under normal circumstances, but at the moment, I would not be deterred.

  "Change your appearance how, exactly?"

  Holden blew out a heavy breath which puffed out his cheeks. I can change coloring or minute physical details.

  "Really? Can you show me?" That sounded really impressive and was yet another ability I thought I may have traded my telepathy for if it were possible. I found myself inching back toward him, waiting with bated breath for him to…change. I found myself mere inches from him, though standing as I was on the top step and he sitting, I lorded over him until he unfolded himself and came to a stand just in front of me.

  I couldn't tear my focus from him. His beautiful blue eyes, his full mouth. The strong jaw. As I was mentally cataloging his facial features, they began to morph.

  I stood agape as I watched his bright blue eyes bleed to a gem-like green. The full mouth I had been kissing not long before thinned and stretched farther across his face, his cheekbones became sharper. I cocked my head like a curious dog, taking in all the changes of his appearance, then sucked in a sharp breath as I watched his dark hair shorten slightly and gradually change to a strawberry blonde. When freckles began appearing across his cheeks and nose, I couldn’t hold back any longer.

  Slowly bringing my hand up to his face, I brushed along the planes. This new Holden was no illusion, he was flesh, and he was different. So very different. The man now standing in front of me looked like a movie star I’d seen before, not the Primal male I knew. He closed his eyes and exuded contentment as I explored the changes. "Wow," I murmured, still tracing. As I brought my thumb across his lower lip, he opened his mouth and tucked his lip inward, bringing my finger as well. Then he closed his mouth with the tip of my thumb inside.

  I gasped. Eyes the color of the purest emerald were overtaken by onyx as Holden's pupils eclipsed the irises. He took a step up the porch, my finger pulling from his mouth. Suddenly I was looking up into those blown out, intense black eyes and hearing a growl emanate mentally from Holden. My breathing became he
avier as I stared. Watching as the Holden I knew came back to the surface, the imposter receding slowly.

  Nathalee, he murmured mentally, as he brought a hand to my face, engulfing the entire left side from temple to jaw. Do you know what it does to me when you look at me like that? His Primal nature was coming out to play. My reaction to him seemed almost like a drug, like he could live off of it, and wanted to. His mental voice was no more than a whispered suggestion, his muscles were coiled so tightly from the restraint of his touch, he looked like he was made of marble.

  I still couldn't tear away. Not my eyes from his, or my face from his hand. I was cemented in place, like I too, was a statue. Staring, just…staring.

  The creak and slap of the screen door opening and closing finally broke the spell we were bound by and I turned to find my mother drying her hands with a red dish towel while eyeing us carefully.

  Not a hair out of place in her meticulous bun and a freshly laundered outfit giving the impression of togetherness, though I knew it hid the wandering mind underneath. She was never focused on just one thing, unless that one thing was a gadget she was working on, everything else would get bumped to the side in her brain space when a question or answer relevant to her work popped up.

  I knew that look. It was calculating. My mother's genius mind was whirling. Her mental thoughts were bursting with curiosity as to the man who so obviously entrances her daughter. She was leery as most Sages were of Primals and was waffling about asking Holden in for dinner. Wow, I must have really been entranced by Holden's display to not have heard her until now.

  Holden, now back to his own physicality, gave her an embarrassed smile and timid wave of his hand. Funny how a little five foot, two pixie could make a strapping young Primal male blush to the tips of his ears and mumble internally about getting caught by a girl's mom. I gave a little snort of laughter and quickly clapped a hand over my mouth to halt the offending noise. My turn for embarrassment!