Hurt snaked through me. He wasn’t planning on being my partner to deal with any of this. “Conner’s understandably upset, but he’s not issuing ultimatums. I’m sure he’ll be at practice tomorrow night ready to skate.”
Relief passed through Hayden’s gaze, quickly replaced by worry. “Good.” He exhaled, his shoulders rounding in, and I got the sense I should fortify myself. “I think we should stop seeing each other…for a while. Mason is going to need time, and if he quits the team, I feel like he might go down a bad road. Maybe if I explain to Carrie how close we are to taking state and how good it would be for Mason to have that victory—”
“For Mason or for you?”
He drew back. “That’s not fair, Jess.”
Shame was so close to getting me to shut my mouth, but I’d been a knotted ball of anxiety for the last few hours, thinking I’d have Hayden’s support. Instead, I was getting dumped, and he was turning to his ex-wife for help. The last few months of sneaking around to meet were nothing more than sex. He cared more about going to state than making this work.
“We made the decision not to tell the boys because of hockey. They found out anyway, and now we have to stop seeing each other because of hockey?”
“It’s not hockey. It’s our kids.”
“It’s your kid.” I clamped my lips shut, knowing I went too far.
“Mason’s well-being is my priority. Just like Conner’s is yours.”
“But is letting Mason dictate who you get to see and when the best way to deal with this? Yes, he’s hurting, and he wants to run off to his mom who’s making beaded necklaces for tourists in the Bahamas with my ex-husband. He’s old enough to see that isn’t a solution and that he’s overreacting. It’s a control tactic.”
Hayden’s face filled with resolve, his shoulders squared. “That’s for me and Carrie to deal with.”
Everything in me went quiet, calm. Just like when Kyle stood with two suitcases to tell me he was leaving even after I’d asked him to stay and try to work it out—for Conner. And for me. That was the moment I realized there was no one else around to lean on.
And I refused to beg again. “Then go deal with it, Coach.”
I stepped back. Four months I’d been seeing this man. It wasn’t like he was ghosting me after three dates. We’d been an item, a somewhat unusual item, for four months, and he was dropping me at our first major hurdle.
He turned and opened the screen door.
“You should look for another real estate agent, too, if you’re still thinking about moving,” I said, folding my arms against the chill wafting in.
His head dropped forward, and he sighed. Then he stepped outside, his shoes crunching in the snow on the walk.
I shut the door, making sure I didn’t slam it. My breath hitched, and for a few seconds, my lungs squeezed like I had a plastic bag over my head. I managed to draw in a few shaky breaths, determined not to bawl until Hayden drove away. Blinking back the tears gathering in my eyes, I spun around to shut the TV off. Conner was in the doorway, his face white and his hands shoved into his black hoodie.
He wavered in my vision. Damn tears. “How much did you hear?”
“Pretty much all of it.”
I bobbed my head, not knowing what to say. Telling him it was over between me and his coach—check. Going to bed for a good cry—soon to be check.
“I didn’t mean to.” He withdrew his hand from the pocket, holding his phone. “But I came up to tell you Dad called.”
If I was standing closer to a door or a wall, I would’ve sagged against it. “What’d he have to say?”
“He asked if I knew, and I said yes. Then he asked about hockey and…” He shifted in the way he always did when he was afraid I’d get angry over what he said next. “And I said he’d know if he hadn’t moved halfway across the fucking world.”
My brows popped up. Conner never used to swear before Kyle left, even though his dad was the one he’d learned it from the most. But the occasional f-bomb snuck out, and I didn’t get worked up about it.
That wasn’t the part of the conversation that bothered me. “I wish he lived closer. For you.”
He shrugged. “I… I don’t know what to think yet. I was just coming around to the idea of you and Coach Lennox, and then…” He helplessly pointed to the door. “That sucks.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“’Cause of Mason.”
I thought it over for a moment. As the adult in the room, I couldn’t pin all of this on a kid. “No. I mean, Mason obviously doesn’t deal with this stuff well, but that’s for his parents to sort out.” It was hard not to be jealous that Hayden was so willing to work with Carrie on this when she’d only called once over Christmas break. “It’s Hayden—Coach—ugh, whatever. He’s the one chickening out. If he really wanted this to work between us, he wouldn’t have called it off.”
“Do you think it’s about going to state?”
“I’m afraid it might be, but the reason really doesn’t matter, it’s over.” I was over begging any man to stay with me.
Conner shifted again, his gaze traveling around the living room. “Will you be okay if I keep playing? I can quit.”
“I support you, Conner. If you want to play, I will be there to pick you up from every practice and watch every game. If you don’t, I’ll support you just like I did last year.”
He nodded. “I’ll keep playing then. I don’t want to let the team down like Mason.”
“Just remember he has his own ways of handling this kind of stress. Right or wrong, try not to blame him. He needs support now too.” Support, not total acquiescence, but that was for Hayden and Carrie. Since Conner and I were talking with more depth than we had in years, I took advantage of the moment. “Do you need to talk to anyone? I can make an appointment.”
His brow furrowed. “No. I think I’m good. But, um, maybe I can drive after practice tomorrow. By the time the snow melts, I should be ready to take my test.”
“I can go ahead and schedule it.” I’d wait until he willingly drove more than once.
He gave me a small smile that I’d count as a victory for me. “Cool. Thanks, Mom.” His expression went back to serious. “You gonna be okay?”
“As long as you’re okay, I’m okay. I’ve been through worse.”
The corner of his mouth hitched up. “Yeah. Me, too, right?
He disappeared downstairs. I meant what I said. As long as he was okay.
Was I too hard on Hayden? Did it matter? He broke things off.
The backs of my eyes burned. It was time for that cry.
Chapter 8
Facing the arena looming in front of me, I stood in the cold longer than I needed to. I could use the excuse that it was an unusually warm February day and the sun was shining, making twenty degrees feel downright balmy.
But that’s not why I didn’t want to go in. The first game after my breakup with Hayden a week ago was the sectionals tournament, which of course, was out of town. A double whammy to my ego. Triple whammy if I thought about how I was back in Alexandria, staying at the same hotel Hayden and I met up in.
So, I wouldn’t dwell on that.
My room was reserved, and my phone was quiet. There’d be no texts coming through about where to meet Hayden and at what time. He hadn’t called at all, and the part of me that wasn’t a scorned woman worried that things with Mason were more serious than I previously thought. Conner said he was at practice, and except for returning to ignoring him again, nothing had changed.
I took that to mean Hayden just wasn’t calling me.
I missed our late-night talks. It was as if we’d left each other mid-conversation. I still wanted to know how parent-teacher conferences went. Having someone ask about my day was a luxury, although Conner had opened up more at home. And he was driving every time we were in a vehicle together. His driver’s test was scheduled for late March when hockey was done.
Then he could drive himself to summer hockey, and I co
uld relax a little more. Maybe I’d see his bag with his stick draped over the top and not think about how my love life seemed tied to the sport.
Grace appeared next to me. She glanced over and smiled. “Hey, you made it. I think Laurie’s saving us seats.”
I forced a smile. She’d appeared at the perfect time. I’d been toying with the idea of sitting on the opposite end of everyone I knew, watching my son, and scurrying out of there as fast as I could. We both started toward the entrance.
“How was your drive?” I asked.
“Long. You know, we should carpool and save a few bucks.”
That sounded…fun. Like a modified girls trip, which was more than I was doing. “Yes. If they make it to state, we should do that.”
“We could even get a room together—” She cut off, squinting at the doors where a curvy blond was heading inside, shivering like this was deep arctic weather and not a pleasant Minnesota winter day.
Carrie.
“Oh my god.” I stopped like I was knee deep in wet cement and not treading through a well-cleared lot. Mason hadn’t quit the team, but never did I think Carrie would appear for a game.
Grace turned toward me, like she was shielding me from the view. “I had no idea. What— Is Kyle here too?”
I numbly shook my head. “I dunno. Maybe?”
Carrie was here? She had missed all of last season and all of this year’s games, but she found out I was sleeping with her ex and here she was.
Where was Kyle?
My gaze darted around the parking lot, Grace’s doing the same.
“I don’t see him,” she said. “Unless he’s already inside?”
I clutched her arm. “Grace,” I whispered. I couldn’t go in there and die a little every time I saw Carrie. I couldn’t sit and wonder if she’d left Kyle, or she hadn’t but was back and sleeping with Hayden anyway. I couldn’t be in there with them and go through all of this by myself.
“What is it, Jess?” She squinted at me. “Are you okay? You know what, you’ve come so far, fuck her. We can—”
“I was seeing Hayden all winter,” I blurted, but kept my voice low. Her eyes flared wide. “We were a thing and we didn’t tell anyone and then the boys found out and then, and then…” Damn those tears. “Mason told his mom and Hayden broke up with me and I can’t go in there. I can’t be stared at and whispered about and—”
“Jess, stop.” Grace’s voice was surprisingly firm. She rubbed her hands up and down my arms, making my jacket crinkle. “My head is spinning, but panicking isn’t going to help any of us.” She took a deep breath and I mimicked her. Inhale. Exhale. “Okay, so tell me a little slower so I have it clear.”
“Hayden and I started sneaking around at the beginning of the season. We were waiting to break the news because…” Grace nodded, understanding perfectly. “Then it was like life hit replay. Mason found out, lost his shit, and Hayden broke up with me to help him. He basically told me to butt out, that it was his and Carrie’s business.” Which it was, but he shut me out of any little part.
Grace’s lips thinned. “And now the woman that ran off with your husband is back to help your boyfriend who was also once her husband under the pretext of helping her kid.” She rolled her eyes. “Right. I’m sure it’s all about Mason. We all know how altruistic she is.”
“I came here to cheer on my son. We’re finally good, he’s finally—”
“Say no more. I’ve been there.” She threaded her arm through mine. “You and Coach Lennox snuck around better than the CIA because I had no idea. But here’s the thing. Regardless of whether Mason mass emailed the school, or his mother started the phone tree to tattle your business everywhere, the key is to own it. You’re going to walk in there with me, excited for the game, thrilled to see your son play. You’re going to sit next to me, and you’re going to be careful of how terrified you look.”
“What?” Own it? Own what? That I got dumped again? That I threatened the team’s chance for state?
“Smile. Look relaxed and happy. You got a day off to watch hockey. You’re sitting with friends, and if anyone learns what happened, fuck ’em.”
“It’s not that easy.”
A knowing gleam lit her eyes. “No, it’s really hard. Would you rather curl in a ball in your hotel room and regret missing this game for the rest of your life?”
“No,” I squeaked.
“Then listen to me.” She tugged me toward the door. My feet didn’t want to listen. “If you see her, look her in the eye, raise an eyebrow and look away as if you’ve got better things to do. Because you do.”
What she was saying made sense—and it sounded impossible. “It seems like something I’d do in high school.”
“Welcome to being an adult. Where nothing really changes, but we can legally drink.”
I snorted out a laugh. “If I ever get divorced again, make me answer your phone call.”
“I should’ve banged your door down. But I was different than you. Anyone who had ears heard me bitching about my ex.”
We approached the doors Carrie had disappeared into. My breathing shortened and my whole body tensed. “I don’t want to do this.”
“You’re here for Conner. Not them.”
The lobby throbbed with people, and the smell of freshly popped popcorn permeated the air. Kids and adults roamed in search of each other and concessions, and parents milled around before taking their seats. My gaze constantly swept the area for Carrie. Grace didn’t let go of me all the way to the inner doors to the rink. She pushed through them and I was hit with a familiar cool blast of air. I could do this. No more hiding. I had three days of games—if the boys kept winning—but I could do this.
My usual crowd was sitting toward the top. Laurie waved us over, but her gaze strayed to the far end. I looked in the same direction.
Carrie was huddled on a bleacher seat close to the boards surrounding the ice, rigidly watching the ice.
To think, she’d been a friend. Yeah, she had her problems, but then so did I. Seeing her sitting there, with her bikini-ready figure clear under her fuchsia winter coat and jeans, I was struck with a new realization. I wasn’t angry at her for coming back. If I’d been a spectator to the fiasco between me and Hayden, I’d be pissed if she didn’t come to support Mason. Hadn’t I been incensed that neither she nor Kyle could be bothered to fly home and see their kids?
So, if this breakup got his mom back in his life, I could be a little less bitter. And if Carrie was strong enough to show her face here, then I had no excuse. The whole world could know that I was sneaking around with Hayden and got dumped, but I wasn’t missing one more second of my life.
Emboldened, I put my foot on the first step.
“Jess.”
Icicles crystalized in my veins at the voice behind me. I wanted to ignore him. To keep going, but the first thing I did after my little epiphany couldn’t be to run off.
Grace looked back as if sensing my hesitation. Her gaze lifted over my shoulder and her eyes went wide. She looked back at me, and I summoned a small smile. “Save me a seat.” I turned around. “Kyle. What a surprise.”
I wanted to say Kyle looked frumpier than I remembered. That he’d let himself go. But like Carrie, his hair was bleached lighter than it was living in Minnesota. His face was tan, and he’d even leaned out. All that tutoring on the beach must do a body good.
His expression was apologetic. “I should’ve called and let you know I was coming.”
“Probably. Does Conner know you’re here?”
He nodded. “We have a few minutes before the game. Can we talk?” He gestured to the doors behind him.
“Yeah, I guess.” Being an adult sucked.
He hadn’t gone out the doors first, like he thought I was a flight risk. I slipped past him and out into the wide hallway that connected to the concessions area.
When we found a little space on the wall with no people, I leaned against the wall and faced him. “How did Conner react to th
e news of you being here?”
Kyle’s expression dimmed. “I don’t know. Honestly, he seemed cool with it, almost excited. But then I think he thought about you and is worried about how you’ll deal with it.”
“Just because I don’t want anything to do with you doesn’t mean I want you out of your son’s life. I’ve been pretty mad at you for not trying harder.”
“I call him every week.”
I drew back. “You do?”
Kyle lifted a shoulder. “He doesn’t answer very often.”
“He’s a teen. Do you message him?”
He nodded again. How did I not know all of this? He cleared his throat and I could tell by his resistance to meeting my eyes what was coming next. “So, about—”
“It’s really none of your business.”
He snapped his mouth shut. He met my gaze but stepped back a half a foot. I wasn’t begging. I wasn’t deferring to him or what he wanted. I was my own person, and I was confident I was right.
“It’s caused problems with Mason,” he said.
“We’re not his parents.”
“I’m his stepfather, Jess.”
Loved the reminder. “Well, I’m not his stepmother, and I won’t ever be.” I pushed off the wall.
“I told Carrie that Mason had no right to make that ultimatum.”
I slumped against the wall. “What?” Kyle was sticking up for me?
“I didn’t quit caring about you after we divorced. I knew you wouldn’t date discriminately, and I know Lennox is a good guy.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Look, I know my actions—our actions—when we left town were extreme and selfish, but we didn’t know what else to do.”
There were so many other ways they could’ve handled their affair that didn’t include running away. “You abandoned everyone here.”
“Neither of us felt like we were needed or wanted.”
I stared at him. “Are you kidding?”
“You and I weren’t speaking. My kid wouldn’t talk to me. No one respected me in my career. Carrie never thought people took her seriously, not her friends, not her kid, and definitely not Hayden. We had nowhere else to go.”
Offsides (A Playing Hard Novella Book 3) Page 7
