by Noah Harris
“You need to be strong to be an Alpha, Adam.”
“I am strong,” he said automatically.
“Are you?” she challenged, and when he looked at her, her face was unreadable.
He regarded her for a moment. He knew her well once, and he still knew her enough to guess what she meant. “Are you saying you could do better?”
She raised an eyebrow, but otherwise remained unmoved. “Are you saying I can’t?”
“They won’t like it,” he warned. “The pack’s never had a female Alpha.”
“Times are changing, Adam. And if you don’t step up to the plate, then I will.”
He grunted his acknowledgement but stayed silent otherwise, lifting his glass to drink again. His gaze swept around the room, but his thoughts were far away. It was strange to think that just this morning, he had been giddy with the promise of destiny and of the perfect mate. Just this morning, he had been made to believe in fate. Did that mean that this, too, was a sign of fate? Something that he was meant to do? To overcome?
That strange, giddy excitement, the mystified awe of the workings of the universe, the questioning of destiny, the raw feeling of primal attraction he had felt upon seeing Josh—it all seemed so far away, like months had passed and not just a matter of hours.
He felt warmth press against his side, drawing him out of his thoughts. Unsurprisingly, it was Millie. She wormed her way under his arm, pressing herself against his side as one arm wrapped around his waist. Her head leaned against his shoulder. However, unlike all the other times she had tried such a maneuver, there was nothing sexual about it, nothing romantic and nothing flirtatious. She nestled against him, lips pursed into a thin line. And when she looked up at him, her eyes, glistening with unshed tears, were daring him to tell her to move.
It was only then that he realized that she, too, had lost a close friend.
He sighed, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “This changes nothing,” he mumbled.
“I know,” was her muttered reply. “Just... let me stay here. For now.”
He nodded in silent agreement. For once, her closeness didn’t make him uncomfortable. For once, he craved that closeness. It took the edge off his loneliness, off the hollow feeling in his chest, the place that had been carved out in sorrow. He wished that it was Josh beneath his arm, with his head on Adam’s shoulder, but for now, he would take what he could get.
And so they stood there as time lost meaning, as their pack wandered around them, taking silent comfort in the presence and scent of family, and of the closeness of the other. Together they stood, silent and commanding, resolved, silently comforting and mourning in their hearts.
_________________________
That night, Millie pushed her luck and tried to convince Adam to come back to the pack house. He firmly refused. She tried to tell him that the pack needed him, needed him to stay in the pack house, and he knew that on some level, she was right. But he also wasn’t willing to give up his own solitude just yet. He needed to be alone, to gather his thoughts and digest what had happened.
When it became clear that she couldn’t convince him, she tried to go home with him instead. He put his foot down at that. Their comforting embrace didn’t change where he stood with their relationship, but she pushed and pushed. She only backed down when he snapped at her, and when Karen said she wasn’t giving her a ride. Millie glared at that, and it was clear that she wasn’t happy at all, but she finally backed down.
“Remember what I said, Adam,” she said as he opened the passenger side door of Karen’s car. “If you won’t be strong, someone else will...”
He knew a threat when he heard it, but he had nothing to say, so he simply climbed into the car, and Karen drove off.
The ride home, like the ride to the club, was spent in silence. Only this time, the silence was thick and suffocating, each of them wrapped up in their own thoughts. When they reached the apartment, they hugged tight and mumbled good nights before going their separate ways.
His apartment was just the way he had left it, and yet it felt colder and less inviting than it had earlier that day. He shuffled into the apartment and stripped off his clothes with lethargic movements. His limbs felt like lead, matching the heaviness in his chest. He took a long, hot shower, staying under the spray until the water ran cold.
When he collapsed onto his bed, he found a couple of unread messages waiting for him.
Unknown Number: Hey! This is Josh, thanks for giving me your number! I hope we get to see more of each other in the future :)
Unknown Number: For work, I mean!! Because our companies signed the contract and yeah
Unknown Number: Not that I wouldn’t mind seeing you outside of work
Unknown Number: Oh geez, that sounds so awkward
Unknown Number: I’m kind of hoping you’re not answering because this is the wrong number and I’m just embarrassing myself to a stranger
Despite the heaviness in his chest, his heart squeezed in a far more pleasant way. He found himself smiling as he read over the messages, his breath coming short and excited as he entered Josh’s number into his phone. He ignored the way his fingers shook as he tapped out a response.
Adam: Hey, no, this is the right number. Sorry about not answering right away, I was out with some friends
Josh: Oh! That sounds like fun! :) I hope you had a good time!
Adam: Not really. There was bad news, unfortunately. It was more of a get together to console each other than a real party
Josh: Oh no!! I’m so sorry :( Do you... want to talk about it?
Adam: No, but thank you. I appreciate the offer
Josh: Anytime :)
Adam: But you know... if you wanted to see each other outside of work, I wouldn’t mind
Josh: Me either...
Josh: I’m free this Friday?
Adam: I can do Friday
Josh: Cool :)
Adam: Cool
Josh: Goodnight, Adam
Adam: Night, Josh
Adam rolled onto his back, phone resting on his chest. He could feel his heart pounding beneath his fingertips as he stared at the ceiling. His heart and his head were a mess. Despite his giddiness and excitement at the idea of having Josh in his life, especially since Josh seemed just as interested as he was, he couldn’t shake the sorrow of Eddie’s death. The knowledge of it, and the implications for him and his pack were starting to sink into his bones, making him feel heavier. There was a lot of responsibility waiting for him, should he choose to accept it.
Holding his phone above his head, he scrolled through his last few messages with Eddie.
Eddie: You’re a good guy, Adam, and you would make a strong Alpha
Eddie: Have more confidence and carry yourself upright, and people will follow
Eddie: If you own who you are, no one can stand against you
He didn’t know if he wanted to be Alpha. He didn’t know if he would make a good one. He’d never really thought about it, not seriously, anyway. He had always assumed Eddie would be around for much longer, and he had hoped that by then, there would be someone else. But now... He had a decision to make.
Looking over the texts, something twisted in his chest. Eddie had believed in him. Adam’s pack had confidence in him. So far, the only one who didn’t was himself. He thought about Josh. He didn’t know if the omega had a pack or not, but if he didn’t... Adam wanted to be strong for him, to a make a pack he could find a home in, to make him proud.
Kites rise against the wind, not with it.
Gripping his phone, he made a decision. He would do it. He would try. For himself, but also for his pack, for his family, his friends, for Josh.
For Eddie.
It had been a long time since Adam had been excited at the idea of work. Yet come Monday morning, he was awake before his alarm went off, then showered and dressed and pacing his apartment long before the bus was set to arrive. The bus itself was late and crowded, and like usual, he was forced to st
and. That didn’t put a damper on his mood. He whistled softly to himself as he hopped off the bus, and he was practically bouncing with energy as he waited in line at the coffee shop. He ordered three specialty drinks this time.
He arrived at the office a few minutes late but in high spirits. He stopped off at Rob’s cubicle on the way to his own, sliding one of the cups across his desk. Rob looked up at the movement, smiling when he saw the offering and taking it gratefully.
“If you keep this up, I’m going to have to start paying you,” he said. He picked up a box off his desk and handed it to Adam. Peeking inside, Adam saw that it was a chocolate, rainbow sprinkle donut.
“Keep saving donuts from the morning vultures for me, and I’ll call it even,” Adam said with a smile, saluting his friend with the box before taking a step backward and heading for his own cubicle.
He sat in the chair and sighed like he had finally arrived home. And in a way, he had. It was small and cramped, smelled of paper and ink, had very few personal effects and was nothing more than a place to work, but it was also familiar and comfortable. It had been his safe place for years, a place where he always knew what he had to do and never had to worry about messing up, about making the wrong decisions. His work was pretty straightforward. Unlike a lot of other things in his life.
He glanced up, eyes drifting to the poster of the kite. His eyes narrowed a fraction, lips pursing into the smallest of frowns. Perhaps... perhaps safety in comfort and familiarity wasn’t always the best thing. Sometimes, stepping outside of one’s comfort zone could be a little nerve-racking, but it could also be exciting and exhilarating and oh so worth it.
He lifted his head as the elevator at the far end of the office dinged, metal doors sliding open to reveal several people in suits and business attire. He straightened to watch over the top of his cubicle walls, feeling himself deflate at the sight of each stranger. Until Josh stepped out of the elevator last.
Adam perked up. Yeah, some new things could definitely be worth stepping outside of his comfort zone for, if the sudden erratic beat of his heart and jittery feeling in his hands was anything to go by. Those sensations were paired perfectly with the smile that simply couldn’t be removed from his face.
Josh paused as he stepped onto the floor, head lifting and eyes automatically going to Adam’s cubicle. When their eyes met, they both turned sheepish. Josh eyed him through his lashes across the hall, lifting a hand in a silent greeting. Adam found himself mirroring the gesture. Then Josh noticed his co-workers were already walking away and, startled, hurrying after them.
Adam chuckled softly to himself, gathering up his own materials and grabbing his laptop before following.
He joined a flood of his own co-workers on the way to the conference room that had been set aside for the joint work with their new clients. It would more or less be their new office for a couple of days a week over the next few months. When Adam stepped into the familiar room, Josh and his co-workers were already taking up seats on one end of the table, and his own co-workers were on the other side. Adam was more than willing to be the bridge between them.
He set his things on the table and pulled out the chair next to Josh, silently putting one of the extra coffees he’d bought on the table in front of him.
Josh froze, staring wide eyed at the cup before looking up at him, then back at the coffee, like it was something he had never seen before.
Adam chuckled as he slid into his seat, making a show of organizing his papers and opening his laptop. “You’re supposed to drink it, not stare at it.”
Josh continued to gape. “But...” he said softly, keeping their conversation just between them. When he looked at Adam, his face was contorted in confusion. “But there’s coffee here, isn’t there?”
Adam shrugged. “Well... yeah, but it’s not necessarily good coffee. I was at the café, anyway, so I thought I’d get you something.”
“You didn’t have to,” Josh said, reaching for the cup.
“I know, but I wanted to.”
“Thank you...” He was smiling, small and soft and genuine. Josh kept his eyes resolutely on his coffee cup, but the tips of his ears were tinged pink. It was cute.
They worked mostly apart, though it wasn’t strained or awkward. It was comfortable. Adam chatted with his co-workers when it was necessary, and sometimes, he made idle conversation with Josh or his workmates. This was his element, and he found it easy to talk with people on and around the subject of their business. Whenever he was animatedly answering questions or making small jokes with the others around the table, he felt Josh’s eyes on him. It make his heart flutter and his face feel warm, but he liked it.
Josh was a lot quieter when it came to talking with their co-workers. He answered questions when asked directly, but rarely made conversation on his own. Even with Adam, he mostly only responded when spoken to, but Adam didn’t mind. He got the feeling that the man was shy, not ignoring him. He could sense it in the way Josh eagerly responded when Adam made a side comment and the way he gave Adam his complete attention when they spoke. It was a lot less subdued than when his co-workers asked things of him.
Besides, he had gotten to know Josh a little bit when they had gone out on Friday after work, and he had been left with the clear impression that Josh was actually interested in him.
To be honest, Friday hadn’t been much. They had gone out to eat in a nearby park until well into the evening, talking about almost everything that came to mind. The only topics they both stayed away were family and pack, both of them clearly hesitant to talk about such personal and potentially dangerous topics. Other than that, it was an enjoyable evening. Adam had been nervous, but excited. The afternoon had been marked by moments of awkwardness from both of them, but even that felt good.
It was the awkwardness of strangers learning to become more. It was the awkwardness of a first date that both parties hesitated to name aloud, lest the spell between them would somehow break. It was the awkwardness that came with not being sure if it was alright to hold hands, the slight concern about who should pay the bill. It was the awkwardness that came with learning when it was alright to tease and how to do so without hurting the other. It was the awkwardness that came with sweaty palms, flushed cheeks, and nervous heartbeats. It was the awkwardness that came in the form of not wanting to go home, not wanting the night to end, and therefore, staying out far too late with no plan in mind.
All in all, it had been amazing night, and they had done little more than talk. Hell, Adam hadn’t even found the courage to take hold of Josh’s hand until later into the evening. Josh had instigated it, playing with Adam’s fingers and tracing the lines of his palm until they inevitably twined their fingers. Neither of them said anything about it, but their smiles said enough.
Adam had gone home that night, unable to wipe the smile from his face. Megan had caught him on the way to his apartment, and judging from the knowing glint in her eyes above a smirk, she knew he had been on a date.
A date. An actual date.
Neither of them had been willing to say it aloud, but they both knew what it was. It was clear, right down to the shy way Josh had gone up on his toes to press his lips quickly and hesitantly to Adam’s cheek. The touch had been fleeting and yet it had made Adam’s heart beat a mile a minute.
The date had been a high point that had reduced the grief and pain of the rest of the weekend. He spent most of the weekend with his pack, helping organize everyone and everything after Eddie’s death. He’d stayed at the pack house with Eddie’s widow and close friends and had helped make the final funeral arrangements.
It had been odd to be around them, with such a heavy atmosphere in the air that rivaled the lightness in his chest. Everyone had been grieving the loss while he had been silently reveling in the joys of life. He was in the middle of his own mourning for Eddie, true, but his excitement over Josh helped him combat those emotions, helped him cope. He felt a little guilty whenever he saw the unshed tears in the
eyes of his pack mates, but... he knew in his heart that Eddie would have been happy for him, and he clung to that knowledge.
Nevertheless, he buried himself in pack work, not only because it was expected of him but because keeping busy helped the time to pass.
Now, as he sat next to Josh, surrounded by their co-workers and paperwork, time passed quickly and slowly all at once. Every word passed between them, every subtle touch, every brush of their feet beneath the table was a moment that passed with the slowness of molasses, a moment where time seemed to freeze just for them. And then the moment would break and everything would speed up again.
Lunch was catered to the office, and sandwiches were brought into the conference room. The groups had an hour break, and while some of the people stayed, most of them drifted out to either eat in the break room or wander to one of the balconies or game room. Neither Adam nor Josh made a move to leave. They both grabbed food and a drink and sat back in their chairs, chatting idly about their favorite kind of sandwiches and debating the superior types of cheese as their co-workers slowly shuffled out.
“I, um...” Josh started when they were finally alone. His chair was turned so that he faced Adam, but his head was tilted toward the table, eyeing his half-eaten sandwich. He ran a hand nervously through his hair, swooping fallen bangs from his face. His hair was pushed back, swooping away from his forehead, but the more he fiddled, the more it fell from the gel’s hold. It gave him a younger, more innocent appearance.
He cleared his throat, trying again as he glanced up at Adam. “I had a lot of fun on Friday...” he said.
Adam smiled, tilting his head to the side. He could feel his expression softening. “I did, too.”
Josh was fidgeting in his seat, fingers twisting and twining, flexing and relaxing. He stared down at his lap. “Would you like to, um... do it again? Sometime?” He looked up, gaze uncertain and hesitant but with a spark of hope in those green eyes. He was breathtaking, and it melted Adam’s heart.
