“I just wish you could see that this shit is not about you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Demarco is having problems with Demarco and he is taking that shit out on you. The sooner you realize this, the better off your ass will be and you will realize that you can do better. And you will find someone to treat you better. Maybe Demarco just ain’t the one. I mean how in the fuck is it you fault that Dominique is not his baby? You didn’t ask for that bastard to rape you. And maybe if Demarco had stepped up sooner when the shit went down it wouldn’t have ever happened! But to turn around and to pull the shit that he been pulling and blame it on that shit? Come on. If you couldn’t accept her then you should have kicked rocks a long time ago. Why wait until now?”
Tears poured from eyes. My mother wasn’t helping; she was making me feel a whole lot worse. “Mom, stop please.”
“Okay. I’m just saying this is not your fault, Cashmere.”
Whether it was my fault didn’t stop me from feeling as horrible as I felt. Didn’t matter who was wrong who was right, none of that. All that mattered is that I wanted my family restored.
Just then there was a knock on my bedroom door and Dom poked her head in. “Hi, Mom.” She gave me a quick smile. Then she said to my mother, “Hey, Grandma.”
“Hey, pretty girl. Come and give your granny a hug.” She walked into the room and my mom pulled her in her arms, kissing her on her cheek.
When Dom pulled away my mother said, “Are you okay? You look like you’re in a little pain. Why you limping, baby?”
She stuttered. “Ah. I was rushing to my next class and twisted my ankle is all.”
“Are you okay?” I asked her.
She looked away but said, “Yes.”
“Well I’m going to get going. I need to start getting my things together. Cash, I can’t believe you won’t come with me but oh well. I’m telling you it is just what you need to clear your mind then you’ll come your ass back and say, ‘Demarco who?’”
I didn’t respond. She blew us both kisses and walked out.
“Where is Nanna going?”
“She said Aruba.”
“Oh. You didn’t want to go, Mom?”
“No, Dom.” I rubbed my weary, red eyes. “I wouldn’t enjoy myself. Not with your daddy leaving.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. Do you need anything?”
“No. Thanks for being concerned about me. I know the past couple days I haven’t really been spending time with—”
“Mom, you don’t have to explain yourself; it is what it is and I understand. I’m just sorry you’re hurting.”
“Thanks for understanding. I know I may seem useless to you right now but give me a little time and I will snap out of this I promise.” It was hard for me to look at my daughter because I felt so guilty. I was being so weak and so emotional but the way I felt it was just too hard to smile and act like everything was okay.
“Well, Mom, I have a thousand-word paper I have to start on. I’m going to be really busy so get some rest.” She kissed me on my right cheek and left my room.
I looked away. Normally I was all up in Dominique’s room, helping her with her homework or we were watching a movie together. It was always some type of bonding. But I couldn’t do it today. I was too, too down. I knew she would be okay; she was a good kid.
All I did was drop back a capful of Nyquil so I could rest my pain away. Before I dozed off I called Demarco’s phone but he wouldn’t answer.
Chapter 17
Dominique
I was so relieved that mother didn’t catch on to any changes in me. She was too occupied with Demarco and where he was that she didn’t notice that I had, number one, drifted apart from her and, number two, now had a great deal going on. I didn’t trip and twist my ankle. I was sore from what I had done at Meka’s house. She would never know. And she would never know that I had talked to my daddy. And lastly, my mom would never know that I now had resentment toward her for her never telling me the truth about who my real father was. But like my daddy said, I’d have to go along with my mother’s normal program so she was not alerted. Because now that I had met my father, I wanted to continue to have him in my life and judging by my mother, I was sure she would shut it down because she didn’t want all the secrets of the past to come out. Since my mom never checked on me, she stayed in her room, I planned on sneaking out. Meka told me she was going to pick me up at the corner.
So I waited until my mother was asleep and snuck out of the house. I knew she would never know I was gone. Also I played the role like everything was okay and I didn’t know the truth. She was too preoccupied with Demarco anyway to care.
I hopped into Meka’s Honda Accord. “Hi,” I said shyly.
“Hey. Now you sure you ready for your next excursion?”
“Where are we going?”
“You ever head of a strip club name Starz? You gonna be working there on the second floor.”
I gasped. I didn’t think I would be comfortable working in a strip club and taking off my clothes.
“I don’t—”
She cut me off. “I told your daddy and he is all for it.”
If it was what my daddy felt that I should do, then I would have to.
“Don’t worry, honey. By the time you get up there you going to be feeling just fucking fine. I’m going to school you. Just remember the basics; look each man in the eye like I taught you the other night. Remember, you are in control but you act like they are. Don’t concern yourself with how fine, ugly, or fat or in shape these niggas are. The only attraction you have is to the money. If you follow those rules you make some major paper up in here and your daddy will be so proud of you. ”
I smiled and sat back in my seat. That’s all I wanted was for him to be proud of me. Now that I had my father in my life, that’s all I wanted was his approval.
When we got to the strip club Meka had already prepped me and gave me a fake ID. I was no longer thirteen but instead twenty-three. We sat in her car and she gave me something to drink and a pill. Meka didn’t let me get out of her car until I had drunk the whole concoction she gave me that had a bitter taste and burned going down my throat. I had to take small sips of it to get it down.
She then told me to get with Honey inside and she would put me on. “Here. When you get inside hand this to Honey.” It was a bottle of prescription pills. I tucked them in the left front pocket of my jeans.
“Aren’t you coming?”
“Girl, no. So they could say I was pimping you? You’ll be fine.”
I didn’t want her to leave me on my own but I had no choice so I nodded and walked into the club in search of Honey.
As I walked around a tall, older man like my mother’s age walked past me. As he did he continued to stare at me like he wanted to say something. I blushed and looked away. I asked the bartender who Honey was and he pointed at a woman who was walking toward the stage. I made my way over to her.
She was an older woman who was pretty with blond hair, contacts, and a huge butt.
“Hi, Honey. I’m Dominique. Meka—”
She cut me off. “You on your own, little girl. I’m not here to babysit no bitch. Now don’t you got something for me?” She held out an anxious hand to me.”
“Oh.” I handed her the pill bottle and she tucked it away in her left jean pocket.
“Tell Meka I’ll do her rounds tonight and tonight only. Let’s go to the second floor to get started.”
I nodded.
She showed me where it was and I walked up the stairs. As I did I noticed a man seated at the bar continued to stare at me. He was older like my mother’s age, handsome, brown skinned. I shyly looked away then looked back his way again. He continued to watch me.
Once I was on the second floor I could hear Jay-Z and Kanye West’s “Niggas in Paris” blasted in the club. The beat that boomed out of their speakers matched the rate of my heart that seemed to pound louder. I struggled to keep myself from crying. I didn’t want to be there.
“The fuck you standing there for? Get the fuck up on the stage. And I’m telling you now you gotta get buck-naked. And up here at Starz, anything goes. I’ll beat your ass for wasting anybody time. Meka gave me permission.”
I nodded fearfully. I didn’t want that. I hoped my last butt whipping was Jada and her mother. Thing was I didn’t think I could do the dancing let alone what they were doing on this floor. I was scared. But looking at the lady in front of me with her arms crossed under her chest and her head cocked to the side at this point I didn’t think I had a choice. So I stood and watched women who were completely naked twirling on the poles and dancing naked on the stage. There were also women around me on the floor in front of men nude. Some were positioned in front of the men, dancing, while some others were on their laps and in corners of the room I could see that some of the women were servicing the men. Oh, God, please don’t make me have to.
“Why you looking like that? Anything goes in here. That girl over there is only fifteen and she doing it like a pro.” She was pointing at a girl who was hanging from the pole. She did it so good and gracefully. “Can you dance?”
“Not that—”
“Well keep your ass off the pole; we don’t want you to break your neck tonight.”
I nodded. But I was afraid. I couldn’t do what she was doing. The girl looked so relaxed and at ease. Someone slapped my butt. I jumped, and turned around with wide eyes as a man who looked super old winked at me and went to one of the tables to sit down. I was embarrassed out of my mind that he touched me like that in public. It reminded me of the many times in elementary school that boys would do it. Embarrassed, it always made me cry. But I had to be a big girl now.
“Get used to that. You are property of all these men in here for the duration of their stay.”
I nodded. But did I really want to be anyone’s property? I turned my focus back to the girl on stage.
“I’m sure Meka gave you something. She popped what you popped; that’s why she looks like that, boo. She’s feeling good up there.”
“She is?” I didn’t think I could or would with all these man looking at me and trying to touch me. The only man I had let touch me was Mr. Douglas and I trusted him.
In a few moments, the pills and drink started seeping in altering the way I felt. The moment my head nodded, Honey yanked my clothes off of me and shoved me on the stage. I was out of my mind and, sweating. Only I wasn’t sweating on no pole or having men stick money in my garters. I didn’t have on any garters. I was now completely nude. The floor where anything goes.
“And if a man wants to get fucked you have to fuck them.” Those weren’t my words; those were the words of Honey. And she was right because as I completely nude gave a man a lap dance, high out of my mind, he had his way with me. I looked across from me ashamed but the girl across from me was preoccupied with the dude she was entertaining and another in another part on the room doing the same.
I saw things I’d never forget in that room.
Honey was right; anything goes. And that anything went on and on and on.
Fluid was running down my legs. Didn’t stop another guy from leading me to a corner.
And what he said, what he asked for, I did it.
I hated the hands that caressed my body, some gentle, some rough. I didn’t enjoy any of it. I felt like I was cattle. I was slapped, prodded, drinks poured on me while the song “No Worries” by Lil Wayne rang out in the club. But I had tons. Would I get over this? Would what I did fill me with shame for days to come? Would I be able to do this again? And if I couldn’t would it make my father hate me or still love me? What percent would it be?
My vision was no longer right; it was blurred and the room started spinning. Still I felt hot breath on my back and the sound of grunting. I felt my flesh being sucked on and a stinky smoke being blown in my face. And this all went on for what seemed like forever. Before it was finally over, I had several bills clutched in my hands.
Feeling woozy, I stood and fell down. Then I had no further strength to stand again. So I sagged in that corner and stayed for fear that if I got up I would just fall again. I rested there a few minutes; my heart was beating real slow and I kept my eyes closed. Fluid continued to leak and run down my inner thighs.
Honey found me there and started laughing. “Girl. Put your clothes on.”
“I don’t think I can,” I moaned. I could barely hold my head up.
She helped me slide into my dress and shoes saying, “A mess straight up.” She slid my feet into the wedge heels Meka had me wear. She helped me walk toward the stairs and down them. I fell once and she had to lift me back up.
“Girl, you better pull it together!” She yanked me into the bathroom where she helped me clean myself up.
“Thank you,” I told her.
“You welcome.” She left the bathroom.
A few minutes later, I was able to stand on my own. I went to the sink to wash my face.
Once the water hit my face I started to feel better. I sat down on the toilet and kept a wet paper towel on my face for safe measures.
I got a text from Meka: More men are coming in! Go to the first floor and offer lap dances.
I groaned inwardly. All I wanted to do at this point was go home and get in my bed. I wasn’t a fan of this place. I wished I could run to my father and cry about what I had just done. But the only way to get it like that, to be able to run to him, was to stay. I wanted to make him proud and sex was his business. If I could perform and do the things the other girls in here did he would have to be proud of me and want to embrace me in a way that Demarco never did. I knew I had to do what he said and thus what Meka said because she was in charge of me. So I took a deep breath, stood, and went back to the first floor.
Once my feet were planted on the first floor, a guy beckoned me over. I took a deep breath and copied every move that another girl across from me did. I knew my body was stiff unlike the girl who was really flexible and had such a good rhythm.
“Relax, baby, and smile. Don’t look so scared,” the man said to me winking.
I offered a small smile.
The guy from earlier suddenly reappeared and walked in my direction. He paused behind me and whispered in my ear, “Meet me in room seven when you’re done. I’ll pay more than what he’s giving you.”
I nodded. The more money I make the better, I thought.
A few minutes later I was finished with the lap dance. I collected the twenty dollars. Meka had prepped me before and told me how much lap dances cost and if they wanted more it would be extra. To tell the truth I was so out of it upstairs I knew I was shorted by several of the men up there so maybe if this guy gave me more it would make up for how short I was.
I asked a girl who was walking by where the private rooms were and she directed me to them. I quickly located room seven.
For a second I paused outside the door. Thing was, I didn’t want to be in the room with him at all. At least out in the club there were people around so I was somewhat safe. I mean he didn’t seem all that bad so maybe he’d be nice to me. I hoped. But people changed behind closed doors. Mr. Douglas had shown me that. I hoped he wouldn’t hurt me or be rough like some of the other guys. What made it a tiny bit bearable was the alcohol and the pill Meka had given me but I still was uncomfortable with what they were doing and inside I was screaming for them to stop. It wasn’t like Mr. Douglas. I knew and had love for him. Those men were strangers just like this man was. And also I was no longer feeling warm and fuzzy. I was now 100 percent alert. So no matter what he asked me to do to him I had to find a way to distract myself. I focused on a happy time. A time that I laughed. I thought back to our school trip to Magic Mountain and laughing on the Apocalypse ride with Jada, back when we were super close. It was funny because I was also the quiet, scared, shy one in my classes but I was the only one on the ride who could handle it and enjoyed it. All my classmates who got on were screaming, including Jada, and one even threw up. I chuckled
, relaxed a little bit, and took a deep breath.
I opened the door and slid inside.
I walked over and stood in front of him as he sat quietly in a chair. His hands were between his legs and he was staring down at the floor. Even as I stood there in front of him he still stared at the floor.
“I called you into this room because I ain’t going up there to that cesspool and see that sick, twisted shit because if I can’t handle what is going on the first floor I certainly can’t handle what is happening on the second floor. At the end of the day, those pretty girls dancing and smiling, in my eyes, are being victimized. I’d go crazy and hurt someone and lose my badge if I were to go up there and see those sick bastards having sex with those girls.” He paused. “Are you twenty one?”
Was he a cop? My heart started thudding in my chest. He said badge so he had to be. I stuttered. “This is only my second time here. I’m twenty-one,” I lied. “Here’s my ID.” I pulled it out of my bra and handed it to him.
He looked at it, looked me in my eyes, and frowned. “Right,” he said dryly, like he didn’t believe me. “What is your name?”
“Dominique Pena.”
“Where do you live?”
“Inglewood.” He was making me real nervous. His eyes continued to pierce me. Like either he didn’t believe me or he wanted to know more information. Maybe both.
“Relax. I’m not going to arrest you. I’m not here to arrest little girls who aren’t old enough to consent to what is going on up there. I’m here on police business.”
I nodded, my eyes wide. So he was a cop!
“How long have you been working here?”
“I promise I just started today.”
“So you don’t know anyone named Patrice Wilson?”
I racked my brain and came up blank. “No. I swear, sir.”
He nodded like he believed me. “Yes, you look young but a lot of girls in here do. And well they actually are young. To me twenty-one is still a baby in my eyes and I’m thirty-seven and I couldn’t touch one of these girls in here. I wish I could shut this bitch down and other places like it.” He paused and had a sad look in his eyes before continuing. “Anyhow your age is not the only concern. And your ID I can prove is fake. You look like someone I used to know a long time ago. Pretty often in my line of work I see many faces but there is a face.” He looked down and chuckled.
The People vs. Cashmere 2 Page 8
