I narrowed my eyes confused.
“The face you favor is a face I can’t even begin to forget even if I wanted to.”
“Who?”
Chapter 18
Dominique
I stood nervously at my door with the detective standing next to me. I didn’t know what my mother was going to say once he told her where he found me. Thing was the person he said he couldn’t forget about was my mother. And once he found out Cashmere was my mom he told me to meet him at his car. “Meet me at the black Tahoe. You better meet me out here or I will come looking for you,” he threatened in a stern voice.
I nodded nervously. On the way to the car, I texted Meka and told her a cop had caught me and she needed to get out of there. She never responded but on the way out I looked for her car and I didn’t see it. So I assumed she had left.
Once I came back outside and I got in his car I asked him, “Why are you doing this? Why didn’t you just arrest me?” I almost believed that maybe he was going to have sex with me. Why else would he not arrest me?
He calmly turned on his car and said, “I don’t want my cover blown and if I arrest you then it will be and I’d have to take you in. But I won’t. Instead I’m taking you home. Now where do you live?”
And thus we were standing outside my house. The officer rang the doorbell. I held my head down in shame as the door unlocked and we came face to face with my mother.
She took one look at me then looked at the cop, gasped, and said, “Caesar?”
Chapter 19
Cashmere
I had been asleep for the whole day due to my Nyquil shots. That was the best way for me to deal with what I was going through. The sound of the doorbell woke me out of my sleep. I sat up in my bed and rubbed my eyes. I got out of my bed wondering who it was and rushed out of my room and down the stairs.
I opened the door and gasped. Caesar was standing on my doorsteps next to my child. The last time I saw him I was only thirteen and he had betrayed me, stomped on my heart when I saw my sister on top of him at the hotel we were staying at. It had hurt me so bad because he was my first love. Shit that was years ago. What the hell is he doing here with my child? I thought.
His eyes locked with mine and he had a soft smile on his lips as he stared me up and down. I was already in a bad mood and so frustrated by the fact that I continued and continued to call Demarco and he wouldn’t pick up. After my series of calls it seemed that he turned off his phone completely. Then I was hit with all these images in my head of him making love to another woman, being hugged up with one at night while I spent my nights alone. With tears in my eyes I dialed his number again and it went straight to voicemail. I was so frustrated to the point that I beat the phone into my dresser so hard the screen cracked, then in rage I screamed and threw the phone into the wall. The shit split in two pieces.
The last thing I expected today was to find Caesar at my doorstep. Not in a million years. And why was he here with my daughter? I knew she told me that she was going to the basketball game at her school with a new friend she had just made and would get a ride home with her. I was happy, for one because she was making new friends, and for two it meant I could sleep all day long. Although some days I did it even with her home and felt like crap about it. At least today I could do it and not feel bad.
I ignored his eyes as they continued to look me up and down. “Can I come inside?”
I narrowed my eyes at him and slid back, opening my door wider for them to both step inside.
As he walked inside, I said quickly, “Haven’t seen you in a while.”
“I’ve been in Shreveport, Louisiana. I came back home a few months ago. I transferred to the LAPD.”
I said nothing else. I wanted to keep the conversation light. No need to rehash shit.
Once they both stepped inside we walked into the living room. We all stood and my eyes locked with my daughter’s. “Okay,” I said evenly, swallowing. “Tell me. Since obviously she won’t.”
He flashed a police shield toward me. “I’m a detective. And I found your daughter somewhere that she had no business being.”
“Where, Dominique?”
She looked down and had her lips pulled in.
Caesar cleared his throat. “She was at a strip club named Starz.”
All of a sudden my heart thudded in my chest and my eyes widened. “You lying!” I fired at him. My child wouldn’t be in a damn strip club. Caesar obviously came here to start some shit. With his tacky ass. I had other shit on my mind to deal with to entertain this bullshit.
“Tell your mother where you were,” Caesar said.
She hesitated.
“Tell your mother,” he said sternly. His face remained calm.
“I was there,” she whispered.
“Are you serious? Dominique! What in the hell were you doing in a strip club?
“I, ah—”
“You only thirteen! And you said you were going to a game.” I was outraged as I stared at my daughter struggle over her words. That shit didn’t even sound like my child. “Who did you go there with?” I demanded.
“My friend from school Tish?”
“So is Tish the one you were supposed to go to the game with?” I pressed.
“Yes.”
“Well how the fuck did y’all end up at a strip club? I don’t even get why you would even be around somebody who would go to a place like that. What are you thinking?”
“Well since Jada and I aren’t friends anymore, I just started hanging out with Tish.”
Now it made sense. She was lonely and hanging with the wrong crowd. Still I pressed her so she didn’t think something like this was acceptable. “For what?”
“Just to see what it was like. Mom, that’s all I swear. It was Tish’s idea. And I don’t know. I just wanted a friend.”
“Look. I know you upset that you and Jada aren’t friends anymore but obviously this girl is not a good replacement if she hangs in places like a damn strip club.”
“She was willing to give me a lap dance. Now I don’t know exactly what she was doing but she also went to the floor where anything goes.”
My eyes were wide as golf balls.
“That was just a dare!” she protested. “Tish dared me! And I was only on the second floor for a second.”
What in the fuck was going on with Dominique! “You at a strip club willing to give lap dances? You only thirteen, shit! I got enough on my mind. I don’t need this. You know what I’m dealing with.”
But inside I felt partly responsible. I was so caught up with Demarco I wasn’t keeping my mind on my child completely. But that still gave her no right to go to a damn strip club. What was she thinking going somewhere like that? Maybe it was because of me and lately how I hadn’t really been active in her life since Demarco had left. I couldn’t bear for her to tell me that’s what it was in that moment. I knew I was being weak. I knew that at the moment I sucked as a parent. But damn I was human and with Demarco being gone I couldn’t properly function like I used to. I knew it was fucked up because I had a child I needed to put first and set the example for. But it seemed like the only thing that could restore me was getting him back. I shook my head as guilt and shame washed over me for how weak I was being. Was this how my mother felt?
I gave her a murderous look and said, “Get your ass in the room!”
“Okay.” She looked like she wanted to say more to me but she didn’t. She did as I told her to.
Once Caesar and I were left alone, I demanded, “And just how did you manage to be the one bringing my child home from a strip club? I see sleazes always were your type. I see it never changed that you don’t like good girls. Let me find out from my daughter that you pushed up on her and I’ll have you killed.”
“Look. You have things so wrong. You did then and you do now. But I’m not going to go into the past right now. Just know I could have taken your child in as well as close the strip club down. But I’m working on a case and a patr
on of the club is involved. I didn’t take your child in because I didn’t want my cover blown, and also, the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew she was yours. You were all I saw in her face. From the way she walked to the sound of her voice.” He shook his head and chuckled. “It’s crazy. After all these years your face has always been a permanent imprint in my mind, Cashmere. Probably always will be. That’s why I got her out of there. She didn’t belong in a strip club. And years ago neither did you. So you should be thanking me.”
I started to ask him what he meant by I had things wrong years ago. But really would it matter? That day I caught him with my sister was years ago. Couldn’t anything change what transpired after that. So why even bother to ask him to expand on the comment? Even if a part of me wanted to know. It was best to leave it alone. So I did.
So I stared Caesar up and down with an attitude letting him know with my expression that he was not welcome at my home.
“Well I’ll get going. If you need help you let me know. My cell is on here and my office line.” He held out a card for me. When I didn’t reach for it, he laid it on my coffee table.
He walked toward the door. Once he reached it he turned back to me and said, “It was really nice seeing you. You look the same just prettier.”
I rolled my eyes and smirked. “Get the fuck out of here, Caesar.”
He looked away at my rejection and walked out the door.
I shook any thoughts of Caesar out of my head, but still kept tripping off the fact that I just saw him. I never ever thought I’d see his ass again. Crazy.
I walked to Dominique’s room, opened the door without knocking, and found her laid on her bed on her back looking sad at the ceiling.
I stood in front of her and rehearsed in my head what I was going to say to her and the proper punishment I should give her, like maybe grounding her, beating her ass, or both. I was at a loss because I never had to punish her before and shit I was lost. What is the right sanction for your daughter going to a strip club? Yes, I went when I was thirteen but I was trying to survive. Dominique didn’t have those issues. When I looked at her sweet, innocent face it was still hard to believe she actually went there. My Dominique? But she admitted it so I had to accept it.
I took a deep breath, about to speak when I heard the doorbell ring. Gotdamn it! Who was it now?
“I’m sorry, Mom,” she whispered.
“Save that apology ’cause I’m not done with you,” I said sternly.
She looked like she wanted to say something but she stopped herself.
I knew my face held disappointment. But I couldn’t hide it. This was the first time my daughter had actually disappointed me. And today was the first day I had actually yelled at her. I wondered if my anger was just because she was caught in a strip club or also because I was stressed behind Demarco. Yet I also felt responsible for her being at that damn club. Because my attention wasn’t on her like it normally was. I knew it. I knew it was wrong as a mother. It didn’t mean I didn’t care about my child, or that I didn’t love her and wasn’t concerned for her; I was just devastated over my husband.
I walked out of Dominique’s room and ran down the steps. When I got closer to the door I could hear my mother’s voice. “Cash? Dominique? Y’all here?”
“Shit.” I didn’t want to be bothered with her ass right now.
I opened the door, stepped back, and she walked inside. “What’s up, Cash?” She walked past me and sat down on the living room couch. “Come and sit next to me, my child.”
“Not now, Mom. I’ve got some stuff to do.”
“What?”
“Why?” I snapped.
“Well damn! I was just coming by to see if you want to go to the spa.”
“No. Like I told you I have things to do. I’m not leaving this house.”
Then she gave me a look. “You ain’t got shit to do. You probably ain’t left the house since he left. Hibernating like a damn animal is not going to make that fucking man do right and come home, Cash! You sound crazy, baby. Don’t give yourself false hope. He is not—”
“Mom! I don’t want to hear your shit right now! Why don’t you go check on your grandchild and ask her what she has been up to instead of talking shit about my husband?”
She looked alarmed. “What?”
“Ask her!” I snapped.
She put her purse down and walked up the stairs toward Dominique’s room in a quick pace.
Relieved she got off my husband, I turned to head back up the stairs when I heard the doorbell again. “Goddamn, who is it now?” I said out loud.
“What you yelling for?” I heard my mom ask. I ignored her and walked to the door.
As soon as I opened the door, I came face to face with a chest. I backed up and my heart thudded so hard in my chest that it felt like I had been punched when I saw yellow reflective tabard. I almost wanted to close the door in his face. But instead, I took a deep breath and came face to face with a police officer.
“Hi, ma’am. My name is Russell Thompson. I’m a police family liaison officer for Inglewood PD. Does Demarco Pena live here?”
“Yes, why?” I demanded in a panicky voice. And already I was shaking not knowing what he was going to tell me.
“Ma’am, there really is no easy way to say this. He was killed in a collision on the 405 freeway and . . .”
Okay. That’s when my world just seemed to stop. I mean literally.
I wanted to misunderstand him as he spoke. And although I tried to pretend that I didn’t, I heard him well. He said my husband was killed. And, at that point, my ears were ringing, my breathing was coming out in pants, and all the energy within me was abruptly zapped. I lost my balance, right in the doorway. The guy was unable to stop me as I hit the floor in front of him.
Chapter 20
Cashmere
I could feel his arms wrapped around me. But it didn’t stop me from passing out.
I felt a cold rag on my face and heard someone call my name. I blinked rapidly and slowly opened my eyes to see three faces in front of me: my mother, my daughter, and an officer.
As soon as I saw him I remembered his words. But that shit . . . I mean it just couldn’t be true. Demarco wasn’t dead.
I sat up quickly and threw the washcloth off of my face. “Why the fuck are you in my house?” I demanded of the officer.
“Cashmere,” my mother said gently.
“Shut the fuck up, Mom.” Tears formed in the corner of my eyes. I wiped them away quickly. ’Cause if I let them motherfuckers fall then basically I was telling myself that the bullshit he said was true. That my husband and the love of my life was dead. This could be a crazy motherfucker playing a prank on my family.
“Ma’am,” he began gently. “As I told you before you collapsed your—”
“Oh so you are going to continue with that bullshit.” I jumped up off the couch, marched up to him and got all up in his face. “So you are going to continue with this bullshit!” Without warning, I took a swing at his face. I started hitting him repeatedly. I had to do something to stop him from saying that shit again, that Demarco was dead. I couldn’t bear to hear that again! Tears streamed from my eyes as I punched on the officer.
“Cashmere!”
I felt my mother’s strong arms around me as she restrained me.
“Get the fuck off of me!” I shouted. But she was stronger and held on to me.
“Gotdamn it stop this bullshit.” My mother spun me around and started shaking me. “Listen for a motherfucking minute ’cause beating that officer’s ass is not going to change reality.” She looked me in my eyes frantically. “That officer is telling you that Demarco is dead. Baby, he is dead. I’m not going to let you sit here in denial. Demarco was killed! He ain’t coming back!”
He ain’t coming back. He ain’t coming back. He ain’t coming back. He ain’t coming back. Those four words kept percolating in my head.
I glanced over at Dominique who had her legs curled into her chest o
n the couch and was crying silently. It was all I could take before I was on the floor beating the ground with closed fists and screaming my lungs out as I looked up toward the ceiling as if asking God why.
Chapter 21
3 Months Later
Dominique
“‘Make it rain, trick. Make it, make it rain, trick!’” was sung as I danced seductively in front of three male college students. Travis Porter was playing. And I knew all about that. Nowadays, I making it rain all the time. I had landed this date on my own. I had propositioned one of the guys while I was with Meka at Trade Tec College. He called two of his friends over and I was entertaining all three of them. Meka said she wanted to test me and based on my response, I was becoming a seasoned wifey. I had countlessly been working for her and going on so many dates it made me better and better at this.
“Get naked,” one of the guys said as I danced around them. I stripped down until all I had on was my bra and panties. The reason that I didn’t care much about what I was doing was because I was always faded and feeling good. In order for me to get through a partner I had to be under the influence. When I was high, I felt invincible. I felt pretty, fine, sexy, charming, mature, and a good dancer all at the same time. There was no way I could do this sober.
“Twerk it, baby,” one of them said.
I placed my hands on my knees and rotated my hips so my butt flapped up and down. All they kept saying was how pretty I was. How good I danced. I didn’t even care that my underwear was down to my knees, my bra was now off, and one of the guys was filming me with his cell phone. And the more I danced the more excited they got until all three of them were naked and took turns . . . with me. Although after the third guy I was tired they gave me more to drink and they invited some more guys over. It was about thirteen guys in the room and I had some sort of intimate relations with all of them. At one point, because of all the alcohol I had consumed, I was going in and out and every time I came to I was either on my back with a guy on top of me or they were on their back and I was on top of them. But each time the guy from that point on was a different guy. I counted that I had blacked out about six times. Then after that I remember going out and never coming back to again.
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