Now and Again

by Natasha West

  Now and Again

  By

  Natasha West

  Copyright © 2020 by Natasha West

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  With thanks to Brooke

  One

  Juliet Sullivan was doing her best not to cry. God, this was hard. She hadn’t seen it coming either, which made it all the worse. ‘Did I do something wrong?’ she asked.

  ‘Juliet…’

  ‘If it’s something I’ve been doing, just tell me. I can change it,’ Juliet cried, aware she was coming off a bit desperate.

  ‘Juliet, oh my god, no. This isn’t about you. Things have just… changed,’ Helen told her, looking like she was trying not to cry herself.

  ‘But, I thought… I thought it was working. Was it not working?’ Juliet asked.

  ‘It was working. It really was. But…’ Helen sighed. ‘Look, we couldn’t have predicted it, but I’ve been promoted. And the position’s in Montreal. But I promise you’ve been the best nanny we’ve ever had.’

  Juliet choked back a sob. ‘I… I’m going to miss the kids so much. Max, Lily. All of you.’ She looked around the kitchen, the room suddenly taking on a melancholic quality. This was one of the last times she’d ever see that kettle.

  ‘We’ll miss you too. You’ve become family to us,’ Helen told her sincerely.

  That almost pushed Juliet over the edge again, but she took a deep breath and gathered herself. ‘Well, if you’ve got this new job, I guess, I mean… I’m happy for you all. That’s… That’s really exciting.’

  ‘That’s kind of you to say. And I want you to know, I’m going to make sure you’re not left jobless. I know people who are crying out for a decent nanny. I’ll get you sorted.’

  Juliet shook her head. ‘Oh, no, don’t worry about me. That’s not your problem.’

  ‘Not a chance,’ Helen told her firmly. ‘I would never forgive myself if I left you high and dry. The only problem you’re going to have is too many job offers.’

  Juliet had just about gotten ahold of herself now, the shock subsiding somewhat. ‘When are you leaving?’

  ‘Not very long at all. A week.’

  ‘A week?’ Juliet repeated, shocked anew.

  ‘Yes. As I said, this has all been a bit of a mad series of events. The guy who was going to take the job in Canada originally, well, he sort of… fell off a building.’

  ‘What?!’ Juliet cried, forgetting about her own worries. ‘Is he alright?’

  ‘From what I’ve heard, he was celebrating his new job on a rooftop bar and apparently celebrated a bit too hard and crashed through one of those plant barrier things. Luckily, it was only two floors up, and he landed on some rubbish bags, so he only broke about seventeen bones.’

  Juliet was horrified. ‘That seems like a lot.’

  ‘There are two hundred and six bones in the body in total, so proportionally…,’ Helen said philosophically. ‘Well, anyway, he’s in a full-body cast for the foreseeable future, so he’s not able to take the job. And I got the call. It’s a real step up. I had to take it.’

  ‘Of course you did,’ Juliet agreed.

  ‘You’re a lovely person, Juliet,’ Helen said. ‘I don’t know what the kids and I are going to do without you.’

  ‘I’m sure you’ll find a great nanny in Canada in no time,’ Juliet assured her.

  ‘We’ll find a nanny. But she won’t be you,’ Helen said sadly.

  ‘I’m trying not to cry here, Helen. Please don’t say things like that.’

  Helen nodded. ‘Me too, so best I shut my mouth now. And anyway, I’ve got to go and have a Skype meeting with a property person in Canada in five minutes, so I better not start blubbing. But are you OK?’ Helen asked, putting a gentle hand on Juliet’s arm.

  Juliet nodded. ‘Yeah, go. I’m fine.’

  ‘Are you?’ Helen pressed.

  ‘I’m… I will be,’ Juliet assured her. Helen had enough on without dealing with her nanny’s breakdown. Juliet would collect herself, get over this. Maybe not this second though. ‘It’s just… It’s hard knowing everything’s about to change.’

  ‘Tell me about it. I don’t even know what currency Canadian’s use.’

  ‘Ummm… The Canadian Dollar, I think,’ Juliet told her, happy to finally sound like a functioning adult, rather than the desperate idiot of a moment ago.

  ‘Well, at least that’s one thing off the checklist,’ Helen said, checking her watch. ‘Oh shit, I better get on that Skype call.’ She started to walk backwards out of the room. ‘You’re the tops, Juliet. Whoever gets you in their home after me is insanely lucky.’ She vanished through the doorway as she attempted to organise her family’s emigration to another continent in the space of a week.

  Juliet went into the living room to find the kids sitting in front of the TV. ‘OK, guys, that’s enough telly.’

  Max and Lily both responded, ‘Awwwww!’ But Juliet didn’t cave. ‘Come on, we’re all heading out to the park.’

  The kids couldn’t have cared less about the TV now. ‘The one with the ice cream?’ Max, three and a half, asked as both kids jumped off the couch.

  ‘That’s the one.’

  ‘Can we get some?’ Lily, eight, was quick to follow up.

  ‘I don’t know, do they have any broccoli flavoured ice cream?’ Juliet said, handing the kids their shoes.

  Lily rolled her eyes, grinning. ‘You always make that joke.’

  Juliet smiled. It was hard to do. She wouldn’t be making that joke with the kids soon. Worse was how quickly she’d fade from their memories. They would be sad at first, but then they’d move on, learn to love a new nanny. It killed her to feel so suddenly replaceable. Juliet wondered if anyone had told her about how it would feel when you leave a family, whether she would have chosen a different job. She supposed things would have changed when Max hit four in six months, anyway. He’d be going to school. Juliet had been hoping to move into a part-time thing, doing the drop off in the morning and pick up for Max in the afternoon like she already did with Lily, hanging out with them until dinner time. She could have survived on the pay. As long as it didn’t mean anything had to change. But change was coming anyway, the bastard that it was.

  At the playpark, the kids went hard. After forty-five minutes, they were red-faced from all the sliding and swinging and climbing. They cooled themselves down with some well-earned cones at the café, and Juliet was pleased to see them content. But eventually, the slurping stopped, and Lily asked, ‘What’s Canada like?’

  Juliet forced a smile. ‘It’s lovely, from what I hear.’

  ‘Mum says we’re going to live there,’ Lily told her.

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Juliet nodded. ‘Are you excited?’

  ‘She says we can get an even bigger house than here. She said we’d have a pool,’ Lily told her. ‘A whole pool to ourselves!’

  ‘That sounds lovely,’ Juliet said, putting a brave face on.

  ‘Yeah, so don’t forget to bring your swimming costume,’ Lily warned her seriously. ‘Because otherwise, you won’t be able to swim with us.’

  Juliet was taken by surprise. ‘Your mum didn’t tell you…’

  The kids
looked at her with interest. ‘Tell us what?’ Lily asked.

  Oh no. Helen was probably drip-feeding them the changes to try and lessen the impact. She’d clearly not gotten to the Juliet-less part. Juliet decided to take the chance that Helen wouldn’t mind her taking this job off her plate. It felt right for her to tell them herself, anyway. ‘Guys. The thing is… Canada is going to be brilliant. You’re going to see so many new things and have so much fun. But… I won’t be able to come with you.’

  The kids’ eyes popped. ‘What? Why?’ Max demanded.

  ‘Because… you’re going to a new part of the world, and they don’t let you take people with you; there are all sorts of visa issues...’ The kids looked blankly at her. ‘Well, anyway, I live here, in Medford. So I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to come.’

  Max burst into tears, and Juliet went to him immediately, holding him in her arms. He grabbed on like a little monkey. Juliet let him cry into her chest. She looked to see how Lily was taking it. She was sitting quietly, a thousand-yard stare in her eyes. ‘It’s not fair,’ she muttered darkly, her half-eaten ice cream melting in her hand.

  Juliet didn’t know what to say because she agreed. Life wasn’t fair. She’d been happy with these kids. She wished she could go back in time and stand underneath the roof that Helen’s drunk predecessor had fallen off and pushed a bouncy castle into his path. Then she wouldn’t have to disappoint Max and Lily. Everything could just go on as it had been: steady, simple, familiar.

  ‘Look, we can Skype, and sometimes you’ll come back to visit, and we can see each other again. I’m not just going to vanish,’ she assured the kids. They’d had enough of that with their dad. She didn’t want them to think that was what people did—upped and left out of the blue, even if it was sort of true.

  The day managed to get worse a few minutes later as they were leaving the park in solemn silence. ‘Oh my god, is that Juliet from school?’ said a voice. It was unpleasant, mean. Juliet knew before she turned around that it was India Kent. Juliet hadn’t seen her in years, not since school. She hadn’t exactly left a hole in Juliet’s world. She was still the same fake-tanned, label-obsessed arsehole, it was plain to see.

  India was with several nameless henchwomen that Juliet might have gone to school with, or maybe not. They were too coiffed to allow Juliet to recognise the people underneath. Juliet kept walking, the kids holding her hands.

  ‘Jesus, look at that. Two kids already. She must have started popping them out as soon as school finished,’ India brayed loudly in that absurdly posh voice of hers.

  Juliet couldn’t help herself. She turned to India. ‘These aren’t my kids if you must know. I’m their nanny.’

  India gaped for a second before her face split into a wide grin, and Juliet knew she should have never engaged with this idiot. ‘You’re a nanny? God… Wow.’ She left it hanging, but Juliet knew what she meant. The poor girl from school was now, ‘The Help.’ India had to love that.

  Though Juliet was not embarrassed about her job, she felt some of that familiar old shame that cruel classmates had always made her feel when she didn’t have the things they had. The nice clothes, the expensive holidays, the lift to school in the fancy car.

  Juliet turned away from India, flushed. This was turning into a truly shitty day. Then it managed to get even worse. ‘India, they don’t sell ristretto, so I just got you a latte,’ said a new voice. Actually, not new at all. Juliet was intimately familiar with this voice, though it had not been heard in quite some time. Juliet spun around in shock and found herself facing Riley Powell. Riley stared at her in equal surprise. Several seconds passed.

  ‘Juliet, I need a wee,’ Max said. Juliet had forgotten he was there.

  ‘Yeah, come on,’ Juliet said to him, breaking her stare-off with Riley. She pulled the kids away, heading toward the toilets. As she went, she heard India say, ‘Remember her? Juliet something-or-other.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Riley said quietly. ‘I think I remember her.’

  Juliet kept walking. She didn’t want to hear anything else that might be said. Anyway, if she didn’t move fast, Max was gonna pee down his leg. The day she was having, that would really cap it off.

  As Juliet stood outside the toilet waiting for Max to go – he was about able to handle that job himself now – she must have drifted. ‘What’s wrong?’ Lily asked her. The kid was always observant.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Are you sad?’

  ‘I’m alright.’

  ‘You don’t look alright,’ Lily said flatly, her penetrating gaze boring into Juliet.

  ‘Maybe I am a bit sad,’ Juliet admitted.

  ‘Because you’re not coming to Canada?’ Lily asked. ‘And you’re going to miss us lots and lots?’

  Juliet nodded. ‘Yeah. I will.’

  Lily nodded. ‘I thought so.’

  ‘You’re very smart, Lily,’ Juliet told her.

  ‘I know,’ Lily agreed. ‘I can spell better than anyone in my class.’ She went on to list all the things she could spell. As she talked, Juliet thought about Lily’s observation. Yes, she was very sad about the big move. But right at that moment, she hadn’t been thinking about that at all. She’d been sad about something else entirely.

  Two

  Riley Powell was doing her best to tune India out. She was banging on about some guy she’d met six months ago, sure it was true love. Riley found it hard to invest. India met the love of her life on an annual basis. She was six months in, so the new guy would be gone in about three months. Three months after that, there’d be a new one. Riley would have to listen to the same crap again then, so she was just nodding along to all the classics. ‘He’s not like anyone I’ve met.’ ‘He’s so sweet.’ ‘We just clicked.’

  As she talked, Riley’s mind was all for what had happened five minutes ago. Juliet Sullivan. Oh yeah, she remembered her alright. Not that she was ever going to tell India about that.

  India was still going. ‘So when I met his brother, I just had to sit there listening to him going on and on about how wonderful I am. It was so embarrassing—’

  ‘Oh my god!’ Riley cried when she couldn’t take any more. ‘Look at the time!’

  ‘Oh, do you have to go?’ India said, disappointed. ‘I haven’t even told you about Brandon’s classic car collection!’

  Riley tutted. She turned to Persephone and Xanthia, not really her friends, more India’s. ‘Guess you guys are in for a treat.’ They nodded like the little lapdogs they were. Neither of them ever had a thing to say, so it worked out well. India talked, they listened, and Riley pissed off when she got too bored. Standard formation.

  ‘Oh!’ India cried as Riley stood. ‘We haven’t even talked about you. What are you, err, up to?’

  An hour they’d been talking, and only now had India remembered Riley was a person with a life too. That was also standard. On this particular occasion, though, Riley was pretty thrilled about that. She had no desire to talk about how life was going right now. ‘India, I’d love to talk more, but I’ve got the dentist at two thirty.’

  ‘Two thirty?’ India said with a hint of suspicion.

  ‘I know, haha! Tooth hurty, can you believe it?’ Riley was going to have to work on her lying skills. She pulled her bag onto her shoulder and said, ‘Anyway, text me and we’ll… Yeah, anyway, text me.’ She dashed off out of the park, glad to be free. But, she reminded herself, she’d known India since she was twelve. You couldn’t ditch old friends just because they weren’t perfect.

  As she walked out of the park, she hoped she wouldn’t see Juliet again. Her mute shock had been bad enough the first time. She just hoped she’d managed to keep her mouth physically closed. God, how long had it been since she’d seen her? Riley was twenty-eight, so it was ten whole years since school. Ten years since… that stuff.

  She got out of the park without tripping over any further historical landmines and headed for home. She tried not to remember anything painful as she walked. Instead,
she thought about the present. But that wasn’t so great, either. So her brain compromised and she thought about the new facts learned in those few awkward seconds. What had India said about Juliet, something about her being a nanny now? That wasn’t surprising. Riley could easily imagine her being good with kids.

  In terms of Riley’s assessment of the grown-up Juliet, she was forced to admit that she looked very… well. Grown-up agreeably. She looked better for no longer dressing like she was trying to make herself invisible. Her face looked better with age. Those arresting green eyes had only gotten… Riley settled on the word, ‘Nicer.’ Yes. Nice. No other words were allowed entry.

  As she put her key in the door of her flat, she vowed to stop thinking about Juliet. It would only lead down a rabbit hole that Riley didn’t have the headspace for right now.