Now and Again

by Natasha West

  ‘I do remember,’ Juliet said, taking her second slice.

  ‘Oh. Yeah,’ Riley said. ‘Back then.’

  Juliet smiled thinly. ‘You don’t have to say it like that.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Back Then. I can practically hear the caps.’

  Riley burst out laughing. ‘I’m just… giving it its due.’

  ‘I see,’ Juliet said evenly. She sort of wanted to say more about it. But what else could she say? ‘So you and your dad, it’s never been easy between you two?’

  ‘Oh, no,’ Riley began sarcastically. ‘He was practically Santa Claus when I was young. Hugs and gifts and belly laughing. Nothing but good times.’

  ‘You don’t like being serious, do you?’ Juliet said, afraid it came out like a criticism. She was just trying to drill down a level into Riley. How many chances like this would there ever be? She’d had one or two, but she had this feeling that any minute, the door would shut.

  ‘I have nothing serious to say about him. What am I gonna do, talk about how he’s ruined my chances of a lasting relationship by only showing me his total lack of regard, thereby cementing the idea that I’m worthless?’ Riley said nonchalantly.

  Juliet swung her head to look at Riley, shocked.

  Riley blinked. ‘You know when you start talking, and you think what’s gonna come out is going to be funny…’

  ‘And instead, you end up saying something way too real?’ Juliet finished.

  ‘That’s the one. Can we pretend I didn’t just say it?’

  ‘If you want,’ Juliet said.

  ‘I do,’ Riley said, picking up her next slice.

  Juliet would do her best to keep that promise. Though that didn’t mean she could simply delete what Riley had said, nor her shock about it. Riley had always seemed so solid. ‘But I kind of think that it would be OK if you did say something real,’ Juliet said.

  ‘Well, I’d love that, but….’ Riley stuffed nearly a whole slice of pizza into her mouth. ‘…I caammm eaaly ‘alk.’

  Juliet decided to let it go; she had to. But she wished Riley would talk to her. She wanted to know her. She really did.

  Twenty

  Riley shouldn’t have said that. She shouldn’t have even thought it. She didn’t even know that she thought it. It just came out. And of course, it had to come out in front of Juliet. It was always Juliet.

  Thankfully, Juliet knew how to make things easier on her. ‘You know, my mum’s a bit like that. She’s not exactly cold or anything. Just a bit… dismissive. She sold the house like it shouldn’t even matter to me.’

  ‘That’s harsh. But I bet she’s secretly really proud of you,’ Riley said, finishing another slice.

  ‘It’s a very well-kept secret, then. I’m not sure even she knows it.’

  ‘But you’re Super Nanny.’

  ‘I’m not,’ Juliet said glibly.

  ‘I don’t want to speak ill of Mia, but trust me, she wasn’t like she is now. She was a bit of a nightmare child,’ Riley admitted, wiping her greasy hands on a kitchen towel.

  ‘Don’t say that,’ Juliet said, though Riley saw that she didn’t completely disagree.

  ‘Don’t get me wrong. She’s my sister, and I love her however she is. But you made her… She’s really… I think…’ Riley paused to find the right word. ‘You made her happier.’

  Juliet went to respond to that, but then paused, and Riley realised she was tearing up. ‘Oh god!’ she exclaimed, slapping her forehead. ‘I broke you.’

  Juliet laughed as a tear slipped down her cheek. ‘No, it’s… it’s probably the best compliment I’ve ever been paid.’

  Riley blew out a sigh. ‘Whoa.’

  Juliet laughed. ‘Is that sad?’

  Riley shook her head. ‘That’s not what I was thinking at all. I just meant… Most people think a compliment is about how they look. For you, it’s that you take good care of my sister.’

  Juliet gave a small shrug, looking at Riley. ‘Well, you found my soft spot.’

  ‘I guess so,’ Riley said, feeling abruptly nervous.

  ‘You always have,’ Juliet said quietly.

  Riley couldn’t find a smart-arsed response to that. They were just here, looking at each other, alone. Riley began to feel shaky, scared. She had to move fast, or she was gonna do a stupid thing. ‘Hey, I’m tired, I think I’m gonna go to bed.’

  ‘Oh, sure,’ Juliet said, looking at her last bit of pizza in the box. ‘Long day.’

  ‘Yup.’

  ‘Would you want to go to the park with Mia and me tomorrow afternoon?’

  Riley was thrown. ‘Oh, er…’

  ‘Sorry, you’ve probably got plans,’ Juliet said quickly.

  Riley pretended to think about it. ‘No, I don’t… I don’t think I’m up to much.’ She stood and did an extravagant yawn. ‘K ‘night!’ she said, practically running.

  As she tried to sleep that night, she thought about tomorrow. Going to the park with Juliet and Mia. Spending even more time alone with Juliet. Racking up nice moments and cute exchanges.

  It was a bad idea. Riley had to put a stop to this, and she had to do it now. There was only one way to solve this problem. Take herself out of the equation.

  Twenty-One

  Juliet watched the book fly across the playroom and hit the wall hard enough to take a chip out of the paintwork. ‘Mia, if you want me to read you another book, you can just ask.’

  ‘I HATE IT! The bunny’s stupid!’ Mia cried.

  ‘Why is the bunny stupid?’ Juliet asked.

  ‘Because carrots are horrid,’ Mia exploded.

  ‘Are they?’

  ‘Yes, he gets all fat from eating horrible food! And he can’t move!’ Mia argued. ‘Why didn’t he eat ice cream?’

  This was true. Boris the Rabbit ate too many carrots and then found himself stuck in a hole. It was a thinly veiled Winnie the Pooh rip-off, truth be told. But it was supposed to teach moderation, Juliet thought. Never a bad lesson. Only it wasn’t cutting the mustard with Mia. Though Juliet was loving how much progress Mia was making in her verbal comprehension.

  ‘You know how you like ice cream? Well, when Boris eats a carrot, it tastes just as good as ice cream to him,’ Juliet said, trying to spin another lesson out of the book. Empathy.

  Mia was deeply sceptical. ‘No, it doesn’t,’ she said mockingly.

  ‘It’s just the way it works. Something you like might taste terrible to someone else too. Other people can like things you don’t like.’

  Mia frowned. ‘I don’t know,’ she said with a small shake of her head. Juliet decided to let her sit with that one. ‘Well, it’s true. Anyway, shall we read Gold for Penguin Pearl?’ It was a book about a penguin whose dream was to compete in the Olympics, in the freestyle swimming category. It always annoyed Juliet how much of a spoiler the title was, but Mia liked it well enough. ‘OK,’ she agreed, calming down. She went to collect the book from a bookcase that sat underneath the window. After she’d been there a while, Juliet realised she wasn’t trying to find the book. She was staring out of the window. ‘Riley’s in a pink car,’ she announced.

  Juliet got up and went to the window, and there was Riley, loading a bag into a pink SUV. Behind the wheel of the salmon monster was India, watching impatiently.

  Juliet wasn’t sure what to make of it. ‘Hey, shall we go and see what Riley’s doing?’ she suggested to Mia. Mia was glad of the scene change and galloped off ahead of her.

  Downstairs, Mia hit the front door first and swung it open. ‘Riley!’ she screamed. Juliet was just in time to see Riley jump in surprise, almost dropping a box she was attempting to slot into the boot of the car. She placed the box down and turned to Mia. ‘Hi, cutie.’

  ‘Where you going?’ Mia demanded. Juliet was glad she didn’t have to ask. She noticed India eyeing her smugly.

  ‘Well, err…’ Riley touched the back of her neck. Juliet thought it was weird she still hadn’t looked at her yet. She was lock
ed onto the little girl. ‘I… I’m going to stay with my friend for a bit.’

  Mia was open-mouthed. ‘Why?’

  ‘Yeah, why?’ Juliet added, unable to help herself.

  Riley finally looked up and made eye contact with Juliet. ‘I just think it’s time to… move on. I’m sorry. That I won’t be able to come to the park today,’ she added quickly.

  ‘Yeah,’ India said from the car. ‘She’s coming to live with me.’ Riley shot her a look that was intended to shut her up. But, of course, India missed it. ‘So you can stretch out a bit. Enjoy the luxury. For a change.’

  Juliet ignored her, focusing on Riley. ‘I thought you said you’d be hanging around for Amanda?’

  ‘Yes, I did, but… Look, she texted me earlier; she’s back tonight. Her dad’s OK. And I need to… I mean, I’ve got to go forward. I can’t be hanging around my dad’s house.’ Juliet thought she could hear another unspoken sentence attached to Riley’s words. That she couldn’t keep hanging around with her. She wasn’t just moving on from her dad’s house, she was moving away from other bits of the past, too.

  ‘Hey, maybe you should come over soon, hang out? Talk about old times?’ India said, grinning. Juliet was about ready to leap through the window of the car and tear her throat out. But instead, she said flatly, ‘Yeah. I’m sure we’ll get something in the diary really soon.’

  Riley had the last of her stuff in the car now, and she turned to Juliet. ‘Can you do me a favour?’

  Juliet was on tenterhooks.

  ‘Can you apologise to Amanda for me? Tell her she was… She made it nice here. Nice as it could be.’

  ‘And what about me? What did I make it?’ Juliet heard herself ask.

  Riley looked away. ‘You made it nice too,’ she said. It sounded like a lie. Juliet was sure then that she was one of the reasons Riley was flitting. Maybe even the reason. ‘Well, enjoy living with India,’ she said to Riley. It was meant as a barb. Who could enjoy the prolonged company of that creature? But actually, the insult only reflected back onto Juliet, didn’t it? Riley was choosing India, that absolute horror of a person, over having to spend another moment with her.

  Riley had no more to say and no more to pack. She got in the car. The second the door shut, India peeled out like a getaway driver.

  And that was that.

  Mia looked up at her. ‘Why’s Riley gone?’

  ‘She’s… she’s a grownup. She had to move out sometime.’

  ‘Why?!’ Mia demanded.

  It was a good question. Last night, Juliet could feel them getting close again, and she’d thought, she’d hoped that this time, she wouldn’t run. Now Riley couldn’t get out of there fast enough. But Juliet obviously couldn’t say any of that to Mia, so instead said, ‘It’s just the way it is.’

  Mia didn’t look particularly satisfied with that but didn’t ask again. Juliet fully expected her to pick it up later, but hopefully, she could ask her mother instead. Because Juliet was out of answers.

  Twenty-Two

  Riley didn’t understand how she was where she was, with the people she was there with—at a cheesy bar, on a double fucking date. Her and India versus two entirely interchangeable men. Identical haircuts, identical accents, identical personalities. Riley was fairly sure hers was the one on the right, but she couldn’t be a hundred percent on that. His name was Jake. Or Blake. Maybe the other one was Blake.

  India seemed in their thrall, anyway; this whole thing had been arranged by her as a surprise. Or rather, she hadn’t wanted to give Riley the chance to say no, pitching it as a done deal forty-five minutes before they were due to meet these men—her hunk of the month and his friend at a bar at eight. Riley had put up a decent fight before India had said, ‘I thought it would be nice for our first night?’ and Riley was stuck.

  India was laughing at something Blake or Jake had said. Riley decided it was easier to think of them as Left and Right.

  ‘So, you girls just moved in together today?’ Left asked.

  ‘Wow, what a house of hotties,’ Right said.

  India was delighted. ‘Well, I didn’t say it.’

  Left and Right chuckled. Right said, ‘Maybe we could go and check out the place?’

  Riley wasn’t letting that idea gain traction. ‘Oh. No. I don’t think… My shit’s everywhere. We’re not ready for company.’

  ‘She’s exaggerating. There’s barely anything,’ India jumped in.

  Riley fixed India with a look. ‘It’s been a long day.’

  India’s smile dropped fractionally. ‘Oh. Alright.’ She turned to Left and Right. ‘Sorry, boys. Another time.’

  They looked deeply put out but didn’t say so. Riley was relieved. She wasn’t gonna sit around India’s living room, watching her flirt with one of these guys while the other one tried to glide his way into her good graces. It was a waste of a night. She didn’t want this, any of it. It was happening in too quick a succession to the previous night. Juliet wasn’t hard to be around. She was easy, amusing company. You talked without even realising you were doing it. These sleazy douches were the definition of hard work. They talked in brags, chat up lines. Nothing real. The whole evening felt transactional. Exchanging sex for attention, distraction for affection. It was quite awful. And this was India’s whole life.

  After they’d ditched the not-so-dynamic duo, Riley and India went back to the flat. India was pouting. ‘I feel like you didn’t try with them. You had a face on you all evening.’

  Riley sighed and slipped her shoes off. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘What was it? Why couldn’t you just relax and have a bit of fun?’

  ‘I didn’t find those guys very fun,’ she confessed.

  ‘They could have been if you’d given them a chance. I mean, I know they weren’t going to be the loves of our lives or anything…’

  ‘So what’s the point then?’ Riley asked, too tired to listen to this.

  ‘The point is that we’d have a few drinks and get laid.’

  ‘But I didn’t fancy Blake,’ Riley said flatly.

  ‘Yours was Jake,’ India informed her.

  ‘It doesn’t tell you anything that I couldn’t remember his name?’

  ‘But he was handsome,’ India argued.

  ‘Is that all you need?’ Riley asked.

  ‘Pretty much,’ India said defensively. ‘At least for now.’

  ‘What about later?’ Riley asked.

  ‘What do you mean?’ India said.

  ‘I mean, what do you want out of life? In the long run. You’re having fun now, fine. What comes later?’

  ‘I don’t… I don’t know what you’re asking,’ India frowned.

  Riley slumped onto the couch, feeling bad. She shouldn’t be doing this to India. She was who she was. It wasn’t Riley’s place to question that. Especially since she barely had an idea of what came next herself. ‘I’m sorry, ignore me. And I’m sorry I was a fun suck tonight.’

  India dropped the pout, already over it. ‘The evening isn’t over. Let’s put the telly on. Order some food. Have a drink. Make it a girl’s night.’

  ‘Yeah, OK.’

  They put the TV on. India automatically put on the bloody Kardashian’s. Riley did her best not to let her blood pressure shoot up as she watched.

  Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She checked it and saw she was getting a phone call from Amanda. It became a question of the lesser evil. Did she want to keep watching the show or take a browbeating from her stepmother?

  ‘India, I gotta take a quick call,’ she said, getting up.

  ‘Whatever,’ she said, barely noticing Riley get up, glued to the screen. Riley went into her room, shifting a box from a comfy chair and sitting down. ‘Amanda. Are you home? Is your dad still alright?’

  ‘Riley, hi, I just got back. Yeah, he’s gonna be alright. He’s got to stop eating red meat though, and he’s livid. But I just found out you’ve moved out! Your father’s quite upset.’

  ‘Is he?’ Riley asked.
‘Isn’t he still in France?’

  ‘Fine. I’m upset,’ Amanda admitted. ‘I thought… Was it that bad?’

  ‘Look, I just felt like… I felt like it was getting a bit cramped. With all of us.’

  ‘Four and a half people in a six-bed house?’ Amanda said, flummoxed. ‘Then you’d have hated where I grew up. There were six of us in a three-bed. I had to be on a bunk under my younger brother. My god, the farts.’