Born in Light

by Kim ten Tusscher

  “I want to talk to Wigg,” Ferhdessar said.

  “I’ve been expecting you,” the priest said as he signalled for the sorcerer to follow him.

  The fire at the foot of the God’s statue was blazing more fiercely than ever before. Orange tongues licked the legs of Wigg’s horse. The light of the flames was reflected in the paintings on the walls. It seemed as if the dozens of soldiers were set in motion to fight alongside the Merzians by order of the God of War. Wigg, however, hadn’t shown himself on the battlefield today, Ferhdessar thought to himself.

  As Ferhdessar wiped the sweat off his forehead, he thought back to the last time he had been here with Yvar. The king had wanted to know how the war with Kasimirh would end. Back then, the priest had prophesied a fierce and prolonged battle with practically equal chances for both parties. Nevertheless, the priest had seen an unexpected victory for Merzia in the flames.

  Ferhdessar didn’t wait for the priest, and immediately walked on to the inner chamber of the temple. The bowls with the different powders were already waiting. The priest placed a bowl with a burning piece of wood in the middle of the table.

  “Take something from any of these bowls and throw it into the fire. Lord Wigg will answer your question,” the priest said.

  Yvar had taken a long time to decide, but Ferhdessar immediately grabbed some powder and threw it into the fire. He was astonished. The fire almost went out. The priest picked up the bowl from which Ferhdessar had taken the powder and smelled it.

  “Tell me what this means,” Ferhdessar said impatiently.

  “You have the power to end this battle.”

  Ferhdessar smiled.

  “But if you don’t use this power right, Merzia will be lost.” The priest looked at him. “The last time I spoke of chaos. That hasn’t changed.”

  “I will use my powers,” Ferhdessar said. “Merzia will win.” He turned around and strode out of the temple. “Even without the help of the Gods,” he muttered.

  Once outside, Afifa joined him. She was out of breath. “The soldiers had to retreat. Our lines of defence are close to the inner ring.”

  “Where are Zander and Kiril?”

  “We haven’t received any word from them,” Afifa answered.

  “It’s time to leave,” Wolter said.

  Ferhdessar nodded. Lost in thought, he mounted the horse that was already waiting for him. Surrounded by his bodyguards he rode to the little gate in the west. They were soon joined by more soldiers. Ferhdessar could tell by their emblems that they were Wolter’s warriors.

  After an hour’s journey, they reached a clearing in the woods. Tents had been put up in a circle. Soldiers saluted as Ferhdessar rode past. Again he recognized Wolter’s emblem on the uniforms.

  “When did you arrange all this?” Ferhdessar asked.

  “Long before Tokala arrived. I couldn’t take it for granted that we’d win. Nigesanla has been brought here as well.”

  Ferhdessar dismounted and walked to a tent that had been put up on a hill. “Bring her to me.”

  He entered the tent. Candles illuminated a table. Ferhdessar let his gaze wander across the maps spread out on the table. A pawn indicated the location of the camp. Wolter had chosen a spot in the middle of the woods, close to a brook.

  He heard Nigesanla enter, but waited a few moments before he turned around. In his mind he could see how Kasimirh had watched him flee with his tail between his legs. Ferhdessar clenched his fists. But I’ll be back for you, Kasimirh.

  Nigesanla coughed quietly.

  “Take a seat,” Ferhdessar said. He cast one last glance at the map and walked up to Nigesanla. She curtsied and sat down.

  Ferhdessar looked at her. A few days ago, she had told him that she’d had a miscarriage. He had expected to see a grief-stricken woman. Nigesanla, however, didn’t seem affected at all by the tragedy.

  “How do you feel about your brother being here?” he asked her.

  Nigesanla shrugged. She stared at her hands which lay folded in her lap. Suddenly she looked at him. “Let me talk to Tokala. Maybe I can convince him to join you.”

  Ferhdessar was immediately suspicious. “Why would I let you go?”

  “Now that Yvar’s child is dead, I’m no longer of any value to you. This is my chance to make a difference for Merzia.”

  Ferhdessar placed his arms on the table and leaned forwards. “Why would Tokala let his little sister persuade him to betray his father?”

  “You have nothing to lose.”

  “But you do,” Ferhdessar said. “You could lose your life.”

  “What kind of life do I have anyway?” Nigesanla snapped.

  Ferhdessar got up and started pacing. He stopped behind Nigesanla. “How can I be sure that you told me the truth about the miscarriage? I didn’t see any proof.”

  “Should I have sent you the blood-stained sheets?” Nigesanla snarled.

  Ferhdessar drew his sword and held it against Nigesanla’s neck. Petrified, she remained seated. “What are you doing?” she asked softly.

  “I believe you. And you’re right. You’re worth nothing to me without Yvar’s child. However, I don’t believe that you can persuade Tokala.”

  “Are you going to kill me?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “You are mad!”

  Ferhdessar raised the sword.

  Nigesanla turned around. “Stop! Yvar’s child isn’t dead. Stop!”

  Ferhdessar saw the desperation in her eyes. “Why would I believe you now?”

  Nigesanla bowed her head. She shivered. Then she looked at him with tears in her eyes. “You can feel it.”

  Ferhdessar sheathed his sword. He moved her chair back and laid his hand on her belly. He was bracing himself for the possibility that Nigesanla was lying, when the child suddenly moved. Ferhdessar closed his eyes. He concentrated on the movements. Merzia wasn’t lost just yet. Everything was possible again. It had been a long time since he had felt this relieved.

  He slapped her in the face. “So, I was right all along! You seduced Yvar by order of Kasimirh!”

  Nigesanla shook her head. Tears were running down her face.

  Ferhdessar grabbed her shoulders. “And now that Tokala is here, you want to join him. You’re a traitor. If you weren’t pregnant with the heir, I would kill you on the spot. Oh, the pleasure that would give me.” He clenched his fist around the pommel of his sword. “Maybe I should do it anyway. If the child takes after you, Merzia will only be in even more danger.”

  Nigesanla looked up in fright. She lowered herself to the floor and knelt in front of him. “Please, lord,” she begged. “Don’t do it.”

  All the muscles in Ferhdessar’s body were tense. Then Wolter and Eoghan entered the tent.

  “What’s going on here?” Wolter asked. He dragged Ferhdessar away. Eoghan took care of Nigesanla. “Why are you attacking her?”

  “She’s a traitor. It has always been her intention to bring the child to Kasimirh.”

  Wolter looked at Nigesanla. She was hiding her face in her hands. Her shoulders were shaking.

  Ferhdessar called two soldiers. “Take her away and guard her. She can’t go anywhere without you present.”

  When Nigesanla had left the tent, Ferhdessar looked at Eoghan: “It’s not a good sign that you’re here.”

  Eoghan nodded. “The battle is over. We’ve lost the fortress.”

  Ferhdessar turned around. Cursing, he kicked the chair that Nigesanla had been sitting on moments earlier.

  29

  Ghalatea was walking through the camp with an empty basket. She nodded at the people she came across, but didn’t stop for a chat. The daily routine continued as usual, but everybody in the camp knew that today was an important day. The war for Merzia had started in earnest. There was tension in the air.

  At the wall, Ghalatea put down the basket and closed her eyes. Before, she had often looked over the wall to see the fortress far below her. And then she had thought about Rogan.
Sometimes, she even thought she could see him. The distance, however, was too great to truly be able to recognize someone.

  She opened her eyes. With a knot in her stomach, Ghalatea looked at the plume of smoke that was blotting out the sun. Standing on tiptoe, she could look over the wall. She clung to the wall, not because she was scared of the height, but because of what she saw down there. A tremendous fire raged where the fortress had been. Feeling dizzy, she closed her eyes.

  There were muffled bangs. She recognized the sound. Once, the idea that the Merzian soldiers had guns had put her mind at ease. Now she wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Did she even want the Merzians to beat the Jakobinians? At the same time, she feared for her husband’s life if the Jakobinians were to win.

  “You fought against Margal,” Ghalatea whispered. “And then, together with me, against my demons. Now you’re fighting against Jakob.”

  Ghalatea turned around and knelt in the soil. Lost in thought, she pulled out the weeds. Jakob wasn’t a demon that needed to be fought. He was a God with good intentions for His people. She only had to look at the peonies a bit further down to understand that Jakob had created the world with love. God had wanted to create a palace for the people. That same God would never allow His followers to lose this war.

  Ghalatea produced her marital bottle from beneath her clothes and held it against her lips.

  “If only I could tell you about Jakob. Would you believe me and follow me? Would you be prepared to renounce Wigg and the other Gods?”

  She let go of the bottle and continued weeding as she thought about the life they’d had together and apart from each other. She had lived in the palace, serving lord Yvar. Her husband had either lived in the fortress or he had been on missions to fight in other parts of the country. They were apart more often than together. Nevertheless, she had felt supported by him every moment of the day. Rogan’s love for her had kept her warm during cold and lonely nights. She had lived for those times when they could hold and embrace each other.

  But she realized that Rogan would never choose Jakob. He was the kind of soldier who would fight to the end, because he had once sworn loyalty to Merzia. His decisions weren’t motivated by the fear of death, but by his conviction that he was doing the right thing.

  Ghalatea uprooted a plant. As the roots gave way, she lost the fight against her tears. She had to let go of her past if she wanted to serve Jakob unconditionally. Rogan was standing between her and her God.

  She stared at the plant in her hands. It wasn’t weed, but lavender. She looked around. No one was paying her any attention. Ghalatea took off her necklace and kissed the marital bottle.

  “With pain in my heart I say goodbye to you, Rogan, but I have no other choice. I know that you’ll die in the name of the false Gods. I want to live under the True God. Farewell Rogan, you will always remain a precious memory.”

  She deepened the hole where the lavender had grown and laid the bottle in it. Tears fell onto the soil. She planted the lavender on top, carefully covered the roots and the bottle with sand, and tamped down the soil.

  30

  The cart bounced on the cobblestones. For hours, Lilith had been staring at the tall rock pillars that slowly came closer. A large moon behind the capital revealed the outlines of the buildings. Lilith knew that Kasimirh was there. She turned onto her side.

  Rodmer’s soldiers led the cart into a forest. The path became narrower. Branches struck against the cart. Then they suddenly stopped.

  “Is this the monster?” Lilith heard someone say.

  Two soldiers walked around the cart. Lilith looked at them through her hair. The right one prodded his rifle into her shoulder. Lilith growled and kicked at him. The soldier didn’t even have to step back to evade her. He laughed and prodded her again. Over and over, until Lilith rolled onto her back and they could take a better look at her.

  “Is this the dragon?” the other soldier asked. His voice oozed disappointment. “It’s a skinny mongrel.”

  The soldier who had forced her to her back raised his lantern and leaned forwards. “I can see the beast inside of you,” he said quietly. “But I’m sure that lord Ferhdessar can tame you.”

  Lilith sat up and spat at him. The soldier wiped the spit off his face and placed the rifle against his shoulder. The other soldier stopped him.

  They both took a step back, and the cart started moving again. Lilith lay back down. She rolled up into a ball.

  Even though it was night, it seemed as if everyone in the camp was awake. The soldiers crowded around the cart. Now and again, Lilith saw a few women. Everyone wanted to catch a glimpse of her.

  “We caught the monster!” someone shouted excitedly.

  Over the past few days, Lilith had continuously been called names, but it still hurt. The worst thing was that what the soldiers thought wasn’t even true, and that she couldn’t do anything to convince them of that.

  “The monster came to attack us, but we defeated it,” it sounded from the opposite side.

  Lilith tried to ignore the insults, but she couldn’t block out the voices. Then she felt a stone against her shoulder. A second stone hit her on the head.

  She heard the sound of hoofs. Orders were given. Lilith closed her eyes for a little while before she looked up. Nadesh lay beyond the treetops. Hidden from view, but she could nevertheless feel Kasimirh’s presence.

  The horses stopped next to a tent. Lilith, Az-Zhara, and Ébha were pushed off the cart. Lilith tried to scramble to her feet. Her body was stiff because of the uncomfortable position she had lain in for days. Her right leg was tensed up, making it impossible to stand.

  A soldier hoisted her to her feet and pushed her in the direction of the tent. Lilith fell face first into the mud. People laughed. Two soldiers seized her by her armpits and dragged her inside. Az-Zhara protested, but a knock to the head silenced him. He and Ébha were forced to follow Lilith.

  Ferhdessar was waiting for them. Wolter was sitting to the right of him, Eoghan to the left. The soldiers put down Lilith in front of the sorcerer. “Bow to our leader,” the soldier to the left of her hissed.

  Lilith looked at Ferhdessar with a stony face. “I don’t bow for you,” she said.

  A soldier rammed the butt of his rifle into her stomach. Lilith doubled over.

  “You can leave,” Ferhdessar said. He waited until the soldiers had left before he got up. He walked towards Lilith and grabbed her chin. His nails drilled into her skin. A smile passed over his face as he looked at her. “Finally we’ve caught you. I’ve been dreaming about this moment ever since you attacked Nadesh. How angry Kasimirh will be.”

  “Hasn’t my father reached you?” Lilith asked.

  Ferhdessar frowned. “Are you playing me for a fool? We both know that your father is dead. You’re the one who killed him, no less.”

  Lilith shook her head. “No. No!” It wasn’t just a response to Ferhdessar’s remark. What had happened to Almor? He had been through so much hardship to find her and now he hadn’t been able to reach Ferhdessar.

  Ferhdessar lashed out and hit her in the jaw. Lilith staggered.

  “How could you attack Nadesh? After all that we have done for you!”

  Az-Zhara took a step forwards, but Eoghan jumped up and stopped him.

  Lilith took a deep breath to control her anger. Rage wasn’t going to help her convince him. “I had nothing to do with the attack on Nadesh,” she said. “I came back here to help the Merzians deal with Kasimirh.”

  Ferhdessar huffed. “Why would I believe that? You never cared about Merzia. Maybe you’ve been lying to us from the start, and maybe you came to Nadesh by order of Kasimirh. What assignment did he give you, Lilith?”

  “I saved lord Yvar. I went to Havv’n to help the Merzians.”

  “You didn’t do anything there. I made sure that Havv’n was saved.”

  Lilith huffed. “You killed Chrys and many others.”

  Ferhdessar clenched his fists. “If I hadn’t r
eined you in, everyone on that beach would have been killed by you. I wanted you to fight the servi, but you unleashed hell upon the Merzians.”

  “You ordered me to fight.”

  Ferhdessar ignored her remark. “And not much later, you did the same in Nadesh.”

  Lilith shook her head. “Ever since I left Havv’n, I haven’t been back to Merzia. Use that magical thing on me, that key. Then you’ll know if I’m telling the truth.”

  Ferhdessar eyed her with a look of surprise on his face. “Since when do you ask me to use magic? Do you think I’m an idiot? I haven’t forgotten how you feel about my research.” He rubbed his forehead. “Has Kasimirh done something to you to ensure that you’ll pass the test?” He shook his head and looked at Ébha and Az-Zhara. “Who are you?”

  Az-Zhara introduced himself and explained where he had met Lilith. “If you do the math, you know that she couldn’t have been in Nadesh at the time of the attack.”

  Ferhdessar turned around and sat back down, lost in thought. “If I were to believe you, then I would indeed come to that conclusion. But if I think back to the last time I saw Lilith, I know that the truth is a totally different story. She returned to Kasimirh, with a kiss.”

  Az-Zhara looked at Lilith. She cast down her eyes. She had never told him the details.

  “We found tracks on a little island. She had been there together with Kasimirh.”

  Lilith nodded. “But after that I never saw him again. The Inuuk rescued me. I met Niul.”

  Ferhdessar’s eyes lighted up.

  “I know that you know Niul, but how would I know his name if I’d never met him?”

  There was movement behind Ferhdessar. Afifa stepped out of the shadows. “She does have a point, Ferhdessar,” she said.

  Lilith nodded at her. Afifa’s presence gave her a confidence boost. Afifa returned the nod. She went to stand right behind Ferhdessar.

  Ferhdessar looked at Lilith and thought deeply. “All right. Maybe you’re telling the truth, but that doesn’t change my decision. I can’t rely on you defeating Kasimirh. You’ve always been unstable…”