Born in Light

by Kim ten Tusscher

  “Someone’s coming,” Lilith said before Nigesanla could say more.

  Nigesanla got up. “It was nice talking to you. I don’t have anyone that I can talk to about these things.” She said goodbye to Lilith and walked away.

  Lilith picked up the twig and drew a big line across her earlier drawings.

  “Ferhdessar is asking for you,” the soldier said.

  Lilith ignored him. She played this game every time. Her reputation as a deadly healeress kept the soldiers at a distance.

  “Ferhdessar demands you to come.”

  Lilith huffed. “And what if I don’t?” she asked.

  The soldier hesitated. Lilith erased the drawing she had made. Before the soldier could drag her with him, she threw away the twig and got up. “Take me to him,” she said, feigning that she had at least some control over the situation.

  A soldier held open the flap to let Lilith into the tent. She stared her eyes out. Ferhdessar was standing at the table. Stepping closer, she saw a map on the table with pawns on it. Wolter, who was standing next to Ferhdessar, moved a red pawn across the parchment. Meanwhile, messengers were coming and going. Despite the commotion there was a sense of order.

  “Az-Zhara can be deployed here,” Lilith heard Wolter say.

  Ferhdessar nodded and turned around. He beckoned Lilith to come closer. Lilith glanced at the map to see where they were sending Az-Zhara. Veduni… she read. That was all she could see, before Ferhdessar moved in front of her.

  “We need healeresses at the front,” said Ferhdessar. “I’m sending you to Kiril.”

  Lilith didn’t know what to think of that. The Merzians hated all healeresses, and especially her. Nevertheless, Lilith really wanted to help them with her gift and it was an attractive prospect to be away from Ferhdessar.

  The sorcerer took hold of her hand. The tingling feeling told her that he was adjusting the wristband.

  “I can’t keep you close to me any more, but I do need to keep my people safe. That’s why I made it impossible for you to harm any Merzian subject. You won’t be able to physically hurt us, or damage us with words. Should you fall into Kasimirh’s hands, you won’t be able to tell him anything you know about our army.”

  “And when the Merzians hurt me? Will I be able to defend myself?”

  Ferhdessar didn’t respond. He beckoned a messenger who had just come in and handed him a package. “Take this to general Kiril. And take Lilith with you.” He indicated a place on the map. It wasn’t all that far from where Zander was awaiting Az-Zhara.

  The man gave her a look of distrust and hurried out the door. Lilith followed him.

  “Is it far to where Kiril is?” she asked once they had left the camp behind them.

  “Not far.”

  The rest of the way he didn’t say a word to her. Now and again he wasn’t sure which way to take, but that never lasted long. Meanwhile, the bag with bandages and herbs was weighing heavier and heavier on Lilith’s shoulders. She started to realize that “not far” might mean something completely different to this man than to her.

  The messenger escorted Lilith through the woods and past bushes. Several times they had to cross little brooks. They came to a river. It was slow-moving, but Lilith dreaded the crossing.

  “I can’t swim,” she said.

  The messenger pushed her into the water. Lilith waded her way to the other side. The water was getting deeper. She took off her backpack and held it over her head to make sure that the herbs and bandages didn’t get wet.

  She felt something against her leg. She looked over her shoulder. The messenger had drawn his sword. He struck the water and gave her a push to get her moving again. Lilith tried to walk faster. She heard an oath behind her. She was just in time to see the messenger being dragged under water. A hand with razor-sharp nails was clasped around his neck.

  Lilith threw her backpack onto the riverbank. She held her stick with both hands and blindly hit the water around her. The messenger came floating up.

  She felt a hand around her leg. She fought off the servus. Were there more of them? Lilith grabbed the messenger and randomly thrust her stick into the water as she waded to the other side. She was seized from behind. She kicked at the servus and tried again to reach the other side.

  At long last she succeeded. She dragged the messenger onto the land and saw that it was in vain. His throat was slit. A servus crawled onto the land behind her. Lilith raised her stick. The servus tried to defend himself, but a quick swing with the stick broke his neck. Lilith waited to see if more servi came out of the water, but none appeared. She realized that she would never have been able to fight off more than one.

  Leaning on her stick, Lilith looked at the servus. His large, dark eyes stared back lifelessly. He had greasy skin, muscular arms, and long nails for weapons. Lilith hated these creatures. Back when she had been living with Kasimirh, the servi had jumped at any opportunity to make her life a misery. She used her stick to push the dead servus into the river.

  Lilith pulled her backpack further onto the bank. She sat down and concentrated on her body. Her left leg was hurting and there were wounds on her right leg as well. She opened the backpack. The contents were wet, but these were all the supplies she had to bandage herself with.

  Then she looked at the messenger. She could run. There was nothing stopping her any more. Lilith got up and limped to the man. She tore the package off the man’s body and opened it. As it had been wrapped in leather, the letter hadn’t become wet. She unfolded it. Something fell in the sand by her feet.

  Lilith stared at it full of disbelieve. Ferhdessar had sent her amulet with her. She picked up the brooch and wiped it clean on her trousers. Now she truly was free. She could fly away and defeat Kasimirh.

  Curious to know what message Ferhdessar had sent, she quickly read the letter. Ferhdessar ordered Kiril to attack Tokala’s left flank, leading the enemy away from an attack at Vedunia’s Bridge.

  Lilith sighed. Why was nothing ever easy? If she didn’t deliver the message, Kiril wouldn’t come to the aid of the army that Az-Zhara was fighting with. If she did deliver the message, she would fall back into the hands of the Merzians.

  She attached her brooch on the inside of her clothes and hoisted her backpack onto her shoulders. She couldn’t abandon Az-Zhara, so she was going to deliver the message to Kiril.

  Just when Lilith thought that she was hopelessly lost and would never find Kiril, she was surrounded by soldiers. Lilith dropped her stick and spread her arms as a sign that she surrendered. There were wolves embroidered onto some of the soldiers’ chests. “I have a message for General Kiril,” she said.

  “Lord Ferhdessar sends strange messengers,” the oldest soldier said.

  “The messenger was killed when we crossed the river.”

  The soldier looked her up and down. Then he picked up the stick and started walking. Two soldiers grabbed Lilith and followed him.

  Lilith was brought straight to Kiril. He was located in a soberly equipped tent in the centre of the camp, together with some Wolves. The soldiers were sitting on some blankets that were spread out on the floor. The only piece of furniture was a camp bed at the back of the tent.

  Kiril looked up in surprise. He immediately recognized Lilith from their encounter in Havv’n. “I heard that Ferhdessar had caught you. What are you doing here?”

  Lilith curtsied. “Ferhdessar told me that you need a healeress, so he sent me. The messenger was killed on the way here, but I have the message he was to give you.”

  Kiril quickly read the letter. He shouted some orders at the Wolves. Then he looked at Lilith. “I’m glad that you’re here. Grateful even, because I know that you could have ran away after the messenger’s death.”

  He looked at Lilith. She placed her hand on her chest and felt the amulet through her clothes. Kiril held out his hand, and Lilith reluctantly took off her brooch. She realized that it was no use putting up a struggle.

  “I’ll keep it safe,
” said Kiril as he pocketed the amulet. “I know how valuable it is.”

  She followed him outside. “There’s more than enough to do,” he said. “We never anticipated Tokala putting up this much of a fight. Prepare yourself for more casualties today.” He got up and beckoned her to follow him.

  The tent they went to was very crowded. Wounded soldiers were lying on blankets on the floor. Nurses were busy taking care of them. The smell of blood filled the tent. Despite the fact that the women did everything in their power to wash the blood away, the tent still smelled of rusty steel. Some soldiers had no idea where they were and were babbling to themselves. Others were screaming as their broken bones were treated. The voice of the head nurse allocating the tasks could be heard over all the other noise. Kiril took Lilith to her.

  The woman looked Lilith up and down. “Who is she?”

  “She can heal.”

  “And does she have a name?”

  “Lilith.”

  The head nurse observed her with even more interest.

  Kiril turned around and raised his hand. The nurses stopped what they were doing, and the wounded soldiers who were lucid enough fell silent. “Many of us know Lilith from Havv’n,” Kiril said. “Just like then, she has come to help us. No matter what you think of her, let Lilith do her job. That’s an order. The battle against Tokala isn’t over, and we need every single man. Those who refuse treatment will be punished.” Kiril walked away from Lilith. He turned around at the entrance of the tent.

  “I’d like to see what you can do,” the head nurse said to Lilith. “Help him.”

  She indicated a man who was writhing with pain. He was wheezing. There was blood everywhere, even soaking through the bandages that someone had applied in a hurry. Lilith rushed towards the soldier. She held her hand over his head. The man calmed down and slipped into a mild state of unconsciousness.

  The head nurse came to stand next to her. Lilith closed her eyes. She held her hands over the soldier’s chest. She listened to his laboured breathing and felt that his ribs moved upwards only slightly. Even though she hadn’t finished her treatment yet, a few seconds later the man started to inhale large gulps of air.

  Lilith took a step back to make room for the head nurse to examine the soldier. “It looks like you can work miracles.”

  Surprised, Lilith looked away. At that moment Kiril shouted: “We will fight again, so help as many men as you can.” He turned around and walked outside.

  “And we will need more miracles,” said the head nurse. “You heard him, Lilith. First help the men who don’t require much healing, so they can fight again when needed.”

  “But my treatment wears them out,” Lilith protested. “They can’t go out onto the battlefield straight away.”

  “They’ll be kept as reserve troops, but if there’s no other choice…” The woman’s silence spoke volumes. “We have medication to help them wake up.”

  Lilith looked back to the soldier that she had just helped. “And what about him?”

  “He isn’t capable of anything just yet.”

  Before Lilith could treat the soldier’s flesh wounds, the head nurse pushed her towards a man who was bleeding from his arms and legs. He was supporting his right arm.

  “Come on, let’s get to work,” the head nurse said.

  The man moved back when Lilith sat down in front of him.

  “I’m here to help you.” She held out her hands.

  The soldier shook his head emphatically. “No way. I won’t allow you to touch me. I’d rather go back onto the battlefield like this.”

  The head nurse intervened. “You heard General Kiril.”

  The man sighed. Lilith laid her hand on his broken arm. She drew the broken bones apart, like Ébha had taught her. Cursing, the man grabbed for his shoulder. He didn’t push her away, however.

  Lilith let some energy flow into him. His gaze relaxed a little but his distrust remained. Ever since she had killed Seraph, she understood this all too well. Within a split second, she could apply her gift to take somebody’s life. She wouldn’t do that. Even if she had wanted to, Lilith wouldn’t be able to. The wristband would kill her before she could take someone’s life.

  “Can you move your fingers?” she asked.

  The soldier’s eyes went wide when he moved his fingers.

  “The show’s over!” the head nurse shouted. “Everybody back to work.”

  The noise in the tent increased. Lilith concentrated on her patient. “If you’re willing to trust me, I can heal your other wounds as well. You can also choose to leave, because they’re not life threatening.”

  The man shook his head.

  “Whatever you want.” Lilith moved to the next patient.

  That day, Lilith went from soldier to soldier. She primarily healed large flesh wounds. In most cases, Lilith didn’t even notice her patients leaving the tent, because she was already occupied with healing the next soldier.

  33

  The next day, Lilith woke up to yelling and the sound of hundreds of feet moving as one. The night before, she had found a place to sleep underneath some bushes. Lilith wiped the dewdrops off her face with her sleeve and sat up.

  The soldiers filed out of the camp. Lilith crawled out from under the bushes. At the remains of a campfire she found a bowl with some food left in it. She wolfed it down.

  A woman emerged from the infirmary. She frowned when she saw Lilith. Lilith dropped the bowl and hurried after the soldiers.

  She stopped among the trees. A plain stretched out in front of her. The Merzian soldiers had gathered there. Branko’s soldiers had joined Kiril’s legions. Lilith was looking for Az-Zhara, but she didn’t see him.

  Hundreds of yards away, Lilith saw Tokala’s banners. His soldiers were lined up on a hill. Nadesh lay more to the left. Was Kasimirh still there, or had he left the capital to join the fighting?

  The sound of bugles spread across the field. Lilith looked for the bugler. She noticed a group of men further down hidden behind some bushes. General Kiril was one of them.

  The Merzians started to move. Arrows were fired and cannons were brought out by soldiers who were safeguarded with shields. When they came within shooting range, they fired large cannonballs at the enemy. The cannonballs left big holes in the enemy lines.

  In the meantime, the Jakobinians barraged the Merzians with arrows. One of the cannons was eliminated by a piece of rubble thrown by a Jakobinian catapult.

  Lilith suddenly spotted Az-Zhara. He was flying over the battlefield. It took a while before the Jakobinians managed to aim their catapults at him. Lilith saw how Az-Zhara took out the Jakobinian long-range weapons. She could also tell by the way he moved that he hadn’t escaped unscathed. Now and again he made a somersault. Lilith cursed Kiril for taking her amulet from her. Now she couldn’t help Az-Zhara.

  The bugle sounded again. The banners clarified the order. The Merzians ran forwards under a hail of arrows. The soldiers who reached the enemy lines drew their swords and threw themselves onto the Jakobinians. All Lilith could see was a moving swarm of people. Now and again, dead bodies rolled down the steep slope.

  Lilith suddenly realized that the soldiers in Ferhdessar’s army weren’t any better than the people following Kasimirh.

  Her anger at her powerlessness subsided. She didn’t want to be a part of this fight. No one fighting here should have been here. This was something between Kasimirh and Ferhdessar. They were safe behind the lines, while these soldiers gave their lives to settle their dispute. How could Jakob approve of this? His people were dying here, too.

  Unable to shake off these feelings, Lilith turned around and walked back to the camp. It wouldn’t be long before the first casualties were brought in, and then there would be more than enough for her to do.

  Lilith was running from injured soldier to injured soldier. The Merzians had come to realize that letting Lilith do her job was the only way to keep on their feet. Lilith’s task was to patch up everyone as soon
as possible, so that the soldiers could return to the battle. She hated it. Many soldiers she treated returned to her before the day was over. Those were the lucky ones, because Lilith suspected that at least as many of the soldiers that she had treated in the morning had later died on the battlefield.

  The flap of the tent opened and she looked up. A soldier was carried inside on a stretcher and dumped onto the floor. The women who had been carrying him immediately left again. Lilith came closer and was startled.

  “Pavel?”

  The man moaned softly. He gave her a look of fear. Lilith knew that he didn’t recognize her, he was too far gone.

  Lilith let her gaze wander along his body. He had several wounds, but that didn’t explain why he was in such a bad way. She was actually not supposed to treat patients like him. It cost her too much energy, and the benefits were too small. Generally, soldiers whose injuries were too severe were brought to another tent to die.

  Lilith knelt down beside Pavel. She stroked his hair. “I’m going to help you, don’t worry. It will all be fine.”

  It was a good thing that Pavel was confused and didn’t recognize her. He would never have let her touch him. This man had brought her to Nadesh. He harboured a deep hatred for her.

  Lilith held her hand over his head and closed her eyes. She hesitated briefly, but then she let her energy flow into his body. This was her way to do penance for what she had done to Pavel’s family. She felt the scars on her back and remembered the flogging. Hadn’t she been punished enough? She opened her eyes and shook off the thoughts. Then she started over.

  Her hands automatically moved across his body and repaired the damage that the Jakobinians had inflicted. Then she stopped over his chest. She felt a pain that she couldn’t take away. Lilith bowed her head and rested her hands on his chest. Now she knew that it was worse than she had always thought. She hadn’t wounded Pavel’s brother. He had died from the wounds she had inflicted on him.

  Suddenly, Pavel grabbed her hand. “You,” he hissed.