Born in Light

by Kim ten Tusscher

  “You have to go to him,” Az-Zhara drew her close and kissed her. Then he took off his tunic.

  As they stepped out of the trees, Lilith and Az-Zhara changed. Az-Zhara threw his tunic at Lilith. “This might convince Kasimirh that you’re surrendering. You can use it as a white flag.”

  Laughing, Lilith flew away. Az-Zhara’s plan might work. Kasimirh wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation of winning her back, especially now that he had the upper hand.

  They flew side by side for a while, but Lilith noticed that Az-Zhara was losing more and more speed. “What’s wrong?” she called.

  “Ever since the attack of the dragon slayer, I haven’t been as fast as I used to be. Maybe you should carry me.”

  Az-Zhara started his descent. Lilith wanted to follow him, but then thought better of it. She had a better chance of reaching Kasimirh on her own. Two dragons would raise suspicion. “You’ve sacrificed more than enough,” she whispered. She regained height and turned towards Nadesh.

  “Lilith!” Az-Zhara screamed.

  Lilith looked over her shoulder and saw that Az-Zhara was trying to keep up with her. She picked up speed. The wind whooshed around her body. From the moment that they had left Az-Zhara’s home, Lilith had been worried about this moment. But now that the moment was finally there, a remarkable calm came over her. Everything would soon be over.

  Lilith landed in the garden next to the temple and changed back. She spotted a priestess working in the garden. Her hand was splinted, hampering her ability to do her work.

  Lilith expected the priestess to cry out for help, but the woman kept staring at her with fear and doubt in her eyes.

  “Mitan, leave.”

  The priestess curtsied and disappeared.

  “Again, we meet at the Fountain.”

  Lilith had immediately recognized the voice. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She exhaled slowly through her mouth. She drew her stick closer and rose to her feet. “But this time we meet because I want to.” She showed him Az-Zhara’s white tunic.

  Kasimirh laughed. “A white flag? Do you expect me to fall for that? I know why you’ve come, Lilith. But you won’t be able to defeat me. God is on my side. When you attack me, you’re certain to die.” Chuckling, he shook his head. “However, you can still change your mind. You can ally yourself with me again, so that we can finish what we started. This war has almost come to an end, but you can help me convert the people in the towns and villages. After that, there are numerous other countries to be visited.” He looked at her. “This is your only chance. Otherwise I’ll kill you, and you will go to hell.”

  Lilith nodded. He’d always been able to frighten her with the prospect of hell. That was before she understood that his assignments turned her life into a living hell. A hell that was even worse than the one created by Jakob.

  “Why didn’t you ever write my name in the water?” she asked.

  Kasimirh was startled. “How do you know that?”

  Lilith shrugged. Her nightmares apparently meant more than she had thought.

  “Why didn’t you?”

  “It would have complicated things. Without it I was free to do with you whatever was necessary to fulfil Jakob’s assignment.” He came to stand in front of her. “You would have been the last disbeliever. I was going to kill you during a celebration to herald the new Golden Era. It was the most beautiful end I could think of for you. People would have talked about you for centuries to come.”

  Lilith huffed. The future that Kasimirh was painting was in line with how she had seen herself for a long time. She had never been replaceable, but she could become obsolete. “Am I meant to be grateful?”

  “I made you who you are, Lilith.”

  Lilith squeezed her hand around the stick and repeated her question.

  “It’s what sorcerers do to dragon shifters.”

  “Are you referring to Thibauld? There was no sorcerer who made him fight. The sorcerers gave him the chance to be free, and my freedom is exactly what you took from me.”

  “Who told you all this?”

  “I’ve had many teachers,” Lilith replied.

  “It’s a pity that they told you the fairytale and not the truth. Nobody is free in this world, Lilith.” Kasimirh looked past her. He mumbled, “We must all devote ourselves to God.”

  “You gave the people a lot,” Lilith concluded.

  Kasimirh nodded and straightened his back. “But it was worth it. After today, I’ll be one step closer to fulfilling Jakob’s dream.”

  He placed his hand on her back and led her to the edge of the rock pillar. The battle had been resumed. From this height, it was hard to tell the difference between the Jakobinians and the Merzians. Lilith looked on, shaking her head.

  “I hadn’t planned for this,” Kasimirh said. It sounded like an apology. “It all should have gone smoothly. A quick victory, like in Naftalia. Because you left me, we had to fight this bloody war. Come back to me, Lilith. Help me prevent battles like these in the future. That is Jakob’s assignment for you.”

  Lilith bit her lip. “He came to me,” she whispered as she took a few steps back.

  Kasimirh eyed her suspiciously. “Jakob?” he asked.

  Lilith nodded. She had known for a long time now that it hadn’t been a dream.

  Kasimirh clenched his fist around his staff. His knuckles turned white. He squinted. “What did He say?”

  “That I’m important to Him.”

  Kasimirh’s hand relaxed. He nodded. “Not just to Him. You’ve always been important to me. Even now.” The expression on his face softened as he walked up to her. “I forgive you for abandoning me.”

  Lilith bowed her head.

  “Jakob brought us together today, to end the battle for Merzia,” Kasimirh whispered. “He told me that this was going to happen.”

  The wind picked up. Lilith closed her eyes. She turned her back on Kasimirh and lifted her face towards the sky. The wind caressed her cheeks and whispered in her ears.

  “Did it ever cross your mind that Jakob has sent me to stop you?”

  Lilith turned around and took a swing with her stick. She hit Kasimirh in the leg. Next, she knocked the staff out of his hands.

  “It’s lucky for Him that I want this as well. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have done it.”

  She twirled the stick over her head and hit Kasimirh’s leg again. He crashed onto the rocks. He groaned.

  The Fountain swelled up. The gullies leading the water to the edge of the rock pillar overflowed. The water thundered down.

  Lilith stood ankle-deep in the water. From the corner of her eyes she saw soldiers. A wave came at them and swept them off their feet.

  Kasimirh used magic to knock Lilith down. The water dragged her along for a short distance. As soon as rose to her feet, Lilith saw a fireball coming at her at great speed. Instinctively she raised her arm in front of her face.

  A column of water spurted out of the ground in front of her. It extinguished the fireball. The column fell apart, splashing water everywhere. Lilith felt drops on her arm and face.

  Kasimirh took a step back. “No, it can’t be,” he stammered.

  Lilith lowered her arm. She straightened her back and walked up to Kasimirh. “Are you sure that Jakob sent me here to fight alongside you?” she asked.

  Kasimirh took another step back and tripped over the root of a tree.

  “Do you still believe that Jakob’s on your side?” she yelled. She hurled the stick aside.

  “Lord, why?” Kasimirh stammered as he crawled backwards.

  Lilith jumped on top of him.

  “I did it all for You.” Tears rolled down Kasimirh’s face. He tried to push Lilith off of him.

  Lilith’s fingers moved along his jaw. She squeezed her hands around his neck. “I always thought that I was going to fight you in dragon form, but I’ve changed my mind,” Lilith whispered. “You never cared about me – the person behind the dragon. You saw me as an object. But
I’m more than that.” She squeezed harder.

  Kasimirh was fighting her. He grabbed her clothes, ripping her tunic. Kasimirh pushed her away. Lilith crawled back on top of him. She wrapped his stole around his neck and pulled it tight.

  Lilith kept looking at Kasimirh as his face turned blue and his eyes bulged. He managed to produce another fireball, but the water extinguished it before he could throw it at Lilith.

  “I’m taking your life because I want to,” Lilith said as he died.

  She let go of the stole. Kasimirh’s eyes were staring lifelessly at the sky. A smile appeared on Lilith’s face. She had defeated him. No one had any control over her any more. At long last, she was free. She tilted her head back and screamed.

  The wind carried her shout of triumph to the battlefield, where the soldiers were running away from the flood.

  A soldier suddenly seized Lilith from behind. She lashed out and hit him on the nose. He staggered back, but his spot was immediately filled by another soldier. Lilith felt around for her amulet. She panicked when she noticed the tears in her clothes. The brooch was gone. As she fought the soldier, she looked around for her stick. It lay far beyond her reach.

  Lilith managed to keep the soldier and the next one at a distance, but the number of Jakobinians quickly increased. They overpowered her and worked her to the ground. Lilith freed her arm and grabbed a soldier. She let some energy flow through him and made him pass out. Then four men grabbed her and she couldn’t move a muscle any more. They pushed her face into the water. With great difficulty she managed to turn her head enough to still be able to breathe. Her arms were twisted onto her back.

  “Stop!” someone yelled. “Don’t hurt her.”

  The soldier sitting on her back hesitated. “She killed our leader,” he said. He pushed his knee into her back again. Lilith groaned.

  “But Lord Jakob helped her,” someone else said. The woman pushed the soldier aside and helped Lilith up. It was Mitan. “Didn’t you hear what lord Kasimirh said? You saw the water with your own eyes, didn’t you?”

  Lilith looked at the bystanders. There was doubt on their faces.

  “She’s a killer. She must be punished,” someone shouted. He got a lot of support.

  Mitan nodded. “Lord Tokala will decide.” She gently prodded Lilith to follow them. Lilith complied. She knew that the soldiers would take over if she put up a fight. Dark clouds gathered as they rode to Tokala’s camp.

  36

  Tokala had his back towards Lilith and was looking out over the terrain where the battle had been taking place. The rivers had overflowed. The field was now a quagmire and some of the lower lying areas had turned into shallow ponds. Trees had snapped, and even the catapults had been toppled and swept away by the water.

  “Lord Tokala,” Mitan said, “lord Kasimirh is dead.”

  Tokala sighed and bowed his head. “So, it is true,” he whispered.

  “We captured the woman who killed him,” a soldier said.

  Tokala turned around and squinted at Lilith. He clenched his fists. “Do you realize what you’ve done?” he hissed. He slammed her to the ground. “Jakob will destroy the world. It has already started!” As Tokala gestured at the plain behind him, it started to rain. “You destroyed everything we’ve fought for.”

  “Lord?” Mitan said softly. She put a hand on Tokala’s shoulder. “The water rose before she had killed Kasimirh. It was as if the water was helping her.”

  Tokala was taken aback. “What happened?”

  In turns, two Jakobinians told the story. Mitan recounted in detail how the Fountain had swelled up, and how the water had obstructed them. She also repeated Kasimirh’s words. Next, a soldier gave an elaborate description of the way Lilith had murdered Kasimirh. In the meantime, Tokala kept stealing glances at Lilith.

  “I should have you executed on the spot,” he hissed, the rain running down his face. Lilith noticed that he was shivering, but she suspected it was the result of bottled-up anger. The water running down her body wasn’t cold.

  “Take her away before I do her harm! The people will witness the execution of our prophet’s killer.”

  Six soldiers seized Lilith and dragged her through the camp. The Jakobinians stared at her. Some men wanted to attack her. The soldiers stopped them. People were crying and screaming. Women prayed to Jakob in an attempt to save the world. More and more Jakobinians joined them.

  It slowly started to dawn on Lilith that these emotions weren’t just triggered by the fear of Jakob’s wrath. These people worshipped Kasimirh. They had followed him to a foreign country and were prepared to give their lives for him. The Jakobinians cried because they loved Kasimirh and didn’t know what to do without him. To them he was the opposite of what the sorcerer had been to Lilith–a saviour instead of a tyrant.

  The soldiers pushed Lilith inside one of the tents. Except for some hay on the floor, the tent was empty. Mitan was the only one to follow her inside. She looked around and left without saying a word. Lilith sat down on the ground. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her head on her knees.

  Lilith was proud that she’d defeated Kasimirh, but that feeling was overshadowed by the uncertainty of what was going to happen to her. She had thought that everything was going to be all right once she had killed Kasimirh. That the war would be over, and she would be free to go wherever she liked. She had intended to pick up Az-Zhara and fly away with him. It didn’t matter where to. How could she have been that naïve?

  Mitan returned with a pile of blankets on her arm. She put them down in front of Lilith. “Is there anything else I can do for you?” she asked.

  “Just go away,” Lilith snarled.

  The priestess looked aghast and left.

  Lilith took off her wet clothes and wrapped the blankets around her. She lay down and listened to the sound of the rain on the canvas and reflected on everything that had happened. At the Fountain she had realized why Jakob had come to her.

  “You set me up,” she whispered. “Why couldn’t You deal with it Yourself? Why did I have to do this?”

  It had all become clear: Jakob had pushed her away on purpose, with the intention to have her take care of His dirty work when the time came. Yes, it had been her wish to defeat Kasimirh, and she would never have been able to do that without Jakob’s help. However, it ate away at her that Jakob had planned it all and that she had fallen for it.

  “What are Your plans for me now? Have I outlived my usefulness and will You discard me just like Kasimirh was going to do?”

  Days passed, while the unremitting rain kept battering the canvas of the tent. Mitan was Lilith’s only visitor, bringing food and dry blankets. The latter weren’t very useful. The hay could no longer stop the mud. Whenever Lilith lay down, the blankets became wet. Her clothes were soaked through as well. She was cold all the time.

  Every day, Jakobinians came to her tent to call her names and throw things at her tent, causing Lilith to jolt upright time and again. She pressed her hands against her ears and rocked back and forth while humming to herself to drown out the noises from outside. Mitan often found her like that. The priestess probably thought she was crazy. Lilith couldn’t blame her because she sometimes thought she was crazy too. Whenever she fell asleep, Jakob spoke to her. She no longer dared to sleep, but she was so tired that she even heard his voice while she was awake. She started to long for her execution.

  Lilith was singing loudly when Mitan entered. The priestess put down a bowl of warm water and curtsied. Lilith grabbed her mug and filled it with water from the bowl. She blew on the water to cool it and drank from it. She felt the warm liquid make its way down her throat.

  Mitan looked surprised. She laid a pile of towels next to the bowl. “I thought you might want to wash yourself,” she said quietly.

  Looking at Mitan, Lilith brushed the hair out of her face, probably leaving even more dirt behind on her skin. Despite the wet circumstances, Mitan looked impeccable. She lived by Jakob’s
rules and expected that Lilith did so as well.

  “I’ll bring you some food,” Mitan said.

  When the priestess had left, Lilith took off her tunic. She wrapped the dry towels around her body. Then she drained the bowl.

  Mitan came back. She was holding the serving tray with one hand, supporting it with her injured arm. Lilith took the tray from her and sat down.

  The priestess watched as Lilith took a bite. She was fiddling with her stole. “What’s going to happen now?” Mitan looked expectantly at Lilith and let go of the stole.

  “You know that Tokala will have me killed soon.”

  Mitan bit her lip. “Do you think that Kasimirh lied about the end of the world?”

  “I can’t answer that question.”

  “Do you mean that you aren’t our new prophet?”

  Lilith choked. Coughing, she shook her head. So, Mitan didn’t see her as a crazy murderer, but as Kasimirh’s successor. The priestess wasn’t taking care of her out of pity, but out of veneration. “I’m not the person that you’re looking for. I don’t know any more than you do.”

  Mitan got up. “If Jakob chooses you, I’ll follow you, my lady.”

  “You don’t need anyone to lead you.”

  “Nevertheless, I will follow you. I put my trust in Lord Jakob. It was Kasimirh who did wrong, not God.”

  “If what Kasimirh did was so wrong, then why didn’t Jakob intervene sooner?”

  Mitan shrugged. She cast a glance a Lilith before she turned around and left the tent.

  Lost in thought, Lilith chewed on her food. She, the new prophet? There were numerous reasons why that idea didn’t appeal to her at all.

  She dropped her plate when she heard a shot. Something zipped past her head. She threw herself on the floor and closed her eyes. Her heart was pounding in her chest.

  There was screaming outside. Lilith opened her eyes. She saw the light of the campfires through a hole in the canvas. Lilith crawled towards it and looked through the hole. A soldier was being dragged away. The security around her tent was doubled.