Dork Diaries Book 7: Tales From a Not-So-Glam TV Star

by Rachel Renée Russell

  As soon as she picked it up, Blaine rushed over to her.

  “Honey, NO! Don’t do it!!” he cried, and knocked the lip gloss tube out of her hand and onto the floor. “OMG! That was close!” he breathed heavily.

  Chloe looked like she’d just seen a snake. “Was that lip gloss expired or something?!”

  “Way worse than that!” Blaine gasped. “You were two seconds away from putting on a winter shade of lip gloss. And you are DEFINITELY an autumn!”

  In less than an hour, I barely recognized my BFFs or my own image in the mirror.

  OMG! We looked like a twist between fashion models and funky space aliens! Mostly due to our bright fluorescent-colored wigs and silver metallic glow-in-the-dark jumpsuits.

  But one thing was for sure: I was TOTALLY convinced that Blaine Blackwell WAS in fact a MAGICIAN. . . .

  OUR FAB MAKEOVERS, COURTESY OF BLAINE!

  The best thing about our new costumes was that now we wouldn’t be recognized by security.

  Which was VERY convenient! Because according to the gossip in hair and wardrobe, a security alert had been issued by Mr. Grumpy (Gus the security guard).

  Apparently, three teen girls had attempted to gain unauthorized entry backstage and then refused to leave the arena property after being instructed to do so by security.

  They were now considered trespassers and were to be apprehended upon sight and physically removed from the premises.

  Like, WHO does THAT?! Some girls my age are SO immature!

  Anyway, the concert was going to be over in less than an hour, and the backstage area was huge.

  But I was confident my BFFs and I would find Trevor Chase before it was too late.

  I mean, how hard could it be?!

  JUST GREAT ! Now I have to stop writing in my diary.

  WHY?!!!

  My mom wants me to take my little sister (Brianna the Brat!) to the movie theater to see Princess Sugar Plum Goes to Hollywood: Part 2.

  UGH!! I HATE those stupid kiddie movies!!

  I have this ENTIRE week off from school for spring break. And I plan on spending it doing REALLY SUPERimportant things like . . . um, well . . . maybe writing in my diary and stuff!

  Hey, it’s NOT a vacay in Florida. But STILL!!

  Sorry, Mom! But I refuse to spend all of my time babysitting Brianna!!

  !!

  TUESDAY, MARCH 4

  Blaine Blackwell was right! Chloe, Zoey, and I were, without question, THE most FABULOUS, best-dressed dancers in the fashion-forward universe! Okay. Actually, THE most FABULOUS, best-dressed FAKE dancers in the fashion-forward universe!

  We had just left hair and wardrobe when we heard an announcement over the PA system: “Trevor Chase, please report to the production office. Your limo to the airport is waiting.”

  “OH NO!” Zoey moaned.

  “He CAN’T be leaving?!” Chloe groaned.

  “We have to get to the production office!” I shouted. “Quick!”

  I don’t know how celebs and party girls do it. We could barely walk in our stiletto platform heels, let alone RUN in them!

  “These stilettos are killing my feet!” Zoey whined.

  “Well, you’re lucky,” Chloe grumbled. “I can’t even feel MY feet. They went completely numb about two minutes ago!”

  “Heads up! Three security guards straight ahead!” I whispered.

  We tried our best to strut down the hallway like Glamazons. But our swaggers turned into crooked hobbles, which deteriorated into raggedy limps. It took FOREVER to finally reach the area where the production office was located.

  “Yikes! More security!” I said under my breath.

  As we passed them they eyed us suspiciously. Probably because we sashayed by like three clumsy horses in high heels. Clippity-clop, clippity-clop, clippity-clop!

  But we just stared straight ahead like snooty, self-absorbed divas and ignored them. . . .

  US, SASHAYING PAST THE SECURITY GUARDS!

  I was SO relieved to see that the production office door was ONLY ten yards away. Then five, four, three, two . . .

  My heart was pounding. Chloe and Zoey looked frantic. I placed my hand on the door handle, smiled, and whispered to my BFFs, “Thank goodness! We finally made—”

  “STOP RIGHT THERE, YOUNG LADIES!” barked Mr. Grumpy as he quickly approached us.

  “SORRY! NO AUTOGRAPHS!” Chloe practically screamed at him. “WILL SOMEONE PLEASE CALL SECURITY?! ON THIS . . . SECURITY?!”

  I just rolled my eyes at that girl!

  “I’m sorry to bother you girls,” he said hesitantly. “But I just need to ask you an important question.”

  OMG! We were SO busted! We just held our breath and waited for the inevitable. . . .

  “UM, DID SOMEONE JUST DROP THIS EARRING? I FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR.”

  “Oh! I guess I did,” Zoey said, relieved. “Thanks!”

  “Since we’re rich and famous celebs, those earrings probably cost ten dollars, I mean ten thousand dollars. All the cool Disney stars wear them too. We actually hang out with them,” Chloe lied. “And tonight we’re going to a party given by— OW! THAT HURT!!”

  Thankfully, Zoey kicked Chloe in the shin to shut her up before she completely blew our cover.

  “Come on, girls!” I said, plastering a fake smile across my face. “We have to get to that important meeting with Mr. Trevor Chase ASAP!”

  “Have a nice evening,” the guard said, nodding.

  I couldn’t believe we’d FINALLY made it! I was going to be SO happy to see Trevor Chase.

  We opened the door and excitedly rushed inside. Then we stopped dead in our tracks and just stared in shock and disbelief. Because standing right there in front of us were . . .

  NIKKI, CHLOE, AND ZOEY?!!

  Well, that’s what their ID badges said, anyway!

  ARGH! I have to stop writing AGAIN!!

  My dad just asked me to go to the mall with him to help pick out a birthday present for my mom. Her birthday is on Saturday, March 15.

  Hey, people! I’m on SPRING BREAK!!

  But you wouldn’t think so with all of the demands Mom, Dad, and Brianna are placing on MY precious time off from school.

  How am I supposed to write in my diary with all of these random INTERRUPTIONS??!!!

  Anyway, more DIRT on MacKenzie tomorrow . . . !!!

  !!

  WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5

  OMG! I could NOT believe MacKenzie and her friends Jessica and Jennifer were actually pretending to be US?! I mean, WHO does that?!!

  It was bad enough that they’d stolen our tickets behind our BACKS. But now they’d stolen our identities right in front of our FACES!

  Although, considering the fact that we’d just gotten makeovers AND were wearing fancy stage costumes AND were kind of pretending to be the Dance Divas, I guess you could say that maybe it WASN’T exactly in front of OUR FACES.

  But STILL!! I was SO mad I could just . . . SPIT!!

  That’s when MacKenzie and her friends squealed and rushed right over to us.

  “OMG! I can’t believe you’re actually the Dance Divas!! I’m Nikki, and these are my friends Chloe and Zoey!” she lied. “Could I have your autographs? Please? Just write ‘To MacKenzie: beautiful and brainy! A future pop star!’ and I’ll give it to her!”

  Then she handed me a pen and paper.

  “Nice to meet you, Nikki!” I said, playing along. “I’d love to give you my autograph. And I have a really inspiring message especially for you. . . .”

  “Oh, thank you!” MacKenzie/Fake Nikki gushed. “I really appreciate you doing this for my good friend MacKenzie!”

  Then, smiling, she dramatically read aloud what I’d written. “ ‘To MacKenzie, the world’s biggest THIEF and pathological LIAR’ . . . ??!! WHAT?!!”

  Suddenly she frowned and narrowed her eyes at me in an icy glare.

  “Wait a minute! You’re NOT the Dance Divas!” she sputtered. “OMG! Nikki Maxwell?! Is that YOU? And Chloe and Zoey
! What are YOU doing here?”

  “The better question is, what are YOU doing here? And why are you pretending to be US?” I asked.

  “None of your business!” Jessica said.

  “Actually, it IS our business!” Zoey fumed. “Trevor Chase gave Nikki those backstage passes! She was supposed to have a meeting with him. Until some lip-gloss-addicted, wannabe BANDIT dumped water on Chloe to distract us and then ran off with our tickets.”

  “Well, Nikki, too bad for you! I heard he just left for the airport.” MacKenzie sneered.

  My heart dropped right into my shoes stilettos! I couldn’t believe we had gone through all of this drama and Trevor Chase had left without talking to us about our record deal.

  I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and blinked back my tears. The last thing I needed right then was gooey black Glitter-Glam mascara streaming down my face.

  “Yeah! So you guys can go CRAWL back under your rock!” Jennifer snarled.

  Suddenly the door burst open and three security guards rushed in, led by Mr. Grumpy.

  “What’s all the commotion, young ladies?! We heard your voices all the way down the hall! Is everything okay?”

  “Actually, not!” MacKenzie spat. “These girls don’t belong here. They’re . . . IMPOSTORS!”

  “What?! Are y-you sure?!” he stuttered.

  The security guards stared at Chloe, Zoey, and me with really confused looks on their faces.

  I was like, Oh. No. She. DIDN’T!! We were SO BUSTED! AGAIN!! MacKenzie was always sticking her nose in MY business.

  Well, TWO could play this little game!! She STARTED it, but I was going to FINISH it.

  “Actually, THEY don’t belong here! THEY’RE the IMPOSTORS!!” I announced.

  That’s when the guards turned and stared at MacKenzie, Jessica, and Jennifer.

  Those girls were squirming like slimy little worms on a hot sidewalk.

  “Don’t believe HER! They’re NOT really the Dance Divas!” MacKenzie snarled.

  “And they’re NOT really Nikki, Chloe, and Zoey!” I shot back. “They stole OUR backstage passes.”

  Now the security guards were TOTALLY confused.

  They just kept staring at me (the real Nikki and fake Dance Diva) and then the fake Nikki (really MacKenzie) and then back at me (the real Nikki and fake Dance Diva) and then the fake Nikki (really MacKenzie).

  All of this staring went on, like, FOREVER! I have to admit, even I was starting to get a little confused about who was actually who.

  “Nikki! You’re lying!”

  “MacKenzie! YOU’RE lying!”

  Then we both angrily pointed at each other and screamed . . .

  Then things got even MORE confusing! Three girls in dance leotards stormed in with Blaine Blackwell. They did NOT look like happy campers.

  Blaine marched over, pointed his finger right in our faces, and screamed . . .

  I guess Mr. Grumpy had heard enough! Because he glared at all of us with his eyes almost bulging out of his head. “US” being me, Chloe, Zoey, Jessica, Jennifer, AND MacKenzie.

  Then he yelled at the top of his lungs like a lunatic . . .

  “WHAT?!!!” we all gasped in SHOCK.

  Everyone started talking at once!! Jessica and Jennifer burst into spontaneous tears!

  The security guard continued. “Now, everybody just calm down! I don’t have a choice but to detain ALL of you girls until we can sort this out!”

  “Please, sir! Could you just let me explain?” I pleaded.

  “Yes, I’ll take all of your statements AFTER I file an initial report with the chief of security. But first, I’ll have to call your parents—”

  “OUR PARENTS?!!!” we all gasped.

  “Just take a seat and make yourselves comfortable. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night. Now, do you have any questions?”

  It was so quiet in that room, you could hear a pin drop.

  I cleared my throat and then raised my hand.

  “Yes, young lady, what’s your question?”

  “Um . . . c-could I go to . . . the b-bathroom?” I muttered.

  That’s when I rushed to the bathroom and started panicking that I was going to be sent straight to jail.

  And praying that IF I actually went to JAIL, they’d at least let me take my diary.

  Then I had the most HORRIFIC thought!

  WHAT if MacKenzie and I are forced to be CELLMATES?!

  I’d be STUCK serving a ten-year prison sentence in a teeny-tiny cell with HER on the top bunk!

  Just the thought of it made me break into a cold sweat.

  ME AND MY CELLMATE, MACKENZIE

  Hey, it could happen!

  AAAAAAHHH !!

  (That was me screaming!)

  Although, I could always hire one of those famous criminal defense attorneys to appeal my case! And then I could try to convince the court to give me the DEATH PENALTY instead of a bunk with MacKenzie!

  Hey, they could actually rule in my favor!

  WOO-HOO!

  !!

  (I know, I know! I’ve been writing about what happened to me last Saturday night at that concert, like, FOREVER! Well, for at least four days now. Hey, maybe I’ll make Guinness World Records! To be continued tomorrow. . . .)

  THURSDAY, MARCH 6

  This was the moment I’d been DREADING!

  The chief of security was about to make the very first call to parents. MINE! Why ME? !!!

  Probably because MacKenzie had convinced everyone that her parents were on a six-month-long hiking trip in the rain forests of Peru and the cell phone reception there was pretty much nonexistent.

  That girl is SUCH a liar.

  I mean, what IDIOT would even believe such a wacky story?! How about the ENTIRE security team?!!

  They decided to take MacKenzie’s suggestion and send a note to HER parents by carrier pigeon.

  I just knew MY parents were going to KILL me.

  But I tried to look on the bright side.

  When they were found guilty of attempted murder, we could all go to prison as one big HAPPY family !! . . .

  OUR PRISON FAMILY PHOTO

  And with me, Mom, and Dad out of the way, Brianna would have unlimited use of my CELL PHONE and get to eat her favorite meal—a big bowl of ketchup, raisins, and ice cream—for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. . . .

  BRIANNA, HOME ALONE, GETTING STICKY CRUD ALL OVER MY PHONE !!

  Just as I was about to give up HOPE (and my parents’ telephone number!), in walked the VERY last person I expected to see.

  No! It wasn’t SANTA CLAUS, silly! It was . . .

  TREVOR CHASE !!

  And everyone in the room immediately rushed over and started talking to him all at the same time, including ME!

  “Trevor! I was tricked into doing hair, makeup, and styling for three common criminals. My Ugly Intervention reputation will be RUINED!”

  “Our identities have been stolen by some Dance Divas wannabes!”

  “Yeah, and they’re not even very good dancers!”

  “Dancers?! They can barely walk! You should have seen them staggering around here in those heels.”

  “Sir, we’ve apprehended six suspects in connection with a crime spree committed on the arena premises, and our investigation is ongoing.”

  “I’m MacKenzie! Remember ME?! I won the Westchester Country Day Middle School talent show with my amazing dance routine. Anyway, don’t believe anything Nikki Maxwell is going to say about me. She’s delusional because she forgot to take her meds today.”

  “Actually, YOU need help, MacKenzie! How dare you say such mean things about my BFF, Nikki, and ‘whisper insidious accusations in the ear of the mob!’—Virgil.”

  “Hi, I’m Jessica, and I can play ‘Yankee Doodle Dandy’ on the accordion while tap dancing in pink designer cowboy boots. I’d be just perfect for your show! Listen to this. . . . ‘Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a po-neeee!’ ”

  “Nikki is my BFF! So just
back off! By the way, is anyone going to eat these cupcakes? Or these cookies? Or these brownies? Or these— OW! That hurt!”

  “I just wanna go hooooome! Waaahhhhhh!”

  “Sir, if you could just sign here, my security team will have the authority to press charges against everyone involved.”

  Finally Mr. Chase had had enough. “QUIET! Everyone! Please,” he shouted. Then he continued. “Okay, I have just one very important question. WHO is responsible for all this RUCKUS?”

  That’s when ALL the very angry people in the room suddenly pointed at ME. . . .

  ME, GETTING BLAMED BY A RUTHLESS MOB

  The whole thing WAS my fault. Kind of!

  If I’d just stayed home and shared a big bowl of ketchup, raisins, and ice cream with Brianna, NONE of this would have happened.

  I stared at my feet and sighed. I was pretty sure I had kissed that record deal good-bye.

  “Mr. Chase, I’m really, truly sorry about the mix-up. But our backstage passes went missing. So we had to kind of sneak backstage and then borrow the Dance Divas’ costumes so no one would recognize us. And by the time we finally got here to talk to you about our recording deal, you’d already left. And then we got . . . ARRESTED! I’m really sorry I misled everyone and pretty much ruined your evening!”

  That’s when Trevor Chase stared at me with this perplexed look on his face.

  “Do I know you? Wait a minute! Are you NIKKI MAXWELL?!” he asked, squinting at me closely.

  First he smiled. Then he chuckled. Then he laughed. Hysterically, like he was losing his mind.

  And soon everyone else in the room had joined in the laughter too.

  Even ME! Although I didn’t have the slightest idea what was SO darn funny.

  “Blaine! You’re a genius!” Trevor sputtered. “I was totally convinced Nikki and her friends were really the Dance Divas. I’d like to offer you a job doing hair, makeup, and wardrobe for my TV show!”

  “I’d LOVE to!” Blaine gushed. “When I saw these three girls and their tacky clothing, unruly split ends, and that hideous unibrow, I felt so sorry for them. So I begged them to let ME do a makeover! Then I insisted on dressing them in my latest fab fashions. As I always say, I’m a stylist AND a magician!”