Pain Seeker (The New Orleans Shade Book 1)

by D. N. Hoxa

  But fear had its limits, too.

  The rest of the princes and representatives left the room, and I was all alone with the Autumn King and his five guards, possibly some of the strongest men in his army. But they pretended not to be there at all, and I was glad to pretend with them. I stepped closer to the table, arms behind me, head lowered.

  “You don’t share the same ideas as your family, Prince Mace. Why is that?” he said, toying with his brown beard that tried to make him look like an old man but failed. There was nothing old about him, no matter how long he’d lived.

  “The foundation of war is protection, my King. I usually am of one mind with my father and brothers, but I’ve experienced before what the lack of magic could mean in battle, and if there is an alternative, I would think it wise to take it.”

  “Beautifully said,” the King said with a tired smile.

  “May I ask you something, King Aurant?”

  “By all means,” he said, waving his hand.

  I looked at the guards, all of them staring straight ahead, not moving a single inch. I wasn’t comfortable discussing matters in front of strangers, but they were king’s guards. It was custom for fae kings to cut out the tongues of their personal guards, so that they couldn’t speak to anyone about what they heard, even if they wanted to. My words would be safe in their ears.

  “Why do you want me to lead your protection unit?” I could have gone without knowing, but I was curious, and curiosity is a virtue of the strong, said my father. If he knew what I was truly curious about, he would have my head, but luckily, he couldn’t see into my mind.

  “Because you have values, young prince,” the King said. “You were willing to sacrifice your life in the battle three nights ago, for my people. It was not your duty. You could have had your men call for a fighting battalion, but you fought yourself.” He stood up then, slowly, his golden robe moving around him like a shaking bell. “And, also, my daughter told me about what you said to her the night before. Ulana is a smart girl. She takes after her mother,” he said with a chuckle and started moving toward the window, behind which was the garden I'd been looking at earlier. I kept my place.

  It didn’t surprise me that Ulana had told him. She played her cards the way it was convenient. If I’d gone to bed with her as she’d wanted that night, her father would have never heard of it. But when I refused, she decided to use that to take credit with him. She probably told him she’d tested me, too.

  “Not many men understand respect, Prince Mace, and I was raised in a time when it meant a lot more than it does now. Regardless, I trust that you will do the best you can to protect my people. I can’t say that for too many others, I’m afraid.”

  I nodded. “I will.”

  “Why is it that your father rejects you? It is unheard of for a Winter King. Your Court prides themselves in putting family before all.”

  No, the Winter Court pretended and did everything in its power to make others believe that. The reality was a lot different.

  “They do, but I’m afraid you will have to discuss that with my father, my King. I am not at liberty to speak about it.”

  I could only see the side of the King’s face, but he smiled. His mouth opened, but before he could say anything, the doors behind us opened.

  “My King,” an Autumn soldier said, and the look on his face said it all before his mouth moved. “We’ve spotted elves. They’re marching toward Kanda.”

  My heart all but fell to my heels. I looked at the King, the smile, as well as the blood, now drained from his face.

  “Prepare for battle,” he said with a nod.

  I unsheathed my sword and followed the soldier outside the hall.

  Chapter 15

  Elo

  I held onto the pillar of the window tightly. My feet were on the stool, the edge of it digging into my heels. I looked down and vertigo hit me hard, but a smile spread on my face. I wrapped my arms tighter around the stone pillar.

  I was high. Possibly over a hundred and fifty feet tall, and all I could see at the bottom of the hill was pieces of rock and dirt. It was a long way to fall, and I doubted anybody could survive it. Still, I looked at the vines that snaked over the sides of the walls and wondered if they’d hold me if I climbed them. I just wanted to see what lay behind them. I wanted a better view of Gaena.

  Trying it was a good idea, but I was too weak. They hadn’t given me anything to eat yet, since the prince left last morning. But I still had one last strawberry that I’d been saving. He’d brought me ten, together with bread and cheese, before he left. I’d cherished each one as if it were my last.

  My body wouldn’t let me climb, or if it did, my reflexes would be too slow if something went wrong. As much as I wanted a change of the view, I remained where I was, atop the stool, and watched the sunset. It spilled fire over the horizon, drenching everything in orange—the mountains, the snow atop them, the forest, the dry land. I closed my eyes and breathed in, wondering what it would smell like if the sunset had a scent.

  “A dangerous place to stand,” a voice said, and the surprise almost made me lose my balance. I grabbed the pillar tightly, and my eyes looked up right away because I knew that voice.

  Sure enough, a green snake slithered down the wall, like he had glue underneath him. He didn’t slip, he didn’t falter. He just kept on coming, until he reached the stool of the window and my legs.

  “Hello, Pain Seeker.”

  “Hello, Hiss.” Holding onto the pillar, I jumped back into the room, landing on my feet. My balance was off because I hadn’t eaten, but I managed not to fall—only sway.

  A smile stretched my lips as I went close to the stool again and to Hiss waiting for me on it.

  “What took you so long?” I’d been yearning for company since he and the prince left. If it wasn’t for the Shade and the connection that grew stronger with every hour, my mind would have starved, too.

  “Wandering away,” Hiss said. “I was in your home again, and here, in the Shade, passing time.”

  My heart skipped a beat. “You were in my home?”

  “I certainly was,” he said, and his wings spread when he jumped off to the floor, but his tail was still wrapped in a bundle, even while he flew. “I bring news.”

  I sat on the floor to be closer to him, my hands already pressed to the stone. It had become an instinct now. I sat down, I gave magic, and asked the Shade for warmth. It had yet to fail me. Heat came off the stone instantly, faster than before, and it made me as comfortable as if I were sitting on a bed.

  “What news? Tell me,” I hurried him, looking at each one of his ten golden eyes. They were still as fascinating as the first time I’d seen them.

  “They are no longer celebrating, but they are preparing. A new order for weapons has been made—a big order—and your people are being worked harder than ever before, if the word around town is to be trusted,” Hiss said.

  I thought about it for a second. “By whom? Who made the order?”

  “I’m not certain. They didn’t name names, but they were making a lot of weapons,” Hiss said, then slithered a bit closer to me. “I found him crying in the garden in the dead of the night, all by himself.”

  My eyes closed. “Don’t tell me,” I whispered.

  “But I have to.”

  “I don’t want to hear it, Hiss.”

  “But you need to. Only by knowing all facts can you make a right decision.”

  “I don’t want to make a right decision. I don’t need to make any decision.” I was far away from that place now, and I was never going back home.

  “Look at me, young elf.” His tongue came out and licked the tip of my nose. My eyes opened involuntarily. “He is your brother.”

  “He’s a monster,” I breathed before I could stop myself.

  The urge to cry suffocated me, but the tears refused to come. I turned away from Hiss because I needed a moment to gather my thoughts, to allow myself to think about the fact that my own brother h
ad been the one to bring me here.

  He poisoned me. It was he who gave me that glass of wine and sat beside me, and urged me to drink it. He stripped me of anything that belonged to our House. Then, he threw me to the fae like I meant nothing. Like we weren’t of the same blood. Like we hadn’t grown up together.

  How I’d loved that boy. He was only a year and a half younger, but to me, he would always be my little brother. In need of my attention, my love, my care. I’d given it to him all my life the best I knew how. He’d been worth more than a thousand Houses to me.

  But the feeling hadn’t been mutual, even though I’d believed it with all my heart. Until the night he gave me that glass of wine. Until the night I woke up in this room, chained to the wall.

  “We’re all monsters, deep down. But tell me, how much do his tears weigh?”

  “Nothing,” I said through gritted teeth, but he already knew it was a lie.

  My brother cried now? What did it matter? He’d taken my life, only because he wanted to be the one to rule our House. The mighty House Heivar, one of the biggest elf Houses in Gaena, where the best smiths of the worlds were born.

  He’d wanted power. He got it.

  He wasn’t going to get any pity from me now.

  “You lie as easily as you give,” Hiss said, chuckling, like he couldn’t see that I was about to lose my mind. It didn’t matter that Elid cried. I would not feel sorry for him. I would not attempt to understand him.

  I needed to be mad at him. By the gods, I needed to have someone to blame.

  “His tears don’t matter. His actions do. He poisoned me. He brought me here. He took my life away!” I cried, unable to keep my voice down. But nobody would hear me. Nobody even came near the door since the prince left. “And for what? For power. For a House. For nothing.”

  “Your nothing is his something, Pain Seeker. And he didn’t take your life away. He merely pushed you and let you fall.”

  Even Hiss frustrated me now that I couldn’t stop imagining Elid’s face—my little brother, the apple of my eye. I would have given him the House if he’d asked. I had never wanted to rule. I had never wanted to send men to war. If I knew that was what he was after, I’d have given it all to him with both hands.

  “And I fell. All the way down, I fell. My life’s over, Hiss. And his has just begun.” As the head of House Heivar.

  “Just because we fall doesn’t mean our lives are over. If we’re careful, it simply means that we can rise again. And once you’re at the bottom, the only way to go is up, isn’t it?” He came to my side, searching my face, forcing me to look at him. “If his tears have no weight for you—good. Cheer up. The worst is already behind you.”

  I shook my head. “The worst is yet to come.” Eventually. When the fae prince decided that he had had enough of my silence and ended me. Or when he found out who I truly was. Because it was only a matter of time before someone said something.

  “You never told me that you painted,” Hiss suddenly said, as if he was talking to me for the first time. I had yet to understand this snake. “I heard it from one of the maids as she was dusting off your old room. He kept it as is. Didn’t move a single thing from it.”

  My chest squeezed once more. My room. My colors. My paintings.

  I didn’t have much left, but I would give everything to be there right now.

  “It doesn’t matter.” He’d killed me, even if I was still alive. To my brother, I was dead since the night he threw my life away.

  “But you know what does?”

  Finally, Hiss unwrapped his tail slowly, right in front of my knees. Something fell off it, a piece of wood clinking against the stone floor. He moved his tail away and revealed what had fallen to me.

  A brush.

  My brush.

  One of the brushes that I used to paint with when I was home and life still had a bit of meaning.

  My hands shook as I reached for it, the dark, scratched wood, the faded gold of the ferrule, the white bristle. It was a medium-sized brush, and I had used it so many times before it was an extension to my hand now. I took it between my fingers and brought it close to my eyes to see, afraid it would disappear any second.

  “I thought you might appreciate it,” Hiss said, his tongue licking the brush now, the tip and the bristles. “I thought you might use it.”

  The weight of my brother’s tears disappeared. The room I was a prisoner in disappeared. Hope sparked in my chest once more, a bit stronger than before.

  “No thank you?” Hiss said, smiling sneakily, his four fangs glistening, even though the sunlight was almost completely gone.

  “Thank you, Hiss. Tell me what you want for it, and if I can give it to you, I will.”

  “A kiss,” he said without hesitation.

  “A kiss?” I laughed.

  “It is my price,” he said, and his head moved up and down as if he was trying to nod.

  “But it’s just a kiss.” I could give him more. My last strawberry. My magic—something.

  When he laughed, it reminded me of those steamers in the workshop back at home, constantly letting out air. I found it soothing, though most hated it. “A kiss is never just a kiss, young elf. It is the most beautiful thing—a doorway to true connection with another creature. It marks the beginning of falling in love, and of making love. But it’s never just a kiss.”

  I smiled despite the way he spoke, like an old man trapped in the body of a snake. It was part of his charm, I thought. I leaned closer to him and planted a kiss right over his nose. His tongue slithered out and licked under my chin.

  “There,” I said with a smile. “My debt is paid in full.”

  “So it is,” he said, chuckling, as his head wobbled to the side. I looked at the brush again and my heart ached, but it also sang. I never thought I’d hold a brush again in my life. I ran my finger over the natural bristles. They were made out of badger fur, and they were soft against my skin.

  “What are you going to paint first?” Hiss asked. “I’ve seen painters from up close before but never an elf. I didn’t think elves had an artistic bone in their bodies, to be truthful.”

  “Paint where? I don’t have my canvas. I don’t have light or colors.” Darkness had fallen. The moon would never be enough to let me see even if I’d had all my tools.

  “They have light,” said Hiss. He turned for the door and started slithering toward it.

  They did have light. The fae outside, the women who spent most of their day in the dining hall—five of them—always had gas lamps with them. And food. And clothes.

  The prince said that they would feed me, but he either lied or he’d been lied to. I don’t know why I believed it was the latter. I looked at my strawberry on the desk—the last one, the red of it already dark even though it was cold in the room. I needed to eat it tonight.

  And then what?

  My imagination must have been playing tricks on me because it felt like my brush vibrated between my fingers. It wanted to be used. I wanted to use it. I looked behind me, at the night sky, at the full moon brightening the sky. How long until I died? Did I really want to die without creating something at least one more time?

  And did I want to stay hungry?

  No, I did not.

  “Coming?” Hiss called. He was already by the door, watching me.

  As if in a dream, I found myself standing up, brush in hand. It gave me energy like never before. It gave me a healthy dose of anger that propelled me forward, and before I knew it, my hand was on the handle.

  I opened the door.

  Three women were by the counter, one on the inside, cleaning the top, the other two in front of her. They stopped talking and turned to look at me, eyes wide, mouths open. I all but passed out.

  No, I reminded myself. I was not going to pass out. I needed food. I needed light. I was going to get them or die.

  Hiss didn’t seem to mind the women at all. He slithered down the four stairs that led to the ground floor of the dining hall w
ithout care. My bare feet followed him. I held onto the brush with all my strength.

  There was nobody else in the hall. No elf heads on the spikes to the side of the prince’s table. No drunks jumping on the tables. Only the fae women.

  Would they stop me?

  I wasn’t sure. All they did was watch me, and I’d already reached the middle of the room. They watched me, and they watched Hiss, and it was a bit of a relief. If they saw him, too, that meant he really was real. Because despite everything, I’d had my doubts.

  There were three gas lamps on the countertop, and I already knew that the wooden box at the end of it was where they kept yesterday’s bread. I’d been watching them from the side windows of the room more often than I liked to admit.

  I kept my eyes forward and went straight for them. I grabbed the gas lamp first, then walked left, to the bread box, and opened it. Three unbroken loaves inside. I took one and closed it.

  I looked at the women, who were now all staring at Hiss. He’d slithered his way up the counter and stood atop of it, snaking his head to the sides every second, licking the air with his tongue as he watched them. They were completely stunned.

  I bit my tongue to hold back a smile. Now, I just needed to get back to the room.

  But before I did that, I noticed that the other two women sitting by the counter had baskets in front of them. Baskets full of walnuts, and they were breaking them out of their shells. My mouth watered. I needed a taste, and since they had plenty…I put the bread loaf under my arm and moved closer to the women, slowly. If they tried to stop me now, I was going to have to fight back. Just how much of it would my body endure?

  I kept my eyes on the fae woman closest to me as I reached my hand out and put it in her basket. My fingers closed around walnuts and I grabbed a fistful.

  They didn’t stop me. They couldn’t bring themselves to even blink. Was it me, or was it Hiss?

  Probably both.

  With all things gathered, I made my way back to the room, feeling more powerful with every step I took. I didn’t look behind me to see if the women would react. If they did, I would be long gone. They’d already made it very clear that they would not come inside the prince’s room.