Pain Seeker (The New Orleans Shade Book 1)

by D. N. Hoxa

  “Why were you gone so long?” I asked instead. I wanted to tell him my name. I just couldn't.

  Mace wasn't mad. On the contrary, he smiled at me, then planted a kiss on my lips. I held onto his neck and kissed him back. It was impossible not to when he tasted like a heaven designed specifically for me.

  “The Autumn King wants to build a fort on River Kanda. He wants me to lead his army. He also threw a party that first night I arrived at his castle—in the name of winter’s end. He said he wanted the people who would not survive the next battle to have one last feast before death."

  At that, he flinched. River Kanda was very close to House Heivar. It made me wonder…

  “My father was there.” His fingers cupped my chin, and he raised my head to see my eyes. "When you healed me that night with the knife—what did you heal me from?”

  I remembered it all too well. Chills washed over me, and he felt them. His hand started moving up and down my back, caressing me. My back arched on its own accord, all of my skin craving his touch simultaneously.

  “Why do you ask?” I said, pressing my fingertips onto his lips. He kissed them before he spoke.

  “Because he did something to me—he did something to my mind. Since I came here, all I wanted was to go home, which is ridiculous. I don’t want to go home, not really. And I don't feel the same fear I felt of him before that night.”

  My eyes closed. He had been spelled by his own father. “A spell,” I whispered and kissed his lips. “Terran spell. It was all over you, and your magic was trying to protect you from it by attacking your body because it didn't know what else to do. It was causing you a lot of pain. I had to pull the foreign magic from your body to heal you from it because inside, I couldn't reach it. It was a dark cloud, hanging over your head. It was protected, too. That’s why I had to use the knife.”

  He held me tighter, pressing me against himself, and kissed my forehead. “Thank you, Taran.”

  “You believe me?”

  “Yes,” he said without hesitation. Just like that, he believed me—an elf, a no one, a slave.

  I kissed him again. Would I ever get enough of his taste?

  I doubted it. Tears wanted to rush to my eyes, but I held them back. Everything about him felt exactly right, even if to the world, it was the wrongest thing I could have ever done. But he was beautiful—his mind, his heart, his face. So what if he was fae? He was a son of Gaena, first and foremost. And if he existed, then there was still beauty left in the world. A beauty worth fighting for. Gaena was not completely lost yet. I could see it all over the prince's face, in his honest eyes. It inspired me so much, my chest swelled.

  “Trinam would have liked you,” he said. His smile was filled with sadness and pain. “What you did with him…it was very interesting. I thought you could only heal.”

  “I simply gave him a few seconds, that’s all.” I would have given him more if I could.

  “You know, Summer fae can do something similar. They can give their energy to another creature, too, for a very short time,” the prince said. “What else can you do?”

  I knew the Summer fae could loan their life energy. It was what had inspired my father to make me try when I was still a kid.

  “Nothing. That’s it.” Lies. My magic could do a lot more. But yet again, he believed me.

  “Tell me your name,” he whispered in between kisses that kept me from doing what I knew needed doing for the past hour.

  Just a little longer. Just one more kiss.

  But it wasn't going to last forever. Because Hiss was right. I’d prayed, and I’d found out exactly what I most wanted.

  And now, I was going to do what it took to make it come true.

  “You don't need to know my name, my prince," I said to Mace and closed my eyes, holding his face against mine, our lips still touching, even as I spoke. I needed to feel him until I couldn't any longer. “You already know my heart. I will carry you in it forever.”

  Cutting off my own arm would have hurt less than when I pressed my fingers to the back of his skull and released my magic on him. My eyes were closed, and I held onto him with everything I had.

  “Tar…"

  His whisper faded while my magic worked on him, on his brain, his nerves, paralyzing him in place. His hands on me grew heavier as he lost control over them. His consciousness would leave him, too, in a second.

  But before it did, I opened my eyes because I owed him that much. I looked at him, at his wide eyes, now full of fear and confusion. He didn't understand what was happening. I didn’t blame him—I didn't, either, for the most part.

  “I’m sorry, Mace,” I whispered and kissed his lips once more. “I’m sorry that I can't stay, but wherever I am in the worlds, you will be with me.”

  I wasn’t going to tell him where I was going. Not because I didn’t want to but because of the risk. His life was far too valuable to me and to the whole world. If I failed, I would fall alone.

  I let go of him and pushed myself to sit up, barely holding my own weight. I kept reminding myself what I was doing this for, over and over again, but it did nothing to ease the pain or the guilt. It was time for me to leave, learn how to bring myself back to life because my world needed me. I had a responsibility to it, to my people. The guilt was great, but the disappointment of sitting and doing nothing but wait for death would be greater. It would consume what little there was left of me.

  I couldn't let that happen, and if I had to leave the prince behind, I would.

  So it must be, my father’s voice whispered in my ear.

  By the time I turned to look at him, Mace’s eyes were closed. He looked peaceful, even more so than when he slept. He was going to be perfectly okay when he woke up in a couple of hours. Healed. His mind clear. He would remember, and hopefully, maybe, he wouldn't hate me as much as I hated myself for doing this.

  Maybe he was a better person than I could ever be.

  Tears blurred my vision because I refused to let them fall while I dressed myself in the clothes I’d hidden in one of his wardrobes, together with my brush. The clothes he'd brought me from Earth. But when I put the jacket on, my body refused to obey my orders. It just needed a moment to adjust to the change.

  So, I sat on the floor, right below the windows, and I gave it some time.

  Before long, Hiss slithered his way down the wall and stopped by my side, his face in front of mine, his tongue close enough to lick the tears pooled in my eyes.

  “Do you have all the courage you needed?” he whispered.

  “I do."

  “Good," the snake said and looked back at the bed, at the prince sleeping. “Isn’t it fascinating how we find courage in the most unusual places sometimes?”

  “He’s going to hate me," I said, despite myself.

  "He's not going to hate you. He will understand. You needed strength, Pain Seeker. It is not your fault that you found it in your enemy. It is not your fault that you drew it from him. If anything, he will be grateful that he could give you your life back,” Hiss said.

  I don't know if he was saying those words just to console me, or if he really meant them, but either way it didn't matter. What was done was done.

  Now, I moved forward.

  “Do you know what you must do?" Hiss asked when I stood up. As I turned to the windows, my eyes caught something—something small and black at the corner of the desk, forgotten. I walked to it and took the leather tie in my hand. It was old and worn, but it still would serve its purpose.

  “No—but I know where I must go,” I said.

  It had power, that small thing. A hair tie, but it had power in its meaning. It was willingly given by a fae to an elf, without cost, without expectation. It gave me so much hope that the world wasn't broken. Or that if it was, it could heal, just like I had. With patience, kindness, and love. One leather tie at a time.

  I put the tie in my jacket's pocket and raised my hands toward the door. I let out my magic to search for that woman's pain, s
o that when she stepped on her foot now, she wouldn’t feel anything. My magic shot out, searching, and if it found her, it would heal her. I had faith that it would.

  Then, I turned to the window and jumped over the stool. I held onto the pillar and looked at Gaena one more time.

  “Do you want to go on an adventure with me, wisdom collector?" I asked Hiss, and he smiled.

  “I thought you’d never ask." His wings spread to his sides, and he jumped off the stool, falling slowly toward the ground. I looked behind me, at the sleeping prince, and my heart slammed against my chest, wanting to break out, to stay here with him forever. I was leaving him, and chances were I was never going to see him again.

  I was leaving him with nothing but a memory.

  Or maybe…

  The painting of his first battle on the wall of his bathroom was still there, bright colors on cold stone.

  "Let him see," I whispered to the Shade. That was the only thing I could give him—my thank you to him for showing me that there could still be beauty in the world. That I was still worthy of love, of a kiss, of a touch, of a heart.

  Then, I reached for the vines on the side wall outside the window, and I jumped.

  The climb down wasn’t as bad as I'd feared, thanks to the white sneakers that covered my feet. The rubber beneath them didn't let me slip, and every time the vines cut into the skin of my hands, my magic healed the wounds quickly.

  When I was ten feet over the rocks, I jumped. It was going to hurt—I knew it before I jumped, but it was worth it. The back of my neck, my back, and my right arm sent flames down my throat as my magic healed them, but it was over quickly.

  Hiss was slithering on the ground fast when I could finally stand on my feet, but I only noticed the alarmed look in his golden eyes when I saw the soldiers stepping to the side.

  They'd been half hidden by the rocks of the hill, and now, they could see me, too.

  I didn't think—I reacted. Raising my hands, I released my magic in the air, toward them, as they unsheathed their swords and came for me, running. If they tried to attack me with their magic, I didn't feel it.

  They shouted for me to stop and to put my arms over my head, but when they were halfway to me, their legs gave up on them. They fell to the ground face first, paralyzed, unconscious. Unable to stop me.

  It was hard to manipulate a body when there was no pain in it. It was my magic’s price—it took the pain in exchange for healing. To affect a body without pain was twice as hard, and it took away a lot more energy from me, but it could still be done. I’d do it as many times as I needed to because it was all the advantage I had.

  "Attagirl," Hiss said with a laugh and followed me when I started running to the cave that would lead me to the Gateway.

  The entrance was barely noticeable in daylight. If I hadn't known for a fact that it was there, I would have missed it. As it was, I slipped through the rocks, not daring to look behind me. If more soldiers were coming for me, I could put them all to sleep, but I would rather not need to. I would rather leave this place as soon as I could.

  I found the gas lamp right where the prince had left it when we returned that night and turned it on. It would have been impossible to navigate through the darkness, and for some reason, the Shade held up no light here.

  But it did when I reached the tunnel. I turned the lamp off, left it on the ground, and ran. Hiss kept up with me without trouble, moving completely silently beside me. The ground was full of rocks and dirt, but I didn't let it slow me down, and he didn't, either. Freedom was so close, I could taste it.

  And when I saw the Gateway again, I knew that half the job was done.

  The prince had told me that he'd programmed his destination by using the Shade to connect to the Gateway when we were on Earth. I did the same. I closed my eyes and released my magic into the air, focusing all my attention on the connection I had formed with the Shade since I first learned that I was in it. Our bond was a lot stronger now than it had been then, and when I spoke to the Shade in my mind, I was a hundred percent sure that it was listening. I showed it where to take me, asked it, begged it to set me free.

  But I had no idea if it worked. Lowering my arms, I looked down at Hiss while he slithered his way up my leg.

  “Go on, Pain Seeker," he whispered.

  And on I went.

  I rushed up the half-ruined stairway that led to the circle of rocks. Through it awaited the next chapter of my life. I tried not to think of it, tried not to let the unknown intimidate me, but as I slipped through it, I was more terrified than I had ever been in my life.

  This was it. I was leaving Gaena behind.

  Who knew when I'd be back?

  Who knew if I’d be back?

  I had trust that the gods were with me. I had to believe that I was doing what was right. And with that thought in mind, I found myself on Earth, looking at the same room I had seen the first time I'd gone through the Gateway.

  Only this time, they would barely see me.

  I'd planned it all in my head, but I hadn't expected to be as weak as I was now. From guilt, from paralyzing the prince and those two soldiers. My magic still shot forward, went through the glass that separated the control room from the Gateway, and into the three people who sat on their chairs, all of them looking right at me.

  Two seconds later, their heads fell, chin against chest, one after the other. I rushed down the stairs, heart in my throat, begging my magic not to fail me. There would be other terrans outside of this room, and I would have to put them all to sleep before I made it out into the Shade.

  Only when I reached the glass wall did I realize that I hadn't planned anything for it. I was right in front of it, but it refused to open like it had the last time. I pressed my palms against it and contemplated breaking it with my magic. How much strength would that take out of me?

  “The Shade," Hiss whispered from my shoulder.

  I didn't need to be told twice. I gave my magic to the Shade, as much as I would have used to break that glass, and I asked it for a way to the other side.

  For the first time since I'd connected to it, the Shade didn't obey my wishes right away. Desperation settled in with every passing second.

  “Please,” I whispered. “Please, just let me out.”

  The Shade must have heard it in my voice because a crack appeared on the glass, and a piece of it, barely able to fit me sideways, slid to the side. I thanked it a million times as I ran to one of the men sitting by his computer. I took the hat on his head and the jacket with the Guild’s initials over his breast pocket, and I put them on me. They were too big, but they would have to do. And if they didn't, I would give all of my magic to get out of there before I let somebody stop me.

  I’d come this far. I wasn't going to be chained by anyone again.

  Never again.

  By some miracle, the hallways were a lot emptier than they had been the night I'd come here with the prince. People saw me, but they either didn’t notice that I had silver white hair hiding under the hat and the jacket, or they just didn't care. The jacket had a card attached to it, and I used it to open the doors--all four of them.

  Before I made it to the main entrance, a man who was just coming out of one of the rooms to the sides looked right at me. A guard or another Guild worker--I don’t know. At that point I was so panicked, I didn’t even think to look at his clothes. I just kept my head down and hoped he didn't notice my hair or Hiss hiding under the jacket.

  "Who are you?" the man said, and my hands pulled up in fists and I hurried down the hallway. The door was so close now. Just five feet away. "Hey! I'm talking to you!" the man shouted.

  I slammed against the door with my entire body. It opened, and fresh air filled my lungs. The sun was about to set here, but there was no time to stop and appreciate the beauty. I ran down the stairs and passed by three other guards, who were too confused by my running to stop me until it was too late. Until I jumped over the gates and onto the sidewalk, the image
of Mace’s apartment clear in my mind.

  I didn’t have a direction--just that image and my connection to the Shade. It had already done so much for me, and I knew it would take me there before the men running after me caught up.

  I turned a corner, and another, passed by people who couldn't care less that a woman dressed in Guild clothing was among them. I kept on going until I recognized the two-story building, where Mace's apartment was. It was the only place I could think of here, and that’s where I was going to hide until those men stopped searching for me. If they ever did.

  My heart was in my throat and my mind completely blank, save for the thought of getting away. I used my magic to open both doors that would lead me inside the apartment. When I was inside, the door closed behind me, I allowed myself to take in a deep breath.

  “Where are we?" Hiss said, unwrapping himself from my torso now that it was quiet all around us. I couldn’t even answer him. He slipped down my leg and onto the wooden floor, and I did the same. I wasn't going to stay here for long, just until I figured out a plan of action. I couldn't risk it. This would probably be the first place Mace looked for me, if he ever did.

  But for now, I sat on the floor with my back against the door, waiting, hoping I wouldn’t hear a knock. Praying that nobody would find me there.

  With my arms around my head, I cried in silence, and I waited what felt like a lifetime.

  Nobody came. No sound of footsteps out in the hallway.

  For now, I was safe, but I wouldn’t be for long.

  Being here, on Earth, so far away from home and everything I knew, was terrifying. Just the idea of the next hour, day, month, tried to break my resolve, even though I hadn't even begun my journey yet.

  But the New Orleans Shade would only be my start because I wasn't going to give up again. My life could still have value. I would make good on my own promise, no matter the cost. All I needed was to remember the words that had made it possible for me to get here in the first place:

  My name is Eloine Clara Heivar. I am the heir to the throne of House Heivar of Gaena.

  And I am going to change the world.