by Katie Ashley
He teasingly swept a hand to his chest. “I take offense to that.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”
“In my line of work, it doesn’t pay to be impulsive and carefree. I guess that bleeds over to my personal life.”
“You shouldn’t be anyone other than who you are.”
“Obviously I should, since I’m being categorized as boring.”
“That is not what I said.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I countered, “If that’s the truth, then you should call me boring, too, because there’s no one I would rather be with than you.”
The look that flashed in Rev’s eyes almost made me regret my words. It was a mixture of both acknowledgment and longing. My chest rose and fell with harsh breaths as I rode the waves of my inner turmoil. Did I want Rev to feel something deep for me? Did I want to feel something deep for him? He was so very different from any man I’d ever known, least of all dated. But regardless of the differences, I was attracted to him—both physically and emotionally. With his good looks, gentle soul, and protective streak, who wouldn’t be?
But surely I was jumping to conclusions and letting my imagination get the best of me. Both in and out of his world, Rev was a catch. He couldn’t want someone like me. It was impossible for me to forget how the experience with Mendoza had tarnished me. And even if he did feel like I did, he deserved better.
In an effort to change the subject, Rev motioned around us. “Two hundred years ago, all this land belonged to the Cherokees. Within the acres and acres of land, there was a sought-after place where tribe members from all over the Southeast often made a pilgrimage.”
“What was so special about it?” I asked as we ducked under some low tree limbs.
“It was said to be a place of healing waters.”
My brows shot up in surprise. “There’s a lake out here?”
He opened his mouth and then closed it. Then with a sheepish grin, he replied, “You’ll have to wait and see.”
I couldn’t help laughing. “You’re terrible.”
“I’m pretty terrible at surprises. I’ve practically given it all away.” With a teasing wink, he added, “Of course, you do seem to be a very gifted manipulator.”
“Hey now,” I said before playfully jabbing him in the ribs. As we started up a slight hill, Rev reached out and took my arm to help guide me. “How do you know so much about the Cherokees?” I asked him.
“My great-grandmother was full-blooded Cherokee. She and her parents hid out in the mountains to escape removal by the government. She passed her knowledge on to my grandmother.”
After studying his profile, I said, “I can tell you have some Native American in you.”
“Seriously?”
I nodded. Reaching out, I ran my thumb across one of his cheekbones. “These are high, which is one of the characteristic traits.”
“Is that so?” he questioned in a low voice.
“Yes.” Breaking his stare, I gazed down his body. “Of course, your height certainly departs from the similarities.”
When my eyes lingered on his body, Rev cleared his throat almost painfully. “Come on. We’re almost there.”
Unable to speak, I merely nodded and followed him. I silently berated myself for staring at his body like I had. What was I thinking? What had he thought I was thinking? Once again, I was totally clueless on how to think and act in this new life I found myself in.
After reaching a tight thicket of trees, we pushed on through to step out into a wide clearing. Waist-high green grass swayed back and forth like ocean waves. It ran almost as far as the eye could see until it ended at the banks of a stream.
“They called this place tohi a-ma.”
“What does it mean?”
“‘Healing waters.’”
Shielding my eyes with my hand, I took in the landscape before me. “It’s beautiful.”
“Wait until you see it up close.” Once again, Rev offered me his hand, and I gladly accepted his touch. We then started wading through the tall grass to get to the water’s edge. A gentle breeze rippled our clothes, making the heat a little less oppressive.
Closer to the shore, I could see that the water lapping against the bank was so crystal clear you could see through to the bottom. “In the Cherokee language, the word tohi is the word for ‘peace.’ They believed that bathing or swimming in these waters helped to cure illnesses of the body and the mind. It was a way to purify themselves.”
“They seriously thought just a dip in the water could cure something?” I asked skeptically.
“Yes, they did.”
“Hmm, seems a little far-fetched to me.”
“Maybe I can make a believer out of you.”
My brows rose in surprise. “You mean you’ve been in there?” I asked, motioning to the water.
“Would you be surprised if I said yes?”
“Most definitely.”
“When I was kid, my brothers and I explored almost every inch of these woods. But in all those years, we never came across this place. It wasn’t until I was raped and my father brought me out here that I discovered it existed.”
“Did he think it would help you to come here?”
Rev nodded. “At first, I thought he was crazy. Like I was going to go submerge myself in some allegedly blessed water. But then he surprised the hell out of me by stripping down to his boxers and wading in. I just stood there, staring at him. And then he glanced at me over his shoulder. ‘You think this is all for you, boy?’ he questioned. He dipped his hands into the water and brought them back up to the surface. ‘I’m here for me, too. To wash my hands clean of the vengeance I took.’”
He glanced from the water back to me. “I think after he joined back up with the Raiders, he came out here a lot. It was his way of atoning for his sins. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but it still didn’t stop him. He became more about act first and ask forgiveness later.”
“So then you followed him into the water?”
“Yeah, I sure as hell did. I figured if my old man believed in the shit, then I might as well try it.”
“How did it feel?”
A slight blush tinged his high cheekbones. “It’ll sound a little crazy.”
“No, I’m sure it won’t.” He remained quiet, shifting on his feet. “Please,” I implored.
He drew in a ragged breath and then exhaled in a long sigh. With a slight shake of his head, he replied, “It was strange, like I was being anointed with liquid peace from the top of my head down to my feet. And when I finally walked out onto the shore, it felt like all the pain and all the suffering I had been dragging around was being washed away from me.”
My breath caught in my chest. Suddenly the very hokey myth seemed believable. More than anything in the world, I wanted to experience what Rev had. I wanted to be able to bury what had happened to me and to move forward. To be able to experience life as a survivor, not as a victim. Could it all be so easy as taking a dip in alleged healing waters? Regardless of how crazy it sounded, I wanted to believe it.
Misjudging my silence, Rev ducked his head and jammed his hands into his jeans pockets. “I’m sorry. . . I thought this might be something that would make you feel better.”
I couldn’t respond. In truth, I didn’t even know how to begin to respond. Here was a man who was trying in every single way possible to help me find peace and healing. A man who had connected with me because he had been through his own hell. A week ago, he would’ve been a stranger to me, and now I couldn’t imagine a world for myself where he wasn’t a part of it.
When I finally found the strength to look up at him, I knew deep within me that in some way everything was forever changed between us. Deep down, I imagined I could fall in love with Rev Malloy with all of my heart and soul, regardless of the length of time that had passed or the circumstances that had brought us together. That revelation caused tears to well in my eyes.
Rev’s eyes widened. “Oh shit. I’ve
really fucked up, haven’t I?”
I shook my head vigorously and hurried to tell him, “No, no. You’ve done everything right. I swear.”
“I have?” he asked, the surprise evident in his voice.
Unable to hold back anymore, I threw myself at him. As the sobs racked my body, I clung to Rev—my lifeline, my protector. His strong arms came up to wrap around me and I leaned into his embrace. “Please don’t cry, Annabel. Bringing you here wasn’t supposed to be about making you cry.”
“It’s okay. I’m not crying about that.”
“You’re not?”
Pulling away, I gazed up at him. “I’m crying because of how sweet you are.”
His shocked expression was almost comical. “You’re crying because of me?”
“Yes. I’ve never met anyone who is as caring and selfless as you are. You barely know me, yet you’re willing to do anything and everything to help me heal. It’s truly noble.”
His cheeks flushed pink at my compliments. “Well, I don’t know about all that.”
“It’s the truth. Believe me.” Turning my head, I peered out at the water. “I’m grateful that you brought me here, and I want to give it a try.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I do.”
A relieved look flashed in his eyes. “I’m glad to hear it.” Motioning to the water, he asked, “Ready?”
“I don’t have to get undressed?”
Rev smiled. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
The thought was very comforting, but at the same time, I couldn’t manage to bring my foot up and start into the water. For a few agonizing seconds, I stood frozen, unsure of what to do.
“I can understand if you want to do this alone. I can head back into the woods to give you some privacy.”
Nibbling my bottom lip, I debated his offer. My pain was very personal and very private. Although Rev had been a witness to a lot of it, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him with me. I wondered if I needed to be alone to fully purge myself of the horror I had endured. To not have to worry about him seeing me become hysterical yet again. The idea was very freeing. “I think I would like to go in alone.”
“That’s totally understandable. I won’t go far. Call for me if you need me.”
I nodded. “Thanks.”
He turned and walked back through the high grass and into the woods. Once he was out of sight, I reached down to take off my shoes. I then took a tentative step into the water, quickly drawing back and sucking in a breath at how cold it was. My feet sank into the cool mud of the bank. But when it came time to take another step, I suddenly froze. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it alone—it’s just that I didn’t want to. Whirling around, I saw that Rev had made his way halfway across the grass. “Rev!” I cried out.
He momentarily froze with his back to me before turning around. Silent and unmoving, he waited to hear the words from me. “I need you!” I shouted. The moment the words left my lips, he began quickly making his way back across the clearing.
When he reached me, he stared intently at me, searching my face.
“I don’t want to do it alone.”
“I understand.” He bent down to take off his shoes. Once he was barefoot, he stepped in front of me to where he would go in the water first. He held out his hand. “Come on. I won’t let anything happen to you.” And as I slipped my hand into his, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he wouldn’t let anything ever hurt me—not today and not a year from now.
As we went deeper into the water, the cold temperature took my breath. I knew it would take a few minutes for me to get used to it. When we were waist-deep, Rev let go. “It’s up to you now,” he said.
I completely understood his meaning. He couldn’t keep leading me—I had to do it on my own. As determination surged through me, I kept on walking until the water was up to my shoulders. Then I closed my eyes, held my breath, and took the next step into the unknown.
Immediately I became enveloped in what I imagined was a watery grave. After all, I was looking to be changed, so what better way to do it than through death and rebirth. I stayed submerged until my lungs ached and burned from holding my breath. Finally when I thought I couldn’t take it one more second, I kicked my legs and reached the surface.
But when the bright rays of the sun hit my face, I didn’t feel its warmth. Instead, I felt like my past was an anchor that would drag me down under the water until I drowned. Where was the peace Rev had spoken of? Sure, I had felt something when I was submerged, but it had all left me when I reached the surface again.
“Annabel?” Rev asked.
When I turned toward him, his face fell. My expression must’ve told him what I couldn’t. The next thing I knew, he was coming to me. When he reached for me, I thought it was to comfort me. I never could have imagined he would have grabbed the top of my head and dunked me.
I was submerged for only a second before I came back up, sputtering and hacking. Swiping the hair out of my face, I became enraged at the sound of Rev’s laughter. “Are you kidding me? You think what you just did was funny?”
Nodding his head, he replied, “I wish you could have seen your face.”
I huffed out an indignant breath. “You . . . asshole!” Then with a complete lack of maturity, I splashed water in his face.
“Easy now. Don’t get so riled,” Rev cautioned with a grin.
“You ruined my moment. Why would you do that?”
The amusement on Rev’s face slowly faded. He stared at me so intently that I almost took a step back from him. “I could see in your eyes that you were overcome with too much sadness and negativity. I wanted to show you that even in the middle of all that, things can change, life can be made better. There can be levity amid the desolation—a reason to double over laughing, rather than curling up and crying.”
My mouth gaped at his words. “Are you for real?”
He blinked at me. “What do you mean?” he questioned in a low voice.
With a tentative hand, I reached out to cup his cheek. His skin felt so warm under my fingers. “After everything I’ve been through, sometimes it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that a man like you even exists. One who is caring, compassionate, sensitive, but at the same time was willing to risk his life to save me.”
His expression seemed guarded. Whereas I freely spewed my emotions when I probably should have tempered them, Rev seemed to be trying to find just the right words to respond to me. “When it comes to me, I think your sweet nature is far too complimentary,” he replied. “You give me too much credit. I just did what I thought was right. I would do it again, for you or anyone else who needed me.”
“And you’re too modest,” I countered. I knew he had grown up in a rough, masculine world where feelings were squelched for fear of seeming unmanly. But at the same time, he had a wonderful bond with a mother who had taught him compassion and kindness above everything else.
Rev drew in a ragged breath. “I just want you to see the real me. Regardless of what you say, I still think you’re looking at me through rose-colored glasses.”
I shook my head. “The truth is the truth. More than anything, I wish you could see the real you, so you would believe me.” As I swept the wet strands of hair out of his face, I smiled. “Maybe I was meant to save you.”
“Excuse me?”
“I believe in my heart of hearts that you were meant to save me. So maybe in turn, I’m meant to help you by showing you what a wonderful person you are, regardless of what the negative voices in your head tell you.”
Rev smiled. “I’ll happily let you wear the hero hat if it gets you off my back.”
Once again, I splashed water at him. “You’re impossible, Rev Malloy.”
“I would say the same thing about you, Annabel Percy.” He held out his hand. “Come on. We should head back. Breakneck will have my hide for bringing you here when you’re supposed to be recuperating.”
As I slip
ped my hand into his, I smiled. “Thank you so much for bringing me here.”
“You’re welcome. Anytime you want to come back, I’ll bring you.”
Although it defied reason, my heart did a funny little flip-flop that was usually reserved for my latest crush. Instead of exploring that line of thought any further, I pushed it out of my mind as I walked out of the water.
THIRTEEN
REV
As we started our journey back through the woods, Annabel remained quiet and contemplative. Of course, there was already a noticeable difference in her—a peace that she hadn’t shown before she had gone into the water. I was sure she was trying to sort through her feelings. Even as a kid, I remember being overwhelmed by what I had experienced. Children seemed to be able to appreciate the unexplainable better than adults. I was sure that as a person of science Annabel was struggling very hard to find a rational explanation for what she was feeling.
Out of nowhere, a keening animal’s cry broke through the silence. It came from somewhere to the left of us. “What is that?” Annabel whispered.
“Sounds like a fawn.”
“Why would it cry like that?”
“It’s probably trying to find its mother.”
When the pitiful cry continued, Annabel shook her head and then started tramping through the brush toward the sound.
“Annabel, wait!” I called after her quickly disappearing form. While I wanted to argue with her that she shouldn’t be running, there was also another pressing matter. “The mother won’t come around as long as we’re close to it.”
My decision to follow her was made when she ignored me and kept running. But I soon caught up with her. She stopped so abruptly that I didn’t have time to anticipate her movements, and I ended up running into her. “Sorry.” It was then that a smell invaded my nose—the sickeningly sweet smell of rotting flesh.
My gaze went to the same spot where Annabel’s eyes were drawn. About a foot from us was the badly mauled body of a doe. A coyote or other animal had attacked and killed her. “Poor thing,” Annabel murmured.
