My Favorite Sin

by Lina Langley

  “Do you want to feel my mouth on you?” I say, quietly, close to his dick.

  He nods, then swallows. “Yes,” he says. “Yes, I want to feel your mouth around me.”

  “Good,” I reply. I move closer to him to take him into my mouth. He’s too big for me to take all of him, but I can swirl my tongue around the sensitive head of his dick and play with his balls while I suck him off. He tastes like salt and precum and there’s nothing I’ve wanted to do more in my life than to get him off in my mouth.

  I use my free hand to start touching myself, because I can’t stop myself, especially not when I see the way that he’s looking at me. His skin has reddened and he’s breathing fast. I speed up, feeling his cock throbbing inside my mouth, precum covering my tongue.

  “Do you really want me to come on your face?”

  I move away from his cock slowly. When I speak, our gaze is still locked. “Yes,” I say. “I need you to come on me.”

  “Good,” he replies. “Open your mouth.”

  I open my mouth and I’m ready to wrap it around his cock again, but he shakes his head. “No,” he says, biting his lower lip. “I want it all on your pretty face.”

  I moan and watch him as he comes, focusing more on his face than his cock. He closes his eyes and opens his mouth as he groans, moving his hand up and down his hardened dick until he is coming all over my face. I can’t do anything, for some reason, I’ve stopped being able to move. I’ve stopped being able to do anything but take him, all of him, and when he’s finally done, he takes a deep breath in and extends his hand to get me to stand up.

  When our faces are level—almost level, since he’s taller than me—he wipes my skin off with his hand. He traces my face with his thumb until it’s at my mouth, and there’s nothing I can do then but open it to let him in. He feeds me his come for a little while until I’m left gasping for breath. Then he kisses me on the mouth, a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss, where our tongues meet and he can taste himself on me.

  When he moves away, he’s gasping. “Were you touching yourself?”

  I swallow. “Yes,” I say. “Before…”

  He gets very close to me, to the point where he’s whispering in my ear. “I want you to come on my face,” he says. “And then I want you to lick it clean, until there’s not a drop left on me. Do you understand?”

  I swallow again. Fuck, I’m ready to come just from him having said that, and I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard in my life. He pushes me a little so that I give him space when he drops to his knees in front of me.

  He doesn’t touch me, not at all, but I can feel his breath on my skin, I can see how close he is to my cock. “Take off your pants,” he says.

  I do as I’m told, except I don’t really take them off, I just slide them down to my knees and start jacking off again because there’s absolutely no way that I can wait any longer. “Alejandro,” he says, so fucking perfectly, just like he always does.

  That’s enough to put me over the edge. I feel my orgasm everywhere, building from my core to the rest of my body, electricity exploding through my body as I come on Lawrence’s face. The amount of come is impressive and by the time I’m done, I have no idea how I’m still standing up, because it feels like every single one of my limbs is going to give out at any second now.

  Lawrence stands up and manages to steady me in the process, putting his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him. “Now lick it off,” he says. “All of it.”

  I start to lick his face off. It tastes like salt and like me, and by the time I’m done, we’re both gasping for breath. He kisses me again this time, pushing his body against mine, but this is a softer, milder kiss, and when he moves away from me, he’s smiling.

  I smile back at him. “I told you,” I say. “You wanted this.”

  He nods, his eyes watery. “I did want it,” he says. “I wanted you.”

  I panic a little when I see the worry in his eyes. “I wanted you too,” I say, grabbing his hand. “And there’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all.”

  He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Okay,” he says. “You should eat. Your food is going to get cold.”

  I watch him. “You made me breakfast.”

  “Yes,” he says, winking at me. “You need more than just protein.”

  CONTINUE

  Things seem okay while we’re eating breakfast. It doesn’t feel to me like they’re awkward, but I don’t know if I’m the best judge of that. I feel very happy in Lawrence’s presence so I could be missing even the most obvious of clues.

  When he sees me searching his face, he smiles. “Are you worried?”

  “Always,” I reply as I stuff my mouth with some more of his delicious homemade mushroom frittata.

  He smiles and shakes his head. “No,” he says. “About what happened.”

  “About… you?”

  He nods. “Yes, Alejandro,” he says. “About me.”

  I swallow. “Yes,” I say. “I’m worried.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I… I want to do this again,” I say. “And I don’t want you to hate me.”

  He puts his hand on mine. “I could never hate you,” he says. “Not even if I wanted to.”

  I shake my head. “You say that now,” I reply. “But honestly, I’m still feeling mortified about arriving at your door last night. I wish I hadn’t done that.”

  He cocks his head and his green eyes glimmer. “I’m glad you did,” he says. “I’m glad what happened this morning happened.”

  I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. “Really?”

  “Yes,” he says. “I absolutely am. But I want to make some things clear.”

  I nod. I expect him to tell me that this is just a fling, that there’s no way we can be together for long. And that’s okay, I think. I think I’m okay with being with him even if it’s only for a little while.

  “I need to know your terms,” he says. “If you want to do this, I need to know your terms.”

  I watch him. “If I want to do what?”

  He raises his eyebrows. “Exactly,” he says. “That’s what I need to know. You’re going to leave soon and I don’t know if you know this, but I… I’m an intense person.”

  I nod. “I like that about you,” I say. “And I want this. I want to be with you before I leave. Is that what you want?”

  He watches me, then nods curtly. “Yes,” he says. “That’s what I want.”

  When I reach over to kiss him, we’re interrupted by a knock on the door.

  CONTINUE

  Lawrence stands up to get the door. I can hear him laughing when he opens it. “I think your friends are here to pick you up,” he says and opens it.

  I walk down the hall to join him. In front of me, Cyrus and Montgomery stand, both looking like shit.

  “Hi?”

  “Oh my God,” Cyrus says and steps forward, hugging me closely. “We were so worried about you.”

  I hug him back. “I’m okay,” I say, trying to get out of his grip.

  “Speak for yourself, Cy,” Montgomery replies, but I can’t hear the relief in his voice.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I needed to talk to Lawrence and—”

  I turn to Lawrence, suddenly aware of how embarrassing this all is.

  Cyrus moves away from me. “I’m sorry I took your phone,” he says. “I realized how big a mistake that was when you didn’t emerge from your room in the morning.”

  “You stayed overnight?” I ask, cocking my head.

  Cyrus and Montgomery exchanged a look.

  “You didn’t!”

  “None of your business, choirboy,” Montgomery says, winking at me. “What is it that they say? Easiest way to get over someone is to get under them.”

  Cyrus is blushing. I want to slap them both. Lawrence laughs. “Why don’t you boys come in?” he asks. “I’ve made plenty of breakfast. Enough for two extra people.”

  “Oh, they wouldn’t want to intrude
,” I say.

  “Actually, food sounds amazing,” Montgomery replies. He takes a step closer into the house and I gawk at him as Cyrus follows him inside. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

  We all sit at the table as if it’s no big deal. When Montgomery starts to eat, his gaze darts between Lawrence and I. “So are you two like, dating? Considering you spent the night here.”

  I look at Lawrence, my cheeks red. I don’t know what to answer. “Yes,” Lawrence says with a smile on his face. “I’m his boyfriend.”

  That makes Cyrus and Montgomery look at each other, and then they start snickering. Lawrence grabs my hand and kisses it and it makes my heart jump in my chest.

  CONTINUE

  I spend the rest of my summer having sex with Lawrence and hanging out with Montgomery and Cyrus. The two are a couple now, and they’re cute. I’m glad to see they’ve found each other and sad to see that Cyrus is going to leave him behind, but they seem to have an understanding that it’s just a fling.

  I wish Lawrence and I had to come to the same understanding, because I don’t think this is a fling. I think I’m falling in love with Lawrence, which is a problem. We’re having lots of sex, lots and lots of sex, but he cooks for me, asks me how I’m doing, lets me borrow books that look like they cost more than everything I own.

  He pulls my hair and says my name as he comes inside of me. He tells me to get on my knees for the first meal of the day after he has cooked me breakfast and then he feeds me my come until I’m left gasping. He wakes me up by sucking my dick and he tells me to roll over and bites into my shoulder as he fingers me to completion. He’s asked me to fuck him in the bathroom, in the living room, by the pool. He’s always ready for anything, and even though he’s about twice my age, sometimes I find it hard to keep up with him.

  Then he says my name and kisses my cheek. He asks me how my day was. He puts his arm around me as I’m watching a movie and he’s reading a book. He goes to Church with me and discusses the sermon thoroughly afterward in the car. The Friday before I’m due to leave, he gets me a silver rosary to hang around my neck, kisses my mouth and tells me he’s going to miss me. When he pulls away, I feel like I might faint.

  “Can you drive me?” I say to him the night before I’m due to leave. We’re cuddling on the couch, my head on his lap.

  He puts his book down, moves his glasses away from his face. “I thought you’d want your friends to drive you.”

  “I want them there,” I say. “To see me off. But I would rather have my boyfriend drive me.”

  I think that’s the first time I’ve called him my boyfriend to his face. He closes his eyes a little and then he nods, pushing my hair away from my face. “Of course I’ll drive you, Alejandro.”

  I can’t see him like this. I can’t stand to see him this sad. I move his book away from him and put it on the coffee table, then climb on top of him, one leg on each side of him. I kiss him softly on the lips, then move away from him. His eyes are watering and I feel like I’m breaking his heart.

  This is breaking my heart.

  “Lawrence?”

  “Yes, darling?”

  “Can you fuck me?”

  He smiles briefly then closes the gap between us to kiss me hungrily on the mouth. “Yes,” he says. “Yes, I can fuck you.”

  I lean back to grab the lube off the coffee table and then hand it to him. I get off him for a second while he scrambles to take his pants off and I do the same. I’m already hard just thinking about this and I can feel his cock pressing against my ass as I move down, so the tip of his cock is right under me.

  He’s slathering his dick with lube and kissing me on the mouth, sloppily at times, other times softly, moving away from me to gaze into my eyes. He bites my lower lip then smiles. “Sit on me, Alejandro.”

  I could come just from the way he says my name. I do as I’m told, taking him in slowly, even though I want to fuck myself on his cock more than anything in the world. We both breathe at the same time once he’s inside me, then he grabs my dick and starts jacking me off as I move up and down on top of him.

  It’s slow, slower than we’ve ever done it, but I can still feel how close I am to coming when I look at his face. He moves his free hand up so that he’s holding my throat, just hard enough to put pressure on it, and after what must be fifteen to twenty minutes of momentary bursts of pleasure and looking into each other’s eyes, he whispers my name.

  I know what he means—there’s no way for me not to know what he means—because the moment he says my name, I start going faster, knowing that he’s going to come inside me, his hands matching the rhythm of my hips.

  He groans, closes his eyes a little and tells me he’s going to come, making sure to hold me in place by applying pressure on my throat and looking right at me as he does, all while he brings me to an orgasm, which I can feel everywhere. Warmth from the core of my body to the tips of my fingers, rolling, crashing stars of nothing but pleasure under my skin.

  I don’t close my eyes. I never close my eyes. I stare at him when I come. When I’m done, I’m left gasping for breath, and when he moves his hand away from my throat, I start coughing. He laughs quietly. I’m about to get off him but he holds me in place by securing one arm around my waist.

  “Don’t,” he says, biting his lower lip. “I want you to stay here for as long as possible.”

  I put my forehead on his, this time, closing my eyes. “I’m going to miss you,” I say quietly.

  “I’m going to miss you too,” he replies, his voice breaking. I’m not sure, but when I open my eyes and look at his face, I think he might be crying.

  CONTINUE

  I’m sitting in Lawrence’s car and trying my best to make it seem like I’m not struggling with this decision. My bags are in the back of his SUV and they keep moving around the vehicle every time he takes a turn. I’m trying to ignore the growing pit on my stomach, even though we have barely left Lawrence’s place. I’ve already packed—everything is ready at home, safe with Montgomery and Cyrus. I smile, thinking about how weird it is to think about them together.

  Cyrus told me they might continue their relationship when he goes. He said Montgomery might go with him. I would have loved to see his face then, but I’m kind of glad it was over the phone, because despite myself, I was definitely a little jealous.

  I wish I hadn’t been. I wish there was no reason for me to be jealous.

  I should feel relieved. This is the beginning of the rest of my life. I don’t feel relieved. I feel sick as I look at Lawrence, my throat dry.

  I grab his hand and he squeezes me. “Are you okay?”

  “I don’t know,” I say, shifting my weight. “This is… it’s big.”

  “I know,” he says. “Are you excited?”

  “No,” I say. “Not at all.”

  He furrows his brow. I cough, and then close my eyes. “Lawrence, can you pull over?”

  “Yes,” he says. He checks his mirrors then pulls over on the shoulder of the road. He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. It burns.

  I turn around to look at him. “I don’t think this is what I want,” I say, tears welling up in my eyes.

  He watches me, saying nothing. I wish he wasn’t so damn inscrutable all the time. I wish he would help me out here. “Alejandro…”

  “I want to stay,” I say. “I want to be with you.”

  He swallows. I watch his Adam’s apple work as he does. “I can’t let you stay here just because of me.”

  “Why?” I ask, my voice trembling. “You don’t think God will forgive me?”

  He swallows again and kills the ignition. He leans forward to hug me. “Of course God will forgive you,” he says. “But if you don’t go, and it turns out it’s what you wanted to do, I’m worried you won’t forgive me.”

  “I love you,” I say, more to myself than to him. Fuck it, I don’t care if it scares him. “I would have nothing to forgive you for. I want to stay here, with you.”
>
  “You do?”

  I nod. “Yes,” I say. “For the first time in my life, I’m certain of… fuck, of something. And you’re always telling me I should do what I want to do. This is what I want to do, Lawrence.”

  “What is?”

  “Be with you,” I say. “For good. Everything else… it can happen later. If that’s what you want. If it doesn’t scare you.”

  He closes his eyes, and he lets out the most relieved breath I’ve ever heard in my life. “It doesn’t scare me,” he says, closing the space between us to kiss me in the mouth. “It doesn’t.”

  When he pulls away from me, I can see the tears welling up in his eyes.

  I swallow, my mouth dry. “Why are you crying?”

  “Because,” he says. “I love you too. And I’m so, so glad that you’re staying with me.”

  “You are?”

  “Yes,” he says. “So glad.”

  Then he kisses me again, and right then, nothing else matters.

  THE END

  Author’s Note

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