My Favorite Sin

by Lina Langley

  “When you leave for seminary?” Cyrus asks. “Sure. I can definitely drive you to the airport.”

  Montgomery’s gaze darts between us. “Huh.”

  “What?” I say as I turn to him, then immediately finish my beer.

  He shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says. “I guess I was under the mistaken assumption that I would be the one taking you to the airport.”

  “We can both go,” Cyrus says. “You’ll need a car and mine will be big enough for his stuff. And for you. That way, you can say a proper good bye. How does that sound?”

  Something flashes in Montgomery’s eyes, but I don’t know what it is. “Sure,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t care.”

  He walks into his bedroom without saying anything else. When he closes the door behind him, Cyrus turns to look at me. “Crisis averted?”

  “Sure,” I reply, my mouth dry. “I guess.”

  CONTINUE

  I’m sitting in the passenger seat of Cyrus’ car, like I have so many times, and trying my best to make it seem like I’m not struggling with this decision. I’ve already called Lawrence to thank him for everything he did for me and he wished me luck, so there’s nothing left to do but sit here as Cyrus and Montgomery make idle chitchat.

  My bags are in the back of Cyrus’ car and they keep moving around the vehicle every time he takes a turn. Montgomery is sitting in the backseat, talking about a sketch he liked from last night’s variety show. He’s so busy, it feels like he never sleeps, I realize as I look at him over my shoulder.

  I swallow and tell myself to look ahead.

  I’m leaving my life behind and I should be happy, but I’m not. I’m just worried about what life is going to be like when I get there. I haven’t yet made arrangements for when I get there, except for a room for a week in a motel, which should allow me to do that.

  I should feel relieved. I don’t feel relieved, I feel the pit growing in my stomach as we get closer and closer to the airport. Cyrus looks at me. “Babe, are you okay? You look like you’re going to throw up.”

  “I’m okay,” I say.

  Montgomery sticks his face between the driver and the passenger seat. “Are you sure? You really do look like you’re going to hurt,” he says. “And you don’t want to fuck with this leather.”

  “I’m not—I’m not going to throw up,” I reply, rolling my eyes. Montgomery’s face is very close to mine and I want to kiss him, but I can’t. Not when I’m so close to leaving. We haven’t slept together since I made arrangements to go to the airport, but it’s not because I haven’t tried to initiate. He just hasn’t been up for it. I don’t press him, because a no is a no and I don’t need any reasons other than he doesn’t want to do it, but I’m going to miss him so much, I wish we got a chance to spend more time together before I left.

  Montgomery looks at Cyrus. “He might,” he says. “You might want to pull over.”

  Cyrus laughs. “I should,” he says, but he keeps driving. We see the first sign for the airport over the bridge and I can feel my heartbeat getting quicker.

  “Okay,” I say. “You’re right. You’re right. You need to pull over.”

  They exchange a look and laugh quietly. I don’t appreciate the fact that they’re laughing at me, but right now, there’s not much I can do about that. Cyrus pulls the car to the shoulder of the road and I open the door to feel the cool air on my face. Montgomery gets out of the car and walks around with a water bottle.

  He leans down next to me and strokes my back. “Hey, choirboy,” he says, a smile on his face. “It’s going to be okay. You’re just getting last minute jitters.”

  I am, he’s right, but not for the reason he thinks. Cyrus is getting out of the car himself, but Montgomery turns to him. “Hey, Cy, could you get a paper bag for Alex? He does look pretty unwell,” he says, then goes back to talking to me.

  That’s it. That’s all he had to say. I can feel it erupting out of me, but it isn’t vomit. It’s feelings.

  “I didn’t want to tell you,” I say. “I wanted to, but I didn’t. I thought you’d think I was being so stupid, but I don’t want to go.”

  Montgomery furrows his brow. “What didn’t you want to tell me?”

  I close my eyes. I don’t want to see his face when I tell him this. “That I wanted to stay,” I say, my voice trembling. “That I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you and I wanted to stay, because that’s a lot to put on you, but the last few weeks have been the best weeks of my life.”

  “You’re in love with me?” Montgomery replies. I open my eyes to see him in front of him, his eyes wide.

  “I know it’s a lot,” I say. “I know, I just—”

  He doesn’t let me keep talking. He kisses me softly on the mouth, his hand on my cheek. It’s a sweet, long kiss, his lips firm and soft against mine. He moves away from me.

  “I don’t want to go,” I say. “I don’t want to scare you. But I don’t want to be without you.”

  I watch his throat work as he swallows. “What about seminary?”

  “I don’t want to do that,” I say. “I never did, and I think, deep down, I always knew it was about you.”

  He watches me, tilting his head slightly. “But what are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know,” I say. “I don’t care, either. I want to find something I love, not something that I want to do because I feel like that’s what it should do. But I don’t want to pressure you into anything or—”

  “No,” he says, biting his lower lip. His green eyes are shining in the sunlight. “I would follow you to the end of the world.”

  I blink. “What?”

  “I love you too,” he says. “And I want you to be happy. That’s why I didn’t tell you I had feelings for you, because I thought this was what was going to make you happy.”

  “Montgomery…”

  He leans forward to kiss the tip of my nose. “Are you feeling better?”

  There are tears in my eyes when I nod. “Yes,” I say. “Yes, I do.”

  “Good,” he replies. He stands up and looks over at Cyrus. “Get in the car.”

  “Get in the back,” I hear Cyrus saying from the driver’s seat. “With your boyfriend.”

  I laugh and grab Montgomery’s hand when he holds it out to me. We get in the back of the car together and I get close to him as he puts his arm around me. He kisses the top of my head, then whispers in my ear. “I’m glad you’re staying.”

  Cyrus laughs from the driver’s seat. “I’m glad he’s staying, too,” he says, a smile on his face. It doesn’t look fake, it looks real, and for the first time since we fought, I feel like I have my best friend back. “And Monty, you owe me $20.”

  “I know,” Montgomery says, rolling his eyes. “What can I say? I didn’t think he’d confess.”

  “You made a bet about whether I’d confess?”

  “Yes,” Montgomery replies. “And I’m happy to lose the money.”

  Cyrus and Montgomery both laugh as I close my eyes, a smirk on my face. For the first time in a long time, everything feels like it’s going to be okay.

  THE END

  Author’s Note

  First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to read my book. I hope that you enjoy reading this book as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you like my work, you should know there are ways you can support me without spending any money at all. I wouldn't be anywhere without your help. Authors rely on readers like you.

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  About the author

  Lina Langley is a first-generation immigrant. She currently lives in sunny Florida and spends her time slashing hot strangers while getting coffee.

  Her past is haunted by spies, thieves, tyrants, and murderers. A resident of the world, she’s lived on three different continents. She first saw a radiator when she was twenty-two years old, and one time she followed a cat instead of going to a house party.

  She likes to read, watch TV, and play video games when she’s not developing them. The rest of her free time is spent recreating her own characters in The Sims and hoping that people don’t look at the back end of her games.

  You can email her: lina@linalangley.com

  I like Montgomery. He’s hot and funny and I don’t hate it when he teases me. I don’t like him nearly enough to put my friendship with Cyrus in danger.

  “No,” I say.

  His eyes widen for a second. “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t want to,” I say.

  He cocks his head. He’s staring right at me, his dark eyes glimmering. “Because you’re going to be a priest,” he says. His hands are folded over his lap and his brows are furrowed. It’s almost like he’s daring me to say something.

  “I don’t know,” I say.

  “You don’t know,” he repeats. “You don’t know that you don’t want to pursue him because you’re going to be a priest or—”

  “No,” I say. “I know why I don’t want to do anything else with him. I don’t know if I’m going to be a priest.”

  “Why?” he asks.

  “You,” I say. “I would never sacrifice what we have just because some guy is hot and into me.”

  “What we have,” he repeats quietly.

  I nod. “Whatever this is, Cy, I don’t want to jeopardize it.”

  He looks away from me. “So you’re not pursuing Montgomery out of pity for me?”

  “What? No,” I reply. “I don’t feel any pity for you. I just don’t want to fuck things up between us.”

  “Fuck things up,” he says. “As in our friendship.”

  I stare at him. “No! Fuck, not if you don’t want things to change, okay? I don’t mind if you do.”

  “You don’t mind,” he echoes. “You don’t mind if I want things to change.”

  I shake my head and laugh helplessly. “Fuck, Cyrus, why are you so stubborn?”

  “What the fuck do you think I’m being stubborn about?” he asks with a scoff.

  I stand up so I can walk over to where he is and lean down so that our faces are right in front of each other’s. Before I can think about it, my hands are on each side of his face and I’m pulling him close to me. I kiss him on the mouth before I can stop myself.

  His eyes widen and then he closes them, kissing me passionately on the lips, his hands on my cheeks, and his breath on my skin. He pulls away from me and pants.

  “Alex, what are you doing?”

  “What I’ve always wanted to do,” I hear myself say. I kiss him again, softly and then passionately, my hands moving down from his face to the rest of his body.

  He moves away from my face again. “What about Montgomery?”

  “Fuck Montgomery,” I say and nibble his lower lip. “Who is he, anyway?”

  He laughs quietly then goes back to kissing my mouth, his hand on my cheek. He moves away from me again. His eyes are shining, his skin covered with beads of sweat. “Do you want to take this to bed, Alex?”

  My eyes widen and my heart starts to beat quickly. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Yes,” he replies, kissing me again. “Yes.”

  He grabs my wrists and then stands up. He pulls me toward his bedroom, bedroom. We stop before we get there, when he pushes me against the door and kisses me deeply again, his body pressing into mine. We’re both wearing jeans, we’re both still wearing most of our clothes, but so far, this feels like the hottest moment of my life.

  He kisses me again and the door creaks behind me as it opens. He never stops kissing me, not as I walk back toward the bed and as I sit down on the bed. Cyrus moves away from me for a second and then drops down to his knees in front of me.

  He starts undoing my buttons quickly. He barely stops to take a break as he starts to take my jeans off, sliding them off me and revealing how hard I am for him. I could come just from the way that Cyrus looks right now, with his lips half-parted and covered in spit. He swallows as he looks into my eyes. “Did you know I’ve always wanted to do this?”

  “I do now,” I reply as he starts taking off my black boxers. He nods and then licks his lips when he looks at me, moving his face closer to my dick. It doesn’t take long for him to wrap his mouth around my cock, his eyes closing. I guess I didn’t realize how much I wanted this until he takes me in his mouth. I’m hard as fuck and I feel like I’m going to come in his mouth in a second.

  His mouth is hot and warm and perfect, and he bobs his head up and down my hardened dick like a pro. My cock is throbbing as he moves his head up and down, his hand on my balls. I’m holding his head down softly with my hand—at least that’s what I think I’m doing—but I feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge and then Cyrus stops and looks right at me, his brown eyes wide and beautiful.

  I move his head away from my dick. “Wait.”

  “What?”

  “I’m going to blow my load in your mouth,” I say. “I want you to feel good, too.”

  He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “I already feed good.”

  I swallow. “I don’t mean like that,” I say. He stands up and kisses me on the mouth. He tastes like me mixed with coffee and honey. “I mean, I want to fuck you.”

  He looks at me, his eyes glimmering and a smile playing on his lips. “You’re a top?”

  “Fuck you,” I say.

  He swallows, his eyes wide. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes,” I reply, kissing him softly on the mouth, biting his lower lip. “Yes. I mean it.”

  I grab him by the waist and press his body close to mine. He takes a heaving breath as I hold him up and then throw him down on the bed, as softly as I can. I’m not wearing anything below the waist, but I’m still wearing my shirt and Cyrus is wearing far too many clothes.

  “Stay there,” I say as I start to undo the buttons of my shirt.

  He smiles and bites his lower lip. “I wasn’t going to
anywhere,” he says. “I was enjoying the show.”

  “Good,” I say. I throw my shirt off and watch it fall somewhere. Then I get on the bed, one leg around each side of him, and I keep kissing him on the mouth. As far as I’m concerned, Cyrus and I could kiss forever and it would be amazing, but I need release. Just kissing him is making my dick throb.

  “Can I fuck you now?”

  He nods, his eyes closed. His breath is trembling when he speaks. “Yes,” he says quietly.

  “Hey,” I say, rolling off him and grabbing his hand. “It’s okay. We can stop if you want to stop.”

  He opens his eyes, setting his gaze on my face. “I don’t want to stop,” he says. “I’m just a little nervous.”

  I watch his throat work as he swallows. “What if everything changes after this?”

  “Nothing is going to—”

  “No,” he says, his eyes watery. “I mean, the way you look at me.”

  I smile at him and bite my lower lip. “You don’t have to worry about that,” I say. “Nothing is going to change. You’re beautiful and I just want you to feel good. I can’t wait to be inside you.”

  He groans. When I put my lips on his forehead, I can feel how warm he is.

  “I want you,” I say. “All of you.”

  I grab the bottom of his shirt.

  He raises his arms so I can pull it off him. I kiss him on the mouth, then move down over his skin, which is warm under me. I stop for a second when I see the scars on his chest. I look up at him to find him staring. I kiss his chest, his scars, then move down to kiss his stomach. He’s breathing heavily, his stomach moving up and down as he takes sharp breaths.

  I get to his jeans and start to unzip them. “Lube,” I say as I move his jeans down his legs, scratching his skin as I do it.

  He passes it to me when I’m done with his jeans. Our gazes meet for a second and then he nods slightly. I smile at him. He looks so beautiful like this, so vulnerable, so very fuckable. I grab my hard dick, slather it with lube, and then look down at Cyrus again. “Are you ready?”