Weight of Everything

by Anna Wineheart

  “Yeah?” Gage smiled. “You liked it?”

  Ulric nodded.

  “Even the tres leches? That’s my favorite.”

  Ulric winced. “I should’ve left that for you—”

  Gage leaned in, pushing his tongue into Ulric’s mouth. “Mm.”

  He tasted Ulric deep inside, tangling their tongues, licking every part of Ulric he could reach. Ulric stopped breathing. “Gage—”

  Gage pressed him against the counter and kissed him, and Ulric’s world spun, leaving him and Gage in the middle of it all, Gage holding him, never once blaming him for the cake. Gage had bought the cake for Ulric, and...

  “You shouldn’t,” Ulric whispered.

  Gage kissed him harder, insistently. Something in Ulric’s chest just... broke.

  It felt like he’d lost something to Gage, but he didn’t know what it was. All he knew was that it was dangerous, letting Gage have so much of him.

  Gage could leave him, Gage could break him, and he could shatter Ulric so badly, Ulric wouldn’t know how to put himself back together again.

  And yet Ulric held on to him, reluctant to let go.

  22

  Ulric Has A New Secret

  “So... you and Gage,” Wilkie said that Saturday, while they were driving to Highton. “Are you and him... serious?”

  Ulric hesitated, unsure if he wanted this conversation. “Does it matter?”

  Wilkie seemed curious. “He’s never had a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. You knew that, right?”

  Ulric’s heart sank. “No. I didn’t.”

  “Oh.” Wilkie cringed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be a downer.”

  It shouldn’t matter. Gage and Ulric were just friends. With... an intimate side to their friendship. Where Gage touched Ulric between the legs, where Gage gave him things and kissed him, and none of this was supposed to matter in the long run.

  “We’re just friends,” Ulric said.

  “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. That’s not a look he gives his friends. Hell, it’s not even a look he gives his boyfriends.”

  Ulric’s heart stuttered. “You mean, it’s a look he gives fat people?”

  Wilkie stared incredulously at him. “No. I’m saying that Gage might be in love. With you.”

  Ulric almost swerved into another car. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Hell yes, I am.” Wilkie puffed out his chest. “And I don’t even know what love looks like. Well, technically, I do. I’ve seen it with my mom and dad. They’re your textbook definition of a couple in love. Like, sometimes it rots my teeth. I’m surprised I have any left.” Wilkie looked at his teeth in the side view mirror.

  Ulric’s heart yearned, at the same time his mind said it wasn’t possible. “I’m an alpha. And so’s Gage.”

  Wilkie shrugged. “Our cousin married an alpha. You saw Jesse with Dom, right? I guess they love each other so much, they want even more babies.”

  Ulric remembered the kisses between those two alphas, he remembered feeling so damn envious that they’d found each other. Ulric wanted his own alpha to spend his life with, he wanted... well, he wanted to do that with Gage. “Jesse and Dom are an anomaly. And people break up all the time.”

  “What’s to say that you and Gage aren’t an anomaly, too?”

  Ulric sighed. He didn’t want to explain this. “Because Gage is—I don’t know if you’re aware. But your brother is the perfect alpha specimen. He has gorgeous muscles and teeth and that face—”

  Wilkie gave him a mischievous look. “So are you in love with him?”

  Ulric spluttered. He wasn’t. “I’m just saying that he probably has a line of people waiting to be his.”

  “And you’re first in line?” Wilkie winked. “Like, you’d be there camping a week before the queue starts.”

  Well, Ulric would be there a whole year early if it meant he could have Gage. He scrubbed his face, embarrassed. “Let’s talk about something else.”

  “Yup.” Wilkie nodded sagely. “Because you and Gage are just friends.”

  “Exactly.” Besides, there was something else he’d wanted to talk to Wilkie about. Without Gage listening in. “So... you mentioned bills the other day.”

  Wilkie froze, suddenly wary. “What about them?”

  “What kind of bills do you have?” Ulric tried to sound innocent. “It must be pretty bad if it made both of you homeless.”

  Wilkie pursed his lips, looking uneasy. “It’s just bills.”

  From that argument the other night, those weren’t ordinary bills. “I want to help with them,” Ulric said.

  Wilkie squirmed. Then he fiddled with his phone, unlocking it, locking it back up. “It’ll... It’ll pass. I’ve been looking for work on the side. Don’t tell Gage.”

  Aha. “Nope. I’m going to tell him. He might make you move back in with your parents.”

  Wilkie groaned. “That’s not fair!”

  “Or you could tell me.” Ulric gave him an inviting look. “And I could take some of the pressure off Gage.”

  Wilkie bit his lip, torn. “He doesn’t want me to tell you,” he finally admitted.

  “Why not?”

  Wilkie shrugged; his face said he knew, though.

  “Tell me about your family, then,” Ulric said to get an idea much help Gage needed. “What do your mom and dad work as?”

  “Mom’s a seamstress. Dad works at the car repair place. Debbie—” Wilkie clammed up.

  “Debbie?” Ulric frowned. “Who is she?”

  “Our sister.” Wilkie fidgeted.

  “You have a sister?” Gage hadn’t mentioned her.

  “That’s because no one wants to talk about it outside of family.” And then Wilkie looked angry with himself. But it only made Ulric’s curiosity grow.

  “Is there something wrong with her?” At Wilkie’s expression, Ulric’s heart sank. “Is she sick?”

  Wilkie deflated, closing his eyes. “Yeah.”

  Crap. No wonder Gage had been struggling with money. Ulric’s chest squeezed. “Is she... going to get better?”

  Wilkie nodded. “We just have to get through this treatment. The doctors are pretty optimistic.”

  That was good. So Ulric could chip in, maybe, and then everything would be okay. “Gage never told me.”

  “He doesn’t want you to know.” Wilkie sighed. “He said it might fuck with your rela—your friendship.”

  Ulric’s thoughts raced. If he could help Gage in secret... would that make things better? If Gage didn’t know, then he wouldn’t feel as though he owed Ulric.

  His heart thumped as he kept his breathing even, trying not to give away his plans. “I hope things will get better for you guys.”

  Wilkie sagged despondently. “Same here.”

  They didn’t speak again until they arrived in Highton. Ulric made sure Wilkie had some lunch and dinner money before dropping him off at a fabric store. Wilkie would have to entertain himself for the next several hours—Ulric was due to meet his mom at the airport in ten minutes.

  At least he was early. He sighed.

  He pulled up five minutes later at the airport’s pick-up area, his heart thumping when he glimpsed her familiar face. Would she be excited to see him? He hadn’t lived this far away from home before. Would she... notice that he’d lost weight? Would she be happy about it?

  Ulric parked, hurrying out to help with her suitcase.

  “You’re late,” she said, glancing disapprovingly over his body.

  That shot his hopes down. “I’m five minutes early.”

  “I had to wait here for a long time,” she snapped. “That means you’re late.”

  Ulric bit down his protest; there wasn’t any point trying to argue—she would always be right in her eyes. So much for her noticing he’d lost weight.

  They got into his car, Mom sniffing at the air. “You found an omega?”

  “No.” Ulric blinked. Or had she smelled Wilkie’s buttercup scent?

  Unlike the
woodsy scents of alphas and the grassy scents of betas, omegas had a distinctive floral scent. They smelled nice, too, but Ulric’s attraction to omegas ended there.

  “No?” Mom’s eyebrows drew low. “Don’t lie to me, Ulric. You had an omega in here.”

  “Yeah, we’re friends. But that’s all.”

  “Which family is he from?” Mom’s expression grew calculating; Ulric’s dread began to rise.

  “The Frosts.”

  “I haven’t heard of them.” She sniffed disdainfully. “Haven’t I told you to mingle with people of our stature? You’re wasting your time with anyone less.”

  Gage isn’t a waste of time, Ulric wanted to retort. Gage had made Ulric the happiest he’d been in a while. It sucked that his own mother only thought of wealthy people as important. He suppressed the whisper of dejection in his chest. He just had to get through today and go home. And do this again tomorrow. And the day after. All the way until Mom was done with her business here, and she left.

  “Where’s your chauffeur?” she asked a moment later.

  “I don’t have one.”

  Mom grimaced. “It’s not a good look, driving your car yourself.”

  “I like being in control.” It had been one of the few luxuries he’d had, back when he’d been living with his parents. Mom had every last say in the house. Their meals were prepared by a chef. The only times Ulric got to choose what he did, was when he’d gone to college, or when he’d taken his car out for a spin.

  “You can be in control from the back. That’s what money is for,” she answered.

  Probably the same reason why Gage didn’t want Ulric’s help with his problems. Except if Gage took on a second job like he’d been talking about, Ulric would hardly get to see him at all. And Gage brightened his day so much.

  “I like driving,” Ulric said.

  Mom scoffed, turning back to her phone.

  In between her business calls, Ulric took his mom to the various attractions in Highton—the city hall, the famous theaters, the scenic piers at the beach. It was only after dinner, when they were on their way to Mom’s hotel, that Ulric’s phone buzzed.

  Could you pick me up? Wilkie had texted. I’m in a bad part of town. I should’ve left earlier.

  Ulric wasn’t so familiar with Highton’s dangerous areas, but it was dark out, shadows spilling onto the streets. The thought of Wilkie somewhere out there—that made his stomach squeeze. He did a U-turn. “I have to pick my friend up. He’s in a bad place.”

  Mom frowned. “Is this so urgent?”

  “Yes.” She could wait a few moments. Ulric wouldn’t be able to live with himself if Wilkie got hurt because of him.

  The drive took twenty minutes; Mom tapped on the door handle, sighing impatiently. Ulric tried not to let her disgruntlement seep into his heart.

  They ended up driving along streets with metal grilles over the shop front windows, iron gates that closed over the regular shop entrances. Ulric had the feeling that if Gage knew where Wilkie had been, he would blow an artery.

  He found Wilkie huddled up at a well-lit bus stop. Ulric heaved a sigh as he pulled over; Wilkie hurried to the car, slipping into the backseat. The moment the door shut, Ulric hit the gas pedal so they could get out of there. He wasn’t used to being in places like this. “You okay?”

  Wilkie nodded. “Yeah. Thanks for picking me up.”

  Mom had turned to survey the new arrival. Instead of the frown she’d been wearing, she now looked... shrewd. “You’re Ulric’s ‘friend’?”

  “Uh. Yeah?” Wilkie seemed confused.

  Ulric sighed. She was trying to play matchmaker, wasn’t she? “To be specific, he’s a brother of a friend.”

  Wilkie snorted—at least he didn’t let Ulric’s mom in on the joke.

  “I suppose you could settle,” Mom said. “He doesn’t look half-bad. Fertile, at least.”

  Wilkie’s amusement evaporated. What? he mouthed at Ulric through the rearview mirror.

  “No, he’s off-limits,” Ulric said.

  Mom waved dismissively. “There are no limits—only the right amount of money.”

  Were they really talking about this now? “I’m not interested,” Ulric said.

  “You need an omega,” Mom answered.

  “No, I don’t.”

  Ulric tried not to feel Wilkie’s stare on him. At least Gage wasn’t here. Ulric wouldn’t know what to do if Gage met his mom.

  “Anyway, we’re heading to your hotel now,” Ulric told her. Time for some damage control.

  Mom gestured toward Wilkie. “What’s your name? We’ll arrange for a lunch next week. We’ll fly Ulric’s father down.”

  “Mom, no.” Ulric blew out his exasperation. “You’re not arranging another marriage for me. I’m not interested in omegas.”

  Wilkie’s disbelief had been slowly growing in the backseat. “Yeah, actually. Ulric already has someone else he’s seeing.”

  Ulric’s stomach dropped in slow motion. His mother turned, her eyes lighting up. “Really?” she asked. “And you didn’t tell me?”

  He focused on driving so he didn’t have to answer her. At least, until they approached the hotel. “No. You wouldn’t approve,” Ulric said. Mom’s smile fell. “He’s an alpha.”

  She snapped then. “Honestly, that’s a phase, Ulric. Stop being childish.”

  What part of their friendship was childish? “He likes me.”

  Mom scowled. “You can fool yourself into thinking he likes you, but all he’s after is your money. With that kind of fat on you, no one in their right mind would think you attractive.”

  Ulric tensed, his ears burning. “He says I’m fine.”

  “Didn’t you have a boyfriend before you left?” Mom scoffed. “He thought you were fine, all the way until he dumped you like a bag of trash.”

  Could that happen with him and Gage? Ulric didn’t want to think about it, but he remembered Wilkie saying, Gage’s never had a long-term boyfriend before. How long would it be until someone pretty came along? Someone who was an omega, and a better fit for Gage?

  “I told you to go on a diet,” Mom said.

  “I’ve lost twenty pounds,” Ulric answered quietly. “I’ve been exercising. And I’m on a diet.”

  “You just look fatter than you were before. I don’t want to be seen with you in public.”

  Ulric’s body felt too heavy, all over again. He glanced down and only saw all the terrible curves. Did Gage mind his weight in secret? Was it one of the things he would never tell Ulric, like how he’d been hiding his sister’s illness from Ulric?

  The entire car was silent. Ulric pulled up at the hotel’s warmly-lit drop-off zone, a slender bellboy coming up to open the door.

  “You should meet Gage sometime,” Ulric said. “You’d like him.”

  Mom scoffed. “Is he a blind man? Is that why he can’t see all that excess fat?”

  Ulric’s chest tightened. All his life, he’d only wanted to be accepted by her. But she never had.

  “Gage loves him,” Wilkie growled, his voice low with anger. “He can see better than you ever will.”

  Mom’s face twisted into a scowl. “On second thought, maybe you won’t be a good match for Ulric at all.”

  “Thank goodness,” Wilkie retorted.

  The bellboy opened the car door; Mom stalked out. Ulric sighed and forced himself to follow her out of the car. By the time he reached the trunk, Mom already had her suitcase—the bellboy had retrieved it for her.

  “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ulric said, his heart heavy.

  Mom grimaced as he stepped closer; she didn’t like being seen this close to him in public. But she would throw a fit if he didn’t kiss her goodnight.

  She turned her cheek toward him; Ulric kissed it. Then she stalked up the elegant stairs to the hotel lobby, never once looking back.

  When Ulric ducked back into the car, he found Wilkie in the front passenger seat. “You’re perfectly fine,” Wilkie muttered. “An
d Gage thinks so. Don’t listen to a word she said.”

  It was so difficult to breathe. “Don’t mention this to Gage.”

  Wilkie frowned. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.” Ulric put the car into drive, taking them away from the hotel. He didn’t want Wilkie to remember what his mom had said, he didn’t want Wilkie telling Gage.

  His body prickled all over. When Gage saw Ulric... what did he really see? Ulric couldn’t imagine that he saw anything but Ulric’s excess weight. At some point, when Gage really opened his eyes, he would leave, wouldn’t he?

  Ulric’s heart hurt. He shoved those thoughts out of his mind, heading for home.

  It’d be best to savor what he had, while it lasted.

  23

  Gage Is Suspicious

  When Ulric got home with Wilkie, he looked... a lot worse than Gage had expected. Even Wilkie looked troubled.

  “What happened?” Gage’s heart sank. “Babe?”

  Wilkie gave him an uneasy look before slipping upstairs. Which only mystified Gage more. “Did something happen to my brother?”

  Ulric shook his head. “I picked him up from Crock Street, though. That was pretty bad. You might’ve thrown a fit.”

  Gage frowned. Crock Street wasn’t the best part of Highton, but Wilkie seemed to be okay. “It’s something else.”

  Ulric skirted around Gage; Gage snagged him by his middle, pulling him close. Ulric stiffened. That felt wrong. Ulric leaned into his hugs these days.

  “Hey.” Gage turned Ulric around, kissing him on the lips. Ulric hardly returned the kiss. “Ulric.”

  “I need to grab a shower,” Ulric muttered. “I stink.”

  He smelled... okay. There was a slight whiff of perfume on his skin that made Gage’s instincts growl. Who had he gone to meet? “I’ll come with you.”

  Ulric shook his head forcefully. “No.”

  “Someone did something to you.” Gage slipped his hand up Ulric’s shirt, touching his skin. “Babe.”

  “I’m not a babe,” Ulric said, growing agitated. “Just—Leave me alone right now. Please.” He pulled Gage’s hand out of his shirt, hunching into himself.