by Ella Miles
I expected a fight, but apparently, she agrees she should be punished.
I hold the door open to my bedroom and wait for her to walk through. Then I slam the door shut.
She jumps at the noise.
“Enzo—”
“Don’t. There is nothing you can say.”
She crosses her arms across her chest looking at me defiantly.
“I should kill you,” I say.
“You won’t.”
I hate how confidently she says I won’t kill her. But then I should have killed her when we were teenagers, and I didn’t. I won’t do it now either. I can’t. She knows it, I know it.
“I won’t.” That would be too easy.
She exhales as if she didn’t fully believe I wouldn’t kill her until this very moment.
“You killed Jarod?” she asks.
“Yes.”
“Thank you,” she whispers, with tears in her eyes—tears of forgiveness. I could be forgiven so easily if I just told her the truth. She’s so close to giving it to me anyway, even if I don’t fully deserve it.
But I don’t want her forgiveness.
Just like she doesn’t deserve mine.
We’ve both hurt each other too many times for forgiveness to ever be an option.
“I wouldn’t do it again. I’ve saved you too many times.”
She narrows her gaze at my cruel words. “Stop pretending you are a monster when you aren’t.”
“You don’t think I’m a monster?”
“Not as often as you are a protector.”
I shake my head. “I’m about to remedy that thought. Because I am most definitely a monster. I’m not going to kill you, but I am going to punish you. And when the games start, I’m going to destroy you.”
I grab her by the neck and slam her body into the wall.
She doesn’t cry out; her body knows how to protect her from pain even though it's screaming out in pain from my touch around her throat. I’ve barely squeezed yet, and she already can’t stand me.
“Punish me, you bastard, but don’t think I won’t punish you right back.”
I laugh. “You have nothing you can punish me with.”
She gives me a wicked look. “Yes, I do.”
“No, you don’t. You’re too weak to punish me physically. I know you think you have Zeke and Langston wrapped around your little finger, but it’s not enough. They won’t hurt me, no matter what you want them to do.”
“I know Zeke and Langston wouldn’t lay a hand against you.”
“Neither would Westcott or Archard or any of the men at the club. Your father won’t; he’d lose his job and his life. And you don’t have any friends to help you.”
She looks hurt at my last statement. But it’s the truth. She has no one.
“I don’t need anyone to help me extract my punishment.”
“Yes, you do.” I squeeze tighter around her throat until she can barely breathe.
Stop.
My conscious comes back with a vengeance. Stop, you aren’t a monster. You have to save her from yourself, or nothing you’ve done will be worth it. You will become the one thing you’ve worked your whole life not to be—your father.
“I could snuff the life out of you with just my hand.”
“But you won’t,” she croaks barely getting enough oxygen to talk. She should be terrified. But instead, she licks her lips then parts them practically welcoming me to do what I want with her body.
Because I want her.
I have no self-control left. I want her body. I want to dive into the depths of her body and claim every inch of her. I want to be the only one who can touch her. I want to bring her pleasure, not because she deserves it, but because no other man has. And then I want to punish her ass for letting my friend get hurt.
But you did the same thing. You let her get hurt.
And I’ve gotten revenge for her. I saved her life. And I’ve kept her alive here. I protected her. I kept her safe. And I’ve punished myself plenty, but I know it’s not enough. I deserve to be punished the same as her.
I’ll let her, but first I need to punish her. I need to get the image of Zeke’s lifeless body out of my head. I need to heal my bleeding heart.
“Punish me, Enzo. I deserve it. But don’t think I won’t punish you as soon as you’re finished for what you’ve done to me.”
15
Kai
He thinks he can punish me. He can’t.
I’ve suffered every possible torture imaginable.
I’ve been shot, beaten, stabbed, whipped; the list goes on.
And it wasn’t just physical pain; it was psychological. I suffered alone. I suffered without any comforting touch for years. I went without food. I went without light.
I adapted. My body learned to shut down like a bear hibernates to survive the winter. My body learned to lock itself away only leaving the most vital of organs functioning.
No one can truly hurt me.
Yes, I don’t like people’s touch, but I can handle it. I’ve held Zeke’s hand for the last eight hours. It’s not a picnic, but I can endure it.
Yes, I don’t like the water or boats, but Enzo threw me into the water, and I survived only suffering through a frantic heartbeat.
Yes, I don’t like the light, but I’ve learned to live in the light as easily as I breathe in the dark.
Yes, I don’t like a soft bed, but I’ve learned to sleep on a blanket of pillows as easily as a hard floor.
Enzo can’t hurt me. Whatever punishment he has planned, I can endure. I can survive. I will take the scars in and come out stronger.
And I know how Enzo wants to punish me.
I can see the lust shining in the dark irises of his eyes. It’s the same feeling we’ve both had since six years ago when we first met. And tonight, we will finish what should have started then.
We have a connection—neither of us can deny it.
But it’s a connection neither of us understands.
Is the connection because we were both destined to be enemies from the start?
Is it because he was born in the dark and I the light?
Or did it grow as we both realized the other was untouchable?
We are going to find out. We are going to put an end to the tension between us.
He wants to use sex to punish me—and I want him to.
It was inevitable we would eventually fuck. He’s the only man in my life. The only person who can touch me without me flinching. The only person I’ve ever thought of naked.
We’ve seen each other naked. We are both attracted to each other. We both want each other.
And this is how it has to happen. As punishment—rough, primal, carnal.
I don’t want it any other way.
If we go slow, trying to ease me into it, I’ll back out. It will give me too much time to think about what I’m doing and how wrong it feels. I can’t let my brain think about what’s happening. It just needs to happen.
This is the way.
Sex will either heal me or break me—maybe both.
We’ve tried for weeks now, and there is this constant pull back to each other. But once we’ve finally fucked we will be free. To forgive each other for our past sins. To be the enemies we were always destined to be.
“Punish me, fuck me,” I say as he continues to grip my neck. The last time he did this was on a yacht, and we ended up going overboard. His decision then changed my life, as will his decision now. But I have more control now than I ever realized. And I have my own punishment in mind for Enzo.
Once we fuck, we will be even. All will be forgiven, because I can’t keep living with the pain. And neither can he. It will consume us. And we both need to be ready for when the games start.
He narrows his gaze as his fingers tighten around my neck until only the tiniest slip of oxygen can make it to my lungs.
“Don’t ask for something you can’t handle,” he growls.
“I. Can. Handle. It.”
He bites his lip as if it’s taking all of his self-control to hold himself back. His eyes go back and forth as he searches for the answer. Because as much as he wants me, he won’t rape me. As much as I’ve branded him the devil, there is a part of him that isn’t.
The world Enzo grew up in was different than mine. He did horrible things in the name of survival. And that hardened him, but there is still a part of the boy inside of him that has hope for something better. Something that isn’t so dark and cruel.
And that part of him is the part I will break. Only then will we be even.
“How, when you can barely handle Zeke’s touch? How, when you’ve only just accepted my touch?”
I try to take a deep breath but I can’t. My head is dizzy with lack of oxygen. “Because I want it. I want you to fuck me.”
“Liar.”
This is going to be hard, convincing him to use sex as punishment. I need to piss him off enough so it’s the only option in his mind.
“If not then what? You’re going to whip me? Beat me?”
“Maybe.”
A whipping or beating would be easy for me to tolerate. It’s happened countless times. And I know Enzo is mad for getting Zeke hurt, almost killed, but the beating would be nothing compared to Jarod’s.
But if he beat me, I couldn’t get my revenge.
“So you’ll beat me, but you won’t rape me?” I spit out.
His eyes darken. “I don’t hurt women.”
“No, you don’t rape them. That’s not who you are. You aren’t like your father,” I say, guessing that his father is a sensitive subject.
He growls. I guessed right.
“And beating me, wouldn’t be hurting me?”
He glares and tightens then loosens his grip all in the span of a second as if he’s arguing with himself about what to do.
Now’s my chance.
“Langston did.”
“What?” his grip instantly constricts.
“Langston fucked me,” I lie, remembering Langston’s threat when he was so vengeful and stunned.
He blinks rapidly, not understanding my words.
“I was aching and desperate to feel good after what happened to Zeke. We got lost in the moment, and he fucked me. It was good. Hot, thrilling, passionate. That’s how I got him to forgive me, by fucking him like the whore I am.”
Pain, anger, rage.
I see it all in his eyes. He’s pissed at Langston for touching me, but he’s livid at me.
“You aren’t the only man who can touch me. If a man earns it, then it doesn’t hurt me. Langston did. And his cock—”
“Shut up,” his voice booms.
He squeezes until I can’t get any oxygen in. My lies work. They prompt him to use sex instead of a whip.
“He wouldn’t fuck you.”
I raise an eyebrow, still unable to speak. He loosens his grip.
“Langston fucked me. Truth or lie?” I ask.
His face reddens, and the veins on his arms pop.
“Stop distracting me from punishing you. You deserve to be punished for putting Zeke at risk, so you won’t do it again.”
“I agree. Fuck me, Enzo. Punish me,” I taunt.
His eyes darken as he tries to read my body. Attempts to give me one last time to choose a different route. He takes a deep breath trying to control his breathing like he controls everything else in his life. But I just offered him the one thing he’s been dying for on a silver platter. And once he starts, he will lose all of his self-control. And the possibility that I willingly fucked another man other than him is driving him mad.
I will hold power. But I will be trading my body to get it.
“Fuck me and find out if I’m telling the truth or if I’m a liar.”
“If I fuck you, it will hurt. The only pleasure you will get is when I make you come but only after you’ve paid your penance,” he says, trying one last attempt to stop me from letting him fuck me.
I grin. This is what I want. A man practically begging me to fuck him. A man whose desire I can feel taking hold of all the air in the room. There is no doubt in my mind how much Enzo wants me—for me. Not because he thinks of me as a whore. He wants my body, but he also wants all of me. His intentions are clear. He wants to fuck and control me. He just doesn’t realize he will be giving me just as much control as he’ll be receiving.
And I want him just as much in return. He’s not like those monsters who held me captive for years. Enzo is beyond attractive. I’ve seen him naked. His body is better than any flawless statue of a Greek God. He has thick muscles, a chiseled jaw, and defined abs. What more could a woman want?
He’s fierce, formidable, and powerful. No one would ever call Enzo weak. And after seeing how he cares about the men he calls family, I’ve never been so turned on by someone who could be so protective of those he loves. Whoever finally steals his heart and persuades him to marry her will be a lucky woman.
“I’m not looking for pleasure; I’m looking for punishment.” I mean every word. Sex will never be pleasurable for me. I’m too fucked up for that. But maybe it can be exciting, thrilling, and dangerous. Maybe with the right man, I can learn to relax enough to enjoy it. And Enzo is the only chance I have of learning to push through it.
My words cut through his dark exterior. And I see a glimpse of the man who is more than a ruthless leader, but the man who is kind, gentle, caring. A man I would love to get to know more, but I never will. After we fuck, we will cement ourselves as enemies with the sexual frustration no longer hanging us down.
“I could make it as pleasurable as you want, Kai. You’ve never been with a man who wants to make it good for you. A man who knows your body better than you know yourself. If I wanted to, you would enjoy every moment of this.”
“But you don’t. You want to hurt and punish me—you’re the same as Jarod.”
His jaw tenses, his hand closes around my throat, and heat pours from his body. “I am nothing like Jarod. I killed that bastard, for you. You should have never been sold to such a heartless man. That was my mistake.”
I still, trying to preserve what little oxygen I have while he tightens on my neck. I will not show fear.
“Your first time after Jarod should be all euphoria. It should be slow and gentle and kind. It should be healing—this won’t be.”
“This isn’t my first time,” I lie.
The promise in his eyes is exactly what I want. This will be rough, and unforgiving.
I try to speak but I can’t. He releases me. “I know. Fuck me, how you’ve always wanted to, Enzo. I need to be punished. I need to be fucked, not made love to with gentle hands in order to forgive myself.” I need this to heal.
He doesn’t give me another chance to change my mind.
He releases me and steps back, while I cough, my throat burning from lack of oxygen and his fingers squeezing my neck.
“Kneel,” he says.
I raise an eyebrow. Now that we are doing this, my mind is going a million miles a minute thinking about all the things he could want from me. How he will torture me for almost getting his friend killed.
“Kneel, Kai. If I have to ask you again, you won’t come even after I’m finished punishing you. You will hate me and hate sex, forever. I will ruin you.”
I kneel immediately. This is what I agreed to. Doing whatever he said. Letting him control how and when we fuck.
Trust him. Trust him not to ruin you.
I look up at him with big eyes as he takes a step toward me in his jeans and dark T-shirt. The man he killed’s blood still speckles his clothes.
He undoes his jeans and reaches inside.
Fuck, are we doing this right away? No foreplay? No kisses? Nothing? Just straight to fucking?
He pulls his large, thick cock out. And I stare at his cock eye level to me. I’ve seen him naked numerous times before. But this is different. This time I’m going to have to touch it. It’s going inside my body. And that thought is t
errifying. Because his cock is larger than any man’s I’ve seen before. Not just long, but thick and fat.
I know how much stretch it will take to get him inside, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fit all of him. Enzo isn’t the kind of man to wait for me to adjust to his size.
“Stop thinking; this is your punishment. Don’t think except what I tell you to think,” he commands.
I don’t know how he expects me to shut off my mind, but I try. I moisten my lips as I stare longingly at him. Because a man who has a cock like that surely knows how to work it.
Don’t think, just trust. Trust my instincts that even though it will be punishment, it will also heal me. Enzo won’t hurt me more than I deserve.
“Suck me, Kai.”
Suck him. I sucked too many cocks on that yacht. I hate sucking cock.
Images of cocks on that yacht start flooding my brain, but I push them out.
“Suck. My. Cock.” Enzo’s voice brings me back to reality.
I reach forward to grab his cock with my hand, but Enzo’s eyes stop me. Instead, I move forward, my mouth parted as my lips brush against the head of his cock.
The heat from it immediately warms my cold shell that has hardened since Enzo grabbed me by the neck.
I let the heat consume me, and Enzo watches me patiently like he’s going to allow me as much time as I need to adjust.
But then he thrusts, and his cock is deep within my throat.
I gag at the intrusion, my eyes immediately water. Fuck him.
He grabs my chin as my mouth is filled with him.
“Beautiful tears,” he says.
He pulls his cock back out.
“Fuck you!” I shout, already losing my cool. Why did I think this punishment was a good idea? I will hate him when we are finished.
He grins. “Taking responsibility for your actions is never easy, Kai.”
I wipe the tears from my face. “You like me in pain. You’re sick!”
He fists my hair, jerking my head back. “No, I don’t enjoy your pain. I enjoy the control. I enjoy knowing you are mine. I enjoy watching you pay me back with your tears, but I don’t enjoy your pain.”
