Fall: Montgomery Men #3

by Harms, C. A.

  “The girls were all scared of her in middle school, and not because she was this big bully.” Naomi holds her wine glass in her hand as she smiles back at Tinley. “It was because she didn’t take anyone’s shit. She didn’t pretend to like someone just to fit in, and if anyone made her angry, she told them. The girls just knew not to push her.”

  “What you’re saying, then, is that Tinley has always been closed off and hard to reach?” I spend my evening trying my best not to be pissed off about the earlier events at my place, the automatic shutdown I got and always seem to get when asking Tinley anything personal. I know I am being stiff and unaffectionate to her, and I feel like an ass for doing so, but I can’t shake the nagging feeling inside.

  I don’t miss the look her brother and his girlfriend exchange which only manages to pique my curiosity even more.

  “This restaurant is convenient and nice. How are the hotel rooms?” Tinley breaks the awkward silence and relief washes over Naomi’s face. We’d decided to meet at the restaurant in their hotel before moving to the bar area afterward. I considered backing out a few times, but each time I’d talk myself out of it, thinking that maybe she’d give a little once she got around those of her past.

  I couldn’t have been more wrong; it was like they knew what not to say and danced around everything, keeping it light and airy. The entire evening was a joke, an evasive “let’s pretend we know nothing” event.

  “The food is great,” Naomi adds with a forced smile as she shifts her gaze between Tripp and me. “And really, Knoxville, you didn’t have to agree to pay.”

  “It’s my pleasure.” I think somehow I felt like thanking them prior to tonight. In my deluded mind I thought they were going to finally be the missing information I needed to really get to know the woman I feared I was already falling in love with.

  How do you fall in love with someone you don’t truly know?

  The waiter places the binder with my card and the receipt before me and thanks us for coming in. I sign and tuck the card in my suit pocket and am just about to stand when Tripp asks me if I’d like to join him for a drink while the ladies use the restroom.

  As we walk off, I look back over my shoulder and find Tinley watching me as we walk away. I don’t like being this version of myself, but I also hate fucking games. I hate the fact that I am supposed to be all right with only what she allows me to know.

  “Two bourbon.” Tripp holds up his hand motioning toward the bartender as we sit down in the empty chairs at the end. He nods in acknowledgment, then Tripp turns to face me, a smile on his face.

  “What?” What the hell could he possibly be smiling about? He’d just sat through a tension-filled dinner with his sister and her boyfriend.

  “She’s difficult,” he finally replies, and I chuckle. Understatement of the fucking year right there. “She wasn’t always who she is now. At one time she was the girl that drew hearts above every ‘i,’ the one who binged on girly flicks where the girl got the guy. She was a hopeless romantic that believed every woman had a prince somewhere in the world.”

  “I’m not sure we’re talking about the same Tinley.” Nowhere inside the woman I’ve spent every free moment with over the last two months is a girl who believes in fairytales.

  “Yeah, we are.”

  The bartender set our drinks on the bar and Tripp hands him money, telling him to keep the change. We remain silent for a few minutes as we both sip on our drinks.

  “What changed her?” He doesn’t seem surprised by my question, but he also shows no signs of giving me an answer, either. “She won’t talk to me, she won’t share anything about her life before New York. When I ask she changes the subject. I don’t know how to get her to talk to me.”

  “Be patient.”

  “I’ve been patient.” I shake my head, trying to fight my irritation. “I told myself I’d be okay with not knowing but the truth is I care about Tinley. I want her happy, I want her to feel safe, and I want her to have those things with me. But it’s almost like as we get closer, as things are shifting, then bam! We hit a brick wall and we’re back to the beginning. It’s a constant uphill climb to get to know her. She only gives a little, but never enough that I figure out who she truly is. I just want it all. I want her to trust me.”

  I notice the way he is looking over my shoulder toward the door and I chance a look to find the ladies walking into the bar. Tinley wears a simple black wrap-around dress with silver heels. Her hair is swept up and piled on one side as it dances over her left shoulder. Our eyes meet and she nervously toys with her hands in front of her.

  “It’s her story to tell Knox,” Tripp says at my side, penetrating through the lustful haze I’d found myself in. It was hard not to get lost in her beauty, but his words remind me that we’ll never truly be free if she feels she can’t let me all the way in.

  “Can we get glasses of Moscato?” Tripp places an order for the ladies as they slowly move toward us.

  When Tinley pauses, I reach out and hook my pinky with hers, pulling her closer. “You’re in a mood,” she says as she leans into me and I kiss her jawline.

  “I’m trying not to be.”

  “You’re failing.”

  I am, I know this already. I am coiled with aggravation, flying high on curiosity, and pissed that she feels we can go on like this and everything will be okay. But among all those emotions there is still fear. Fear of losing the woman I know holds my heart.

  “Give me something.” She tenses and tries to pull away, but I tighten my grip on her and trail over her jaw with my lips before pausing near her ear. “You’re all I want, all I think about. I don’t want secrets to destroy us. I’m falling hard, baby, and I just need you to give a little.”

  “And I need you to understand that my past is not something I want to relive. Telling you means that I have to look into your eyes every single day knowing that you think differently of me.”

  “But I won’t.”

  “Then why do you need to know?”

  I stare at her, seeing her nostrils flaring in frustration. It is a battle I won’t win, one that is exhausting me with each attempt.

  “I shouldn’t have come.” I see the hurt in her eyes and feel as though my stomach bottoms out. “I’m tired and…” I pause because saying more will add fuel to the flame. I no longer feel like beating my head against a wall. “I’m gonna head out. Do you need me to arrange a ride for you back to your place?”

  “I’m staying here tonight, catching up with Naomi.”

  I stand up, and her body shifts away just slightly, as if she is surprised by my movements. “Hope you have a good night,” I say to Tripp and Naomi before turning my attention back to Tinley. “Goodnight, Tin.” I kiss her temple and offer her hip a reassuring squeeze before turning around and walking out of the bar.

  As I exit the hotel I pull my phone out of my inside pocket and dial Beckett’s cell.

  “What’s up, dick?”

  “You working?”

  “Just wrapping up some reports so Rigger don’t tear me an ass in the morning when he comes in to find them missing.”

  “I need to wind down. You up for a drink?” I know it will be a hell of a lot more than one drink, but it is a good start.

  “Girl troubles?” Beckett has been my sounding board for weeks, and though he may have an opinion as to why Tinley is hiding shit, he never rode me on it. He listens and right now I need someone to hear me out and tell me I’m not being a dumbass for needing more.

  I’ve been sitting at the quiet bar just around the corner from the police precinct where my brother works for close to thirty minutes when he walks in. I watch as he scans over the small space before landing on me. “I’ll have what he’s having,” he tells the lady as he brushes past her and sit on the stool opposite my own.

  Without saying a word, he places a large manila envelope on the table and slides it in my direction. “What’s this?”

  “Everything you need to know about your
mystery girl.” I know the look on my face has to be one of confusion. “You care about her, we all see that.”

  “I never asked you to go digging around in her life.”

  “No,” he agreed with a nod, “but I can’t sit back and watch my older brother sink. I was worried that we’d wake up one day to find that same crazed ex-lover showed up in the city looking for the girl who ran out on him and you’d be blindsided by his rage.”

  “You’re getting me confused with Ashton.” I look down at the envelope again and my stomach twists. I won’t lie and say that I’m not curious as to what is hidden inside. But even that want to know doesn’t outweigh the idea that I would hurt her by violating her trust.

  “So you know?”

  “Yeah, brother.” Beckett offers a nod before tipping his beer bottle back and taking a long pull. “I know.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Tinley

  The man made a mistake by giving me his pass code to get through security. I am hungover after a long night of talking, crying, and more talking with Tripp and Naomi. I woke up pissed about the way he acted and by the way he left things.

  He’s falling hard—what the fuck? He wants to spring deep shit like that on me then walk out when I don’t break down that instant and tell him every dark detail of my life.

  The elevator dings, announcing the arrival on the fifteenth floor and I barge through the opening, almost colliding with a fearful-looking teenage boy. Yes, I am fully aware that I look like shit and most likely have glowing red eyes, I wanted to shout.

  The boy steps aside, I march past with purpose and pause outside Knoxville’s door. Lifting my hand I knock, pause, then knock again. I start tapping my foot, and because patience is definitely not something I am practicing today I knock again.

  The door comes open in a rush and there on the opposite stands a shirtless man looking almost as rough as I feel. Half the hair on his head is flattened to his head and the other side sticks out in all different directions.

  “You do realize that it’s not even eight a.m., don’t you?”

  I ignore him as I shoulder-check him entering his apartment. I ignore the chuckle that he releases and once inside I whip around to face him. “You were an asshole last night.” I cross my arms over my chest and watch as his gaze shifts downward. “Stop looking at my chest and tell me why in the hell you chose last night to be a dick? All the times we’ve been alone, all the times you could have chosen to hound me for answers, and you picked the first time you met my brother and Naomi.”

  “Would my timing have really mattered, Tinley?” I hate how calm he is, because I am anything but calm. “Would you have given me an answer had I asked you while we were lying in bed together or even in the shower? How about over coffee or a late lunch?”

  “That’s not the point.” He is infuriating.

  “It’s exactly the point.” Knoxville steps toward me and I take a step backward to keep distance between us. “I was forced to watch you carry on with them about situations in your past, times I’m not allowed to know about. I sat back and felt like an outsider in your life, while the three of you shared things. Every time I ask you, every time I try to get to know that part of you, I get shut down.”

  “Because some things are meant to remain buried.”

  “And I’m supposed to be okay with that?”

  “Yes, damn it!” I throw my hands up in the air. “Having me here now should be enough.”

  My heart is racing and his nostrils are flaring. Long gone is the calm and collected man who opened the door moments ago.

  “Having you would be enough, if I did in fact truly have you.”

  “You do.” I want to beat on his chest and tell him to open his eyes.

  “But I don’t. I have a version of you, one you created. I have the girl you’ve convinced yourself you have to be. I have a closed off, afraid to love and live girl who is scared but why, I don’t know because she doesn’t trust me enough to let me in. She doesn’t trust me enough to protect her and love her. Tell me, Tinley, if the roles were reversed, would that be enough for you? Would you be okay with the secrets?”

  I feel a tightening in my chest, making it hard to breathe.

  “Would you be okay with knowing nothing about the man you’re with but what he chose to allow you to know?”

  I nod, knowing I am lying, which is why I can’t actually say the words.

  “It’s easy for you to say because you know everything about me. I’ve let you in, not only into my life but into my family’s lives too. I’ve hidden nothing from you.”

  I blink rapidly, feeling my walls caving in around me. I showed up here with such confidence, so much strength, and now it is all fading and fast.

  I back up until I feel the couch behind me and sit down, sagging back. Feeling the exhaustion of the night, the week, or maybe it is the last year or more of my life hitting me all at once. I understand what Knoxville is saying, truly I do, I just don’t know how to form the words. How do you tell a man who makes you feel so alive that for the longest time you were dead inside? How do you tell him that someone you trusted once hurt you so badly, and that the scars from that day will last forever? That you’re indifferent to love and all the happiness you should feel from it because every day you’re just waiting for the ball to drop. You’re waiting for the pain and the anguish to cripple you.

  Knoxville places his hand on my shoulder and my body jerks in surprise. “Tinley.” The way he says my name makes me feel so raw inside. I look up just as he sits at my side. One single tear falls and slowly runs along my cheek. “Damn it.” He hangs his head as if fighting something off, his eyes closed tightly, and his nostrils flared.

  Then he wraps me in his arms and pulls my body to his. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles into my hair and holds me tighter.

  Allowing myself a moment to calm, I turn my head and rest my cheek on his chest. He smells like home to me. That feeling you get after being away so long then you step back inside and instantly you know where you belong.

  Home.

  He deserves to know, I just don’t know how to tell him. I don’t know where to start.

  Continuing to let him hold me I close my eyes and just breathe him in. His chest rising and falling beneath me, his heartbeat thumping in my ear, all manages to soothe me.

  Opening my eyes, I fully intend to tell him what he needs to know when I see something that gains my full attention sitting on his coffee table. An envelope with my name on the tab.

  Tinley Jean Williams.

  Pulling away from Knoxville, he slowly releases his hold on me and I grab for the envelope. When my eyes meet his I know already the answer to my unasked questions.

  “It’s not what you think,” he says in a rush.

  “Oh really?” Pushing up off the couch I place some distance between us. “So you’re telling me this envelope doesn’t contain all the answers you’ve been pushing me so hard to get? That you didn’t look into my past and violate my privacy?”

  When he attempts to reach out for me I push his hand away.

  “How could you use your power to hurt me like this?” I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach.

  “You wouldn’t talk about it and—”

  “That still doesn't give you the right to investigate my past. You wait, you be patient, and you let me get comfortable enough to tell you myself. You don’t take advantage of my trust by using your connections to open up wounds I’m not ready to share with you.”

  “Please.” He reaches for me and again I jerk away.

  “No,” I say through gritted teeth. “Don’t. I need to leave.”

  “Will you just listen to me for a minute?” Again he reaches out, and I throw my hands up in the air and give him the most hateful look I can, which seems to serve its purpose.

  “Right now I need to be as far away from you as possible.”

  “I didn’t read it.” As if I was that fucking gullible. “Beckett knew that I was trou
bled by not truly knowing you, so he did some digging without me knowing.”

  “By not knowing me,” anger wraps through me, “you fucking know me, Knox. You know the me I am now, the me I’ll be from this day forward. But that wasn’t good enough. Had you been patient and had you just waited I would have told you myself. Instead you had to go about it this way.” I hold up the envelope. “It’s not bad enough that you read all the horrid details of what he did to me, but you had to allow your brother to read them too. Poor naive girl that got raped by her own psycho boyfriend. Now you can all sit around sharing drinks as you discuss what I should have done differently. Talk about how stupid I was to be alone in that dark parking lot. Everyone else judges me, so why should any of you be different?”

  “I didn’t know.” Knoxville’s shoulders sag in defeat and I can see it in his eyes—he really didn’t know. “Baby, I couldn’t read it. I sat for two hours last night just looking at the envelope and all I kept thinking was how much you’d insisted that I didn’t need to know. I had every intention of getting rid of it, but I didn’t want to just throw it away.”

  I can’t look at him so instead I focus on the door behind him, forcing myself to hold it together.

  I allow him to step closer, I allow him to lean in and wrap me in his arms, and I even allow him to kiss my forehead. All the while I just focus on the door blurring through my tear-filled eyes, but I never once look away. I can hear him mumbling words, but I can’t register them in my mind. It is only the door, my escape.

  With a deep breath in I lightly push against his chest and without hesitation he steps back. And still I look at only the door. My feet begin to move, my body moving of its own accord.

  As I reach for the door I can hear him faintly calling out to me but I continue to move. Without looking back, I hit the elevator button and when the car arrives, I step inside and keep my back to him, the man who now knows the ugliness I hid, and the worst part is because I shouted it in a fit of anger.