Snow Pictures

by Kevin Deeny

  Marcus paused before continuing, “I met Will on one of my trips to visit my sister. He had just recently been diagnosed. He was only 10 years old at the time and faced a long road ahead of treatments and hospital stays. When I met him, he was pretty scared of the future. We talked about that a little, and I told him my story with asthma. He wanted to try it himself, so I explained to him what I did, with a few changes.”

  “I had faced my fear by recalling my near-death, and that didn’t apply to Will, so I suggested that he relax and take himself to a safe place, one he loves and enjoys. He always settles on the observation point at Horseshoe Curve, which is a whole other story. The rest of the process with the heartbeat and breathing is pretty much as I do it. I suggested the golden color visualization because that also seemed to help my sister. I placed my hands on him, and we both focused our intention for a few minutes. He always says it re-energizes him and the nurses on the floor like the changes they see in him.”

  “I can’t tell you anything about his progress medically, except what I already told you; he is in remission. What impressed me right away was that Will was no longer fearful. He just took control and plowed ahead. I’ve spent time trying to understand this and have become convinced that there is something to it. I think it is real. And based on my experience with Will, I believe that whatever this is, it is teachable.”

  When he stopped talking, the quiet in the room was palpable. He hadn’t noticed before, but Joy was standing in the doorway and had been listening with rapt attention. Marcus looked down at his watch and was surprised that he had been talking so long. Dr. Bea suddenly looked at her watch too and jumped up. “Gotta go.” She paused in the doorway, “Thank-you Marcus. Are you two going to be around tomorrow? We’re having a get together with a few donors on campus, and it would be nice to see you there.”

  They looked at each other and shrugged, “Sure, we’d love to” Rosalind replied for both of them as Dr. Bea left in a hurry to get to a patient who really was patient.

  Rosalind and Marcus went back to the car for the short drive to her off-campus apartment. Marcus felt exhausted; he wondered why just talking could be so tiring. They entered the second-floor apartment glad to be out of the cold. It was a typical two-bedroom apartment like those that could be found in nearly every college town in the country. The walls were uniformly eggshell white, and a close-pile blue/grey colored carpet covered all of the floors except for the linoleum in the kitchen. A Formica countertop separated the living room from the kitchen which was equipped with white, base level appliances and mass-produced wood cabinets. The furniture was a collection of mismatched family donations. Marcus loved it; it was far better than a dorm room.

  He set his bag down inside the door, nudged it out of the way and said, “Where should I put this?”

  Rosalind tossed her coat over the arm of the sofa and looked at her roommate’s bedroom door and said, “My roommate is away, so we have an extra bedroom. However, I was hoping that we wouldn’t need it.” She put her arms around him and looked deeply into his eyes, “We’ve been avoiding this for a while. I think it’s time, don’t you?” He smiled and realized that he really didn’t feel tired after all.

  They undressed in the bedroom and enjoyed the act of helping with each layer. They silently explored and caressed every inch of each other with a feeling each would say was pure joy. When they joined, they both gasped in delight and let the rhythm of their bodies take them to a new level. They ended in exhaustion and slept only to reawaken to the call of new-found pleasure.

  Chapter 16

  Gathering

  Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible. - Francis of Assisi

  They eventually woke to the color of saffron streaming through the curtains into the bedroom and they both discovered that they were famished. They shared a shower and almost lost their resolve to eat breakfast, but a promise to each other to resume where they left off sealed the deal and they left the apartment in search of pancakes. They talked and held hands along the way, and Rosalind felt more comfortable than she had in a long time and no longer felt alone in the world. They hadn’t had much time to talk since yesterday’s meeting with Dr. Bea, and she apologized if it made him uncomfortable. “I didn’t know she was going to ask about all of that.”

  “It’s ok; I didn’t mind. Maybe a doctor can point me in the right direction for some answers. By the way, what’s this get together we’ve been invited to; I didn’t bring any dressy clothes. I only have what fit into my carry on.”

  “I don’t know much about this get-together either, but it sounds like an informal meet and greet; things can’t be too formal on campus, so we should be fine.” They took their time with breakfast, and Rosalind gave him a tour of the campus. The sun had driven spring rain clouds away and the day developed bright and beautiful. They continued to walk without a destination and eventually settled onto a bench and spent time watching students throwing and catching Frisbees. Marcus was aware that they had grown silent and looked at Rosalind to see if conversation was expected. She had her chin tilted up toward the sun allowing her face to absorb its warmth. She seemed lost in thought. He had always been comfortable in silence; he didn’t need a lot of conversation to know how he felt. He thought perhaps she felt the same way too.

  They sat on that bench for a time with their shoulders resting against each other, holding hands in silence until time gnawed away at their reverie and forced them to head back to the apartment to change for the event. As they rose from the bench, Rosalind looked at Marcus and said, “You know, your hands really do get warm,” as she tucked his hand into her pea coat with hers. They arrived at the event a little late. Marcus thought Rosalind looked stunning and he found that he had to work hard to suppress his thoughts of their night together whenever he looked at her or else it would be difficult to get through the next few hours. He had dressed in a button-down shirt that he had to iron when he pulled it wrinkled from his bag. Marcus wore the same jacket and khakis he traveled in. He always felt awkward in social settings and planned to stick close to Rosalind, because he didn’t expect to know many people there. When they arrived, he felt immediately at ease; not only were most of the people dressed as casually as he was, but he spied Joy as she waved at them from across the room. She was engaged in a conversation with two other women who turned and also waved. Marcus and Rosalind waved back, but they had no idea who they might be.

  Dr. Bea also saw them arrive, politely broke off her conversation with an elderly man dressed in a suit, and came to greet them. As she walked toward them, she noticed how they now leaned in close to each other and she smiled in understanding. “Ah to be young in the spring,” Bea thought to herself as the memory was rekindled of a similar spring a long time ago. She guided them to a low table in the corner of the room surrounded by several over-stuffed chairs. Marcus looked around and thought there must be at least fifty people in the room which was filled with the sounds of their conversations. He asked idly, “Who are all of these people?”

  Dr. Bea scanned the room herself and responded, “Well I guess we have a pretty varied lot; some are alumni, others are patrons from the area, medical students, a politician or two and the man I was talking to is Dr. Vincent, the dean of the medical school.”

  Rosalind gasped, “Are you kidding me?” as she inched a little lower in her seat.

  “No need for that dear,” she said as she patted Rosalind’s hand, “He’s well aware of your progress and knows you are doing well here.”

  “How in the world would he know that,” she sputtered.

  “I thought you knew dear, I’m married to the man.” Rosalind sat with her mouth agape and her eyes as wide as half-dollars. She was shocked into silence. Dr. Bea turned to Marcus and asked, “Do you mind if I ask a few questions about our discussion yesterday?”

  “Not at all” he replied, but he was in
wardly concerned that not only was he speaking to a medical professional, he might also be speaking to the entire medical school administration by virtue of her husband. He did not want their conversation to negatively impact Rosalind’s standing in the school in any way. He had to voice that concern and raised his hand to say, “Please understand that I care a great deal about Rosalind and her standing in school. What we have talked about and perhaps what we will talk about is not generally accepted in a lot of circles, and I wouldn’t want my beliefs or opinions to influence your opinion of her.”

  “Oh. I see why you suddenly looked a little nervous. Please be assured that you are among friends here and know that we have very high regard for Rosalind.”

  Marcus visibly relaxed, nodded and said “Thank-you. Please ask whatever you would like, and I’ll do my best to answer.”

  Dr. Bea asked several questions, “How long had you experienced asthma symptoms as a boy?”, “Were you taking any medications?”, “Where did you live?”, “How long did it take to ease your symptoms?”; and more. He answered her questions as well as he could; it had been several years ago, and he had made no real effort to commit everything to memory. Yet when she asked about his critical decision to stop fighting when he was in the grip of an attack, it gave him pause. She asked, “You said yesterday that you faced your fear by recalling your near death. That was critical for you, but not so for Will. Would you mind describing what that near-death event was for you if you would feel comfortable talking about it?”

  That moment on the river was very personal for Marcus; not only had he come close to his death, but he also discovered his transcendence. Although he was a kid when it happened, he was aware of how much it has shaped his worldview. He thought again of that day and saw himself standing in the valley, surrounded by almost unspeakable beauty and immersed in the sense of peace and belonging he had never felt before. He unconsciously closed his eyes as he relived the experience. When he opened them Dr. Bea seemed perplexed that he was smiling when he recalled his near death; an event they thought would be traumatic. So, he told the story, and they listened without an audible breath taken. Marcus was only peripherally aware that others in the room had moved closer and were engaged in the story too. Joy was nodding as he spoke; his story brought to mind the experiences that some soldiers had on the battlefield. He ended his story by saying, “I no longer have a fear of death, - I am just not concerned about it for myself because I know where it leads.” With that, he looked around and acknowledged the presence of a handful of people who had gathered near. One he noted was a young priest who was looking at him strangely.

  The priest moved closer and said, “Bea, would you mind if I join you?”

  Bea looked over at Marcus who smiled at her and blinked his eyes in agreement. “The more, the merrier,” she replied as she pointed to a chair across from her. She turned to Marcus to introduce the priest, but Marcus was already out of his chair with his hand extended and introduced himself, “I’m Marcus, Father Timothy, and I’m glad to meet you.” Dr. Bea raised an eyebrow and mimed the question “How?” to Rosalind as Marcus sat down. Rosalind shrugged her shoulders.

  “All the students around here call me Father Tim or better yet, just Tim.”

  “As a guy who has been on the receiving end of a paddle too many times to count, it might be hard for me to drop the “Father” while you’re wearing your collar, but I’ll try.

  “So Catholic school I take it?”

  “Yes Father, ah... Tim.”

  “Well, all I can say is that I share your painful memory; an oak paddle was the worst.”

  “Amen to that.”

  “I listened to your account of your near death and found it moving. Do you think you were in heaven?”

  “I’ve thought about that, and I don’t think so – at least not quite. I have read many accounts of people from all over the world who have had near death experiences and who have talked about being in heaven. My experience was not as elaborate as many that I’ve read about, but there are some similarities. The feeling of being completely at peace was the most profound part of my experience, and that seems to be similar to what others have said. If I were pressed to say where I was, I’d say I was peeking through the window at heaven until my brother called me back.”

  “Marcus, you’re fortunate to be here and to have been rescued when you were.”

  “I agree, but surprisingly I feel most fortunate to have almost died.”

  They looked at him with puzzled expressions. He explained; “Many of us believe in a hereafter; we’ve been told that since we were children and it’s a nice thought that carries with us into adulthood. However, it remains theoretical; something that can only be experienced later once we’re dead. For me, it’s no longer theoretical, and I get to live my life with that knowledge. That makes me very fortunate indeed.”

  Tim smiled and nodded his head in understanding while others remained silent, lost in thought. After a quiet moment, Dr. Bea interjected, “Marcus, we talked yesterday about the process that you used to control your asthma which you have taught to others. I think you referred to it as focused intention. Do I have that right?”

  “Yes”

  “Do you think that your ability to use this is related to your Near Death Experience?”

  “Well, not in a direct way. During the experience, while I was standing in the valley, I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there yet. I didn’t have any interaction with anyone; it was the beauty and peace of the place that affected me the most. I didn’t learn anything about healing or have any insight that I recall.”

  Marcus paused to gather his thoughts and continued, “But as it relates generally, it taught me; or more simply, showed me not to fear death and that I was able to use in my struggle with the asthma attacks. So, if you’re asking if my NDE somehow infused me with the knowledge or power to heal, I would say definitely not that I’m aware of.”

  Dr. Bea asked, “Could something have happened that you were not aware of at the time?”

  “Well, I guess theoretically, but I did think about that possibility, but that was disproven with Will who never had an NDE.”

  Father Tim asked, “Who is Will?”

  Dr. Bea answered, “He was a patient in a children’s hospital that Marcus met and taught to use the technique.”

  Marcus looked at Father Tim and hesitated before asking,” Father Tim, could I ask you a question?”

  “Of course, absolutely.”

  “I’ve had a few questions on my mind for a while, and I don’t often have the chance to have a discussion with a priest. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, in fact, it’s the opposite; I’m only asking out of respectful curiosity.”

  Father Tim laughed and replied, “Point taken Marcus, but you need not be concerned. We’re on a college campus where open discussions are encouraged no matter where they lead. So, go ahead, fire away.”

  Marcus already knew that he liked this priest and felt comfortable entering into a discussion that touched on sensitive religious areas. He jumped right in. “Why didn’t Jesus heal everyone?”

  “Well, I think the answer is that he did more than that. We believe that he died for our sins and established the means by which we can join with our father in heaven; in short, he was our salvation.”

  “Ok, I understand that and have some questions about that too, but what I was referring to was healing in the medical sense. Jesus healed maybe a couple of dozen people according to biblical accounts. Why didn’t he just heal everybody? Why did he limit his healing to those relatively few people when the need was surely much greater?”

  “Jesus’ healings like his other miracles, are considered to be signs of God’s presence and power. They are acts that are not explained by nature or science.”

  “So, at their core, they were demonstrations or essentially teaching events; but what lesson were they te
aching?”

  “Some would say that they are a call to faith; a faith in God.”

  “Which connects a Jesus like healing to a faith in God, I assume?”

  “I would say so, yes, but you look skeptical.”

  “No, not skeptical per se; it’s just that I considered that some time ago and concluded that it doesn’t fully explain it for me.”

  “How so?”

  “There are a lot of hospitals around the world with saint’s names on the door and I assume that the founders and at least some of the practitioners have faith in God and Jesus, yet no one that I am aware of is performing healing there like Jesus did. They do marvelous things with technology and medicines, but none accomplish healing with little more than a touch, a word, or spittle and mud gently rubbed on a blind man’s eyes. Why is that? What happened to the healing lessons that Jesus demonstrated? Why have we given up on that kind of healing?”

  He was answered with silence, and he took the cue to add, “I apologize for all the questions. This is something I’ve thought about for a long time, and sometimes I get carried away.”

  “There is no need to apologize,” Father Tim interjected as he reached into his jacket and pulled out a business card. “These are good questions that are worth thinking about. Please take my card, and if you have more questions like these, please feel free to give me a call.”