You Might Want to Marry My Husband
Page 16
—She left already, how to come back?
—Mavis can invite her again.
—She can’t hear us. Must WhatsApp her to ‘Join’ again.
—Never mind, it’s already 10. Two hours go so fast.
—It’s great fun. Mavis make it weekly, can? Same day same time.
—Yes, yes, yes.
—You learn how to Zoom and we take turns to ‘Schedule a Meeting’, like our MK12. Next week I’ll host again. Good night.
—Now how to get out?
—On the left you see ‘LEAVE’ click. Good night everyone.
* * *
—Grandma, I’m on Zoom introductory meeting now with my prof and classmates. So silence please, no Korean drama, ok? Thanks. My prof is recording us on video.
—Then I better put on clothes.
—Grandma everyone can hear you. Ahaaaaaaa. Class please ignore my grandma. She has her clothes on!
—Hello Aunty Grandma. Hwee Lin, show Video please.
—Why?
—To see you better.
—Actually what Lek means is, he wants to see your grandma!
—OK, Hwee Lin, I join your Zoom. I have my iPad. I know how to Zoom.
—Grandma, NO NO NO! Go away!
—Then I sit beside you. Save electricity, use one iPad, not two.
—Wah Aunty Grandma, you very on.
—Go away, Grandma.
—Then send me link. I won’t sit beside you. I know this is your tutorial. I won’t say anything, only listen.
—No, Grandma, please go away, please.
—I want to get to know your friends.
—Yes, yes, yes, Aunty Grandma. We also want to get to know you. Hwee Lin says you are very beautiful.
—Yes, like a sixteen-year-old virgin, did she say that?
—Prof Rajan, please tell my grandma to go away.
—I think she’s delightful. Wish my grandma is like her.
—Profffff, I’m out. (leaves) Grandma, see what you just did. Now no one in class knows me and it’s all your fault.
—I love you, Hwee Lin.
* * *
Grandma’s MK12 Zoom.
Join join join join.
—Hello everyone. Good, all of us here.
—Sorry everyone, last week I had to babysit my grandchildren. And so noisy I decided not to join.
—Hi, Donald here. Last week I was at my son-in-law’s birthday dinner. Small celebration at home. Only five visitors allowed. His neighbour so kaypoh,[4] stood at his door and pretended to greet us. My daughter says he’s kiasu,[5] so afraid and count visitors to all the units. He’s retired.
—Mavis, so karaoke room at your CC? And how much per hour?
—Yes, there is, but not functioning yet. No equipment as the room is being refurbished, new carpet, sound-proof room, everything new. Management can’t say when it’s ready for booking.
—Fatimah can you sing a song? A song we all know and easy to sing.
—OK what about ‘Doe Ray Me’? I start, Doe, a deer, a female deer, Ray, a drop of golden sun, (Others join in the singing). One more time with feelings.
—Why need karaoke room? We karaoke Zoom, more fun. Free. No need to travel, no need to dress properly, make-up.
—Ya, but we don’t know the words. I suggest, everyone choose a song, easy to sing song.
—Good idea. And we WhatsApp the words.
—But we don’t know the melody.
—No problem. Google for the song you want. And you watch video get the melody and get the words. WhatsApp us the link.
—YouTube also can. When I was growing up, we wrote words of songs in our 555-exercise book, remember? Then we taught each other to sing. Now new technology.
—Ha, Sing Pau, you clever, know this. Where did you learn this?
—My grandson taught me. He’s always listening to K-Pop. So loud and noisy, told him to use headphones. He says K-Pop must be loud, then only shiok.[6] I go deaf.
—Same here. I told my grandchildren during grandma’s time we sang songs. Beautiful melodies with meaningful lyrics. Now you make noise and call it songs. Dance like monkeys, jump here, jump there, some no shirts on. They said, grandma you old school!
—All agree then. One song from everyone.
—I share something with you, good news. I’m going to be a grandfather, third grandchild.
—Congrats, Wah Keow.
—Congrats. Girl or boy?
—Girl, due next month. All three grandchildren girls. All of them so pretty and cute. So sayang[7] them, just love them. My daughter says I spoil them.
—Girl or boy all the same. Not like my parents and parents-in-law time, boy good. Girl a-l-s-o good lah. When I had my first child, Jessica you know her, right? You know what my mother told me, my mother, OK, she said ‘Geok, you must get pregnant again fast, and give birth to a son’! Alamak,[8] I was in labour six hours! And my Jessica was only five weeks old.
—What did your in-laws say?
—They said, ‘Rest well. You are young, can have many children.’ That means what? A son! How do I know I have boy or girl? Not like now, can scan and know girl or boy. So if girl how? So heartache for me.
—You have three boys and one girl. Everyone happy, ya.
—Same for us Indians. Boys good, girls OK only. My mother also said the same, have boys first, then you can have girls. How do I know boy or girl? So I told her, ‘Mother if my first child is a girl, I give her away.’
—And what did she say?
—She slapped me, then she went to the temple, make offerings that I will have sons first, no daughters never mind. I have three sons, no girls.
—So your mum’s prayers were answered.
—Times have changed. I believe MK12 does not think that way.
—No, no, never, no, we are the modern grandparents.
—It’s already 10.25. Good night. Same day and time next week.
* * *
Grandma’s MK12 Zoom.
Join join join join.
—Welcome everyone. Gallery view, please. Full house, great.
—Today is Hong Chan’s birthday. She’s 80. We sing Happy Birthday. One, two three. Happy Birthday Hong Chan, Happy Birthday Hong Chan, Happy Birthday Hong Chan, Happy Birthday Hong Chan.
—Thanks, dear friends. I’m so glad I have this group. My children sent me this message this morning ‘Happy Birthday, Mum. COVID cannot have dinner, cannot visit to give you birthday gift’, that’s all. 80 years should be grand birthday.
—Hong Chan, I tell you what. WhatsApp them that your friends are taking you out to lunch. Now Phase 2, eight can meet, we are twelve, so two groups of six. Also, they give you a nice present, you buy what you like, tell them how much and they reimburse you.
—OK. WhatsApp, I type for you. ‘Dear David and Daisy, Mum’s WhatsApp friends are celebrating my BD. 6 of us for lunch at Marriot Hotel and 6 for dinner at St Regis. 80 BD is grand celebration. They told me to buy something I like, and they together reimburse me. So don’t worry that I’ll will be alone on my 80 BD. Still love you and spouses and grandchildren lots.’ Everyone this sound OK?
—Now I post to you, you COPY and PASTE, and post to David and Daisy. Not FW, if FW then they know someone wrote for you.
—OK, today is our Karaoke session. I’ll start. My favourite song to my girlfriend then, now my wife. ‘I Want to Hold Your Hand’ by the Beatles. That time, dating means her younger brother or cousin must go with us. No twosome. No holding hands. One, two, three …
—So, Kiang you sang that message to her, so romantic. I also chose a Beatles song: ‘Here Comes the Sun’. I was practicing and my granddaughter asked me why did this group call themselves an insect? And who’s her favourite artists? ‘Michael Jackson’ and ‘Lady Gaga’.
—Michael Jackson died and buried. Pass.
—Ya, and that Lady Gaga, what lady. She earns so little, she can only afford quarter of a dress, at most half a dress!
—My song i
s Connie Francis ‘Among My Souvenirs’. Long story short. I thought he liked me cos he gave me a red pencil box and a red pencil inside. Then he went to uni in Australia and that’s the end. Dead or alive, don’t know. I still have that pencil box and the pencil, so sayang, I didn’t want to use them.
—Wow, from puppy love days to grandmother days. My song is ‘Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall’ by the Ink Spots. I didn’t do well to get into Uni, so went to Poly. I was disappointed and depressed. But my Dad, best dad in the world sang me this song and the two lines ‘Into each life some rain must fall, but some day the sun will shine’. I went to Poly, graduated top student, got a scholarship to Uni to read Business Management. My dad was right, after the rain, comes the sun.
—Hello, hello, hello, David and Daisy replied. David says, ‘Mum, Daisy and I have booked a table for dinner at the Ritz Carlton Saturday. I’ll pick you at 6.30. Just nice 8 of us. And buy yourself anything you like, and Daisy and I will reimburse you.’ What do I say now?
—You bought a jade bangle, right? Take a picture and send. Type ‘Yesterday I bought myself this jade bangle I always wanted. Your Dad promised me one, but we had to save for your education. Now he’s no longer here. It’s a beautiful green, purple and brown hues piece. It’s $2260, after 15% discount cos COVID poor business. PayNow, PayLah, PayPal, PayCash, PayGiro to my account. Love you lots. See you Saturday.’
—No lah, it’s $1820.
—It’s bangle AND angpau. Take. (everyone agrees). Our suggestion works.
—Every song has a meaningful story for us. Really enjoy this session so much.
—Same day, same time next week.
* * *
Grandma’s MK12 Zoom.
Join join join join.
—Good evening everyone. Only Lucy not in.
—I was reading the news. COVID not going away any time soon. Maybe another circuit breaker. Alamak, kena[9] lock-in.
—We Zoom, no lock-in.
—Agree Lawrence, nothing like going out to makan, to enjoy a meal with good friends. Now no band exercise, no walks in the park. Zoom is reel life, not real life.
—Don’t rush to buy toilet paper.
—Not we Singaporeans only. You read in Australia, in US, Malaysia, no toilet paper, masks, sanitisers.
—Karaoke lounge, a few cafes, restaurants were fined. No crowd control.
—They need the business. Can’t blame them.
—Some young people were arrested by police for protesting in front of Ministry. They are supporting a student who claims she was discriminated against.
—If they had a Zoom protest, I’m sure no problem. Zoom protest, nothing damaged, no one hurt, all peaceful.
—Hey, Penny, how to Zoom protest?
—The judge or magistrate will hold a viral trial, remote control court.
—Then it will be settled out of court ya.
—Hey, that’s funny.
—The US thing is big news. International news. Will our protesters get pressed up?
—We’re not big news, we’re not even little news. No, we will not get airtime on CNN, Fox, BBC, CNBC. On Channel 5, Channel 8 and CNA, yes.
—Lucy just join, welcome. You are in San Francisco? I see the bridge behind you.
—I changed my background.
—We can change our background? How?
—Mavis, you are in charge, did not teach us this.
—Better to see the real you at home. You can change to artificial background easy. Click ‘More’ you see background, choose what you like. Or you download photo you like and upload. Change as many times as you like.
—Ok we practice now.
There is lots of noise, questions, laughter, suggestions on backgrounds. It is great fun for MK12, they forget time. I whisper to Grandma, it’s 11.35 pm.
* * *
Grandma locks herself in again, every morning.
‘Grandma what are you doing, locked in your room every morning? What are you up to? What mischief?’
‘My home, I can do what I like. I don’t control you, you don’t control me.’
So I let her be. She is up to mischief, the glitter in her eyes tells me so.
* * *
A week later.
‘Hwee Lin, we are now into blogs. Blog login MS12. MS for Magnificent Seniors and we are 12.’
Grandma, that sounds like ‘Ocean’s 8’, ‘Ocean’s Eleven’, ‘Ocean’s Twelve’, ‘Ocean’s Thirteen’.
‘They are a gang of thieves. We are not. We are Magnificent Seniors 12.’
That’s my grandma. Isn’t she great?
* * *
Up. Used in context it means expensive. ↵
Wow. ↵
Community Club. ↵
Busybody. ↵
Afraid of not keeping up with others. ↵
Great, satisfying feeling. ↵
Love. In this contest, valuable, cherished. ↵
My goodness. ↵
To get. ↵
About the author
Yap Swi Neo was born and raised in Malacca, Malaysia, and now lives in Singapore. She is a retired educator with over 40 years of teaching in schools in Malaysia, and in institutes of higher learning in Singapore. Swi enjoys recapturing her youth in stories that bring to life old Malaysia and Singapore and the struggles of women in society, stories to be enjoyed by young and old alike. Swi is the author of two published short stories and co-author of six books on the teaching of English.