Agate- Then and Now

by M. D. Grimm

  “Not everything is as it seems.”

  “I wish I could believe that.” I closed my eyes. “And now the Hunter? Why is the Hunter interfering in any of this? He’s supposedly not interested in worldly events. He just hunts in the forests, bonding with predator and prey.”

  “He is separate but also one with the Mother. Her concerns are his concerns. He loves his children no less fiercely than the Mother does. And, in many ways, you were in the middle of a hunt. There was predator and prey in your battle. He is drawn to such struggles.”

  I nodded absently. I wouldn’t get any answers. Part of me was almost afraid to get definite ones, because once I did, there was no looking back. Knowledge was power but also a burden.

  I leaned back against the wall, knowing this conversation had hit a dead end. En didn’t have any new revelations for me. I crossed my arms over my chest. “I told Aishe about my past. And he just... I would never have believed someone could be so accepting. There has to be something wrong with him.”

  Enfernlo chuckled. “He loves you, Morgorth. You two are meant for each other.”

  My nose wrinkled. “Yeah, I was wondering about that. There are a lot of questions I have for the Mother. You wouldn’t know a way to summon and interrogate her, would you?”

  There was dead silence after my little joke.

  “You do not summon the Mother.”

  Enfernlo never did understand my sense of humor. Though this time, I wasn’t entirely joking. I dropped the subject but it stayed on my mind. We talked a while, and he shared his own journeys to the east. He apparently found outcast payshthas he’d convinced to join his colony in the southern continent. His matriarch would be pleased.

  Payshthas lived in colonies; only during mating season did they all come together. At the end of the season, everyone returned to their original colonies, where the females would eventually lay their eggs. The entire colony looked after the hatchlings, nurturing and training them. From the way Enfernlo spoke about the hatchlings, I could hear his pride.

  We fell silent. I gazed over the tower walls, thinking about all that had happened since Aishe came into my life. Months. Barely half a year to turn my world upside down, to show me how lost and lonely I’d been. He made me believe in miracles because he was mine.

  “En, I have a question.”

  “Yes?”

  I took a deep breath before meeting his eye. “I’ll probably ask Master Ulezander when he comes back but...I’d like your opinion.”

  I could see I surprised him. I never asked for other’s opinions.

  “Now I am intrigued.”

  I smiled slightly, but it soon faded. “Being with Aishe’s family it, well, made me think about my own, you know? It really made me compare the two, and I didn’t like what that comparison concluded. I know my family wasn’t normal, and I know it was because of my father.” My chest started to hurt. “But I never knew just how abnormal it was, you know? Just how awful it all was. I’ve seen now, first hand, what a family should be. How a father should treat his children. His son.”

  I looked away, my eyes dry. My grief was now beyond tears.

  “What is your question, Morgorth?”

  I swallowed hard. “Should I go back? Should I confront them, En? Should I demand answers, or, I don’t know, punish them? Punish him?”

  A humming silence followed my question.

  “I can’t answer that, my friend,” En said softly, his tone sympathetic, concerned.

  I nodded. I had to admit it, at least to myself, that I was still scared of him. I was still scared of my father. It didn’t matter how powerful I became, how many I terrorized, he would always be a large, unyielding force, a demon of my worst nightmare. But could I continue to live like that? Could I really keep avoiding a confrontation? Was he even still alive? Were any of them? Should I leave it alone? But I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was just one more step, one more lesson to learn. We should only move forward, I’d always believed. Never look back, no time traveling. But what if looking back helped you look forward?

  I rubbed my temples.

  “You said you would speak to Master Ulezander about this?” Enfernlo said.

  I nodded again.

  “I believe you know what his answer will be.”

  I sighed deeply. “Yes, I do know.” He would want me to go back. He would tell me that if I was seriously considering confronting my family, it was time to do so.

  “And Aishe? Have you asked him?”

  My gut tightened. “Not yet. I’ve only just contemplated it.”

  Enfernlo nudged me. In a rare move of affection, I turned to him and wrapped my arms as far around his snout as I could. I closed my eyes, my cheek against his smooth scales. He was very warm, a living furnace. A strange crooning sound suddenly issued from him; it was soft and soothing. I couldn’t help but smile.

  “Why are you my friend, En?”

  “I want to be.”

  “But why?”

  “You are Mother blessed.”

  My eyes popped open. I shifted to the side so I could see his eye.

  I whispered, “What are you talking about?”

  “I am a payshtha, Morgorth. I can sense those the Mother has touched. There aren’t many.”

  I swallowed hard again, taking a step back. That night, before the night I’d escaped she had touched me. Mother blessed. I didn’t understand her or what she wanted from me.

  “And now you are Hunter blessed.” Enfernlo fluttered his wings, the tip of his tail twitching. “It would seem I choose my friends very well.”

  That got a small smile from me. I stared at my friend, knowing I was one of only a handful of mages in history to befriend a payshtha, to gain one’s loyalty. Even Master Ulezander couldn’t boast of having a payshtha friend. They respected him of course, and he was the council’s ambassador to the payshtha colonies, but I had a personal friend in one of the beasts. He allowed me to ride him, came to my aid when I asked him to. He trusted me, was loyal to me. One day he might choose a companion from another species, one to bond with since payshthas, despite living in colonies, did not mate for life with members of their own species. Their bond mates were always of another species, yet rarely did they choose mages. I sometimes wondered why. Both of our species were closer to the Mother and her magick than any of the other children. But while payshthas were the first intelligent children to be born, mages were the last and final. Maybe it was our age difference.

  I absently rubbed En’s snout as my thoughts struck on something that disturbed me more than anything. I tried not to dwell on it but it was no use.

  “En.”

  “Yes?”

  “Have you noticed that stones of power have started to be found more frequently?”

  En turned his head so one of his eyes stared at me head on. “How do you mean?”

  I swallowed hard. “Well, in the last few months, I’ve found four stones of power, and two of them are major stones. I know Master Ulezander has found two on his own, and a couple of other mages have found a handful more. I’m not an expert on history but I know that in no other age, has so many been found in such a short amount of time.”

  I stared into my friend’s large eye. “Do the payshthas know anything, En? Is something coming?”

  There were several moments of silence before my friend spoke. “Something has always been coming, Morgorth. Only now, it is closer.”

  I had to force the words out. “What is it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  I turned away and leaned over the wall as afternoon turned into evening. “I’m tied up in whatever it is, aren’t I?”

  En was silent. That was answer enough. My head fell into my hands as I placed my elbows on the rock. I closed my eyes, focusing on breathing. How was I going to tell Aishe? When should I? He would sense something from me if I didn’t do it soon. And if I kept all this secret for too long, when I did finally manage to tell him, he’d be hurt that I didn’t tell him so
oner. He would think I didn’t trust him. I didn’t want to hurt him, and didn’t I already promise myself that there would no longer be secrets between us?

  “It’s all about choices, isn’t that right, En?”

  “Yes, that’s right.” His voice sounded hesitant, unsure where this new line of thought would take us.

  “My choices, Aishe’s choices, Drasyln’s choices. Any one of us had moments where we might have made another choice, when we might have changed the present, or the future. Aishe could have decided that being a warrior wasn’t right for him. He could have forgotten about me, moved on. He could have given up on me. The choice was there, right in front of him.”

  “That is true, but—”

  “And Drasyln. She could have chosen not to be power-hungry. She could have chosen to go after another stone, instead of Atcoatlu. There were choices on her path, but she chose the ones that led her to this present. If she didn’t seek Atcoatlu, I wouldn’t have traveled to the past, met Aishe, and then he wouldn’t have sought me out.” I paused, allowing myself to stop and see the intertwining of all our choices, our destinies. “And for that matter, I should throw that bastard Kayl into the mix. His choices led to the massacre of Aishe’s tribe, which led to Aishe seeking me, which led to us meeting and falling in love, which led to the time travel. And the circle continues.”

  “What of your own choices?”

  I smiled bitterly. “Ah, yes, my own fucking choices. The first choice I ever made led me here: the choice to escape, when I’d never made a fucking decision in my life.” I paused again. “The Mother facilitated that, didn’t she? She showed me I had a choice. Then Master Ulezander showed me I had a choice. Monster or hermit? Hero or villain?”

  I fell silent, seeing the web the Mother had designed. Not all of it had been revealed, I was certain of that, but the web was far more intricate than I ever could have imagined. All of us had a part to play. But at the same time, I could see those moments where the web nearly frayed, the design nearly snapping apart. There had been choices along the way, ones we’d all made, unaware of the design, without any guidance from the Mother. She allowed us to make our own way, to follow our own paths, but was it just coincidence that all our choices had formed the web?

  Did we have free will? Or were we truly just game pieces on the Mother’s board? I don’t know why, but something made me think, made me believe, that the Mother had left the decisions up to us. She created the design but it was up to us to follow it or to strike out on new, unknown paths. Maybe we simply gravitated toward the Mother’s plan, to the balanced nature of it, the beauty and complexities of it.

  I doubted I would ever be sure, and giving myself a headache brooding over it wouldn’t help. I shook myself. “Stay for dinner, En. Aishe would like to see you.”

  “If that is your wish, I would be delighted.”

  I turned around, smiled. “That is my wish,” I touched his snout, “my friend.”

  About M.D. Grimm

  M.D. Grimm has wanted to write stories since second grade (kind of young to make life decisions, but whatever) and nothing has changed since then (well, plenty of things actually, but not that!). Thankfully, she has indulgent parents who let her dream, but also made sure she understood she’d need a steady job to pay the bills (they never let her forget it!). After graduating from the University of Oregon and majoring in English, (let’s be honest: useless degree, what else was she going to do with it?) she started on her writing career and couldn’t be happier. Working by day and writing by night (or any spare time she can carve out), she enjoys embarking on romantic quests and daring adventures (living vicariously, you could say) and creating characters that always triumph against the villain, (or else what’s the point?) finding their soul mate in the process.

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