“No more than usual.”
“Whew. Now I guess I can take off my mothering hat. I was so nervous. Barb Kenmore called me after she read the article…”
Keegan made like he was about to vomit.
“…you remember her from when we were co-presidents of the PTA. Well, she must’ve figured it was something I should have been worried about. And she was asking me what our friends would think about my parenting and allowing you to be corrupted by Hollywood.”
“In your defense,” Keegan said, “in those pics it was hard to tell who was corrupting who.”
“Be serious, Keegan,” Nance followed up. “But Barb kept on like that, and I finally had to tell her to go F herself.”
“You used the F-word?”
“I said, ‘Go F yourself.’”
I was in stitches. “You didn’t have to do that on my behalf, but the support means a lot, and I guess that means we don’t have to put up with Barb at any barbecues.”
“Absolutely not!”
“I’m sorry if it causes you guys any issues, though. Figure it’s gonna be the talk of Fever Falls for a bit.”
“We’ll be just fine,” Nance insisted. “Don’t give a thought to that.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Keegan asked. “I’m going to be in college next year. I already get made fun of for this gap in my front teeth and because sometimes I forget to wear matching socks.” He looked so serious as he said the words, but then quickly batted his hand in front of him and rolled his eyes. “Come on. You think I give any more shits than you do about what they say?”
“Keegan, don’t say that word,” Nance chastised.
He sighed like he was exasperated. “Sorry,” he murmured.
Nance smiled and shook her head.
She made us sandwiches for lunch, and I chilled around the house through dinner, responding to texts from surprised and concerned friends and a call from Ash and Beau, who gave me a few opportunities to crack jokes about the whole thing. Mads even texted to say, Well, well, Jace Kruse really is the perfect man now. ;-)
Keegan and I eventually headed out front and shot some hoops for a bit.
I found myself continually checking my phone to the point where Keegan asked, “Waiting for your boyfriend to text?”
He was kidding, but it was kind of true.
Not that Dax was my boyfriend, but I was hoping he would message me.
I didn’t know him as well as I wanted to, but I knew enough to know he didn’t open up much. I’d caught him in a moment of vulnerability, where he’d offered up so much about his past…so much he’d clearly wanted to keep from everyone, including me. So many of the missing pieces to the puzzle that was Dax Munro started to fit right into place, make so much fucking sense. Behind all that bravado and charm was a kid terrified of losing his mother. And what he was only willing to cop to slightly—behind those hazel irises was a man who tried to help others navigate the destructive world he’d been thrust into on his own far too soon.
It reminded me how lucky I was to have a family who loved me. To still have Nance and Keegan…and to know that the incredible man who’d been my father had done everything in his power to be there for me when I needed him. Until it was out of his control.
Once Keegan and I were winding down, Nance came out and played a game of HORSE with us, after which Keegan went inside. We played another round before she recovered the ball and approached me. I could tell, knew her well enough to know what she was about to bring up. There was an unmistakable expression on her face, and in it I saw our past with Crawford.
“How you feeling?” she asked.
“Good. Real good.”
She checked back at the house, as though to make sure we were alone and that Keegan wasn’t about to run out.
“You know your dad would be really proud of you and wouldn’t have ever cared who you love, right?”
“God, Mom. We gotta do this now?” I asked as the tears stirred, the way they tended to when he came up in conversation.
“Of course we gotta do it now. I just know he’d want me to say it for him since he can’t.”
I never could have doubted how he’d feel. He was too good a man. Kind, loving, compassionate. Most of my beliefs came from his encouraging me to think outside the confines of other people’s ignorance and biases.
Keeping the basketball under one arm, she reached out her free hand and took mine. “Jace, all either of us have ever wanted is for you to be happy and know you’re loved.”
“Aw, come here.” I hugged her, feeling her trembling, knowing she was reflecting on the love we both missed in that moment. The love that was stolen from us.
“I know that, and I love you all so much. You guys have my whole heart.”
We held each other for some time before Nance collected herself and headed inside.
I checked my phone again and saw a message from Dax: What are you doing tonight, Batman?
25
Dax
I stood on my hotel balcony, overlooking Fever Falls, the midrises, neighboring bars, and homes illuminated with streetlights as the sun finished setting on the horizon. Fever Falls was like a mini Chicago, but there was something pleasant about its size. Clean, not too much noise, not too quiet either.
I sipped the vodka tonic I’d made myself, then set it on the cement ledge and took a breath.
I’d spent the rest of the day in my room, not able to make heads or tails of how we were gonna handle this situation and what my part in it would be. For someone whose life was about making plans, I didn’t have a clue. All I knew was that Hacksmore, Elliott, Carter, and I had a meeting at noon the following day and I needed a game plan.
Despite my discussions with Elliott and Carter after my identity was exposed, I hit a wall, couldn’t think straight. So I messaged my personal Batman, asking him to meet me at the hotel because I needed to talk to someone, and as I’d learned that day, he was a good listener.
A knock at the door caught my attention, and I headed inside to answer it. Jace stood in the hallway, dressed in a form-fitting polo that stressed the details of the physique I knew was under it.
“Rough day?” he asked.
“I’ve had worse. Come on in.”
I escorted him inside and led him to the minibar. “What can I get you? The company’s paying for it, so just say the word.”
“Jack and Pepsi works for me.”
“You got it.”
I fixed him a drink and passed it along to him. “I was enjoying the view of your little town before you got here, if you’d care to join me.”
“It would be my pleasure.”
Jace’s relaxed attitude, that cool demeanor he exuded, helped soothe my nerves, which had been on edge all day.
He didn’t rush me…or reach for answers the way Elliott and Carter had.
He was just present.
We headed onto the balcony, where I could collect my thoughts a little bit. “Did you talk to your family about the pictures?” I didn’t want to pry, but I was genuinely curious.
“I did. Nance and Keegan were really cool about it.”
“Figured as much, but you never know with stuff like that. You’d be surprised by some of the people who can have a gay hairdresser, backup dancer, boss, or father, but God forbid it be their own kid. My mom, for instance, had plenty of gay friends, but she didn’t want it to ruin my career. That’s what she was most worried about.”
“World’s a crazy place sometimes,” Jace said before taking a sip of his drink.
“Tell me about it.” I glanced over the ledge at my view of the city, taking it all in. “One minute you feel like the world’s your oyster and the next like you’re trapped in your hotel room because you don’t want to hear anyone shouting at you to say a catchphrase or sign something.”
“You’ve been in here all day?” Jace asked.
“Yeah. I have this idea in my head that I’m going to walk out there and have to hear someone call
me by that name again. I’ve spent a lot of years cherishing my anonymity. Where others wanted fame, I just dreamed of being able to walk into crowded rooms and disappear, blend right in.”
“I doubt you blend in anywhere, Dax.”
The way he said it, scanning me over, brought back that feral desire he stirred almost effortlessly with as little as a simple glance.
“It’s different, though. It’s nice when you’re out and someone you don’t know treats you like a stranger, rather than acting like they know you…really know you, when you’ve never talked to them in your life.”
“I kind of get that,” Jace said.
“Oh, you’ll definitely have more than your share when this all keeps on.”
“What was that like? You told me a lot about your mom and what happened with her, but what did it do to you?”
It was effortless for my mind to go there, since that’s where it’d been all day. “It was a lot of pressure on a kid. Every agent, every casting director, every producer, every reporter, every fan…they all had an image in their head of exactly who I was, and I didn’t think it was very fair when I wasn’t so sure. I went to a casting session for a film when I was fourteen. It was supposed to be the next break for me. A TV movie. I was coming into my own, maturing, and I don’t know what I did in the audition, but the casting director said, ‘You came across a little gay that time. Can we do it again?’ I didn’t even know that part of me yet. I was a fucking kid who didn’t know shit about who I was, but I remember thinking, This isn’t about me. This is about this thing they think I am…Lil’ Donnie Gibson. And I didn’t want to be something for them. I just wanted to be me, whoever that was.”
Jace looked off the balcony, staring into the distance, as though thinking very seriously about what I shared.
“I get that,” he said. “My father, Crawford, arrived on a scene, and this guy told him his wife was stuck inside, first floor in a back room. Of course, Crawford didn’t flinch any more than I would have. He and his crew rushed inside, and like the heroes they fucking were, found her. She’d lost consciousness, so they carried her out, Crawford at the back, where the fire was creeping up on them. The floor gave, and Crawford pushed them forward so it wouldn’t take the rest of them with it. But he got trapped in the basement. He didn’t make it.”
“Oh my God, Jace.”
I couldn’t believe he was sharing that, but even more confusing was how the fuck petty shit from my childhood pertained to something so horrific.
“Just like that,” he said with a snap of his fingers. “Because that’s how it goes in our line of work. You sometimes have only a few precious seconds and that’s it. And a fire doesn’t give a fuck how much a person gives or cares or loves…or how many people need that person to keep going.”
I could feel his heart wrenching as he forced the words out.
“Crawford McKenzie Kruse,” he added.
McKenzie stuck out. “Mac?”
He nodded, as if he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. Then he coughed, seemingly trying to create a distraction from his moment of weakness. “Some of the guys from the station told Nance first, and she just fell apart, and then she pulled Keeg and me into the bedroom. I was sixteen, he was eight. Neither of us knew what was wrong, but Keeg was already crying because Nance was. All I knew was that I had to be tough. Someone had to be strong. Because that’s what Crawford always did. If shit went down, he was a fighter. And I would be too. When she gave us the news, I knew it was my job to be strong…to be there for our family, especially since he couldn’t be. Not that I didn’t cry that night, because I did, but I fought, and I did my best to be strong for them, to help them through it all. It didn’t take long before I started hearing people around town talking about how cool I’d been…how strong…and really, it just ate away at me, and I knew, none of these people knew who the fuck I was.”
He looked to me, a tear stirring in his right eye. “So I know about people not seeing the real me. I’m not saying I’m not tough. I know my strengths, and I can handle a lot of shit, but sometimes, I try so hard to be that because people want me to be that for them, and I’m just like…fuck, I’m only human.”
“Well, that definitely surpasses my childhood bullshit,” I said, chuckling at how stupid I felt for having made such a big deal about my past when his was so much worse. Most of all, though, I was stunned he’d shared it with me.
“Sorry. I wasn’t trying to make you feel like yours wasn’t important.”
I approached him and hooked my arm around his shoulders. “I know that, Jace. Thank you for sharing.”
He took what I thought was going to be a sip, but then downed a good three gulps before setting his glass on the ledge.
“Maybe you were the smart one. You got out of the role of Lil’ Donnie Gibson and discovered who you were. Me? I’ve been playing cool, easygoing Jace Kruse since I was sixteen.”
His gaze shifted to my lips, and I couldn’t help myself. I lurched forward and kissed him. I just wanted to make him feel better, to bring him some ease.
Jace kissed right back and pushed against me, guiding me back against the balcony window. He seemed to lose himself in our kisses as easily as I did. I could hardly think straight as we started tugging at each other’s clothes and making our way back inside.
It was so natural the way we stripped together, kissing between each awkward removal of another article of clothing, as we made our way to the bedroom. His kisses were softer, more sensual than they’d been when we’d fucked around before. I felt like this was the real Jace, the one he often shielded from others, and in the same way, all my walls had come down after I disclosed my secrets, once there was no reason to hold them up.
26
Jace
Dax’s kisses brought me some relief from the visceral pain searing through me. The memories I’d shared with him stirred so much emotion. Only by seeing the piece of Dax he tried to conceal from the world could I turn and face that part of myself, something I’ve never spoken about, not even with Nance.
As much as I enjoyed spending time with Dax, it was in that moment that I felt like we really saw one another. He saw beyond the strength I always attempted to embody, and I saw past the confidence, even arrogance, he displayed. And in that instance of vulnerability I rarely shared, I felt free. Uninhibited.
By the time we entered his hotel bedroom, we’d abandoned most of our clothes. He still wore trunk boxers, and I still had my jeans on. I pushed him, his back accidentally hitting the doorframe. “Ow,” he whispered, laughing. I moved my hand from his back, reaching out and pushing the door closed behind him as I guided him against it, my lips firmly on his as I enjoyed that sensation of his scruff, which I felt like I’d become obsessed with.
He grasped my nape, keeping me close as he massaged his tongue in my mouth, and I reached down and pressed my hand against his crotch, stroking. I felt his smile against my face, and then he turned us, urging me toward the adjacent recessed wall. He was so assertive as he slid his hand beneath the back of my jeans, under my boxers, gliding his palm over my ass cheek. I pulled away and looked into those serious eyes, and he bent and scooped me up off the floor.
“Oh, wow,” I said. “Look at you, being the boss.”
“I’m always a boss.” He threw me on the bed so that I bounced, and I laughed as he crawled onto the bed, moving toward me.
“You’re eager.”
“You’re sexy.”
He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers and slid them down to reveal his erection. Navigating them down his thighs, when he got them past his knees, he slid them back with one hand and removed them nearly effortlessly before tossing them off the bed. No sooner had he finished that, than his lips were on mine again, and he pushed me back against the mattress. I felt him undoing the button of my jeans, and we worked together to pull them off. Soon his cock was up against my body, and mine against his as we pushed together.
I loved the sensa
tion of him thrusting against me, feeling his abs and chest close, his bangs falling on my forehead, his legs interwoven with mine. I savored every wet, warm kiss he offered.
His kiss trailed down my chin, to my neck, and I relaxed as he made his way down, his hands sliding in sync with his mouth as he found my cock and took it in his mouth, working with a skill I could only envy.
“God, I need to remember that for when I blow you,” I told him, and I guessed he took that as confirmation of his impressive job, because he worked even harder.
He released my shaft from his mouth before gripping it in his hand and flicking his tongue eagerly just beneath the head.
“Holy fucking hell,” I said, reaching down and grabbing the back of his head.
He stopped. “What? You don’t like that?”
“Are you kidding me? That feels amazing!”
“I’m just teasing. I can tell you’re enjoying it. You do this thing where you jerk your hips just a little bit. It’s hot.”
I snickered. I hadn’t even realized I was doing that.
Dax went on with his work, driving me fucking crazy, and I recognized the move, a sort of mini-thrust, like my cock was trying to climb with the intensity of my excitement.
The pressure mounted to the point where it became unbearable. I cringed as I ached. “Dax…”
He pulled my dick out of his mouth again. “Damn, you’re precoming like crazy down here.”
I glanced down at him, at the drippage on his bottom lip, which he licked right off, closing his eyes like he wanted to savor every drop of me. He pushed onto his knees, taking my legs and pushing on the right one as he guided me onto my stomach.
I felt him crawling up my body again until his cock lay in the crack of my ass, and he pushed his body against mine, kissing my neck, behind my ear. He ran his hands along my arms until his hands were on mine, our fingers interlocking, him holding them against the mattress, totally dominating me in that moment. He jerked his hips forward, and I imagined what it would be like to have him inside me.
#BURN (Fever Falls Book 2) Page 16
