Under a Dark Cloud

by Louisa Scarr

  ‘He couldn’t possibly have thought it was his fault?’

  ‘No, but he took it badly. You know Finn. Delicate soul. He didn’t like the thought that Jake had died and he couldn’t make amends. He did nothing but cry for weeks, wouldn’t eat, didn’t go out. Didn’t want to go to the funeral. He missed the start of school, do you remember?’

  Robin nods. ‘You said he had glandular fever.’

  ‘It was as good an explanation as any. I took him to a counsellor, but it didn’t make any difference. And then you started writing him these silly notes, putting them through the door because you said he was infectious. It made him laugh. And your cast came off, and you wanted to play football and wouldn’t take no for an answer.’

  ‘I was a selfish dick, even then,’ Robin replies, ruefully.

  ‘No, it was good for him. It got him out of the house. There was you, with your limp after your broken leg. And him, all pale and skinny. You made quite a pair.’

  ‘And that’s it?’ Robin asks. ‘That’s all there was to it?’

  Josie nods. ‘I thought that if DI Craig knew Finn had depression in his past, it would be one more black mark against his name. I should have told you. It was ridiculous.’

  ‘It’s fine. I should have left it be. I’m sorry,’ Robin apologises.

  Josie nods, then her mouth turns down and she looks like she’s going to cry again. ‘What are we going to do, Robin?’ she says.

  Robin sighs. ‘Exactly what the doctor said. Get him settled in this therapy unit. Make sure he sees the right people. And you never know what might happen.’

  * * *

  The two of them walk slowly back to Finn’s room, arm in arm. When they get there, Sophie’s by Finn’s bedside, talking quietly to him. They both look up when Josie and Robin arrive.

  ‘Rob!’ Finn says, all smiles. ‘Haven’t seen you in ages.’

  Robin returns the grin. ‘I know, Finn. It’s been too long. Listen, I’ve got to head off. Work is calling. Sophie,’ he says, ‘can I have a word?’

  Sophie looks surprised and gets up. They walk out into the corridor.

  ‘Have you spoken to the doctor?’ Robin asks.

  Sophie nods. ‘Yeah.’ Her hand goes to her mouth and she stares at the floor. Robin wonders what she’s going to do. Would she stick around, stay by Finn’s side, given his prognosis?

  Instead of asking, he pulls the memory stick out of his pocket. He hands it to her, her face confused. ‘It’s footage from the night of the storm,’ he says. ‘It’s Finn, and he’s talking about you. I thought you might want to see it.’

  Sophie stares at it for a moment, then looks up at him. ‘Thank you,’ she says. He nods, then goes to walk back into the room. ‘Robin?’ she calls after him, and he turns. ‘Are you going to be around more?’ she asks.

  ‘Yeah,’ he replies. ‘As much as Finn and Josie need me.’

  ‘I’ll see you soon then,’ she replies.

  Robin says goodbye to Finn and Josie, then starts to walk out. As he goes, his phone rings and he answers it.

  ‘Butler,’ says Craig at the other end. ‘Are you at the hospital?’

  ‘Just leaving now.’

  ‘We’ve closed the investigation against Finn. No further action.’

  ‘I heard.’

  ‘It was the right decision. Given everything that’s happened. And we charged Ian Calloway with perverting the course of justice. Did you hear we found the spare camera at his house?’

  ‘No?’ Robin’s interested, but not surprised.

  ‘Yeah. Taken out of the boot of Justin White’s car the night of the storm. So he was trying to sabotage Mason and Sharp from the outset.’ Craig pauses. ‘Listen, I wanted to say thank you, for your help on the case.’

  Robin laughs. ‘You’re kidding me.’

  ‘No.’ Craig sighs loudly at the other end of the phone. ‘You were a pain in my arse, but you’re a good detective. I wish I had your tenacity.’ She pauses. ‘What made you think to order the second opinion on the PM?’

  Robin remembers the night with Freya and Josh and the freezer. ‘It was something Freya said. They were testing an assumption that a death they were working on could have been an accident.’

  Plus, Finn’s bizarre tangent to Jacob Fraser’s death. Robin had wondered: could the circumstances round Simon’s death have been similar?

  ‘Well, thanks,’ Craig says again. ‘And I like your DC, too. I like the way she thinks.’

  ‘You can’t have her,’ Robin says quickly.

  Craig chuckles. ‘Tell her to call me when she gets sick of you. See you around, DS Butler,’ she finishes. ‘I just hope that next time we’re on the same side.’

  Robin hangs up. He’s at his car now and climbs behind the wheel, before he makes another call.

  ‘Freya,’ he says when she answers. ‘I’m on my way in. You got anything for me to do?’

  Freya laughs, and Robin finds himself grinning. He’s looking forward to seeing her, to getting back to his own nick, being around people he knows and enjoys working with.

  ‘I’ve got some paperwork here you can help me with,’ she says. ‘And Josh mentioned something about a B and E that needs attention.’

  ‘Fine, anything,’ he replies. ‘See you at lunchtime.’

  ‘I’ll get you a sandwich.’

  ‘That would be good. Tuna?’

  ‘Piss off.’

  And with that, Robin starts the engine and drives home with a smile.

  64

  Sophie can’t stand it any more. The repetitive speech, the constant reminding, the stuff he makes up. This shell, this destroyed husk – this isn’t the man she loves. He looks like him, has the same voice and the same mannerisms. But everything else? It’s gone.

  The man in the bed is a stranger.

  She heads off to the toilet, but when she’s finished there, she realises she can’t bear to go back. Stumbling, she walks quickly away from the hospital, out to the car park, then drives home. Her vision blurs, her hands shake. She can’t do this, she can’t.

  Finn has his mother. He has his doctors, his therapists and the army of other experts who have been in to talk to them today. He doesn’t need her. Half the time he doesn’t even remember her. He asks, confused, ‘How long have we been together?’ He won’t miss her when she’s gone.

  With trembling fingers, she puts her key in the door and closes it behind her. He should have died, she thinks, then hates herself for the very thought of it. But it would have been better. She could have grieved properly, then moved on with her life. Rather than this – this nothing.

  She lies on her bed and, furious with the world, she punches her fists into her pillow. Nobody understands. It’s hard to explain what’s happened, what Finn’s like now. People just think he’s forgotten what happened in the storm. Like that’s a good thing, that he won’t be cursed with the memory and the trauma of Sharp dying that night. But he doesn’t remember anything. What he had for breakfast that day. Christ, he can’t even remember if he has had breakfast.

  Nobody asks about her. Nobody wonders if she’s okay. It’s about Finn, and she knows that’s how it will be from now on. Her whole life will revolve around this lookalike; she will go from being his equal to being his nurse. Is that what she wants from her future?

  She feels so alone. Already, she’s felt the difference from the people she thought were her friends. A few have been there for her, but some have backed away. Not knowing what to say, what to do.

  She rolls over on the bed, then winces, feeling something hard in her pocket against her hip. She pulls it out – it’s the memory stick Robin gave her. She squints at it. What could this possibly show her that Robin thought was so important?

  But curiosity pulls, and she gets up from the bed and fetches her laptop. Slowly, the video loads.

  ‘So, tell me about Sophie,’ a voice from behind the camera speaks: Simon.

  ‘What’s there to say?’ Finn replies, trying to push the
camera away.

  Sophie looks at her boyfriend on the screen. This is the man she knew. Embarrassed at being filmed. Nervous, pushing his glasses back up his nose with his middle finger. The slight awkward hunch of his back. And shit, she misses this guy, so, so much.

  ‘How did a nerdy old scientist like you get someone as lovely as her?’

  Finn laughs. ‘No idea. But I’m a lucky man.’ He pauses. ‘I’m going to ask her to marry me.’

  Sophie watches as Simon leans forward and gives Finn a hug. ‘Good for you, mate,’ he says.

  ‘I’ve no idea if she’ll say yes.’ Even after all the time they’ve been together, Sophie’s surprised by his lack of confidence. Of course she would have said yes. Yes, a million times over.

  She pauses the video and gets up, fetching the little velvet box from Finn’s suitcase. She takes the diamond ring from its cushion and puts it on her finger for the first time. It fits perfectly, and she looks at it for a second, the stone sparkling in the light.

  She presses play again.

  ‘Course she will,’ Simon says. ‘So, tell me about her. How did you meet?’

  ‘University, where else?’ Finn replies. ‘She asked me out.’

  ‘Why doesn’t that surprise me.’ Simon laughs.

  ‘And at first I couldn’t work out what she was suggesting. Sophie was – still is!’ Finn corrects himself. ‘This incredible woman. She’s smart, beautiful – you’ve met her,’ he directs to Simon behind the camera. ‘Much too good for me.’

  ‘Much,’ Simon confirms.

  ‘And she was asking me out. I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t believe it. Every morning I wake up next to her and can’t work out how I got so lucky.’

  ‘I’m pleased for you, mate. But yeah, get her to marry you before she twigs what a loser you are.’

  ‘Exactly.’ Finn smiles and looks into the camera. Sophie feels like he’s looking right at her, and she starts to cry, her vision blurring. ‘My luck can’t hold out forever.’

  She hears Finn start to talk about Robin, but tunes it out. She can’t stand the irony. That this was almost the exact moment his alcoholism caught up with him and his body failed. That Sharp ate the wrong sandwich and died.

  And now he’s in hospital and nothing will ever be the same again.

  She wants to be with Finn. To feel his arms around her, his steady breathing in her hair. And then she thinks, but she can. He’s not dead. He’s still here.

  Simon’s loved ones can’t say the same. He’s gone for good. The news reports that his funeral will be held soon. For the people that loved Simon, that’s it.

  But Finn’s still alive.

  Sophie feels a bitter sting of self-hate. She’s been so selfish. So blinkered. Inside, he’s the same man she fell in love with. They’ll find some way of getting him back – to a new normal. Treatments, therapy, drugs, whatever. The brain is an incredible organ, it can repair. Neurons can form new paths.

  It might be hard, but so what? It’s nothing she can’t cope with.

  She sits up on her bed, clicking away from the video and opening a new internet browser. She’s used to reading medical research and scientific papers. If help is out there, she’ll find it, and she’ll get it for Finn.

  She looks at the engagement ring on her finger. And, determination renewed, she starts to read.

  65

  Friday

  Two weeks later

  The day of the funeral is bright, the sky a clear blue, the sun warm on Freya’s face. She stands quietly by the freshly dug grave – Robin by her side, then Mina, then Josh.

  Everyone is silent as the coffin is brought out on the shoulders of pall-bearers. In perfect synchronicity, they set the coffin down, then stand back with a formal bow.

  The vicar starts talking, and Freya watches the others at the graveside. Thorpe’s sister is here, his only family: a thin, pale woman who’s been estranged from him for years, for reasons she hasn’t talked about. There’s Dave, the volunteer from the homeless shelter, and two men with him who Freya assumes must be people who knew Duncan from there.

  And the four of them.

  Freya wanted to be there, and the others agreed. Duncan Thorpe had little family. He was alone when he died, but he shouldn’t be alone at his burial.

  The last of the exhibits have come back from the lab. The DNA found on the fag butts and the bottles in the bus shelter is a match to all of the boys, Connor Vardy included. But the only fibres found on Thorpe’s body come from Mark Black’s jacket, seen on CCTV and seized from his house. The partial fingerprints on the freezer match Black and Garratt. Lee Cernis gave a full confession; a boy with a better solicitor and more sense than the other two.

  Freya’s attention is diverted back to the graveside, as the vicar concludes his eulogy. The coffin is lowered into the ground. With a final solemn nod, it’s over, and the crowd starts to disperse.

  ‘I’m going to head off,’ Robin says. ‘I’ll see you at the station later?’

  ‘Sure,’ Freya agrees. She reaches up and straightens his tie, come loose in his characteristically scruffy manner. ‘Have you got a present?’

  ‘Of course, who do you think I am?’ Robin says with a smile.

  He heads off with his usual slow lope, and Freya watches him go. They’ve been working together again over these past couple of weeks, and it’s been nice. Back to their usual routine: two coffees in the morning, each taking it in turns to buy for the other. They’ve been on a sexual assault case, and despite the grim nature of the investigation, she’s been enjoying herself.

  In the brief lulls at work, she catches Robin watching her, his quiet concern for her warming. She’s even spent a Saturday with him, paintbrush in hand, helping to sort out the mess he’d made of his living room.

  It was a strange day. Robin in tracksuit bottoms and an old Foo Fighters T-shirt. Music playing on the radio, the windows open, a cool breeze blowing through. Despite him being her boss, she felt relaxed around him, taking the piss out of his singing, pulling him up on his frankly horrible efforts at painting. At the end of the day, he offered to cook dinner, but she refused. Somehow it felt wrong. Too intimate. More like a date. And that wasn’t what this was.

  It wasn’t.

  Josh, on the other hand… He’s on the opposite side of the graveyard, talking to Thorpe’s sister. He’s looking nice today, dressed in a black suit and tie, a white shirt underneath. It flatters his dark hair and brings out the blue in his eyes.

  Mina is standing next to her, watching her with a barely disguised smirk.

  ‘What?’ Freya says.

  ‘I can tell you want to.’

  ‘Shut up, Mina.’

  ‘What’s stopping you?’

  ‘I… I don’t know,’ Freya replies, and she realises she really doesn’t. Jonathan’s death doesn’t loom so large nowadays.

  She’s even been to the doctor. The woman GP listened for far longer than their allotted eight minutes’ appointment time as Freya talked through the sanitised version of the problem – the death of her boyfriend, unable to sleep, working too hard, struggling to cope. She was handed a prescription for Zopiclone and told to book another appointment after a fortnight. It was no more than Freya expected, but actually just the act of talking about it helped. She’s cut back at work to her normal contracted hours, and spent evenings at home, catching up on Netflix. She’s even been on a night out with the girls, reluctantly enjoying herself in a hot and noisy bar over too many cocktails.

  Perhaps she is ready.

  Josh comes over to stand with the two of them, then looks confused at Mina’s expression.

  ‘What?’ he asks, smiling.

  ‘I’m going to go,’ Mina says. ‘Leave you two to it.’

  ‘To what?’ Josh says, puzzled.

  ‘Josh,’ Freya starts. ‘Can you answer something for me?’

  ‘Anything.’

  ‘I heard a rumour that the reason you and Elise split up was because you slep
t with someone one month after you arrived here.’

  ‘Bloody police station gossip.’ Josh shakes his head in disbelief. ‘Half true.’

  ‘Which half?’

  They start walking slowly away from the graveyard, down the neat gravel path towards their cars.

  ‘Yes, I slept with someone a month after I got here. But Elise and I had already split up by then.’

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘Promise.’

  They stop next to Freya’s car. Josh reaches up and pulls the tie away from his neck, then undoes the top button of his shirt. The action makes something flip in Freya’s stomach. Something she hasn’t felt for a while.

  ‘Why?’ he says with a slight smile.

  ‘Just wondering.’

  ‘Why?’ he asks again. He’s close to her now, and Freya can smell his aftershave, something she could definitely get used to.

  Maybe it’s the simple act of standing in a graveyard, reminding her that life is short. Or maybe it’s Sandra’s words from a few weeks before: don’t leave it too late. But Freya decides to take the leap.

  ‘Does that offer still stand?’ she asks. She’s desperately trying to play it cool, but she can’t help the smile creeping onto her face.

  ‘Which one?’ But his expression betrays his mock innocence.

  ‘You know exactly which one.’

  ‘Are you asking me out, Freya West?’

  ‘Yes. Now stop taking the piss or I’ll change my mind.’

  He laughs. ‘There is nothing I would like more,’ he replies.

  Freya feels her face flush and quickly gets into her car, leaving him standing in the car park. She closes the door and starts the engine. Through the window, she can see Josh watching her, his hands in his pockets, a big grin on his face.

  What have I let myself in for? she thinks to herself. But she can’t help but smile.

  66

  Robin stands outside the blue-painted front door and presses the bell. He has a present in his hand, wrapped in light yellow paper. It has teddy bears on it. Inside the house, he can hear the faint sound of a baby crying.