Awakening

by Evelyn Montgomery

  My hand clamps down around her wrist and stops hers from moving up any further. She falters slightly but stays pushed up on her toes trying to hold onto something that was never really hers to begin with. My face finally turns and my eyes meet her own.

  “It was never about not trusting you, Nat. It was about not trusting myself.” I release her wrist and start to walk away as she falls flat on the souls of her feet. “It’s about not trusting this racket that we are in,” I continue to say as I walk down the hall and she reluctantly follows. “Not trusting that no matter what I promise you, me, hell anyone ever even, that one day I might have to break that trust. And then where would that leave us?”

  I stop walking and turn to face her as my hand reaches for the door. I give her a smile but there is more to this than what meets the fucking eye, and I know whether I am ready to face it or not, here it comes.

  “I trusted you that night, Justin. Trusted that you would do what was fucking right, always, when it came to this life, to us.”

  My brow furrows and I stop before swinging the door open. “What are you talking about Nat, I…”

  “I’m pregnant,” she confesses, and my world knocks off its center.

  Shaking my head, I try not to act like the douchebag I feel inside as I question her honestly for the first fucking time ever and ask, “What?”

  “You heard me,” she hisses, as she throws her shoulders back and stands tall. “I’m pregnant and…”

  “And you expect me to believe it is mine?” Now I really am that fucking douchebag! Shit!

  She takes a minute as I see something behind her eyes, something that looks a lot like fear, start to seep through and her hands begin to tremble. “Who else could it be?” She questions me, as if she almost is at a loss for what to believe herself.

  And just that gesture. Just that small crack in character makes me wonder. Makes me worry. Makes me know that something is totally not fucking right but hell if I can figure out what right now. In my line of work I read people. I follow my gut and get the answers I need by the way a person responds to questions they never expected. This, right here, was a curveball in whatever plan she had laid out before she ever even saw me this afternoon.

  Taking a step forward, I hang my head low and close my eyes for a moment. Taking a much needed break from the reality that just hit me in my ass. “If what you are saying is true,” I eventually say as my eyes lift and find hers. “And I am not saying it isn’t, you know you can trust me to do what is right, Natalie. That I promise you. But we haven’t been together in…”

  “Luca,” I hear one of Leo’s men shout as the door opens and Natalie’s eyes flash towards him. Saved by the fucking mob! I shake my head and let out a deep breath.

  “Forget I said anything,” she scowls as she pushes past me in a huff, like a sixteen year old girl that was just ruined forever when her crush told her it could never work out.

  “Natalie,” I hiss under my breath as I swing around and follow her. But as I make my way outside and my eyes eventually find her running across the street, I pause and let her go. I know whatever the hell I say right now will not be the right thing, and to save us both I have to give us space.

  “Ben finisce chi considera il fine,” I hear Leo say behind me as I look his way in time to watch him push off the wall he is leaning against waiting for me. He throws his half used smoke to the floor and steps on it. “He ends well who considers the end.”

  I blow out a breath and give him a deep disturbing glare. “Don’t you have any wisdom in that thick fucking skull of yours that is your own,” I sigh as I take a few steps towards him and pull at the tie around my neck now suddenly considering a future I never ever thought possible.

  He laughs before jerking his head, signaling for the men behind us to follow as we make our way to the parking lot. “You know, it’s a good thing I like you Luca Siciliano,” he says with extra emphasis on my name. “Or a slip of your tongue like that would land you in concrete fucking boots in the middle of the damn Atlantic. You want some fucking wisdom,” he harasses me. “Here is some, keep your dick in your pants unless it’s the right woman and you won’t have to deal with the bullshit.”

  “Says the notorious playboy,” I counter, which earns me another laugh.

  “OK, fine! You want the damn truth,” he says as we climb into the back of the blacked out car and wait for the driver to take us back to his family’s house. “Despite whatever the hell is going on inside you, whatever you attempt to be for others in life, anyone, ever can only meet you as deeply as they have ever met themselves.” He pauses and I sit with the weight of his words, waiting for him to continue. “I learned that fucking young and it is the only thing that has saved me more times than I would like to admit. Remember that when you consider the truth of whatever it is she just told you, because something tells me every single word that woman has ever fucking said is false, except for the few damn things she knows you can find out in your line of work. If the truth is what you are after, you can’t expect it from someone who lives a lie. Not ever.”

  Chapter 5

  Rose

  We sit in silence. The only sound the humming of the air conditioner and the steady rhythm of our breathing. His fingers trail up my arm and I sigh, somewhat content with everything, even though this battle, in more ways than one is far from over.

  I love this man next to me, and nothing and no one can change that. Our past before we met may have been out of our control, but I have learned to let go of the illusion that it could have been any different. Sometimes in life, it’s the storms that we walk through that lead us to one another. Justin has given me what I was afraid to ask for. He didn’t make the voices disappear, but he did help me see the strength I had in myself, the strength he gave me when he sat by my side and watched me fall apart and then piece myself back together again, and the one thing he showed me with just that tender gesture along, that I was strong enough to fight.

  True love, real love, it doesn’t meet you at your best. It stands by you at your worst. It picks you up when you can’t stand. It carries you when you are down and it always gives you hope, shinning a light to help you find your way and see that you are never alone.

  He gave me the ability to see that strength, that hope, that light. And for that, I love him even more.

  “Penny for your thoughts,” he says as his fingertips leave goosebumps while they trail up and down my arm.

  I smile and snuggle against him tighter, holding on to him, to this. The peace that is traveling through our lives even in the most chaotic of times. He gives me that. He always has, and always will. “It’s going to be OK, right?” I ask, finally finding my voice and needing to hear him tell me even though he has many times before. “We’re going to make it through this? You, me, Liam?”

  He pulls me tighter into his side and kisses the top of my head. “I promised you I’d get him back for you, Rose. I don’t break my promises. Ever.”

  I turn my face into his side and smile wide. I know he doesn’t. It’s just another thing I love about him. Releasing him slightly, he lets me go a little before attempting to pull me back down onto the bed with him. A slight laugh escapes my lips as I swat at his side and he finally, reluctantly lets me go. Our escape earlier, as much as it was needed and a release we both craved as he showed me how much he loved me and I let him claim me, body and soul, the real world waits outside and I finally feel an odd sense of calm, ready to face whatever it brings with it.

  Climbing out of the bed, I pick up my dress on the floor at my feet and shimmy it over my bare body. Looking back at him, sex hanging in his eyes, his hair a tussled mess and only a sheet covering his lower half, it takes every damn ounce of this new found strength I have to not jump back under the covers with him. With a playful smile, I take a few steps to the chair on the other side of the room and pick up his shirt, throwing it at him and watching as he catches it with one hand.

  “Sunshine,” he growls, as he toss
es it to the floor beside him in no hurry to get dressed. “Haven’t you noticed, the moon is out.” I look at the window and realize just how much the darkness has grown and smile.

  “And your point?”

  “You should be in bed,” he hints with a sly smile. “Come back and I’ll show you why.”

  I laugh at him and know I want to, but I also need to check on the others. See if they have found any leads. Plus, Leonardo said Justin had to be briefed on some papers or something before their meeting tomorrow night and as much as I don’t want him going, as much as I can’t stand the idea of him in any sort of harms way, I know there is no alternative. The best thing to do is to make sure he is as knowledgeable as he can be about whatever the hell they are going up against.

  Grabbing his jacket, I give him a sly smile and shake my head. “I don’t think so Casanova,” I laugh, as I fling his jacket at him in an attempt to make my point and then reach to the floor for his pants.

  My eyes catch something that fell to the floor and I furrow my brow as I bend to pick it up. A piece of paper? But as my fingers touch the object I realize it’s so much more as I turn it over and see Liam’s face staring back at me. My hands shake as I look at my son standing outside of a large Cuban building with a woman who has her back turned to the camera. Only a small portion of her silhouette can be made out, but the boy, my boy, his face is clear as day and my startled expression says what my words cannot as I look up and stare at Justin across the room.

  He stands beside the bed and pulls on his boxers still smiling before reaching to the floor and pulling the shirt I threw him moments before over his head. Running his fingers through his hair, he buttons up the front for a moment before looking up and meeting my eyes. When he does, his stare falls to my hands and a worried look crosses his features.

  “Where did you get this?” I ask, finally finding my words. My hands are still shaking and an uneasy feeling has creeped back in the space between us, just like I feared it would.

  “Rose,” he says cautiously as he takes a step towards me and I subconsciously feel myself take a step back from him as well. The idea that he may have been hiding something doesn’t settle well with my memories as thoughts of Michael suddenly wage war with my better judgment.

  “Where?” My tone is harsh, my temper rising, needing to know how long he has been hiding this and why. If he had it with him when he got here, why didn’t he tell me about it. And if he had it before we even left, what does that say about us, this, Liam.

  “Leo just gave it to me this afternoon, I was going to tell you about it.” I look down at the picture in my hands and run my finger over my son’s face. He looks so afraid. So lost. So scared. My stomach turns and I fight back tears as my throat closes up and I can’t suddenly breathe. But I force myself to, even if it is a shaky tiny breath.

  “Do they know who took him?” I ask still looking at the picture, but I get no response. I stare at my son’s face for a moment before looking up at the man in front of me. When I do, I see the hesitance even in the shadows of night that cross his handsome face. “Do they?” I urgently ask again.

  “Yes and no,” he says cautiously as he takes a few steps towards me and I stand still.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I firmly ask.

  “Rose, I…”

  “Do you know this woman?” I blurt out. Suddenly the room is spinning as thoughts of my former relationship swell in my brain and make it almost impossible not to stay in the present. Justin stands across from me and goes to speak but then stops himself, once, twice, before I lose my patience and snap again. “Do you!”

  “I did,” he whispers. “A long time ago. I thought she was dead. A little over a year ago, I watched her take her last breath, Rose I swear it. I would have never thought something like this could or would ever happen.”

  “Something like what, Justin?”

  He shrugs as he takes a step closer and I feel myself push back inside. Put up a wall so I don’t feel the hurt, the sting, the way my past is tangling with the here and now and making it hard to see anything but lies.

  “Revenge,” he whispers. “Vengeance. Retribution. Hell I don’t know.” He lets out a heavy sigh as he runs his fingers through his hair. “That is what we are still trying to figure out. That is why I didn’t tell you right away. But trust me, I was going to Rose. That was my plan when I asked you to walk with me. But then we got here,” he says gesturing around the bedroom, “And all I could think of was how much I needed to feel close to you. How much I wanted to take it all away, drown in just you and me, if only for a fucking moment before I had to tell you about… that.”

  He motions toward the photo in my hand and I look down once again. That. As I look at my son’s face and then glance at the woman beside him I can’t help but wonder, just what the hell is that?

  “You promised me once I’d never have to ask you twice, who…”

  “Natasha Volkov,” he hisses as his jaw clenches and he sternly stares in my eyes. “But to me she was Natalie. A source I trusted when I had no one to trust, not even myself. A woman I cared for,” he whispers as he takes a step closer, “when I thought I could never care for anyone ever again.”

  I look down at the picture in my hands and suddenly find myself blurting out before I can stop myself, “Did you love her?” I wait impatiently for his reply but for some reason pray for time to pause because I am not sure if I can hear the truth just yet.

  “No,” he whispers, and I glance up and see the weight of that response hanging in his eyes. “She wanted me to. Hell at one point she had me almost believing I could. But time uncovers everything. The truths no one wants to let anyone see. And if you hold someone close, even if you could never really love them Rose, eventually you see it all. Something a good friend tried to tell me a long time ago. People can only meet you as far as they have ever met themselves. I’m just sorry that it took all of this for me to learn she could never be trusted.”

  I stare into his eyes and try and understand, everything, but my head is a mixture of fear, regret, anxiety and memories that keep swirling around making me dizzy. “What would she want with my son?” I ask with a shaky voice.

  He looks at me, a world full of sorrow etched across his face. “She once told me she was pregnant,” he offers with a shrug. “Maybe, to take back what she felt she deserved and ruin me like she always felt I ruined her.”

  I step back from him as my eyes grow wide in horror. Pregnant? Take back? But why my son? He goes to speak but I put my hand up stopping him. I need space. I need air. I need… anything that can make the world stop fucking spinning. I thought I was strong, but this, it’s all too much. Turning quickly, I grab the door handle and bolt through once it swings open. My name an urgent plea on his lips as I run down the hallway and let a few tears fall.

  Strength? How can you ever be strong when the world tears you down at every damn turn? Stay down Rose. Fucking quit. Your whole life has been a battle and guess what, it will never ever stop. Just like Brittany said. Just like you already know. What’s the point in trying if you’ll always just be treading water, almost drowning, fighting to keep your head from going under?

  Chapter 6

  Rose

  Breathe.

  One. Two.

  Breathe Rose!

  I try to count to three but the memories won’t let me.

  “Mrs. Gables,” I remember her condescending voice say as I opened the front door. “I just wanted you to know that I’m the one who your husband runs off to.”

  Fucking breathe Rose!

  Three. Four.

  Oh God! The memory comes rushing back as I watched Michael’s car pull up in the driveway behind her and heard Liam’s cry from inside the house. My body begins to shake just like it did that day as I stood there and watched Michael exit his truck and walk up behind the woman with jet black hair, blue eyes and a smile that had only one intention, to kill me silently where I stood while she let me know just who was
in charge of my future, and hell if it was going to be me.

  “What are you doing here?” I remember Michael shouting as my world fell apart around me.

  “I just thought your wife should know,” she said, as she turned to meet his stare, “What kind of a man she waits for and the woman who he’ll always run back to.”

  The sob that escapes my lips once I reach outside forces the few breaths I had taken out of me, causing me to stumble back lightheaded before I force myself to breathe again. It’s not the same. Michael. Justin. But the truth that was uncovered and the way I found it, makes it all too close for comfort.

  Stay down Rose. Quit!

  Another sob escapes my lips, sounding more like a howl, as I look up and see a figure in the darkness. Hiding in the shadows, smoke trails through the night sky as he lifts his hand to his mouth and takes another drag off whatever he is smoking. Fear fills me for all of just a brief moment before he takes a step forward and I watch as he lifts his head in my direction and I make out his eyes underneath his fedora before he finally speaks.

  “Next time you take a breath, remind yourself you’re still alive. It helps to control the fear, the anxiety, if you let it know who is really in charge.”

  Startled, I stare back in confusion but he continues as he takes a step forward. “As long as there is breath in your lungs you have an obligation to fucking fight, Rose. Play the hand you’ve been dealt, whatever the fuck it is. And from what I can see, what I’ve been told, you’re no damn quitter. So stop letting whatever you’re battling with in your mind tell you any damn different.”

  His Italian accent blends together with the suit, his dominating presence, and the ease at which he lifts his cigar back up to his mouth, all of which suddenly makes me trust absolutely everything he is saying, if for no other reason but I’m absolutely intimidated to think otherwise. I remember Brittany telling me he doesn’t allow just anyone on jobs, and even though I am thankful he has let me “tag along,” as stupid as that sounds, I suddenly feel the need to apologize for this. My outburst, my pain, my fear and my past colliding and making it difficult to stay in the shadows as I was instructed.