I hold my breath as he pauses, life seems to stop, and we sit in the moment letting it forever become embedded in our souls. Finally, he rises from his place beside me and makes his way back out into the hall. When I am sure that he is gone, I bolt upright in bed and quickly make my way to the closet. Pulling out a black coat and a large brim hat, the kind I have seen Pam wear every day since we’ve arrived, I know if I keep my head low and stay out of their direct line of sight I just may be able to pass as her. Her hair is the same color and cut as my own, that is if I disregard my disguise I have been forced to wear while I am here. Her frame is about the same too, and with the hat and coat, there is no way in hell many could tell us apart unless they really tried. At least it is the only shot I can think of at actually pulling a stunt like this off. The windows in the backs of the cars Leo has his people drive him around in are blacked out too anyways. With a partition in between the help and the people in the back at all times, there is no way they will recognize me once we start on our way. The tricky part is getting Pam out of the equation.
Opening the door to my room, I tip toe out into the hall and quickly make my way to the garage when I am sure no one is watching. When I enter, only James and Pam stand in the driveway, the car warming up as they talk quietly amongst themselves.
“Pam,” I say, as I quickly approach. “Leo asked you stay behind on this one. He’s letting me ride shotgun.”
They both look at each other not completely buying it. “You?” She mocks me and shakes her head in a laugh. “Leo would never let you near the job. Not after Maria.”
What is it with this Maria girl, I think to myself as I quickly approach, did she almost die or something? And who the hell is she that has him so tied in knots. And then it hits me, the ring on his finger.
“Actually, that’s why he said so. She’s flying in… from Italy. And he wants someone here he trusts. I guess he chose you.” I’m a lying sack of shit and I am so going to hell for this. She eyes me curiously for a moment and then looks at James.
“Me?” She asks. I only nod because hell, I almost have them and I can’t afford to blow my cover now.
“Shit, Pam. The big time. Hell the boss won’t even let me watch over Maria. I guess he trusts you more than you thought.” James gives her a nudge and I try and follow that up with a reassuring smile. At least I got him on my side.
“I don’t know, I still don’t think…”
“Go and ask him yourself,” I prod. “But you’ll have to hurry. They said they were coming out the front so you’ll probably save time if you run around and meet them there.”
“Oh hell,” James says as he rounds the corner of the car and opens the driver’s door. “He’ll be pissed I was in back then, fuck!”
As Pam starts to make her way towards the front of the house I quickly jump in shotgun. She looks back and eyes me curiously for a moment before disappearing around the side of the house. Buckling up, I look at James beside me and smile trying to mask the nerves I feel inside. He eyes me questionably before we hear the back doors to the car open and the vehicle shakes a little with each person who climbs inside.
“I thought you said out front,” James questions, but then lets his curious mind and inquiries end there.
Leo’s voice comes over a speaker making me jolt slightly, but I try and cover it up as I pull my hat lower and look out the window. “Let’s get out of here, James. And get us there fast. We don’t want to piss these fuckers off more than I fear we already have.”
“Yes sir!” I hear James say as my eyes drift back to his and his foot steps on the gas. If he’s onto me he never shows it as we make our way up the drive and approach the gates to the outside world. A world that holds my son, and a world that I am ready to conquer, take back, fight for more than ever before. As we cross over and through the gate I look in the rearview mirror and see Pam, standing in the driveway, confusion lacing her features and know I’m in the clear, for now, as I clutch the item I found on the front seat when I sat down in my hands. Her phone. With no way to get ahold of us the salvation I seek is closer than before as we start to drive through the streets of Cuba and make our way towards a fight I am finally ready for.
You’re making a mistake. Why would you do this. Why would you lie, put yourself in danger, Justin in danger, Liam even, with forcing yourself into a situation that can get you all killed!
I take a deep breath as we drive across town and my nerves build with worry that I will be caught in my stupid scheme. But just as the voice appears, it’s overshadowed by another. One that for the first time screams louder and demands my attention.
Fight!
I repeat to myself silently. The voice may be right, the one that I have been waring with for longer than I care to admit, but I have to see, I have to know with my two damn eyes just who the hell took my son from me. I know what Justin told me. I know even more now all the baggage he carries.
He thinks he’s to blame. He has spent his entire life almost condemning himself for things that were entirely out of his control, starting with something that isn’t even his fault to begin with. He protects what is his. He fights to prove that to himself every damn day when he stands by my side and watches over me and my children.
Life has thrown him some damn near impossible situations, but in my eyes he is blameless. There is no fucking curse. Just the same voice of bullshit making him think he is to blame for things he never had control over.
Fight!
All Justin has ever shown me are the ultimate things in life to fight for. Love. A reason to breathe again. He’s been fighting his whole life but letting the same damn nightmare destroy him at every turn just like it tries to ruin me.
His baby died by an unfortunate tragedy that could have stolen the life of any of my own children. But he fought anyways. Just like I am fighting now. He thinks he is to blame, but there is nothing that can change the god awful fate that sometimes steals when we least expect it. Michael is proof of that.
His mother was taken from his family in a car accident when he was just learning how to drive. Her life in his hands. But I fully believe his father and brother are to blame, having heard more of the story now. I believe that too was not his fault, and it’s still placed a heavy burden on his heart when he had to live with the guilt they then forced him to walk through life with. Much like I have had to live with Michael’s passing knowing he was racing across town to get to the hospital when Olivia was born. Fresh off a plane having traveled all night and was probably sleep deprived as hell.
His brother, died by his own hand after he took the life of another and then threatened the best friend he ever had. A woman, caring a child just like the one he lost. A woman, who lied, cheated, manipulated him into doing what he wanted until her life and the life of his own flesh and blood were mangled together for eternity at his feet and there was nothing he could do to take back the human impulse that happens in a split second to defend your friend, a person you consider family even when your own brother raises a hand against him. A woman, who he just learned again is alive, and God I could never blame him for not telling me right away when he was still trying to process that truth for himself.
Finally, Charlette. The haunted woman in the pictures in his room. His first love that reminds me so much of myself that I sometimes wonder if that is the only reason why he swears he loves me. Wants to save me. In a way maybe he feels like he is finally saving her, her memory even, when the first time he failed. But even as the voices try and sink in, even though I can hear them in the back of my mind telling me to hold onto that lie, that he only loves me because of what he lost, I push them aside and focus on the new voice that rings through me and increases with each second that passes, fight!
We reach a gate and James lowers his window and waits for a moment before someone speaks through a speaker at the side of the car. He announces us and then waits for the gate to open before rolling back up his window. I swallow hard as my heart beats and we climb a
hill up to a large house in the middle of what looks to be a damn near perfect fortress. Three men stand in front of the house and my anxiety begins to tick up knowing my boy is somewhere close by and I need to get to him. Need to see if he is alright and need more than anything to get him away from here as quickly as possible.
But what I know I need to do even more is stay put, in the front seat, just like I heard Leo say Pam was supposed to do. At least until they go inside that is. The car doors behind us open once we arrive at the house and I watch as one by one they file out and begin to make their way up the walk. James exits the car too and follows close behind, asking Leo if he needs anything before quickly being dismissed. I notice as Justin looks back at the car, and I catch a glimpse of worry in his eyes before I quickly look away and try and hide my face under the hat I am wearing.
“The boss and Mrs. Volkov will be right with you,” I hear one of the men in front of the house say as the door to the mansion opens and the three people we drove here, Leo, Brittany and the other part of my soul, Justin, walk inside.
I see Leo give one of them a nod and say something quietly before glancing back at the car and almost making eye contact with me. I look away again quickly as James climbs back in the driver’s seat and sighs.
“Now what?” I ask impatiently as I tap my foot against the floorboard of the car and suddenly wish harder than ever before for all of this to be over.
“Now… we wait!” He insists as I sit back and forcibly hit my head against the headrest behind me.
“I don’t like waiting,” I hiss out under my breath which makes him laugh a little.
“Join the fucking club, Lady. But in my line of work, it’s a whole lot more waiting than anything else,” he says, pulling a book from the door and beginning to thumb through the pages until he finds the spot he left off at.
I roll my eyes as my patience wears thin but I try and tell myself to remain calm. I look to my right, out across the side yard and make out a woman, with a boy, my boy, and my heat starts racing. I sit up a little taller and try and not look so obvious as I study them across the way. Out of the corner of my eye I can see James look to where I am focused, but he loses interest quickly and goes back to his reading.
The woman and Liam dodge behind a wall and quickly emerge on the other side of the yard, completely in the opposite direction of where James is facing. My eyes dart to the front door and I notice only one guard remains. One very absent minded guard as he takes a moment to look around and make sure the coast is clear before slumping down on a nearby seat and pulling out his phone.
I never thought I would say or think this but thank God for technology and people’s addiction to it as my hand quickly finds the door handle and I slowly push the car door open. “I’m just going to step outside for some fresh air,” I lie to James who eyes me for a second and then quickly goes back to his reading.
“Make it a quick trip because if they come back out and Leo sees you, it will be my ass that pays for going along with your lame ass lie, Lady.”
My hand falters slightly on the door handle as I quickly look his way. He gives me a half smile as his eyes stay focused on his book. “I have a boy too,” he says. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for him and nothing that could ever keep me from him, if he was ever in trouble.” He looks my way and winks and my heart lifts knowing I have someone here on my side.
“Two seconds, I promise,” I lie again. Shit, I really am going to hell aren’t I? The thought sinks in how on so many levels I am tempting fate as I push open the door and quickly stand. My eyes dart to the guard and I notice he is completely oblivious and fully engrossed in whatever the hell he is watching on his phone as he laughs and a light sound of video can be heard from across the way.
I look over to the where I saw Liam and the woman and quickly make my way through the shadows. If I am quick, maybe I can grab him and get us all out of here without any more bullshit having to go down, as unlikely as that sounds my heart and head almost have me convinced that I can. When I reach the yard I saw them in, I scan the area quickly and see the woman pulling him behind her far across the way.
Without thought as to who could possibly see me, and only one thing on my heart and mind, my son, I run across the yard after him trying to be as quiet as possible. Never mind the windows I may be running past. Forget the fact that every tree, every bush I push through makes a rustling noise louder than wrapping paper on Christmas morning, I just need to get to him. I need to hold him.
My feet pick up their pace as I jump over a stone in the yard and quickly try and pear around a corner. I see them off to the right and I can’t help myself from quickly moving after them further across this fortress and never once thinking about the consequences. I push past a large palm and almost lose sight of them before quickly trying to pick up my pace. As I do, I trip over a rock and fall flat on my butt. With a loud thud I hit the ground and realize my ankle is twisted.
“Shit!” I whisper, as I try and push myself up to standing before falling from the agonizing pain of trying to put any amount of pressure on my foot. I try and rotate it but all that does is cause the pain to shoot up my calf and through the sole of my foot. As I sit there, my hand on my ankle and my mind a cluster of emotions, the most important how am I going to get up and get to my son, a hand suddenly thrusts forward at my side and I startle. I jump slightly as I look at it, stunned, confused, and worried that whoever it may be, whoever saw me running through the brushes like a mad woman, I am completely not ready to look up and find out. I hope it is James. Please tell me it is James. So he can help me back to the car and I can pretend this never happened.
I close my eyes and shake my head, anxiety, fear, the voices threatening to take over me. But nothing could prepare me for what comes next as I open my eyes, my head raises, and I lock eyes with a man I never thought I’d see again.
“Hello Rose,” his voice startles me, as I feel everything I thought I ever knew to be true and right slip from through my fingertips.
“Michael?”
Chapter 9
Rose
One year ago
“It’s a girl!” I hear the nurse say as tears prick my eyes, they shut and both dread and happiness fill my heart and spill over into my soul.
But if it’s a girl, I hope she isn’t as crazy as her fucking mother.
My husband’s words haunt me at a time when I should feel nothing but joy. Nothing but love. Nothing but absolute perfection after giving birth to our daughter.
“Five pounds 14 ounces. Woah she is a tiny little thing isn’t she?” One of the people in the room says, but heaven help me I don’t know who as I stare at the crying baby on the scale and a few tears start to fall.
“Where is the father?” Another one asks, as fear creeps up my spine and I look around slightly frantic.
He isn’t here yet? Where is he? I was told he touched down a little over an hour ago, or was it more? I don’t know how long I was pushing, how long I was in labor, all I know is that we waited to find out the sex, my decision to do so mostly out of fear, and now that she is here, now that I know, I shouldn’t be wishing any different. I shouldn’t be wanting to change my mind. I shouldn’t be questioning the choice I made to have another child.
But I am.
And that small little truth settles in my heart, takes up root and starts to make me tremble.
“Do you want to hold her?” A woman at my side asks and I look up startled.
Do I? Of course I do. I’ve waited my whole life to have a daughter. I should want nothing more than to wrap her in my arms, never let her go, and teach her all of the things my mother never could.
My mother. I’m her daughter. And the crying baby sitting across the room now being swaddled by a stranger is mine.
Just like your fucking mother. You going crazy on me, Rosie? Your father warned me about this shit. Told me Fuller women, they’ll turn on you in a damn second.
I shake my head, and for the life o
f me I don’t know if I did for yes or no, but suddenly another woman is at my side holding out the screaming baby and offering her to me. Hesitant, I take her slowly from the nurse and curse myself as the feeling of wanting to give her back quickly takes over every damn part of me. But before I can, before anyone will let me, both women leave my side and I look up scared as the room begins to empty.
“We’ll give you some time Honey,” the doctor says as she scribbles down a few little bits of information on her clip board. “I’ll go check and see what is keeping your husband.”
I nod as my hands shake I clutch the small bundle in my arms to my chest, afraid I will drop her and look like an idiot. Once everyone has left me alone I look down at the crying little girl in my arms and shiver as the realization hits me.
I have a daughter!
I lay her down on the bed and unwrap the swaddle. Her little body is tightly rigid as she tucks her arms and legs into her chest. 10 fingers, I tell myself as I pull apart her tiny little hands and count. 10 toes, I repeat again doing the same with her tiny feet as a small smile begins to spread across my face.
Her hair, a beautiful shade of strawberry blonde catches my eyes under the tiny hospital cap and I pull it gently off her little head and run a few fingers across it before slowly, lovingly, running my forefinger down the bridge of her nose. The action makes her start to quiet down, ease her crying, and so I repeat it again as I close the blanket and gently work with one hand to pull the cap down on her head.
“What are you going to name her?” I hear someone say as I quickly look up and see another nurse standing in the room. “Or are you waiting for the father?”
She walks towards me and I look back down at the now sleeping baby laying on my lap and smile. What am I going to name her? Picking her up she begins to cry and I instinctively cradle her in my left arm before pulling down my gown and guiding her to my breast. She latches on instinctively and hope, happiness, peace bubbles up inside me knowing this could be different. Maybe we could be happy.
Awakening Page 9
