Craving Lily

by Nicole Jacquelyn

“Hey, Mom?” I called out. “Can you shut the light off?”

  “What?” she asked in surprise.

  “The light,” I muttered back, pressing my face against the pillow. “Can you shut it off?”

  Once the light wasn’t burning my eyes anymore, I rolled to my back and lay there for a long time, my thoughts replaying the last twelve hours over and over.

  Chapter 3

  Leo

  I was sweating like a pig as I tried to pry the engine out of an old El Camino that was brought in the day before. The thing was rusted and dirty as fuck, and I was pretty sure no one had been under the hood in at least ten years. Fucking nasty.

  We had cars come in like that a lot—owners expecting us to rebuild on shit that wasn’t even salvageable. The body of the El Camino was in pretty good condition, but asking us to work with the shit they had under the hood was ridiculous. Most things were going to need to be replaced on my current project. There was no coming back from the rust this piece of shit had going on.

  “Hey, baby sister!” Cam shouted from across the garage. “Whatcha doin’ here?”

  I braced myself as I raised my head, expecting to see Cecilia sauntering in, but found Lily standing quietly in an open garage door instead. She never came inside, even if Rose was with her. The old timers had laid down the law when Lily lost her sight—Lily was no longer allowed inside the garage for any reason. There was just too much shit she could hurt herself on. Even if we kept shit cleaned up—which we didn’t—the cars inside were changing every day. One day there could be a Volkswagen Beetle in the first bay and the next day it was a huge Ford pickup, and there was no way for her to know where everything was. The power tools left out could literally kill her if she fell on them wrong.

  The garage went quiet as the guys realized it was Lily in the doorway. They stopped what they were doing out of respect, turning off their tools and pausing their movements so that she could hear what she needed to.

  “Hey, Cam,” Lily called back. “Dad asked me to come get you.”

  “Everything alright?” he asked as he moved toward her.

  “Yeah, just… stuff he wants to talk to you about.” Her voice grew quieter as Cam got closer to her, but she was still in the bay next to mine, so I could hear her pretty clearly.

  “Alright,” Cam said easily. “You comin’ inside with me?”

  “No.” Lily paused. “Is Leo working?”

  My head jerked back in surprise as Cam turned toward me, his eyebrows high on his forehead.

  “Yeah, he’s here,” Cam said, jerking his chin at me.

  I gingerly lowered the engine back where it was and flexed my fingers as I stepped away from the car and headed in their direction. I had no clue why little Lily wanted to talk to me, but I’d never tell the girl no.

  I’d never been able to tell her no. She was just so fucking sweet. It would be like kicking a damn puppy.

  “What’s up, Dandelion?” I asked as I reached them.

  Cam mumbled something and walked away, so I wrapped my arm around Lily’s shoulder to lead her farther outside. The guys needed to get back to work, but they wouldn’t as long as she was standing there.

  “So, thanks for last night,” Lily said. “I really appreciate it.”

  “Whatever,” I mumbled. I slipped my hand off her shoulder and grabbed her hand, placing it on the top of the picnic table out front. I didn’t have to tell her what or how tall it was, she could have made it to that table herself with no help from me. The forecourt was a little hard for her to navigate with the bikes and cars always coming and going, but the walkway in front of the building and the grassy area with the picnic tables were as familiar to her as her own house.

  “I just wanted to let you know,” she said with a sigh. “I figured I should tell you before it was all over the clubhouse.”

  “What?” I replied, grabbing my pack of smokes out of my pocket and lighting up as she climbed to the top of the table and sat down. “Your dad gonna kill me for havin’ you on the back of my bike?”

  “No.” She snorted, making me grin. “Cecilia took off last night, er, this morning.”

  “Oh, yeah?” I asked easily, leaning against the table.

  “She said she was going to California. San Diego,” Lily said softly, like she was trying to protect me from the news. “She called Mom a little over an hour ago, and she’s already halfway there. She hasn’t changed her mind.”

  “Good for her,” I ground out, trying and failing to keep the irritation out of my voice.

  I didn’t give a flying fuck what Cecilia did, but I knew why she was going to San Diego and it made me want to hit something.

  “I don’t know why she had to go so far away,” Lily mumbled, resting her elbows on her knees and tipping her face toward the ground. “Jesus, do you have any sunglasses?”

  I looked at her in confusion. “What?”

  “Sunglasses,” she said, shielding her eyes with her hand. “Do you have any?”

  “I’ve got these,” I replied, pulling a pair of tinted safety goggles from the neck of my undershirt.

  She held her hand out expectantly until I’d handed over the glasses, then shoved them on her face.

  “Jesus, are these safety glasses?” she asked as she ran her fingers along the edges. “I must be lookin’ hot with these on.”

  “Oh, yeah, gorgeous,” I replied distractedly, still staring at her. I opened my mouth to ask why the hell she needed shades, but before I could say a word, she was talking about Cecilia again.

  “She doesn’t even know anyone down there,” Lily said in exasperation. “I mean, where the hell is she going to stay? Where will she work? How will she make friends? What if something happens to her? No one would even know for like weeks, because she’s so far away!”

  I knew she was worried. Everything about her body language and tone made that clear. But I couldn’t help the derision that seeped into my voice as I replied.

  “Your sister always lands on her feet, kid.”

  Lily stopped fidgeting with the bracelets on her wrist and turned her head slowly toward me, and for just a second, I could have swore that she was looking right at me.

  “You’re pissed,” she said, her voice laced with disappointment. “I thought you would be.”

  “Not the way you’re thinking,” I argued, taking another drag of my cigarette. “I’m pissed for you. Pissed for your parents.”

  “That’s not it,” Lily replied flatly. “Just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I can’t tell when you’re lying.”

  “I’m not lying.”

  “It’s okay that you’re mad. I would be, too, if I was you.”

  “The fuck is that supposed to mean?” I asked, standing up straight. I fucking hated being called a liar, and I really didn’t like that this girl who wasn’t even legal was talking to me like she knew something I didn’t.

  “I mean, you guys were together for a long time,” Lily said. “I get it.”

  “You don’t get shit,” I snapped, the anger simmering beneath the surface coming up to raise it’s ugly head. “Your skank sister went to San Diego because that’s where Mouth is. Playin’ doctor at the Navy base down there.”

  “Oh,” Lily whispered, closing her eyes as she shook her head from side to side. “That makes sense.”

  “Dude left her and she goes chasin’ after his ass,” I said, trying to explain my anger as she climbed gingerly off the table.

  “You know,” she said, turning her head toward me as she faced the clubhouse. “I was always surprised when you never badmouthed my sister, even when I knew she was being a bitch.”

  She turned away. “Now I’m glad you hadn’t. My sister isn’t a skank, Leo. She just didn’t want you.”

  My mouth dropped open as she walked away from me. Lily had never spoken to me with anything but adoration in her entire life. Hell, I remembered when she was a toddler, walking around the clubhouse singing my name. Singing it. It didn’t matter what was go
ing on, who was fighting with who, or how me and her sister were getting along, she’d still never said a nasty word to me.

  Until now.

  Pretty sure I’d deserved it.

  Still, resentment built up as I watched her walk inside. Whatever. She could think whatever the hell she wanted, I wasn’t going to try and change her mind.

  I shouldn’t have called Cecilia a skank, but I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut when it came to that woman. I’d always done my best when Lily was around, but Christ. No one knew all the shit that had gone down with Cecilia back when she was playing me and Mouth. They had no clue how deep that bullshit ran, because we’d kept it that way. A little rivalry between the club kids was one thing, planning on how you’d take out one of the brothers’ kids was another, and I’d spent many nights planning exactly how I’d take Doc’s kid out.

  He was a piece of shit. He’d liked playing Cecilia, and that woman was all drama even as a teenager, so she’d played right along. She’d liked making me jealous, it was her thing, and for a while I’d gone along with it. So he’d been playing her and she’d been playing me and I’d been planning his death. That all ended abruptly when he’d left for the military, but he’d left me with his fuckin’ mess to clean up. As much as I couldn’t stand Cecilia most of the time, I hadn’t been able to walk away from the mess he’d made. The motherfucker.

  I ground my teeth together as I walked back into the garage, slamming my hand on the back of the El Camino as I passed it.

  “Hey, now,” Will called out with a laugh. “That’s a prime piece of machinery you’re abusin’.”

  “It’s all good,” I called back. “She likes it when I’m rough.”

  His laugh carried across the garage.

  “As you were, then!”

  I lifted my chin and moved around to the engine, staring at the block as I seethed. Cecilia was still chasing that piece of shit. Of fucking course she was.

  I flexed my hands and got back to work. I was done worrying about Cecilia fucking Butler. I was done walking around on eggshells for her sister, too.

  * * *

  “Nice of you to join us,” my dad called out from his place at the table as Will pushed through the doorway. It was time for our weekly meeting, or church as we affectionately called it. I was nothing, a sergeant, but I still had a place at the table. My dad, Dragon, was president of our club and years ago when shit had gone down with the Russian mob trying to take out the Aces from the inside out, I’d made sure that I was right in the middle of the planning and executions.

  Those motherfuckers had shot me in the face and killed people I’d considered family. I hadn’t ended up pulling the trigger on anyone, but there was no way I would have let the elders leave me out. It wasn’t how I was built.

  Things had been quiet lately, but we’d heard a bit of chatter about some of the guys who’d been put away making deals for early parole. Casper had bankrupted and shut down most of their businesses and stolen the bulk of their alliances with people in the states, but there was always someone willing to get in bed with organizations ready and able to do anything to make it back to the top. He’d done everything he could to hobble the Russian’s who’d come after us, but there was only so much you could do without taking out entire families.

  They might have been cool with shooting at women and children, but that wasn’t how we did business.

  Luckily, the old timers had connections fucking everywhere, and usually had a lock on shit before it ever went down. We now kept an ear to the ground and our fingers on the pulse of the Russian organization. The shooting at Casper and Farrah’s had been an anomaly, one that we wouldn’t let be repeated.

  “Reb was havin’ a hard time leavin’ for school,” Moose mumbled as he dropped into his seat. “Had to give Molly a hand.”

  Grease nodded. “Got some news from inside. Looks like Karl Sokolov got his deal.”

  “Shit,” Hulk muttered.

  “Which one is that?” Moose asked, looking around the table.

  “Big, bald guy,” Casper answered, looking through some papers in front of him. “Owned a bunch of dry cleaning and carpet cleaning businesses that went belly up when he went inside. Feds closed them down once they realized how much money was being cleaned. Man has a wife and two sons back in the motherland. Hopin’ that’s where he’s headed once he’s a free man, but doubt it. Didn’t care that he’d left them there for ten years before he got arrested, highly doubt he’s anxious for a family reunion.”

  “Sokolov’s a problem. Wasn’t at the head of the food chain by any means, but he was high enough that he’s gonna have friends if he goes lookin’ for them,” my dad added.

  “You think he’s gonna come here?” I asked, leaning back in my seat. I remembered Sokolov. He was a big bastard, almost as fat as he was tall. Looked stupid, but wasn’t. He hadn’t been directly responsible for the hits against the Aces, but none of us believed he’d been innocent. When Casper had started researching the faction of the mob that was fucking with us, he’d found Sokolov’s meaty fingers in a whole lot of pies.

  “Not sure what his plan will be,” Grease muttered. “But if I was him, I’d be lookin’ for someone to help me gain a foothold. Especially if I’d made a deal with the Feds. No way that asshole made a deal without approval comin’ from the top, it’d be a death sentence for his family otherwise.”

  “Timeframe?” Hulk asked.

  “Takes time, but he’ll be out within the next month,” Casper replied.

  “Deal with that shit as it comes,” my dad said, scratching his chest like the conversation was nothing. The man could look bored no matter what was being discussed. It was a gift I’d almost mastered.

  “Has anyone heard from Cecilia?” Hulk asked, changing the subject. “She still hasn’t called me back.”

  “Your sister’s fine,” Casper replied, scrubbing his hand over his shaved head. “Called your mother last night.”

  “She found a place to stay?”

  “We done here?” I interrupted, making eye contact with my pop. I was all about discussing club business, but as far as I was concerned, Cecilia wasn’t club business.

  “Feelin’ a little raw, Leo?” Grease joked, chuckling. “Cecilia ain’t called you yet?”

  I ground my teeth together to keep from saying anything that would get my ass handed to me. I was fine in a fight, but Grease was Cecilia’s uncle. Will and Tommy were her cousins. Casper and Hulk were her dad and brother. If I said what I wanted to say, there was no way I was getting out of that room with all my teeth, and my dad wouldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.

  “Got shit to do,” I finally muttered.

  “We’re done here,” my dad announced, tapping his gavel once on the table. “Casper and Hulk are keepin’ an eye on Sokolov and we’ll let everyone know if anythin’ new comes up.”

  I was out of my seat and out of the room before anyone else had pushed back from the table. Sokolov was going to be a problem. I could feel it in my gut. No man got out of prison so early unless he had a lot of shit he was willing to give the Feds, and no organization would let him give that information unless they had something big planned for him on the outside.

  I was pretty sure the games we’d been playing with their organization were about to bite us in the ass. I didn’t have time to worry about how Cecilia was doing in California. I also just didn’t give a fuck.

  Chapter 4

  Lily

  It had been two weeks since my sister left. Two long weeks where it felt like everything revolved around waiting for her calls home. Even when she wasn’t in the same state, Cecilia still seemed to demand all of our attention. She never answered the phone when we called her, but at least she’d kept my parents updated on where she was and what she was doing.

  According to Cecilia, everything was working out in San Diego. She’d found a job in some barbershop and was renting a room from a lady she worked with. She’d landed on her feet, just like Leo had said
she would.

  I hadn’t talked to her since she’d left, but I was trying not to let it bother me. I had my own shit going on. The whispers about me and Brent had finally died down at school since he hadn’t shown up at the prom without me. Apparently, he’d had a bad case of the stomach flu, at least that’s what he’d been telling people. The excuse was a bit suspect since, according to Rose, he’d come to school the next week with a nasty black eye. I didn’t really give it much thought beyond refusing to talk to him. Stomach flu or not, he could have at least texted me to give me a heads up.

  Now I was just trying to focus on the college applications I was finishing up. I’d always been ahead of my peers in school, really far ahead. So far ahead that most of my teachers were clueless about how to teach me, especially after I’d gone blind. I’d felt like a freak when I was younger, but my dad had assured me he’d been the same way. His parents had shipped him off to boarding school when he was really young, though, and he’d refused to do that to me. So instead, we’d made sure that I was in every gifted class that was available, and that had been enough. I’d also used every tool available to work through my handicap, and to be honest, it hadn’t slowed me down much.

  Now, my SAT scores were near perfect, and my GPA was through the roof, and it was time for me to start deciding on colleges. We lived near the University of Oregon, so that was a safe bet, and so were some of the other private colleges in Oregon. Only my parents and Rose knew I was applying to other schools, too. Ivy League schools. Schools that I knew would challenge me and give me one hell of a leg up in whatever field I decided to study in.

  More important than that, though, I’d also begun to see. Not clearly. Not yet. But for the first time since I’d gone blind, things were taking shape in front of me. I could see light and shadows, and large obstacles in my path.

  I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Rose.

  My sight was too new. I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, and I was terrified that the moment I said anything about it, the little vision I’d gained back would vanish and I’d be in the dark again. My family had been waiting so long for my sight to come back that I knew it would devastate them if I had it and lost it again.