My Little Rock Airman

by Brittany Fichter

  Maria’s husband, I learned, had been in the Air Force longer than any of the other spouses. According to Kim, he would be ready to retire in about six years, though she swore the Air Force might have to chase them out if they really want to get rid of him.

  “Not my Todd.” Maria shook her head. “He’s determined that this stint will be his last one.” She shrugged. “Though he said that about the last one, as well.”

  “What’s a stint?” I asked.

  “It’s the number of years the service members sign the contract for to serve with the military,” said Liz. “In the Air Force, at least in our husbands’ fields, the usual contracts right now are being given out for 3 to 5 years.”

  “But it can be longer or shorter,” Maria chimed in. “It just depends on what he agrees to and what the military needs.”

  “Right,” Liz said, “and at the end of one stint, the service member and the military have to decide whether or not that person should keep serving or separate.”

  “It used to be,” Tori said with a sniff, “that when you re-signed, a lot of guys would get a bonus.” For some reason, the rest of the car seemed to think this was uproariously funny.

  The conversation continued along that vein until we parked in front of a large storefront that said Special Occasion Gowns on the front. The windows were full of manikins dressed in elegant gowns of every color and design, and I felt dual waves of dread and unspeakable joy at the thought of trying all the dresses on. Never in my life, had I dreamed I would get to go to a ball of my own. I just hoped Derrick’s wallet was up to it.

  As we entered the shop, I was greeted with ten times as many dresses as there were even in the storefront.

  “How do you even know where to start?” I felt the color draining from my face as I imagined showing up for the ball in something that embarrassed both Derrick and myself.

  Kim laughed and took my arm and dragged me over to the section that was filled with all sorts of dresses, all in blue. “Don’t overthink it.”

  “There are three rules to follow at any military ball.” Tori stuck her head out from behind a rack. “Number one, don’t look like a slut. Two, don’t look like a peacock. And three,” she held up three fingers, “wear something you can stand to keep on for at least three hours.”

  Kim laughed and rolled her eyes. “Thank you, Tori, for putting that so delicately.” Then she turned to me. “What Tori means to say is that you never want to be the one wearing the scantily clad dress that makes all the men and women turn their heads.”

  “And then go home and talk to each other about it,” Maria added.

  “It’s also best,” Kim continued, “not to have a dress that’s so over-the-top that people need sunglasses when they walk up to greet you.”

  I laughed. “Is that really even a thing?”

  All three women nodded, and sure enough, Tori held up a dress that was covered from head to toe in sequins and rhinestones.

  “And finally,” Kim handed me a blue dress with delicate white lace edging the bodice and shoulders, “even though we will be sitting when we eat, you’ll have to do a lot of standing before and after the meal, not to mention the dancing that comes after. So you want to make sure whatever you pick isn’t so uncomfortable that you go insane while you wait for the whole thing to be over.”

  I cast a doubtful look at the pile of dresses Kim had already handed me. Three of the six were navy blue of varying shades, one was a soft pink, and the other two were different shades of green. And they all looked very, very expensive.

  “So what else should I know beforehand?” I asked, taking yet another blue dress from Kim.

  And so began my Air Force protocol and etiquette education. Teaching so many Air Force kids had at least brought me an awareness of the kind of order and organization I ought to expect. But none of the things my students had told me even came near to preparing me for the number of rules I should expect at the ball. Soup, for example, was to be ladled in the direction opposite me at the table, not in. Bread should be broken off one piece at a time, each piece getting its own little bit of butter rather than buttering the entire thing at once and taking a bite out of the bread itself. When the airmen saluted, I was to stand with my hands to my sides, unless, of course, the national anthem was being sung. In that case, I should put my hand over my heart. Thankfully, I didn’t need to know the ranks or titles for the gentlemen and ladies that Derrick was sure to introduce me to. Sir and ma’am would do just fine.

  “At least gloves went out of style about 15 years ago,” Liz said, making a face.

  “Gloves?” I asked.

  Tori nodded. “Oh yes. Until recently, all women at the balls were expected to wear long white gloves, the kind that go up nearly to your elbows.” She sighed a little. “I actually kind of liked the gloves.”

  “Well, then,” Maria snickered, “you can have them.”

  After half an hour more of searching, I began to doubt that we would ever actually buy any dresses. But eventually, the time came where the ladies decided we all had enough dresses to try on, so we proceeded to the fitting rooms.

  It was there that I realized why we had come in such a group. Just like the dresses at high school prom, these were nearly impossible to get into and out of without help. We all took turns zipping and snapping each other up and tying ribbons wherever they needed to be tied. And though the thought of what such dresses might cost still made me nervous, I began to feel the rush of the thrill when I stepped out onto the podium surrounded by mirrors and saw the first dress Kim had chosen for me.

  It was navy blue, which had disappointed me at first, as at least half the dresses we had brought back with us seem to be that color. But the bodice was cut in a gently sloping V so it covered my chest in all the right places but left the collarbone and shoulders exposed with beaded spaghetti straps holding it in place. A thick band of silky material was wrapped around the waist with little white pearls sewn into clusters of stars, and the skirt was nothing short of a perfect swath of floor-length perfection that swished and swayed gracefully whenever I moved.

  “What do you think?”

  I turned to see Kim, Maria, and Tori watching me as Liz ran up to adjust the bottom of the skirt. I turned back to the mirror to revel in the fairy tale that had just become mine.

  “It’s perfect,” I breathed. Maybe I wasn’t about to embark upon a quest to an old, haunted castle or to search for my missing aged father, but I, Jessie Nickleby, was going to a ball.

  Tori picked up the next dress in my stack and held it up. “This purple one is nice, too. Why don’t you try it on next?”

  I shook my head, unable to take my eyes from the elegant gathering of my skirt. “I want this one.”

  Kim gave a satisfied smile. “All right, then this one it is.”

  Only two of the other women found their ideal dresses. Tori, who I was beginning to think never had to ponder money or maybe she just chose not to, and Liz, who was quite satisfied with her clearance rack find. Maria decided to ask a neighbor if they could trade again this year with some of their old dresses, and Kim said she already had hers picked.

  When I got up to the register, I had a minor heart attack when the dress was rung up.

  “A hundred and thirty bucks?” I gasped, turning to Kim in a panic. “Derrick is paying for this. I can’t ask that from him.”

  “You just need to relax.” Kim took the dress from my hands and put it back on the counter and nodded at the employee. “I’ve already spoken to Derrick, and he knows full well what he’s paying for.” She checked her phone. “Shoes are next and then accessories.”

  “Is there anywhere a little less expensive that we could go to look for them?” I whispered, glancing at the man who was ringing up the dress. I had peeked at the shoes earlier, and though their price tag wasn’t hidden like the one inside the dress, they were nearly just as expensive. I hadn’t even bothered looking at the jewelry or handbags.

  Kim winked at me. �
��I know just the place.”

  I left the store with my purchase feeling gleeful and more than a little fazed at the number on the receipt. Kim announced that the other women had to go home, as our dress shopping had taken longer than we had expected, but she and I were going to continue the date alone. We dropped off the other women at Maria’s house and made our way back toward town.

  “So,” Kim said, “what did you think of them?” She smiled a little. “Tori’s mouth didn’t turn you off?”

  I laughed. Tori, it turned out, had the mouth of a sailor. I heard more curses in the changing room than I had heard in a long time. “You forget,” I said, “I teach for a living. We may have to watch our tongues around the short people, but as soon as the students are gone, teachers can have mouths that rival any practiced swear master.” Maybe not quite as much as Tori, but almost.

  “Just wait until you hear Tori and her husband together. You may need bandages for your ears.”

  “Truly, though.” I looked earnestly at Kim. “I really do like them. They’re frank. They don’t mince words, but you know they mean what they’re saying.”

  “Military life doesn’t have time for pretenders.” She sighed. “Unfortunately, our brusque nature often gets the better of us, and often we forget to speak what we think kindly. But like you, I’d rather someone say what they mean to my face than scurry around behind my back.”

  “I wonder why the military attracts that kind of personality,” I mused, picking at the edge of my bag. “It’s interesting they would all seem to congregate there.”

  “The military doesn’t have time for foolishness. You have to get to the point or people die in war.” She shrugged. “That mindset seems to carry over to families as well. Not that I mind.”

  I shifted in my seat. “I do have a question though.”

  “Sure thing, but give me just a second. You got your ID?”

  I realized that instead of heading into Jacksonville, we were turning an exit sooner.

  “We’re going to base?” I asked.

  “They have the best thrift store around. Since you’re not keen on spending all of Derrick’s money on shoes, which I must congratulate you for, we’re going to go see what accessories we can scrounge up at the thrift shop. Then we’ll finish with shoes at the mall and get something to eat.”

  We had to stop to get me another pass. This seemed like it took forever, but Kim didn’t seem to mind.

  “So what was your question?”

  “Oh, yes. Liz said something about everyone getting a new squadron next year.” I paused. “What did she mean?”

  For the first time, Kim looked grim. “The men’s squadron is closing next year.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Each branch of the military has its own name for different groups of people with different numbers in them. One of the larger groups in the Air Force is called a squadron. It has lots of smaller units where different people work. And theirs is going to be closing probably sometime next summer or spring.”

  I swallowed. “What does that mean for them?”

  “It means that they’ll all be transferred to other squadrons.”

  “Does that mean they’ll stay here?”

  “Some of them will.” Kim tilted her head thoughtfully. When she spoke again, her words were slow. “And some of them will be transferred to other bases.”

  My stupid heart was racing faster than I was giving it permission to. It needed to stop that. “But why?”

  Kim just shrugged. “Missions change. What was needed ten or fifteen or even fifty years ago might not be what we need now. It’s better to dissolve the group in question and send the members places where they can better serve what the military needs.”

  “Do you think you’ll go somewhere else? Or do you think you’ll stay here?”

  Kim gave me a look that told me she knew the question I wasn’t asking.

  “No one knows yet. Over the next six months, they’ll start to slowly parse out the airmen one at a time to this other squadron or to that other squadron, to this base or to another base. Only God knows where any of us will end up.”

  Although the air conditioning in her car was on full blast to combat the summer heat, I felt as though all the oxygen had been sucked out of the cabin, and I was suddenly sweltering. Gone. In less than a year, Derrick could be gone. And even if they kept him this time, I had no guarantee that he would stay for any other set length of time. The Air Force owned him before anyone else did, and it didn’t matter how much I cared or didn’t care for him, he could still be gone at the drop of a hat. And if I did what he had hinted at, leaving my family and my job and my plans and my future for the sake of marriage, I would be gone, too.

  “How do you do it?” I asked, sounding like I had just choked on a grape. “Start over and over again with new schools and new jobs and new friends and new lives on someone else’s whim?”

  Kim put the car in park and we hurried inside the mall away from the heat. “Let’s get something cold before we shop accessories,” she said, waving me toward the food court. We got iced coffee and found a table to rest at as we recovered from the heat. Once we were all settled, she took a long sip of her drink and gave a little laugh as she put it down on the table.

  “I’ve got three kids, and uprooting them is never easy.” She leaned forward a little. “And people can tell you all they want that it gets easier to say goodbye with time, but in my experience, it only gets harder.”

  “Then why do you do it?” I whispered. “The goodbyes to all the people you love and…and to the men when they deploy?”

  “First of all,” she said, “we don’t have it nearly as bad as the Marines and their families. You want to talk separation? Try an eighteen-month deployment.”

  I shuddered. That didn’t even seem humane.

  “I mean, of course you’ve always got outliers. I knew an airman once who was deployed twenty-four months. But those guys are few and far between.” She stirred her drink with her straw. “But more importantly, I fell in love with my husband in high school. And when he decided to join, I had to make a choice. Did I stay with what was safe and what I knew? Or did I leave to face the world with him?”

  “How did you choose?” I asked, staring into the depths of my sad, empty cup.

  “I decided I didn’t want to wonder what if for the rest of my life. So I chose adventure.”

  “And you’ve never regretted it?”

  She leaned back and gave a rueful laugh. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s hard. Leaving, church shopping, new friends, old friends, insurance, job instability for me, changing addresses and voting registration and driver licenses. Continually finding new sports teams for the kids. It’s tough on everyone. And it hurts every time.” She studied me. “What’s wrong?”

  I frowned. “I don’t mean to sound rude at all. Because I completely respect your choice. I just…I can’t understand why anyone would willingly sign up for that.”

  “Someone has to.”

  I looked at her.

  “Do we leave our boys alone because they want to serve? They’re doing the mission no one else will. And if we don’t stand by their sides, we’re leaving a gaping hole in their mission by tearing gaping holes in their hearts. Because they have enough to worry about without worrying whether or not we’re going to be faithful while they’re gone.”

  She stood up and chucked her empty cup in a trash bin. “Come on. Let’s go find us some accessories.” I followed her, but before we left the food court, she stopped and turned to me.

  “Before you start thinking we’re always miserable and lonely, though, you should know that military families never say goodbye.”

  “You don’t?”

  She smiled. “We say ‘see you later’. Because we know that the love stays strong even after we begin a new adventure.”

  “But…” I said slowly. “What about your family? All those years you miss that you can’t make up.” No amount of optimism pos
ters could make up for that, and I knew it.

  “That’s true. But if we hide forever because we’re afraid, we can also miss out on a life of adventure with the love of our lives.” She took my hands and sighed. “This kind of decision is one only you can make. Just…don’t lead him on. He’ll never move forward with his life if he thinks he’ll be a part of yours. And Derrick is too good a man to treat that way.”

  I nodded, but my thoughts were only spinning faster. Before I could get lost in them completely, though, she broke into a grin. “Now, come up. I saw a pair of earrings last week that I think would look magical with your dress.” And she dragged me off before I could think to ask anything else.

  33

  Dare

  Derrick

  August seventh was a day I’d dreaded for the first half of the summer and longed for during the second half. But it was finally here, and the day of the ball arrived. I checked my cuffs again before getting out of the truck and walking up to her door. For the first time, I didn’t have Jade in the backseat. It was just me picking up Jessie for possibly what might be the most romantic night of our lives.

  Or the biggest mistake anyone in the history of love had ever made.

  It was funny, I’d always obsessed properly over my uniform, just the way they’d taught us to in basic training. I’d used a ruler to measure the folds, checked the order of my ribbons five times, and polished my shoes until I could see my reflection in them. I’d worn the uniform plenty of times for formal occasions like this, and it was always to impress whatever NCO or officer might be doing an inspection while he was out. But never had I cared so much about what someone thought I looked like in it as I did now.

  I rang the doorbell and took a calming breath as I waited for an answer. No more than five seconds later, it was opened by Mrs. Allen. She put her hands over her mouth and did a few little jumps and a squeal before shooing me in and running down the hallway.