All My Life

by C J Marie

  Olive stopped and attacked. Her palm shoved against his chest. “I have always listened to you. I’ve been there, but you, you always saw me as some stupid, rich girl. Today there’s nothing more to hear—I saw and heard what I need to know. I was the fool who believed you’d actually started valuing yourself. There are no levels between us, Rafe. You’re not better than me, and I’m not better than you. I thought we were on the same page.”

  Rafe saw everything spiraling and slipping through his fingertips. He tried to keep his head cool, but the way she stormed away again set him on a desperate edge. “You say all that, Olive, but what about you?”

  “What about me?” she shouted over her shoulder, beelining it to her BMW.

  “You talk about me being the man you want. You say it, but you haven’t told your parents the truth. You keep saying you will, but there’s always a reason not to. Why haven’t you told them we’re dating, Ollie? Admit there’s a piece of you that might agree we’re not a perfect match.”

  Oh, if Rafe could take back the words when she faced him. Active tears flowed down her cheeks, carving across her smooth skin until each drop broke a piece of his heart bit by bit. She held out her hands for her keys. Rafe shook his head. Olive didn’t ask again before digging into his pocket and wrenching the set free.

  “It was my job to love you, Rafe,” she whispered. “I suppose I didn’t do it well enough because there isn’t a pinch of me that doesn’t believe you’re any less than my perfect match. It’s not my job to convince you of your worth though. Only you can do that.”

  Olive slipped into the driver’s seat, and Rafe panicked. He’d promised himself long ago he’d never make Olive Cutler cry, yet there was more agony in her stirring eyes today than when she’d caught Tom in the closet with Eloise.

  He moved his hands to safety when she slammed the door shut and started the engine. “Ol, don’t do this,” he muttered. “I want you. I’m sorry for spouting off, I shouldn’t have.”

  She gripped the steering wheel and stared ahead. “It’s funny,” her voice was haunting. “Sometimes when we’re spouting off true feelings come out.”

  “Olive…”

  “You’re right about something, Rafe. I didn’t tell my parents we were dating.” Her eyes blazed in anguish when she faced him. “I told my mother more than that—I told her I was in love with you. That’s where I came from to find you with Dalia. Funny how things take nasty twists and turns.”

  Rafe gripped the edge of the window. “Olive, don’t go. Stay with me.”

  She shook her head and placed the car in gear. “I can’t, Rafe. I’m tired of my heart breaking. The difference between Tom cheating on me and you deciding we aren’t good together—well, I love you. I didn’t love Tom. I never thought I’d see you as a coward, Rafe, but you are, if you let others dictate who you love, you’re a coward. I used to be one too, but I thought we were worth it to brave up.” The words carved shame down his spine. Olive cleared her throat and looked over her shoulder. “I expect you can find a ride with Dalia.”

  Olive eased the car back, forcing Rafe to step away. Raking his hand through his hair he watched her curl around the circular drive and down the lane. He cursed loudly and kicked at the gravel on the edge of the drive.

  “Rafe,” Zac called out. Rafe turned and groaned. Dot, Jace, and Zac were all darting toward him, Zac casting suspicious glances at Dalia who still stood on the lawn. “What’s going on? What’s Dalia doing here?”

  “Beau called her,” Rafe muttered.

  “Where’s Olive going?” Dot insisted, there was a hint of accusation in her tone. “What happened?”

  “I screwed up.”

  Jace glanced at the ground, notably uneasy, but Dot pounced. “What are you talking about, Rafe Whitfield? What did you do? I swear it, if you stepped out on Olive I’ll kill you and make it look like an accident.”

  Rafe closed his eyes. “I didn’t step out.”

  “Except when you kissed me,” Dalia chirped stalking up to the driveway. “This is a good thing, Rafe. It wouldn’t have worked out and you know it.”

  “Give me strength,” he said under his breath before glaring at the woman. “Would you leave? Leave, Dalia. I don’t want to see you, do you hear me?”

  She glared at him. “The fantasy is over, Rafe. Come back to reality. Although, if you take much longer I won’t be around when you come to your senses.”

  He clenched his fists as she rushed toward her car parked down the drive. Zac folded his arms, turning his attention back to Rafe once Dalia was gone. “What happened, man?”

  Rafe lowered to his haunches, feeling bile in the back of his throat. “Dalia kissed me, Olive saw.”

  “Well, if the woman accosted you, Olive will understand,” Jace offered.

  He shook his head. “She heard me say I wasn’t a good choice for her. Olive got upset, I got upset. I accused her of hiding it from her parents only to find out she’d just spoken with her mother! I said things I can’t take back. She called me a coward, and she’s right.”

  No one spoke. Even Dot pinched her lips and glanced at the gravel. Rafe imagined all the air in his lungs had turned to stinging, poisonous gas. Every breath ached and stabbed his airway and chest. Swallowing each shameful word, he paced the length of the grass at least three times before Zac stepped in front. “Come on, you can ride with me. You’ll figure it out, man, but let’s go, you’re starting to look insane.”

  “I messed it up, Zac.”

  “Rafe, don’t say that,” Dot insisted as she and Jace followed him and Zac toward Zac’s truck. “Olive is part of your history and if I hadn’t seen y’all with my own eyes, I’d never admit you belong together—but you do. I’ll lose any respect I have for you if you give up.”

  “Dot,” he muttered, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Giving up wasn’t something he wanted to think about right now—he wasn’t willing to accept Olive was lost at the moment. “I can’t go back in there right now. Would you… speak to Ms. Cutler?”

  Dot patted the side of the truck as Zac fired it up. “Don’t worry about the Cutlers, Jace and I can handle a boring party.”

  Jace smiled and squeezed his arm. “We’ll let them know you’ve both gone.”

  “Thank you,” Rafe mumbled.

  Zac nodded toward the two women before peeling down the lane, the same way Olive had driven out of his life only a few agonizing moments earlier.

  Chapter 20

  Rafe avoided the scathing glances his mother had shot at his face during the ride home. They’d hardly spoken a word since leaving the clinic. When most days they’d be celebrating the good report from her neurologist, they were quiet. Millie didn’t wait for Rafe to help her down from the truck, and Rafe stood by feeling the sizzle of motherly frustration beading through her every pore. If he attempted to help, she’d probably shove him away.

  Shaking his head, when Millie stalked toward the front door, her head tilted high, her limp more noticeable since she was marching stiff and furious.

  Rafe tossed his keys into the bowl on his counter, ripped open the fridge to nurse a beer, and plopped into a chair at the kitchen table. His eyes followed his mother as she stomped past to get herself a sweet tea.

  “Mama, you don’t need to keep scowling at me,” he muttered. “I’m sorry it upset you that things didn’t work out.”

  Millie huffed and handed him the bottle of tea with reluctance. Rafe popped the top without a pause and handed her the bottle.

  “Why don’t you say what you’re thinking,” he insisted. “So we can move on from all this.”

  She glared over her shoulder. “I’m going to get ready to meet my grandbaby for the first time thank you very much. I don’t need to be pointing out the stupidity of my youngest son.”

  Rafe glanced at the clock and groaned. August and Lily would be here any minute, but he didn’t want all this moping about when they met little Brin. Rafe clapped the top of the table and followed his mother down the
hallway. She wasn’t going to get away so easy. “Tell me what you’re thinking. Let’s get it out there, and then we’ll all put on our smiles.” He rumbled. “You know I’ve tried to call Olive. She’s not taking my phone calls.”

  “Well, aren’t you a regular knight in shining armor?”

  Rafe winced watching his mother plop onto her bed and rub her weaker hand. She spritzed some perfume on her neck and brushed out her curls. Rafe didn’t like coming in her bedroom, it was coated with Olive’s touch and the ache remained a raw, festering wound since she drove away. “What do you want me to do? I can’t force the woman to talk to me.”

  Millie shook her head. “Bless your heart, if I need to tell you that your efforts have been weak, then I’m not sure I want Ollie talking to you, anyway.”

  Rafe raked a hand through his hair. “Mama, maybe this is the way it should be.” Those words were the same he’d repeated to himself for a week. A week since Olive had spoken to him. A week since he’d felt her lips on his. A week since becoming a dry, cynical well of a man. “Odds are it wasn’t going to work, and I’d never want her to regret anything.”

  His mom shook her head and stared at him through the mirror. “If that’s what you believe, I’m officially disappointed in you.”

  Tossing his hands in the air he lowered to his haunches to meet her eye. “I’ll respect what she wants and talking to me right now isn’t what she wants.”

  Millie turned away stalking toward her closet to change. “You know, son,” she muttered. Heightened emotions often muddled her words, but today her voice was calm and clear. “I understand you tried—six days ago. For a woman you professed love for, you only called her twice. Are you really going to walk away?”

  Rafe shifted, swallowing hard when his mother glared at him across the room. “As I said, maybe it’s for the best.” Every word dripping from his mouth bled across his tongue like a burning lie, yet accepting that loving Olive might not be a possibility was a harsher reality he couldn’t face.

  Millie pressed her lips into a tight line. “Well, then. There’s not much more to say about the subject. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to change.”

  “Why do you keep looking at me like that?” Rafe squirmed whenever he knew he’d disappointed his mother. She wasn’t a physical discipline sort—his bottom had plenty of swats as boy—but Millie Whitfield had a look that could set August and Rafe straight without raising her voice or hand. She was doing it now.

  She sighed sadly. “I’m sorry, Rafe, but I never thought there’d come a day when you reminded me of your daddy.”

  His throat constricted, and he choked on the dry swallow. “You don’t mean that.”

  She seemed ready to cry, but nodded. “I raised you boys to work hard, to stand for what you believed, but I also raised you to fight for the things you wanted. I tried my best to get you boys to see past the ridiculous way people like your father viewed people like me. We didn’t have much money, true, but I never stopped trying to instill the drive to reach for what you and August wanted.

  “I’ve known what that girl has meant to you for years, boy, and to see you toss her aside so easily because she’s angry and won’t answer her phone.” Millie shook her head. “Well, that’s what a walkaway man does. I didn’t raise you to walk away when the going gets tough, Rafe. If the man who was meant to love me unconditionally gave up so easily—I don’t suppose I’d answer his calls either. You hurt her, Rafe Whitfield. You forced the noise between you two, when Ollie let it go to be with you. She sees you; I see you. We all do. I wish you’d start believing money doesn’t make the man, son. I really wish you would.”

  There was a car door that slammed shut. His mother’s eyes lightened, though she swiped a stray tear when she leaned over to peer out the window.

  “They’re here,” Rafe whispered.

  “I’ve got to get dressed,” Millie said. “I love you, son. You and August light up my life. I hope you’ll think about things I’ve said.”

  Rafe nodded, staring at the carpet. He would crawl to the ends of the earth for Olive, and that’s what hurt the most. He’d tried to call—he’d even left a voicemail—but it was clear with her silence, Olive was wiping her hands of him. Rafe knew Olive, and she’d always had a rule since she first started dating—no repeat heartbreaks. Meaning, Olive never dated the same men twice. They’d both sat around the creek as teenagers teasing people who always went back to boyfriends and girlfriends only to break-up again. Being on the other side of that rule grated across his skin. Millie didn’t understand Olive that way—he did.

  “Yes, ma’am,” he muttered at the same moment he heard the front door open.

  “Rafe! Mama!” August called out. “Get on out here—there’s a baby to meet.”

  Rafe grinned, so did Millie before he slipped out of her room and turned toward the bustle in his front room.

  Slipping around the corner, he caught August curling up from the baby carrier on the floor and opened his arms wide. August and Rafe looked like brothers, not twins, though August had grown out a dark scruff on his chin. Now, they looked similar since Rafe had forgone shaving for the last week.

  Rafe laughed, clapping his arms around August. “Good to see you, moron.”

  “Moron? Sounds like you’ve been the one messing up your life,” August chuckled.

  Rafe glared, though he kept his grin before shoving August aside and hugging Lily. “Hey, Lil. Why did you marry him?”

  Lily snickered. Her chestnut hair was shorter and there was a new level of fatigue in her eyes, but she still smiled as kind and warm as always. “So many reasons, Rafe. This girl being the top one,” she chirped, turning around the carrier.

  Rafe smiled, lowering down to meet the big-eyed, chubby face. Lily unclipped the straps and tugged her out of the seat. Rafe was stiff since his experience with babies was zero, but he relaxed and laughed while holding little Brin in his arms. Lily snapped a picture when Rafe wasn’t ready, but he didn’t care, the baby was smiling at him. “She’s amazing. Good job, big brother.”

  August shrugged, but his expression was coated in pride until his attention drifted to the hallway once the click of a door was heard. August beamed. “Mama,” he rushed down the hall and practically scooped Millie off her feet.

  Their mother squeezed him as tight as she could with her one arm, laughing through tears as she kept checking his face, then hugging him again. “It’s been too long, sweetie-pie.”

  “How are you doing? Tell me the truth, because Rafe has been the one keeping track of you and we both know he’s incompetent,” August said, inspecting her softly.

  “I’d call you something I’m thinking, but it’s a good thing your daughter is present,” Rafe said as he kissed Brin’s fingertips.

  Millie smiled and patted August’s shoulder. “I’m doing better than all those doubters imagined.”

  “Good,” August said when Lily swooped in to get her own Millie squeeze. “I don’t like being so far away with you going through all this.”

  “I know,” Millie said. “Don’t you worry, I’ve been cared for, but now that you’re here let me see this baby. I’d better sit before holding her though—I don’t trust my balance and this arm just hangs there like a limp noodle.”

  Rafe naturally found he was rocking, Brin had clasped his fingers, and he almost didn’t pass her over, until his mother threatened his life if he didn’t. Lily snapped about a hundred pictures when Millie was cuddling and crying over the baby.

  “She looks a lot like you Aug,” Millie said. “You had all this dark hair, while Rafe was a bald blondie. Oh, but those eyes—now, those are Lily’s. Yes, you look like your beautiful mama.”

  Lily sat by Millie chatting and crying together as emotions ran high. August crept across the room and nudged Rafe’s shoulder. His voice was low as he watched his family. “How are you?”

  Rafe shot him another forced grin. “Getting by. I’m really glad y’all are here.”

 
; “Us too.” August’s nose wrinkled when he smiled wider. “We’re coming back, Rafe.”

  Rafe closed his eyes as a tidal wave of relief flooded over his system. “Don’t mess with me August. Don’t say that unless you mean it.”

  August chuckled and shoved him again. “You big baby, I do mean it. Lily got a job at the same facility Mama was in. I’ve already talked with Zac and I’m going to come work with you idiots while I figure out how to go to school with jobs and a baby.”

  If Rafe was a crier, he’d be bawling. For four years Lily and August had lived out of state while she finished her nursing degree. To have them back—it meant more than he could say—especially now.

  “When?” Rafe croaked.

  August seemed pleased by his reaction. “Still a few months. Lily needs to take her national boards and all that, but right in the thick of summer, probably. I’ll need your help to find us a place. Would you mind?”

  Rafe shook his head and slung his arm around August’s shoulders. “No. It will probably be next door, but I’ll still keep my eyes peeled.”

  August nodded. “Thanks. Now, when do I get to meet this cousin you’ve made nice with?”

  Rafe was grateful August hadn’t mentioned Olive—he knew it was a matter of time—but for now, it was a bit of peace having his brother back, meeting his niece, and knowing they would be there to stay soon enough. The harsh words from his mother were still rattling in his mind, but for now he could smile and wait until night to think somber thoughts about Olive Cutler.

  ***

  Olive relaxed in the chair, soaking up the brilliant sunlight shining across the back porch of the creamery near the battery. Small swells in the water calmed the agony holding her heart hostage. She straightened her sunglasses and sipped her iced tea again.

  “I see you staring at me, Dot,” she grumbled, without turning her head. “What do you want to say?”